Live In Position (45 page)

"He is going to meet me at the police station tomorrow and then he'll begin filing the motion to address the current circumstances." Collin tossed his phone onto the side table and
turned his body toward me. A grin spread on his face and his cool emeralds blazed. "I didn't want you to get dressed."

"You weren't the one damp and naked. It was a little cold." I rebutted. He began to crawl up my body.

"Hmmm…only damp?" He paused. "I would have guaranteed you were wet for me."

My mouth fell open. This naughty side to him was definitely intriguing. I wanted him, but there was also something important I wanted to discuss. My body pulsed when he pulled me down flat on the bed.

"Collin?" The tone of my voice must have given away the seriousness of my next statement because his grin fell from his face.

"So help me God Sophia if you are going to call us a mistake or tell me how wrong it is I will strangle you with my bare hands." His cold icy tone emerged and while I knew he wouldn't really strangle me, a part of me cowered in fear.

"No, it's not that. I mean I still question…" the hard angry look on his face deterred me from finishing that sentence. "Anyhow, I was wondering, where was the court appointed chaperone person that was supposed to be with Grace and Victoria? Wasn't she there?"

Collin moved onto his right side, propping his head upon his hand. He pulled me against his chest.

"We are looking into that now. I suppose I could ask Victoria about it tomorrow. She was there when I left Victoria with Grace, but it's something that's bothered me as well." His left hand was rubbing from my hip to the side of my breast and back. The rotation was causing a throbbing ache between my thighs.

"You don't think Grace did something to her, do you?"

"I don't know, but I don't like this situation at all." Suddenly he rolled to his back. "How could she just leave her? Why is it that she can just walk away without a care or two thoughts about who gets hurt?"

The current situation was his disguise, but, deep down, we both knew he was referring to both Victoria and him. My heart was conflicted between ache for him and unreasonable jealousy that she could still affected him. Of course, guilt made an appearance since I shouldn't feel jealous. Grace was, after all, his first love, Victoria's mother, and had hurt him deeply. I was pretty sure he no longer loved her, but his hurt still prevailed.

Not knowing what words to say, all I could offer compassion. Slipping my arms around him, I pulled him to my chest. No more words were spoken; we simply lie in silence until sleep claimed us.

Three days had passed since that horrid Sunday. Dr. Bishop was either working or attending to legal matters. There was still no date set for the mediation and he wanted quicker results. Victoria was back in the routine of school and after-school activities.

With no immediate errands to run, I sat in the dance studio waiting area listening to women discuss their lives. One woman's eldest daughter was going to Yale next year, another was getting a face lift, and one woman was going to be a grandmother. The grandmother statement stuck with me. Then it slammed into me.

My period, oh god, I missed my period. Wait, did I? When was it due?

My hands fumbled as I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, my shaking hands dropping it onto the floor. The group of woman gave me a look of annoyance when the 'F' word slipped from my lips. Once my hands were stable, I pulled up the calendar and started counting.

Oh dear anti-
Christ! Two days. Instantly I felt nauseous. I groaned. I was an idiot. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Are you sick?" The sound of Victoria's voice brought my head back up. I forced a smile.

"You done already?"

She nodded, but looked at me curiously. Taking her hand I practically drug her to the car. The drive home was interesting.

Victoria seemed to be in her own little universe in the back seat, while I swore every person walking down the street had a baby or a large round baby bump. The urge to pull over at every pharmacy we passed was almost too great, but how would I explain it to Victoria. I forced myself to go straight to the house and resigned that I would take care of everything tomorrow.

It was fine. It would all be fine. I was overreacting. I mean it was only a couple of days. It's not as if I had never been late before. I had, right?

I was antsy and distracted for the rest of the day. Barely being able to think straight I couldn't even cook. I decided pizza was the best option for dinner.

If there was ever a night I wished Collin was working or away on business, it was tonight. However, since God now shunned me for cavorting with his arch nemesis, Collin got home just when the pizza arrived.

He no longer hid any type of affection between us. Pulling me in to kiss him after he walked through the door with Victoria watching was nothing new. But what he didn't know was that my mind was still on 'Code No Flow' alert.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded and walked away. Pull yourself together before you get Victoria's hopes up and Collin…oh damn, what would he do or say?

"Sophia?" The heat of his hand upon my shoulder pulled me out of my troubles.

"Yeah," I spit out too quickly. He eyed me suspiciously.

"She's been like that all day." Victoria sounded annoyed as she climbed up on a barstool.

"Are you not feeling well?" Collin was immediately concerned and searching my face and body for injury or signs of illness.

"I'm fine," I waved them both off. I hadn't sounded as believable as I had hoped. "Just a little tired." I tacked on for good measure.

I went about getting plates, cups, drinks poured, and pizza served. All of this was done while under the scrutinizing emerald stare of Dr. Bishop.

Once everyone was finished eating, me having picked at one slice the entire time, I took my time cleaning up. Victoria went to get a shower and pajamas on.

"What's going on?" His hard cold tone caused a shiver against my spine.

"Nothing, I'm just tired." I shrugged and didn't dare look at him.

"Don't lie to me."

I knew that tone, the voice I hadn't heard as of late. He was angry and cold. It was like an
arctic blast against my back. But I couldn't tell him, not until I was sure. With a deep breath I turned around to face him.

"I'm tired. Maybe I am coming down with something." I shrugged. Yeah, I was coming down with the spawn of Satan.

Eyeing me for a brief moment, he walked away stiffly. He wasn't buying it and I was dreading being alone with him. A coward, I was a coward.

That night I stayed with Victoria in her room reading her the original story of 'The Little Mermaid' by Hans Christian Andersen. She was shocked to learn there was a version other than Disney's and I was happy to introduce her to a classic. About three chapters in, she fell asleep. With a sigh, I left her to peaceful sleep and went to my own room.

Pulling my night shirt down my body, I felt his presence in the room. Without saying a word I walked into the bathroom. Once my face was washed and my hair and teeth were brushed, I stepped back into my bedroom. He sat at the edge of my bed looking at me with familiar intensity.

"Are you going to be honest with me yet?" His cold tone almost made me stiffen.

"It's nothing," I shook my head and made my way to my bed. As I pulled back the blanket to climb under he grabbed my hand.

"Please Sophia."

My heart fluttered with ache at the sound of his appeal.

"I'm late." I mumbled and climbed into bed.

"What do you mean you're –" He paused as realization crept over his face. I covered mine with the blanket and groaned. The blanket suddenly slipped from my fingers and my eyes flew open.

"Are you sure?" The gaze of his eyes on me was almost interrogating.

"Am I sure that I'm late? Yes." I threw my arm over my face.

"So, you aren't sure that you're pregnant?"

"No. I'll handle it tomorrow." My voice had fallen into a shaky whisper.

"Why didn't you come to me?" His fingers wrapped around my arm and pulled it from my face. I kept my eyes closed.

"Because, I wasn't sure. There's no need to worry you about it until I have a definite something for you to worry about."

"Look at me." I refused. "Look at me." He meant business now, so I opened my eyes. "You should have come to me."

"Why? So you can worry about something that may not even be an issue? That's stupid. I'm not going to concern you about a mistake you –" The deep scowl that formed on his face halting my words.

"Mistake?" he growled. "You believe my child would be a mistake?"

"Th-that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean Sophia, because it sounded like you said mistake to me?" The way he glowered at me sent fear through my body.

"My being pregnant wouldn't exactly be a good thing Collin. The whole thing would be a mistake, but not the way you are taking it." I had meant my words to have more conviction, but the look on his face was really shaking me.

"We'll take care of this now." He stood and walked toward my door.

"What are you –"

"I'll be back." His cold tone cut me off, the sound of my door closing at his departure. There was no holding back the tears now. Burying my face into my pillow to muffle my cries, my body jerked.

I was still buried in the down softness when my door opened. His soft footsteps were the telltale sign he was in my room and next to my bed. He cleared his throat and with a roll of my eyes I pulled the blanket down.

"Here."

In his hand was a plastic white stick I planned to purchase tomorrow after taking Victoria to school. Glancing up at him, his face had softened. He knelt down beside the bed and cupped my cheek.

"I apologize for my reaction. It's just…would it be so terrible to have my child?" His eyes searched my face. Slowly I sat up to the edge of the bed.

"Collin, a baby would not be a good idea. Not for me, not now. It was never because it would be yours." Both of my hands grabbed his face and looked into his eyes.

"I would be happy." His words were just a breath and my stomach knotted. Part of me rejoiced in the fact he would indeed want me and the baby, if there was one. The other part of me was concerned he would now want that, if there wasn't one. Rather than linger too long on the last thought, I took the test from his hand and headed to the bathroom.

The clicking sound of the plastic cap was like the exclamation point on a scream. My hands began to shake and I felt dizzy. Setting the dreaded stick on the counter I had never wanted to fail a test so badly. His knock on the door pulled me from my looming breakdown.

"Y-yeah?" The shaking of my voice was unavoidable.

"May I?" He pushed the door open without letting me respond. That was good, because I couldn't have responded anyhow.

One look at the state I was in and he wrapped his arms around me. The tightness of his embrace was the only thing keeping me from collapsing on weak legs.

"Everything will be fine." His lips pressed to my fore head. One rogue tear escaped my eye. I tried to stealthily turn my cheek to his chest, hoping his shirt would wipe it away.

"It should be time." I whispered out.

Still keeping one arm tightly around me, he reached for the test. I held my breath.

"Do you want to –" I shook my head. "You're not pregnant."

I exhaled loudly in relief and grabbed the test from his hand to see for myself. 'Not Pregnant' was displayed in the gray oval. Liberation from impending motherhood washed through me. A smile spread on my face.

"See, worried for nothing." The disappointment in his tone, even with his great effort to hide it, was still noticed. I said nothing.

After wrapping the test up in a wad of toilette paper and throwing it away, he led us out of the bathroom. I walked toward my bed to climb back in, but his grasp on my nightshirt stopped me just before I reached the edge.

"Not there."

Pulling me from my bed, my room, and down the hall to his, we tangled ourselves around each other and fell to sleep. No more talk about pregnancy or babies.

The next morning went about in the normal fashion. Collin was already awake and in his office, when I was getting up to prepare Victoria for the day. Once she was dropped off at school, I made my call to the clinic about the birth control shot. The nurse told me I could stop by, since they had some openings that morning.

It cost me a few tubes of blood, some urine, and a couple hundred dollars, since I didn't have medical insurance, but it was worth it not to go through that scare again. Before I left, I made an appointment to return in three months for the next shot.

On the drive home I was feeling good. I mean I felt really good. When I pulled into the driveway something felt off, but I couldn't place my finger on it. Collin was gone, but that was normal. He was working at the hospital today. When I still couldn't figure it out I shrugged it off and went inside the house.

My first stop was in the kitchen to make sure breakfast was completely cleaned up and that the dishwasher was running. The next thing was for me to put together my book so I could submit it for publication.