Living a Lie (2 page)

“It won’t be long now,” she promised. For the briefest moment she closed her eyes and softly prayed.

Most people remained at the centre of the platform. As the train came speeding into the station, Lucinda prepared herself. Only another minute and she would be free. The words of an Abba song sped through her mind; she actually began singing them. A last smile at the daughter she adored, the sign of the cross to keep the devil away, and with one almighty leap she threw herself on to the track.

Kitty’s screams echoed along the platform. With her mother’s hand wrapped tightly about her own, she felt herself being propelled forward. Her feet left the platform. All she could recall later was the train driver’s eyes, wide with horror, and a searing pain across her neck. Then it was dark, and all feeling was gone.

Shocked and tearful, the passengers gave their versions of what they had seen.

“She was so beautiful,” said one.

“Disturbed,” said another.

“You could see the madness in her eyes.”

The man who had been closest watched the first ambulance leave. It went at a steady pace. There was no emergency now. It was too late for that.

“How could she want to take an innocent child with her?” he cried,

groaning with pain when the ambulance man strapped his injured wrist. His shirt was torn and there was a kind of madness in his own eyes as he told how he had watched mother and child fall beneath the train.

“All along I had an idea she meant to do something crazy.”

The police officer thanked him for his statement.

“If it hadn’t been for you, there would have been two dead people,” he reminded him.

“It took courage to do what you did.”

When his wrist was made comfortable and the police officer had gone to speak to other witnesses, the man walked over to where a second ambulance man was tending the survivor. She was sitting bolt upright on the ground, wrapped in a rug, her wide eyes filled with terror.

Droplets of blood dripped from the gash on her neck, falling on to her bare arm where they made a crimson trail. He had done that. It sickened him.

Looking at his finger, he saw the ring that had sliced into her neck.

The gold sovereign had been one of his most valued possessions. Now it was contaminated, the rim thick with gouged skin. Filled with disgust, he ripped it off and threw it down. Addressing the ambulance man he asked, “Will she be all right?”

“She’ll be fine,” came the answer.

“Thanks to you.”

That was all he needed to know. He left then. Like all true heroes, he wanted no reward. It was enough to know he had saved a life. Kitty watched intently.

“Please! Where’s my mother?” she pleaded. First her mother had been beside her, then it was dark; now it was light again and her mother was gone.

“All in good time, young lady.” They settled her into the ambulance.

“First we’ll get you to hospital… let the doctors look at this gash, eh?”

In the ambulance man opinion she had had a miraculous escape, with no bones broken and no serious injury, apart from the shock which would take its course. He had cleaned the deep neck wound and, though he was sure it would scar, it posed no threat. He smiled at her.

“You’ll have to be brave,” he warned, though he didn’t tell her the worst. He didn’t say her mother was never coming back.

Kitty sat on the stairs. This time it was her father and her aunt who were fighting.

“Like it or not, she’s your responsibility. It’s up to you to take care of her.”

“For God’s sake, woman, don’t you think I’ve tried!” Bob Marsh paced the room, eyes downcast and shoulders hunched as he contemplated the future.

“I thought you of all people would help.”

“Well, you can think again, because I’ve enough kids of my own to take care of.”

Glancing towards the door, Mildred lowered her voice.

“Where is she, anyway?”

“Who knows? Since she came home from the hospital, she hides herself away.” Straightening his shoulders, Bob looked at her in appeal.

“These past weeks have been a nightmare … finding that note… realising what Lucinda meant to do… all the questions afterwards… the inquest and then the funeral.” He paused, sighing aloud, filled with self-pity.

“The girl is no help either.” He made a sour expression.

“She blames me, you know? The little cow has the gall to blame me!”

“And you want her to believe it was all Lucinda’s fault? Is that what you’re saying?”

Enraged he slammed his fist against the wall.

“Damn it all, Mildred, anybody would think I threw her under that bloody train!” There was a short silence, until she answered in a hard voice, “You might as well have.”

His violent reaction took her by surprise. Swinging around, he slapped her hard on the face.

“You bitch! You’re no better than she was.”

“And you’re the worst kind of coward.” Wiping the blood from her mouth she taunted him, “You enjoyed hitting Lucinda too, didn’t you? Time and again you hit her, put her in hospital, took pleasure in making her life a misery.”

“I gave her everything!”

“Oh, you gave her money, I’ll not deny that. Clothes and jewels and this fine big house.” With a wave of her hand Mildred encompassed the handsome rosewood furniture, the tall display cabinet filled with silver and crystal; above the inglenook fireplace hung a splendid oil painting, and the carpets were the plushest money could buy.

“But it meant nothing, don’t you see that? She wanted your trust… a love that was as deep and loyal as hers. She needed tenderness. She needed a man who could take her in his arms and love her for what she was, not for what he wanted her to be.”

“She was a bloody tart!”

Mildred gave a short laugh.

“Lucinda Marsh was never a tart. She was too attractive for her own good, yes, and she was like a kid at heart.

She hated arguments and fighting. She wanted nothing more than to be a good mother and wife, and you made her suffer for it. She was the minnow and you were the shark. You took advantage of

her soft nature . used her as though she was your personal property. You showed her off to your cronies, then slapped her good and hard if they dared to look at her in a certain way. “

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Well, now, that’s where you’re wrong. Luanda came to me time and again after you’d beaten her up. She was desperately unhappy, yet still she adored you … begged me not to confront you.” She spat out her next words.

“If any man treated me like you treated her, I’d cut his balls off while he slept!”

Laughing in her face, he replied, “It’s just as well we’re brother and sister and not man and wife, then.”

“You really are a swine.” Picking up her coat from a chair she told him, “You’ll never find a woman to love you like she did. How could you do it. Bob? How could you torment her… accusing her of being unfaithful when she wasn’t… saying Kitty wasn’t yours, when you know damned well she is. God Almighty! You’ve only to look at the girl to see she’s your flesh and blood. Lucinda didn’t want other men. She loved you… and you knew that. Yet you never let up on her, did you?”

She crossed the room to stand before him.

“If the girl blames you, then so do I.”

“I think you’ve said enough.” His eyes brimmed with tears, yet he was not sorry. If anything, he was angry, feeling neglected and unloved, as always.

Mildred stared at him for a moment. He was her brother, and she wanted no part of him. No part of him, and no part of his daughter. He alone had created this tragedy and he alone would have to deal with it. In

slow deliberate tones she told him, “When Lucinda threw her self under that train, it was because you made her life unbearable!”

“GET OUT!”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m going. I may be your sister, but so help me, I can’t stand being under the same roof as you.”

“Get out before I throw you out.” His voice was low, trembling with hatred.

Kitty sat tightly huddled on the stairs, head bent and her heart breaking. The row brought back too many memories. Now her mother was gone and nobody wanted her. Not for the first time since that awful day she wished she had died with her mother.

When the sitting room door was flung open and the small fair-haired woman emerged. Kitty raised her head. She didn’t speak but her sad eyes told their own story.

Her aunt was not surprised to see her there.

“I’m sorry you heard all that,” she apologised.

“But it had to be said.”

Still Kitty gave no response. There were so many questions in her head, and she could find no answers to any of them. Aunt Mildred came to sit beside her.

“I can’t take you home with me,” she explained.

“I’ve got four demanding kids of my own, and Len’s just lost his job.

As it is, I don’t know how we’ll manage. “

“I thought I told you to get out?” Bob’s voice called up the stairs.

“I’ll go when I’m ready.”

The sitting-room door slammed, and he could be heard swearing and complaining.

“He knows better than to cut up rough with me,” Mildred told the girl.

Still Kitty said nothing. Instead she gazed at her aunt and wished she could go with her.

“Like I say, Kitty, money’s in short supply and I’ve too many mouths to feed.” Grimacing at the sound of something breaking downstairs, Mildred said, “I expect he would pay me to have you, but it would be like blood money.”

Kitty wondered what ‘blood money’ was. But she didn’t ask. There were other, more important, things here she did not understand. Putting her arms round Kitty, Mildred murmured kindly, “If I can’t do anything else, I can at least give you some advice.” When Kitty didn’t respond she went on, “There will come a day when you’re old enough to marry. When that happens, think hard about the man you choose. Some men are born bullies. Like your father, they only feel good when they’re hitting a woman … it gives them a sense of power. But they’re not real men, they’re just cowards not worth the time of day.”

Looking at the girl with renewed interest, she realised with a little shock that Kitty had a special kind of grace; blessed with dark and sensuous looks that would attract men like moths to a flame.

“With your beauty you should be able to pick and choose,” Mildred remarked thoughtfully.

“But, for pity’s sake, child… don’t make the mistake your mother made. Rnd a man who is gentle… a man who will share your love and treat you like a woman. They’re few and far between, so if you do find such a man, stick with him through thick and thin. Oh, he’ll probably have his little faults, we all do. But I promise you, Kitty, you can face anything in life if you have a partner who truly loves you.”

Silently she marked her aunt’s words, but all she could think about was now. In a desolate voice she pleaded, “I don’t want to stay here. Aunt Mildred.” She recalled the screaming arguments, that had always ended in her mother crying and her father storming out of the house. In her mind she could see the angry mark her mother had shown her just before she jumped.

Feeling only the smallest flush of guilt, and adamant that she would not make life easier for the man who had caused all this, Mildred told her firmly, “Now you listen to me. Kitty Marsh! Your place is here with your father. This is your home and you’ve had enough upheaval with all that’s happened. Besides, I’ve already explained why I can’t take you.” Realising how disturbed the girl was, she had to reassure her, “You have my word, he won’t lay a finger on you. He knows I’m on to him, and he’ll be wary of that.”

“Please, can’t I come home with you?” Kitty had tried so hard not to blame her father, but she couldn’t love him. Not any more.

“You can’t come with me, and that’s an end to it.” Fearing she might get dragged in over her head, Mildred gathered her belongings and hurried down the stairs. At the bottom she looked up, thinking herself as much a coward as her brother.

“I’ve got to go now. Be a good girl. Kitty.

Remember what I’ve told you, and everything will be all right. “

“Aren’t you coming back?” With her mother gone and her father thinking only of himself, Kitty was feeling very lonely.

At the door her aunt paused to look once again at that small dejected figure.

“No, I won’t be coming back,” she answered truthfully. She didn’t feel responsible, nor was she prepared to make her own life more complicated by taking on other people’s problems.

However, there was one more thing she could do to put Kitty’s mind at ease. Retracing her steps to the sitting room, she flung open the door.

“You’d better know this before I leave,” she said.

“If I find out you’ve raised a hand to that girl I’ll have the authorities down on you so fast your feet won’t touch the ground.” Sprawled on the settee, Bob Marsh stared her out.

“Don’t tell me what to do in my own house … with my own kid.”

“I mean it. Bob.”

“Piss off out of it.”

“One bad word from me and they’ll take the girl from you.”

“They’re welcome to her.”

“You’re a hard bugger!”

“And you’re asking to be thrown through that door.” His angry eyes were like black slits.

“I’ve told you… piss off out of it, before I forget myself As she went from the house, he chuckled softly. Hearing Kitty move on the stairs, he called out in a harsh voice, “

I KNOW YOU’RE THERE, DAMN

YOU!

GET YOURSELF IN HERE!

“

Her first instinct was to run after her aunt. But it was suppressed as she dutifully delivered herself to the sitting room, where she stood at the door, a solemn little figure, her dark eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

“Get in here.”

Reluctantly she took a step forward.

“Here, damn it! In front of me.” With one vicious kick he sent the coffee table flying; the shattered glass top flew in all directions.

“Are you bloody stupid or what?”

She was standing before him now, visibly trembling, her dark eyes upturned to his.

Her fear seemed to please him.