Live Long, Die Short (32 page)

George’s response to all this? “So what? You know you’re going to die. You knew that when you were born. Why worry about it? I look at life the way I looked at my financial statements. I project for the next year. I look ahead.”

In the two hours we spent together, George’s laughter flowed freely. Even as he spoke of Helen’s illness as a young woman, which drove them to be legally declared paupers; of her dementia in later life, which had her saying to him, “I never married you”; of the night she was wandering and fell, and he fell, and neither of them could get up because they both had fractures—interspersed between his recounting of all these “low points” in his life, George laughs. When he openly tells me he knows his father didn’t want him because they couldn’t afford the six kids they already had, he immediately adds, “but I came into the world for free” (the doctor never charged for his birth) and laughs. The staff tells me how George posted flyers reading “Smile” in several locations about the community. He teaches courses for his neighbors in assisted living, with materials he gathers from the Internet: a course on the earth from the big bang to five hundred years from now (“always looking ahead”) and travel information about the countries of Europe. “I’ve done Visions of Italy,” he says. “I’m going to get Visions of France and Greece and teach those soon.”

George’s laugh is infectious and accompanied by sparkling eyes and a broad smile. Despite his limited mobility today, he speaks with youthful energy and shares details about a two-month-long driving and camping trip he and his wife took over seven decades ago; how they enjoyed taking the Polar Bear Express in Canada; how Helen chased away a panther who was attempting to eat their dinner when camping. In a tour of his apartment, he proudly tells me of how he became an official Kentucky colonel. He shows me a building he designed, and, showing me wedding rings mounted in a frame, he adds, “She’s still with me.” And when I ask him what he would like to tell a younger person, he smiles. “Don’t think about aging. It doesn’t mean anything. You’re living. That’s what counts. You’re living. You’re enjoying life. I can run a program and it challenges my brain. I can work on it and have a lot of fun. I am a happy man. How? Be busy, have a goal and work on it.” And, of course, he closes this advice with a deep belly laugh.

Masterpiece Living Pearls for Laughing to a Better Life

1. Look in the mirror. That’s right. Look at yourself. You’ll immediately want to suck in your gut or put an interesting look on your face. OK. Enough of that. Now look away a moment and be the person who you are when you’re not looking in the mirror. Let your face lapse into your “default mode,” the face you have when you’re driving, for instance. Now, look back into the mirror without making adjustments. This is your portrayal of who you are to the world. Now smile. This is you on positive thoughts. Now laugh. This is you without stress. Who would you like to be? Which of the three would you like to meet? As we age, gravity works on our faces and what we consider a neutral face is actually easily interpreted as angry or sad or standoffish. Television people know this well and maintain a face that feels like a slight smile in order to look neutral. All we can do, short of expensive surgery, is to present a more positive facial invitation to those we come in contact with.
   
2. Keep track for several days of when you laugh, not just smile or make a short noise. We’re talking
   laugh
   here, if only for several seconds. Make a goal to increase that by a small amount, say one more time than the usual. Seek out the situations or people who make you laugh. Avoid situations or people that make you feel sad, or angry, or bad about yourself. Consider them toxic, because indeed they are.
   
3. If you find you have not increased you laughter for a particular day, just laugh. “Fake it till you make it,” as they say. Even forced laughter is beneficial.
   
4. Like Norman Cousins, find movies or TV shows that make you laugh. We’re talking big, belly, milk-out-your-nose laughs. At least that should be the goal. Anything less is helpful and lays the groundwork for a lower threshold for laughing. Seek out comedians who do it for you. Kids. Kids laugh often and well. Spend some time with kids and you’ll be laughing right along with them. Or find a “laughter yoga” class in your area. These classes are not so much about stretching your muscles as they are about your ability to find your inner jovial self.
   
5. Spend time with friends, unless, of course, they’re the Debbie Downer types. We laugh more when we’re with others rather than alone or with
   our families. Seek out new activities with friends that provoke laughter: karaoke, comedy clubs, games, amusement parks, whatever brings out the kid in you.
   
6. Make a mental note every time you laugh: “I’m getting healthier. I’m going to do more of this.” When you awake in the morning, and when you retire at night, make a mental list (or write it out if you are an engineer or accountant) of all you are grateful for in this day. This will help you focus on those positive things in your life rather than those that make you feel sorry for yourself. Remember, life’s a head game. You choose happiness, laughter, joy, or you don’t. You choose health, or you don’t. You choose to age more successfully—or you don’t.
   

Do or do not. There is no try.
—YODA

Y
ou’ve made it through the Ten Tips to Achieve Authentic Health and Successful Aging. Now what?

Stick with your commitment to live a lifestyle that will build authentic health and the resilience necessary to navigate through the next phase of your life. Avoid setting expectations that are too ambitious; when you don’t achieve them, you’ll derail your momentum. Remember, there is no goal too small. Remember, also, that you must be the warrior for your own health and aging. It is whole-person strength—building physical, mental, social, and spiritual power—that will give you the authentic health and resilience you need. And lastly, never underestimate the ravages of the Big Uneasy, the damaging effects of self-induced chronic stress in your life.

Aging successfully is about avoiding or preventing occurrence of a disease or condition whenever possible,
or
identifying it early to prevent it from taking hold,
or
, if it does become established, limiting its negative effects. Beating yourself up about the fact that you do have the condition is useless and destructive to your efforts to keep growing.

If you’re someone who wants the short version of everything, a cheat sheet, then here it is for the Ten Tips:

Move every day
as part of your day, rather than as a scheduled event you can forgo if you get busy. Better to enjoy whatever type of movement you do. Better to move with someone else.

Learn something new every day.
It can be a simple fact, or part of larger undertaking, like a language or a new craft, but seek out some new knowledge as part of your day.

Reach out to someone every day.
It can be a smile to a cashier, or a nod to someone on the street, or reconnecting with people once important in your life. Whatever it is, welcome people into your life. Get rid of those defense mechanisms you developed in junior high, and be open to others.

Do something that scares you every day.
It doesn’t have to be bungee jumping (although if that is what you have always dreamed of doing, why not?), but it should be something that takes you out of your comfort zone, like traveling without reservations, or reaching out to new people.

Find something that will quiet your chattering mind
if only for a few minutes each day. You’ll know it when you find it. It will bring you peace and joy.

Find your purpose
, the essence of your journey here on earth, and the reason to be grateful for this grand gift of life.

And above all, realize that life has surprises in store for you, some of which will require resilience. Find a lifestyle that encourages, nourishes, and builds whole-person strength, the warrior within you; a lifestyle that will connect you on a deep level with your core human needs and brings you authentic health; a lifestyle that will be as a symphony, bringing all those core components together as a masterpiece. The rest of your life depends on it.

Just as I was finalizing this manuscript, I attended the wedding of my friend Rick’s son Heath. My friendship with Rick was forged in Germany decades ago as squadron mates flying F15s. At this magnificent California wedding, I observed a woman, perhaps in her eighties, interacting with the guests with a warm serene smile, and a nobility and grace that was frankly spell-binding. I made one of those decisions that change your life—I introduced myself to her. And it changed everything.

Alicia is Rick’s aunt, and her story is one that’s difficult to comprehend. Difficult because it is intensely painful if you make any attempt to place yourself in her shoes. Difficult because it portrays humans at the absolute boundaries of possibilities—their very best and their very worst. And difficult because it challenges all who hear it to question whether they could survive such devastating events with their humanity intact, indeed whether they could survive at all. Even as I write this, I’m struggling because my words are pale communicators of the reality of Alicia’s story and because I’m overwhelmed with a sense of responsibility to do justice to this human drama. But here goes …

Alicia is nearly ninety, a vibrant, engaged, serene soul who observes the world with an expression of nurturing understanding and appreciative wonder. The wonder for me is with the journey she made to get to this day, to this conversation with me.

She was born in Poland, and as a young Jewish teenager in Poland, in 1940, her world came crashing down with the arrival of the Nazis in her small town. They quickly levied oppressive restrictions on the entire community and soon her father was arrested and disappeared forever from her life. Alicia and her sister fled the town and were able to live in another small town where there were no Germans but severe food shortages. They sold all they had for food. With the arrival of the Nazis to the new town, they were placed in a ghetto but survived on their wits and ability to understand German. It was here that Alicia discovered that Jews were being exterminated and she resolved to survive.

Soon she and her sister were sent to the Krakow ghetto and one day, while walking down a street, they were seized and transported to the infamous Auschwitz. “Worse than hell,” this concentration camp was the scene of incomprehensible suffering and inhumanity. Alicia was tattooed, her head was shaved, and she was given dirty clothing to wear. From the very beginning, she knew she must be both clever and strong. Those who were
weaker, who cried, or gave up, soon disappeared. She personally witnessed hundreds being taken to the crematorium and often saw many lined up outside the crematorium awaiting their turn. She remembers one night when all the Gypsies, hundreds, disappeared.

Because she knew German, Alicia was able to get work as a secretary, and although always hungry, she was able to get blankets and occasional news from the head of the warehouse. In June of 1944 she inwardly rejoiced to hear that the Allies had invaded Normandy. She had to hang on.

Her resolve was tested when she was caught while getting news and sent to solitary in a dungeon for eighteen days. She refused to cry or show any weakness and she believes this saved her. After solitary, as further punishment, she had to work hard labor and was soon sent to another camp in Germany where she worked in a munitions factory. Conditions there were horrid, with very hard work and even less food. Alicia admits she would not have survived much longer if the Americans had not freed her on April 18, 1945.

At this point in her story, Alicia paused. “The will to survive is very strong. If I were given a choice to be a beggar all my life or die, I would be a beggar because there would always be a little hope. The will to survive can also turn some into animals,” she added, “doing whatever it takes to survive, even the most inhumane things.” She breathed deeply. “I refused to do that.”