Live In Position (35 page)

"Good." His hand slid smoothly from my cheek to my neck. Wrapping his hand to the back of my neck he pulled me against him. "So, I figure you could go with me to take Victoria to –"

I pulled back a bit from him when he spoke about Victoria going to visit Grace. His hand returned to my face and pulled it up to so he could look into my face.

"Or perhaps you would rather not go?"

My brow was furrowed and I had so many questions and mixed feelings raging within. I didn't know how to respond or speak to him. He sighed and pulled me to the bed.

So maybe it is just sex…the live in whore.

The grip he held on my arm was firm but not tight, and when he sat onto the bed he gently pulled me with him.

"You're pulling away from me again." It was a statement, not a question. I stared into my lap. "Do you wish for me to leave?"

Without having to look at him I already knew the hardened look that his face would have.

I sighed and shook my head. Instead of looking at him, I stood up and walked to my dresser. Pulling open one of my dresser drawers, I took out one of my boxers and t-shirt sleep sets. As I pushed the drawer shut I felt his arms snake around my waist. Taking the clothing from my hands, he turned me to face him.

"If you don't want this, please, tell me now." The chill in his voice made me straighten my spine and my jaw tighten just a little.

"I just…this is just so…" I fought for the right words. Closing my eyes, I finally just blurted it out. "Is this a live in convenience for you?"

"What?" He was immediately holding me at arm's length. When I opened my eyes, I regretted it. The green fire was there, but it was anger and hurt. "Do you think I hire women to come into my home just so I can –"

"No," I cut him off. "That's not what I mean." I took a deep breath and tried to move away from him. He wasn't letting me move.

"I'm not…good…at this." It was the first time I'd ever heard him struggle to find a word.

"Good at what?"

"Relationship things," he answered uncomfortably.

Dr. Bishop began stepping back toward the bed, taking me with him as he went. Once he sat down in front of me, he continued.

"Grace was the last real relationship I had." He reluctantly continued. "I've been with women, but it was nothing like Grace. She always held a power over me I just couldn't break." I tensed at his words and couldn't believe I was starting to feel…jealous.

"Until you," he looked up at me with the softest expression I had ever seen on his face. For just a moment his cold eyes melted into green pools of insecurity. "You make me feel…frustrated, angry, jealous," his face had shifted to cold and stern, but then shifted back to his soft expression, "intoxicated, consumed, aroused, challenged, and awed."

"I don't know how or why, but it's true." His arms wrapped around my waist and the left side of his face rested against my stomach. "I've never been this drawn to anyone."

My hands found his shoulders and rested there. I felt his body melt into mine and the motion of him lying back, pulling me down with him. As we landed onto the bed, my hands slapped the mattress on either side of his head. I was lying over him, my chest hovering above his face.

Dr. Bishop rolled us onto our sides and shifted my position to face him. My eyes met two emerald spheres full of familiar intensity, but also held a hint of childlike quality.

"Am I alone? Do you not feel the same thing that I do?" He raised his brow and in that moment he reminded me so much of his daughter.

Slowly I nodded, "Yes, I feel it." It came out as a whisper. The moment ended and his eyes resumed their intense gaze into mine.

"Saturday?" His gaze didn't falter.

"I…Dr. Bish –" His eyes hardened on me. "Collin, I don't…I mean, what do want from me?" I closed my eyes, bit my lip, and waited for his response.

Smooth fingers leisurely pulled my lip from between my teeth.

"Look at me."

It was a standard direct order. With one deep breath I allowed my eyelids to peel back slowly until I was once again caught in his gaze.

"I want whatever you will allow me."

I swallowed hard.

"What does that even mean?"

His smooth fingers moved to cup my cheek.

"It means I want you, no matter what." He pulled my face to his, just brushing his lips against mine. Then in a whisper against my lips, "the how, is all up to you."

Our lips molded together, until we broke away panting into each other's face.

"So, you want an 'us', or well, to try to be an 'us'?" My eyes searched his face for some sort of clue to the response that he had not yet given.

"Yes, if you'll allow it." His lips started to get closer to mine. It took more willpower than I realized it would, but I pulled away.

"I don't like when you pull away from me." He stated in his icy tone. I pursed my lips and narrowed my eyes on him.

"What happens if 'this' doesn't work?"

He looked at me in confusion.

"What do you mean 'if it doesn't work'?"

"Relationships, or whatever if this is, start and stop all the time." He nodded and motioned for me to continue. "So, say that we don't work, what happens then?" He gave a small scowl. "I mean, starting something like this would put Victoria at risk too, not just us."

"I see." It was his turn to purse his lips. "So, you are worried about what she will think about us?"

"I'm worried about how it will affect her for there to be an 'us' and I'm worried about how it will affect her if 'us' ended." I corrected him and his face scowled harder.

"So you already believe it won't work?"

I groaned and rolled to my back.

"Do you always only hear what you want?"

"You said 'how it
will
affect her', that's future tense which insinuates it won't work." He leaned up onto his right elbow and looked down over me suspiciously.

"That's not what I meant," I groaned again.

"Then just tell me what you did mean."

"I don't want Victoria to get hurt, either way. I don't want us to become something and her to be upset about it, nor do I want her to be happy and then crushed if we end the relationship, and I don't want her to be upset if I had to stop being her nanny." My voice had risen and I was propped up on both of my elbows.

Collin was smirking at me.

"First, I believe that she will be thrilled we are together. Second, I have no intention of letting you go once you agree to be with me. Third, I can't guarantee you'll always be her nanny, but I can guarantee that you will always be in her life."

"You can't guarantee anything when it comes to things such as –"

"Oh, I guarantee it Ms. Ashwood." He winked at me.

Holy crap! Dr. Bishop winked at me and my whole body just did an internal back flip.

My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to speak, but he leaned over me and I snapped my mouth closed.

"Sophia, shut up." A crooked smile on his lips, he pressed them against mine.

We lie on my bed kissing, tongues gliding and teeth nipping, until breathing became necessary.

"I still don't know." I said apologetically through my heavy intakes of breath.

"Go out with me Saturday?" He pressed his body against mine. I moaned. "Say yes Sophia."

The way my name fell from his lips made my heart palpitate erratically.

I nodded, "okay."

In one rapid motion, he was hovering over my body, kissing my lips and my neck.

"Thank you," he mumbled against the hollow of my neck.

A silent moment passed before he moved off of me and stood from the bed. His cool and collected mannerisms had returned.

"I'll leave you to get ready for bed." He offered me his hand and I took it. Pulling me up from the bed and into his chest he whispered into my ear, "Goodnight Sophia".

With the quick release of my body, he moved to collect his laptop and then left my room. I blinked a couple of times and tried to wrap my head around everything that had just occurred.

He basically tells me he wants me and for there to be an 'us', but then he leaves my room with such swiftness I couldn't even have gotten a word out to him, that's if I had been able to form a coherent word.

One deep breath and I stepped back up to my dresser and grabbed the pajamas. With my clothing in hand, I headed toward shower therapy.

The sound of my name pulled me from a deep sleep. My sleep fogged eyes first fell on my clock; 4:22 a.m. Then I rolled over to the sound of my name coming from behind me. There stood Victoria.

"What's wrong?" I rubbed my eyes and propped myself on a pillow.

"I had a bad dream." She whimpered as she spoke.

"Climb in." I pulled back the covers. She quickly slid under. As I settled back into the bed, I felt her curl up to my side. Once her breathing settled into a slow rhythm, I allowed myself to drift back to sleep.

This time movement interrupted my slumber. I looked down and saw Victoria was now curled into the front of my body, but she was still completely passed out. Movement from behind me pulled my attention away from her, and I turned my head.

"What are you doing?" I hissed out quietly.

Collin froze as he lay his head down.

"I prefer sleeping next to you." His cool factual tone broke through the dark hush of the room.

"Shhh…" I motioned to Victoria, who was still sleeping motionlessly next to me.

"With it so dark, I hadn't realized she was in here." My eyes had adjusted enough to the darkness that I could see his eyebrows knit together and the frown on his face.

"Is she alright?" He dropped his voice to a whisper and leaned over my body, looking down at her.

"She said she had a bad dream." I whispered back.

His arm extended out over my body and his long fingers brushed hair from her face. My eyes drifted to his face to see what I would find, but the new position of his face and the darkness of the room didn't allow me to see much. Collin shifted next to my body and curled up to my other side.

"You can't stay." I murmured.

"I'll be gone before she wakes up." I felt him shrug against my body.

"No." My voice rose just above the whisper it had been.

"No?" His head rose up from the bed and his voice was filled with astonishment.

"I'm not going to risk her waking up and finding you in bed with us." I spat out quietly.

"Fine," he grumbled. Dr. Bishop pulled himself up from the bed and walked out of my room. With a heavy sigh of relief, I wrapped back up with Victoria.

The alarm on my cell phone woke me up the next morning. I stretched out and rolled for my phone. Once I silenced the alarm I looked over and saw Victoria sprawled out on the right side of the bed. I smiled at the frizzy mess of hair and her crumpled pajamas.

"Hey," I poked at her side easily.

She groaned.

"Time to get up," I whispered into her ear.

"No," she groaned and buried her head under her pillow.

"Oh, well I guess I'll just have to go to the dress shop by myself." I sighed out sarcastically. Her head popped out from under the pillow and snapped at me with a large smile.

"Today is when we get to see Miranda?" The excitement in her voice was immeasurable.

"Yep," I popped the 'p' and climbed out of bed.

"Yessss!" She screamed and giggled.

I headed to the bathroom to handle some morning necessities. When I stepped out of the bathroom Victoria was sitting with her legs crossed at the edge of the bed.

"My turn," she exclaimed. She ran passed me and slammed the bathroom door shut.

"You know that there are about five other toilettes in this house right?" I laughed loudly. A couple of minutes later a very relieved Victoria emerged.

"Let's get ready to go." She hurried to the door.

"Hey, wait!" She spun around. "It's not time to leave yet." I smiled at her. "Let's go eat breakfast and then we can get ready to meet Miranda."

"What time do we get to see her?" She stood halfway in and halfway out of my room, ready to dart downstairs.

"We are meeting her at ten and then going to get lunch together. Does that sound good?" I raised my brow at her. She nodded excitedly.

"I get to go to the wedding don't I?"

"Of course," I giggled. We both walked out of my room and down the stairs.

"Yay," she cheered.

Victoria was too impatient to wait for anything but cereal, toast, and juice for breakfast. While we ate, she talked about the kind of wedding dress she wanted to wear one day and how she was going to have her whole family there to watch her daddy walk her toward the groom. When I asked who the groom was, she stated that she didn't have him 'picked out' yet. I laughed at her answer and we cleared up the breakfast dishes.

"Do you need help or do you want to get ready on your own?"