Livin' Lahaina Loca (25 page)

“How’d
he get out?” I asked.

“Heck
if I know,” Farrah said. “That little window opens onto the roof. From there
he’d have to climb across the roof and then drop down almost eight feet to the
eaves on the first floor. It’s another ten feet down to the alley.”

“It
could be done,” I said.

“By
your Sifu Doug, maybe. But Beni? The guy had trouble buttering a piece of
bread.”

“Desperate
times require desperate measures,” I said.

“So
now what?” she said.

I
gave her my most soulful stare.

“No.
No way. I can’t go up there with you. You know how sensitive my psyche is to
stuff like they got going on up there.”

Farrah
wasn’t talking about possibly running into the drug dealers, or even being
squeamish about finding Crystal Wilson’s body. I’d known her long enough to
know she was referring to the bloody history of the ‘Iao Valley. In 1790,
Kamehameha the Great came over from the Big Island of Hawaii to lay claim to
Maui. He killed Maui’s head chief and forced the Maui warriors deeper and
deeper into ‘Iao Valley before unleashing fire from a cannon he’d seized from a
haole
ship. The Maui fighters never had a chance. The bloodshed was so
horrendous they named the battle
Kapaniwai
, or “the damming of the
waters” because piles of dead warriors’ bodies clogged ‘Iao Stream, reducing it
to a trickle. The little water that did get through ran blood red. For more
than a century no one ventured into the valley. The screams and moans of the
ghosts trapped there could be heard for miles around.

“You
want me to go up there all by myself?”

“No,
I think you should call Hatch, or maybe the cops.”

Neither
of those options appealed to me.

“I’ll
tell you what. I’ll ask Ono to go with me. You stay here and call me if Beni
shows up. As much as I’d like to never deal with that scum sucker again, it’d
make it much easier to find Crystal if I had some idea of where to start
looking.”

“Oh.
I almost forgot,” Farrah said. “Beni said something last night that sounded
kind of feeble at the time, but it might help: he said they went alongside the
stream from where it goes through the park. Once they started climbing, he got
worried about finding his way back. He began singing “Ninety-nine Bottles of
Beer on a Wall” in his head so he’d be able to figure out how far he’d gone. He
was at thirteen bottles of beer when they finally got to the campsite.”

“Really?
Mr. Mope-a-dope had the presence of mind to sing eighty-six stanzas of a stupid
drinking song while he hiked up the valley? Maybe his whole strung-out act is
just that—an act.”

“Hard
to say. But he sang a little of it for me. And he sang it pretty slow. Like
this: ‘Ninety-nine…bottles of…beer…on the wall…’ Like that. So, hopefully that
gives you some kind of idea as to how far up he went.”

I
gave her a hug and left. On my way down to the car I called Ono.

“Hey,
two calls in two days,” he said when he picked up the call. “I’m flattered.
Howzit shakin’?”

I
quickly filled him in on what I’d learned over the last two days about Crystal
Wilson’s fate. When Ono responded, his voice was two octaves lower.

“Those
rotten sons of bitches,” he said. “I had a bad feeling about this from the
get-go. What can I do?”

“Can
you go up to ‘Iao Valley with me this morning? I’d rather not go up there
alone.”

“I’d
rather you not go up there at all. This is some serious shit, Pali. I think you
should call the cops and let them handle it.”

“I
plan on calling them, after I verify Beni’s story. He’s not the most reliable
source, and I’m afraid they’ll blow me off again if I don’t bring them
something to prove Crystal’s been murdered.”

“Don’t
you think you should at least give them a heads up on what you’ve heard?”

“No,
I don’t. I don’t want to go into it now, but I don’t want to give them any more
information until it’s absolutely necessary. So, how about it—are you up for a
little stroll in the woods with me?”

“Sure,
I’ll come. But I’ll be loaded for bear. Last thing I need is to be ducking
through the underbrush trying to dodge some strung-out druggie taking pot shots
at us.”

“You’ve
got a gun?”

“I
didn’t say that. And it’s best I don’t say anything. What you don’t know can’t
be held against you. When are you thinking of going?”

“Right
away. I’d like to get up there before too many tourists show up.”

“Tell
you what. Can you give me a couple of hours? I’ve got an idea and I’ll need
that much time to run down the details.”

“Okay,
let’s meet there at eight-thirty. I’ll park on the road, just outside the pay
parking lot.”

“See
you there,” he said, and signed off.

***

I
drove out Highway 32 through Wailuku to the entrance to ‘Iao Valley with my
stomach twisted into a tight knot. I dreaded seeing Crystal’s fresh grave—or
worse. What if they hadn’t bothered to bury her after Beni fled the scene? I
pride myself on being tough physically, but emotionally I’m a lightweight. Even
though I have no qualms about laying an opponent out flat as a stingray in a
martial arts fight, I don’t deal well with everyday grief and gore. And I’d
never seen a dead body outside of a coffin. What if I threw up—or fainted? I’d
watched enough cop shows to know rookie homicide detectives usually toss their
lunch the first time they process a murder scene.

No
use kidding myself. The next few hours weren’t gonna be pretty.

CHAPTER 25

I
parked on the side of the road just outside the marked entrance to ‘Iao Valley
State Park. Only tourists pay the five bucks they demand for parking inside the
lot, and besides, it was still early and the road was empty.

I
was chiding myself for rushing up here just so I could sit around for an hour
waiting for Ono when my cell phone rang. The caller ID said,
Powell,
Patricia
. I didn’t know anyone by that name, but I answered anyway.

“Hi
Pali. It’s me, Trish. You out of jail yet?”

“Hi
Trish. No, I never was in jail. It was just a huge misunderstanding.”

“How
come you never called me back?”

“I
did call you. I figured you hadn’t returned my call because you were busy with
your conference.”

There
was a long pause. “I called you back,” she said. “You owed me a call, I’m sure
of it.”

I
could see how this was playing out, so I let her win.

“My
bad. What’s on your mind?”

“I’m
thinking of coming back over to Maui. You think you can pick me up without
getting arrested this time?” She said it with a chuckle, but it sounded more
like a taunt.

“When
are you coming? Today’s Sunday, and I don’t usually work on Sundays.”

“Well,
this is my last day in Hawaii, so it’s now or never.”

“Trish,
I’m so sorry, but I can’t possibly meet with you today.”

“What?
Are you kidding? I came all the way over here just to see you. I even lied to
my boss and everything.” I heard her suck in a quick breath before she
continued. “Oh, I get it. You’re blowing me off. You don’t want to do my
wedding. It’s against the law to discriminate against people based on race,
color, ethnicity, sexual preference, creed, or religion, you know.”

“Where
do you think you fall on that list?” I said.

“Creed.
I’ve sworn an oath to uphold the moral and ethical standards of the funeral
arts community and to practice my craft with dignity and respect. That’s called
a ‘creed’ and maybe you’re prejudiced against me for it.”

“Trish,
I can assure you one-hundred percent I’m not discriminating against you. I’m
totally onboard to do your December wedding, but I simply can’t meet with you
today. If you could stay over for a day or two maybe we could meet tomorrow.”

“I’ve
already got departed loved ones stacking up in my embalming room back home.
There’s no way my boss will let me take more time off.”

 “Well,
I understand your time constraints since you only have a little over a month,
but—”

“You
think I’m getting married
this
Christmas?”

“Yes,
I thought you said—”

“No,
silly. Buddy proposed for us to get married
next
year. I’m going to need
at least a year to figure out everything I want and make sure it’s absolutely
perfect. Who in their right mind would have a wedding in only a month?”

I
could’ve told her I could fill a book with stories of crazy brides wanting
hurry-up weddings, but I chose to simply stick with the subject at hand. “Well
then, we have plenty of time. How about I send you a really nice wedding
planning album, where you can start writing down all your ideas and paste in
pictures of the things you love? I’ll also get you subscribed to
Hawaii
Bride
. It’s a beautiful magazine dedicated solely to brides doing
destination weddings in the islands.”

“Okay.
I was hoping to meet with you before I go, but I guess that’ll have to do.”

“Don’t
worry, this is actually a good thing. In the wedding industry we see so many
changes from year to year. What’s trendy this Christmas will be passé by next.
We should meet no earlier than six months out from your wedding date. That way,
you can be assured of having only the freshest, most up-to-the-minute trends
and styles.”

“Hmm.
I guess that makes sense,” she said.

Once
again, I’d BS’d my way out of a tight spot.

“Great,”
I said. “Send me an email when you get home with your street address and I’ll
be sure to get that wedding album and magazine subscription on their way to you
right away.”

“Okay.
So, I guess I’ll see you next summer.”

“Looking
forward to working with you, Trish.”

“Me
too. Oh, and Pali?”

“Yeah?”

“Please
try real hard to stay out of jail. At least until after my wedding.”

“Will
do.” I gave her a half-hearted chuckle and hung up.

I
got out of the car and listened. I strained to hear screams—either ancient or
modern—but the only sound was the brisk valley wind rustling leaves on the
trees. I got back inside and checked my watch: I still had forty minutes to go.

I
turned the radio on to my favorite station, KPOA-FM, and they were playing a
goofy song about partying all weekend and dreading work on Monday. I thought
about Beni singing the beer bottle song and it hit me: I should use my time
waiting for Ono to figure out how long it had taken Beni to get to the
campsite.

I
pulled out my cell phone and punched through the menu until I got to the stop
watch feature. I started singing. I sang the song slowly, like Farrah had
demonstrated. It took me fifteen seconds to finish one stanza. If Beni went
from ninety-nine to thirteen, that meant he sang eighty-six stanzas, more or
less. I then found the calculator on the cell phone and punched in the numbers.
Assuming Beni hadn’t stopped singing while he was hiking, the calculator gave
me an answer of twenty-one and a half minutes. He’d probably taken a few
breaths between stanzas so that could’ve added a minute or two. So, a rough
estimate was it should take us between twenty-one and twenty-five minutes to
get to the campsite. Less than half an hour? I was glad I’d taken time to
figure it out—it lifted my spirits a little. I mean, how hard could it be to
find a place that was only a half-hour away?

I
was daydreaming when Ono came up and rapped on the window. He’d looped a khaki
canvas daypack over one shoulder and was wearing camo print cargo shorts and a
black tee-shirt. I considered giving him some grief over his ‘Rambo-style’
get-up, but let it go. After all, it was early Sunday morning; if I hadn’t
called, he’d probably still be snug in his bunk.

I
got out and he gave me a quick hug. “How ya doin’?” he said.

“As
well as can be expected, I guess. What’s the idea you were working on before
you came up here?”

“It’s
not a done deal yet. I’ll let you know if it pans out.”

We
trudged up the road to the park entrance and I looked around. It was not yet
eight thirty, but a smattering of visitor cars were already parked in the lot.

The
park was densely wooded, so it was hard to tell where the tourists were, but
most visitors head directly for the steps leading up to the vantage point for
the ‘Iao Needle. The needle isn’t really a spike-like rock formation—it’s more
an optical illusion. From the overlook it looks like a single spire of rock but
it’s really the thin end-piece of a massive rock ridge that runs along the
valley. From the viewing platform you can see beautiful views of the stream as
it winds its way up into the valley. Turn around and you’re looking down slope
into the mouth of the valley as it opens out to the flatlands beyond
Wailuku. 

Ono
and I took the trail to the left. It was a rather steep paved walkway down to
fast-rushing ‘Iao Stream.