Little White Lies (6 page)

“Okay, fine, whatever. But you still can't sit here. Please just go.”

Jacob stared at me for a second, looking as if he wanted to argue. But a look—hurt, maybe—flashed across his face. He gave me a half smile. “Okay. Sorry.”

He picked up his tray and I watched him walk away, his shoulders slumped a little. I hadn't meant to hurt his feelings, but I also couldn't be worrying every two seconds about running into him. I'd stressed all summer over what he'd told me and it was a thousand times harder now that I was on campus and had to actually see him. Suddenly, I wasn't so hungry. I left the caf and took my time walking to math class. My phone buzzed and I opened it to see a text from Eric.

Sry I missed lunch! :(

No prob. Skipped anyway.

I regretted the text as soon as I sent it. I hadn't meant to lie. But I was feeling so on edge about Jacob, it had just slipped out.

In math, Callie slid into the seat across from me. She smiled in my direction, but didn't take her eyes off her BlackBerry as she texted.

“Should I leave you two alone?” I joked.

“Sorry,” Callie said, putting it down on her desk. “I've been texting Jacob, but he hasn't written me back yet.”

I stared down at my desk. “Oh, he's prob just running to his next class or something. You know how things are still crazy and it's only the second day and he'll totally text you back because, you know, he's
your
boyfriend. So …”
Stop rambling!
I shouted to myself. I closed my mouth.

Callie nodded, straightening her sky blue T-shirt. “I know. You're right.” She laughed. “Ugh, I can't turn into one of
those
girlfriends who thinks her boyfriend's up to something if he doesn't respond to her in five seconds.”

“You're not. Trust me.”

Yeah, trust me after I've been keeping a giant secret from you.

We got out our math notebooks. I'd been up past lights-out just to finish all of my homework. I was probably
going to have to get up at the same time I used to last year for lessons just to keep up with homework and riding.

“Oh!” Callie said, turning to me. “I didn't even get to ask you about your lesson yesterday! How was it?”

I froze—unsure what to say. Did I tell her the truth that I'd been a mess? Or would she think I was being ungrateful since I'd gotten on the YENT and she hadn't?

“It was tough,” I said, deciding not to lie. “I felt intimated up against Heather and Jasmine. It was weird without you there and I was tense, which made Charm nervous.”

Callie winced. “Sorry it was hard. But it was just the first class. It'll get better. You know you're just as good as they are—don't let Jas freak you out. She does that on purpose.”

“I know, you're right.”

Callie munched on a potato chip. “Yesterday was weird for me, too. I was sad that we weren't in the same class. It's not as fun without you!”

I stared down at my plate. Here Callie was telling me how much she missed me and I was hiding a huge secret about her boyfriend.
But you're keeping Callie and Jacob together,
I reminded myself. Jacob made Callie happy. If I told her the truth, she'd be crushed.

***

At my riding lesson, I walked to the indoor arena sans Charm. Mr. Conner had e-mailed the YENT team this morning and had told us to come without out horses.

I stood by Heather, who, like me, was dressed in boots and breeches.

“What's going on?” I asked.

She shrugged. “No clue. I hope nothing's wrong. I know
I
didn't do anything. Did you?”

“No! Maybe—” I stopped talking when Jas walked in. I'd been about to say that maybe Jas had done something. But Mr. Conner walked in right behind her, leading three stable horses. We all looked at one another.

“Hi, girls,” Mr. Conner said, smiling at us. “I'm going to give each of you a new horse for this lesson.”

He walked to Heather and handed her the reins of a gray gelding. Jas got a blue roan and Mr. Conner gave me a dun. I patted my horse's shoulder and looked at Mr. Conner.

“Go ahead and mount,” he said.

We mounted and I let out my stirrups a notch.

“I've said before that I want to focus on you, the riders, and not so much your horses. A great rider is able to get the best out of her mount—no matter what horse
she might be riding.” Mr. Conner looked back and forth among all of us. “Riders on the Olympics often train with at least two horses in case one becomes injured. So, I want you all to ride new horses today. Over the year, you'll continue to ride different horses.”

I raised my hand and Mr. Conner nodded at me. “What are the horses' names?”

Mr. Conner smiled. “Of course. You're riding Knox, Jas has Summer, and Heather's riding Perry. Walk and trot them for a few minutes to get them warmed up and get a feel for how they handle.”

I walked and trotted Knox for a couple of laps and while his stride wasn't as smooth as Charm's, he was a great horse. He listened to me and I could just tell that he wanted to please his rider.

Jas looked comfortable on Summer and Heather had no problem with Perry.

“Good,” Mr. Conner said. “Let's do a few basic exercises, then we'll try something a little more difficult.”

Knox didn't falter once through the next twenty minutes of exercises. I fell more in love with him every second. He was one of the sweetest horses I'd ever ridden.

“Cross over the center and reverse directions,” Mr. Conner said.

I trotted Knox to the center of the arena and Heather, Jas, and I started trotting the horses in the opposite direction. Knox could have developed bad habits from being ridden by dozens of riders because of his career as a school horse. But instead, he responded to every command in a second and never questioned me.

Mr. Conner worked us for another half hour before dismissing us. I dismounted and handed Knox's reins to Mike—my fave groom. I hugged Knox's neck and made a mental note to take him a carrot later.

“Thanks,” I said.

“Sure thing.” Mike smiled and led Knox out of the arena.

I walked to Charm's stall to hug him good night. He leaned into me before his gaze shifted back to his hay net. Then, he craned his neck back to me and sniffed my shirt.

“What, boy?” I asked.

Charm smelled me again. “Oh! You probably smell Knox.” I smiled. “I rode him because I
had
to. I would have much rather ridden you—you know that.”

Charm eyed me, then nudged my arm with his head. “So we're okay, huh?” I asked. I hugged him again and he wandered over to his hay net.

I latched his stall shut and thought about today's lesson. I'd been able to relax instead of worrying about what Jas and Heather were doing. It had made
all
of the difference and I realized that's what I had to do—block them out.

I started out of the stable, glad Eric wasn't here to see me. I was a sweaty mess. Bits of hay were stuck to my old black breeches—the ones with holes in the knees—and my boots were covered in arena dust.

“Sasha!” A fake cheery voice called me from behind.

I turned and saw the Belles. Violet, Brianna, and Georgia—three ninth graders who thought they ruled the stable—walked my way. I brushed my hair off my forehead and folded my arms.

“What?” I asked.

Violet and her friends had tried to initiate Callie, the Trio, and me into their circle. We'd met them at the stable at midnight where they had dared us to ride our horses across campus. Heather and I had refused, but Callie, Julia, and Alison had agreed to do the dare. Before they could start, we'd all been caught by Mr. Conner. All of us were temporarily banned from riding and even though it had all been their idea, I had a feeling they hadn't let it go. To make things even worse, none of the Belles had been extended invites to try out for the YENT.

“How was your summer?” Violet asked.

“Oh, you know,” I said, slowly. “YENT camp was amazing. Too bad you weren't there.”

For a second, I felt a flash of guilt. My snarky comment sounded just like something Heather would say. But those girls deserved it.

Brianna stepped closer, her eyes on me. “Who wanted to spend all summer riding, anyway? We actually have lives. And whatever—we can still make the YENT at the next tryouts.”

Georgia smirked. “BTW, did you check your
e-mail
much this summer?”

My hands clenched at my sides. Georgia Drake, the headmistress's daughter, had somehow used her mom's computer to hack into my e-mail account. She'd been the one who passed an e-mail to Violet that had started this whole mess in the first place. I'd written the e-mail
pre
-Eric and
pre
-Jacob-and-Callie, confessing I still had feelings for Jacob. But he never got it. Until, that is, right before the end of school while I was happy with Eric, and Callie and Jacob were together.

I started to reply to Georgia, but Jasmine sidled up next to the Belles and the older girls enveloped her in their group. I didn't know if Brianna, Georgia, and Violet
trusted Jasmine enough to tell her what they'd done with the e-mail, but I definitely wasn't about to bring it up if Jasmine didn't already know.

“I've got to go,” I said.

“Like always,” Jas taunted behind my back. “Sasha Silver just walks away.”

Ignoring Jasmine's comment, I walked around them and left the stable. There wasn't room in my brain for the Belles and their nasty tricks.

AT BREAKFAST THE NEXT MORNING, PAIGE AND
I swiped our usual table. Paige eyed the cappuccino beside my plate of pancakes.

“What's with that, Starbucks?” she asked. “You never drink coffee in the morning.”

I sipped the drink. “I know, but this week is insane. I think I'll fall asleep by history class if I don't have caffeine.”

“Okay, but only because I don't want to be known as the BFF of the girl who drooled on her desk,” Paige said, smiling.

“Oh, glad to know
that
was your reason.”

We giggled and I sipped my coffee, waiting for the caffeine to kick in. I'd stayed up last night after Paige had
gone to bed to work on a reading assignment for English. Teachers were already piling on the homework, but the work wasn't the problem—my concentration was. I kept going back and forth about confessing to Paige about the Jacob sitch. It was weird not to tell Paige everything—she and Callie were my BFFs. But I knew I had to keep this to myself.

I was drizzling (read: pouring) syrup onto my pancakes when Eric took a chair next to Paige and across from me.

Just looking at him made me need a little less coffee. He'd paired a vintage-y blue T-shirt with jeans and he still looked sleepy. Adorable.

“Pancakes, sure. But coffee?” he asked, smiling at me. “You okay?”

“Totally fine,” I said. “Just needed a jolt for today.”

His own tray had bacon, scrambled eggs, toast, and a glass of OJ. I leaned over and speared some eggs onto my fork, grinning at Eric's expression.

He retaliated by slicing off a bit of pancake with his fork and stuffing it into his mouth.

“You guys should just trade already,” Paige said, laughing.

I looked over Paige's and Eric's shoulders and saw
Callie and Jacob walk into the caf holding hands. Callie looked totally adorable—she was wearing a black skirt, red ballet flats, and white boyfriend T-shirt. I couldn't get over her new look. She must have read a lot of
Teen Fashion
over the summer.

Callie waved at me and I smiled back.

She would have been at YENT camp, not reading fashion mags if you and Jacob hadn't messed up,
I thought to myself.

I glued my eyes to my food and nodded, pretending to listen, as Paige and Eric talked about the possessed squirrel they were sure had claimed the best bench by the fountain.

“And that annoying thing totally started, like, chattering at this girl in my class when she walked by the bench,” Paige said. “She …”

I zoned out again—not able to stop myself from watching Callie and Jacob.

They sat a few tables away, Callie's back to me. She was talking, laughing, and gesturing with her hands. Jacob, nodding, ate his bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich. His hair fell in front of one eye and he reached up to swipe it out of the way. He looked about as engaged in whatever Callie was saying as I was in Eric's and Paige's conversation. His eyes shifted away from Callie to me.

We held each other's gaze across the cafeteria. I couldn't even breathe. It was
Jacob
. He was with Callie—not me. That's what I'd wanted. And I was beyond happy with Eric. I was probably only paying attention to Jacob because I was nervous that he kept trying to talk to me every five minutes.

“Sasha?”

“What?” I ripped my eyes away from Jacob and looked at Paige.

She stuck out her tongue at me, teasingly. “Pay attention! Talking about the psycho squirrel is superimportant.”

“Yeah, it's
super
important.” I laughed. And for the rest of breakfast, I listened to Paige and Eric debate the squirrel's mental state and made sure I didn't even glance in Jacob's and Callie's direction.

It was almost seven when I finished my lesson and cooled Charm. Callie had texted me during math to see if I wanted to groom the horses together, so I hadn't brushed Charm after our lesson had ended. He was in crossties while I mucked out his stall.

I looked up when I heard footsteps stop outside the stall. Alison stood there and gave me a half smile. She was so much nicer when she wasn't with Julia.

“Hey,” I said. “What's up?”

“Just came to see Sunstruck,” Alison said. She played with the end of her loose French braid. “I try to spend more time with him now that I can't ride.”