Lizzie's List (16 page)

“Erm, yes, I thought they were so pretty, they’d be a lovely touch to The Tea Cosy’s toilets, so I bought quite a few.” I stammer, but you have to admit – what a fabulous excuse. I wonder why everybody is still staring with such interest at the soaps until I notice a beautifully crafted ivory book which has slid out of the bag as well and this is what now has their attention.

At the top of the front cover, in bold, golden letters, are the words, Wedding Planner. James is looking at me curiously as are the rest of his family and I realise that they think it’s mine. I am being totally honest now – I have never seen it in my life before and have no idea how it got in my bag. “It’s not mine!” I protest at the bemused stares whilst reaching down to pick the book up and study the cover for a name to prove my point. “Honestly I don’t know how it ended up in my bag. I do admit to buying an excessive number of soaps though, but not this.” I wrack my brains trying to work out how on earth this got into my bag. I went into the soap shop with Mum and Tabitha and we did all buy things from the shop. Could it be that we got our bags mixed up and I ended up with this in mine? There’s no way Mum is considering marriage – however, could it be Tabitha’s?

Before I can speculate any more, James, whose expression is a mixture of confusion and fear, says, “It must have got mixed up with somebody else’s shopping.”

“Well it’s a mystery. Perhaps you could call the shop and see if it got mixed up. Anyway tea will be ready soon, so shall we open presents after?” says Elizabeth moving the situation on to other subjects–to my relief. I realise that tea means dinner to me. Although James’ Lancashire accent is no longer as strong as it once was, he still uses Lancashire terms – his dinner is my lunch and his tea is my dinner. I duly follow everybody into the dining room, wondering if James’ mum now thinks I’m some crazy bunny boiler after her precious son – this, with the pheasant incident, is not the best start!

Dinner (or tea) is dished up and tastes delicious, however I keep getting wiffs of a horrendous smell, like a mixture of cat food and bowels after a hot curry. It seems to be coming from James’ dad, but nobody else seems to notice. I decide to ignore it too, not wanting to cause any offense to anybody and trying to make a good impression. Five minutes later, Elizabeth suddenly shouts, “Lizzie–out of the dining room–now!” I am a little shocked at her attitude, but not quite sure if this is a sort of Lancashire tradition or just an over-reaction to the wedding planner incident. But not being one to cause trouble, I slowly started to stand up ready to leave the room. “I do apologise Lizzie, I hadn’t realised she’d sneaked in – bowels like a fish mongers on a hot day, she has. Izzy is fourteen now and it’s got worse as she’s got older. If she sneakily eats the cat’s food, then we all pay the price I’m afraid!”

“Why are you standing up Lizzie?” James asks me as it dawns on me that Izzy is the family dog who farts like there’s no tomorrow and his mum was telling the dog to go out, not me. James starts to grin as he realises what I thought, which then turns to laughter, followed by an explanation to all of his family, followed by more laughter. “I can’t believe you thought my mum was speaking like that to you,” he laughs planting a kiss on the top of my head and I notice his mum and dad’s eyes meet briefly with surprise. If anything, this breaks the ice and I feel much more relaxed as the evening continues.

James’ mum was really interested in The Tea Cosy and has asked if she can visit it when she comes down to see James. I said the next time I see her, I’ll make her favourite cake–Bakewell Tart, which to me implies she has many layers to her personality. She has a strong, solid base, but is deeply soft within, topped off with a sweet but steely exterior. Rachel, James’ sister is equally lovely, and they have all agreed to come to the New Year’s Eve party. The disgraced Izzy was allowed back in after the meal and thankfully there were no more smells!

After eating, Rachel and I help James’ mum tidy away, whilst James tells his dad all about the centre and his plans for it. I have been a little curious about how Rachel must be feeling about her husband’s cheating; however, don’t feel that I know her well enough to mention it, but Elizabeth soon starts on the subject while we share the washing up duties. “Well I think you’re better off without him – I never could take to him, always thinking he was a cut above everybody else.”

“I just fell in love with the wrong man and didn’t see his faults, I guess ...” Rachel replies solemnly.

“I’m really sorry to hear about how things turned out – James mentioned you’d been upset.” I add because I feel a little strange just listening.

“I was devastated when I first found out he was seeing somebody else behind my back, but the more I thought about our marriage and how one-sided it was, I realised how unhappy I had been. So in many ways, he’s done me a favour. Anyway Lizzie, it’s lovely to finally meet you – James doesn’t often bring girlfriends home or tell us much about them, although we’ve heard a lot about you,” she smiles closing the subject of her marriage. I am not quite sure which bits he’s told them; hoping that it isn’t the naked frolic.

“Yes we were all slightly amused when he told us how he met you in the woods naked and then when he realised that you were Mark’s sister – just hilarious!” replied Elizabeth as I blushed at the thought of James’ mum knowing about this, but I see Elizabeth is smiling. Remembering my aim with my list and not worrying so much, I allow myself to laugh along with them and tell them how embarrassed I was at first.

Later on, James’ family start to open their presents, a mixture of jumpers, socks, perfume, books and typical Christmas gifts erupt the living room like an explosive volcano. I have always enjoyed watching other people opening presents and have missed it this year as my own family decided not to give gifts with none of us really being in the mood, Dad’s death being so close to Christmas.

Elizabeth surprises me with a gift after everybody else had opened theirs. I was very touched at her efforts because she had obviously listened to James when he had talked about me, but must also have know in advance that I was coming, unlike myself. Her gift is a lovely herb set and a framed poem about the relationship between a daughter and her dad. “I hope you don’t mind my giving you the poem, but somebody gave it to me when I lost my father and well, it was so lovely, I’ve read it nearly every week since he died many years ago.” Elizabeth looks slightly hesitant, as if she is not sure whether this is the right sort of gift for your son’s girlfriend and somebody you’ve only just met. As I read the poem, tears stream down my face with emotion at the beautiful thoughts and words – it’s perfect. “Lizzie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I shouldn’t have given it to you, but we are all so sorry about your loss and it just helped me when I lost....”

“It’s perfect!” I quickly say to prevent her feeling uncomfortable as the poem is truly meaningful and I can honestly feel how it brings comfort. “Please don’t apologise. I love it. The words are so touching and everything’s still so raw that I cry easily when I think about my dad, but thank you. This is really kind of you,” I reply, wiping my tears on a tissue Elizabeth quickly hands to me.

Several hours later, after hearty goodbyes, James and I head south, back towards his cottage. We chat a little about the evening. “You’re family are lovely, if slightly eccentric!” I say to James.

“Yes they are and you fit in with them Lizzie – you’re slightly eccentric too,” he laughs.

“I can’t believe you told your mum about seeing me in naked the woods!” I say in mock horror.

“Well it’s the truth, and at that point, we weren’t an item. She asked how I’d settled into the area and I replied, ‘Very well, since I’d seen a beautiful, naked woman dancing around a tree during my first week living there.” I can’t help but giggle. As we continue down the M6, I feel my eyes drooping, as slumber gently beckons me...

“Lizzie, we’re home – wake up.” James taps my shoulder, bringing me back to my senses. “I’ll get the bags. Do you want to stick the kettle on – I’m gagging for a brew.”

Sleepily unlocking the door, I walk through the cold house missing the excitable Jack, who is staying with Pete, click the heating and lights on before heading towards the kitchen. Filling the kettle and reaching for mugs, I glance around the room seeing if any cups need washing whilst I wait for the kettle to boil. As I search the room, I notice something new up on the wall near the door. Oh my goodness, it’s the exact same slate heart message board that I saw in Grasmere with James – the one he mocked and said was pointless. What’s more, there’s a message written on the board, which I assume, and hope, is for me.

Move in with me – please!

As I turn, he is standing in door smiling at me. “Arrrrrgh ...” My excitable scream continues for some time.

“I’m glad you’re happy, Lizzie, but I wouldn’t have asked if I’d known you would be so noisy,” he playfully teases. “So–I take it that you are moving in with me?”

“With a heart of slate like yours, I can’t think of anything I’d like more.”

“Yes I thought you’d like it as much as it pained me to actually buy the thing.”

“Well I love it and I love you,” I say moving into his arms for a hug.

“I know you do. And I love you too,” he replies as we start to kiss.

Note to Self

1. Feel smug – my boyfriend wants me to officially move in. Now I can add a woman’s touch to this cottage (which it badly needs)–I’ve been holding back from doing this for so long; it’s killing me.
   
2. Reluctantly save one of my precious soaps to put in the Tea Cosy bathroom, when Elizabeth visits.
   
3. Text Tabitha about the Wedding Planning book.
   

The following morning, after much love making, James heads down to make breakfast, whilst I laze in bed a little longer. Switching on my phone to see if Tabitha has replied to my texts, I am disappointed that are aren’t any messages from her. Tabitha is usually one of those people who instantly texts you back, as though she is participating in an Olympic speed texting competition. The lack of response is intriguing–perhaps I should call her, then again maybe she is not replying for a specific reason.

James arrives with a tray from which delicious odours are wafting up my nose, enticing my tummy to grumble in response. “James I’ve texted Tabitha to see if she knows anything about the wedding planning book, but she hasn’t replied.”

“That’s not like Tabitha. She normally missile texts–fast, accurate and to the right phone. Maybe she’s busy.”

“Hmmmm, something’s going on. Do you know anything about it?” I ask him.

“No, but I’m sure you’ll find out if there is. Anyway, listen, I have something for you. I know we weren’t buying Christmas presents this year because of your dad and everything, but I did get you something. Think of it as a New Year present rather than Christmas,” James says as he hands me a golden envelope. I can’t deny that I am not slightly disappointed that it isn’t a small box shape, but well, I’m moving in – one step at a time. Butterflies excitedly circle in my tummy as I have no idea what it may be. Quickly tearing open the envelope, I find plane tickets to Vancouver. I stare at James in shock, with my mouth flapping open and closed, whilst I struggle to find appropriate words. “Whale watching – you said it was on your list. I told you I’d like to see them too. I thought we could go together,” James smiles at my surprised response.

“Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!” I scream jumping on him, upsetting the tray. “When, how ...?”

“Well we are going at the beginning of April, so we’ll be back in plenty of time for Kate’s wedding. Don’t worry–I checked the dates with Kate before I booked. April is the start of the whale watching season off the Vancouver coast, so hopefully we’ll see some. We can’t go later because of the wedding and also the centre is fully booked up all summer. I also thought you needed something to look forward to. After all you need to go before your 30th birthday, or you won’t finish your list – will you?”

“I hadn’t thought about that – you’re right. Oh James, thank you so much. This is the best present ever–I love you!”

“I know you do!” he replies as he waltzes out of the room to go and sort out the disordered tray – now in a total mess.

I can’t believe I’m actually going whale watching! I must phone Kate. James returns with a clean tray and seeing me deep in conversation with Kate, leaves it on the bed, disappearing downstairs, knowing that I’m likely to be some time.

Chatting with Kate, I tell her about meeting James’ parents and the slate heart message, asking me to move in, which Kate is thrilled about. We also discuss the New Year’s Eve party and Kate, as usual, comes up with loads of creative ideas and offers her help. “It’s lovely to hear a happy tone to your voice Lizzie,” Kate says recognising that I am no longer in the same deep gloom following the sudden shock of loosing Dad.

“Well I can’t pretend that I don’t feel an immense sadness a lot of the time, but now that we have laid Dad to rest, I feel some sort of closure. The pain is still there, but I can enjoy his memory, even if I still get emotional when I think about him. I do genuinely feel excited about the party and whale watching. Life goes on and dad would want me to make the most of it. He would want me to make the most of opportunities to see and do things and not put them off like he did with his desire to visit the Lakes.”

“He definitely would Lizzie,” answers Kate and I notice that her voice is slightly shaky, but we say goodbye, knowing we’ll see each other very soon.

After ending one phone call, I decide to make another call – to Tabitha. Allowing the phone to ring for what seemed like hours, there’s no answer – so I leave a message. I try Mark’s phone, which provides the same frustrating result. This is strange! It is rare that they don’t answer their phones or not replying to texts. Prior to loosing dad, I wouldn’t have thought too much about this, but now I’m starting to feel concerned.

Finally scoffing down the breakfast James brought for me ages ago, I turn my attention to thoughts of moving into this cottage, which has fast become my home. As I look around the bedroom chewing on my toast, I realise that I have a list as long as the River Nile of things I need to do to create the homely feel I love. Quickly getting dressed, I race down the stairs to start discussing things with James. “Thanks for the breakfast in bed. When shall I start to move my stuff in – do you think?”

“That’s no problem. Well we could go to your flat and make a start packing today whilst we’re both off work. But we can leave it until after New Year if you prefer,” he answers whilst greasing his boots and I can’t help but notice that he’s already greased my new pair – let’s face it, I’d never have bothered.

“Let’s start now, so that I can think about where everything can go and what fabrics will work better with that window,” I reply, pointing to the living room curtains.

“What do you mean – fabric?” asks James looking slightly alarmed.

“Well if I’m moving in, it has to feel like home to me, too. I need my stuff around me and I seriously can’t live with those curtains. I’ve put up with them long enough!”

“What’s wrong with the curtains?”

“James – what’s right with them? The place just needs softening with a bit of femininity.”

“But no pink! I’m not having anything pink in here. Other than that, change the curtains if it makes you happy.”

“Great!” I reply, quite happy at how reasonable James has been over my suggestions – so far.

“But Lizzie...”

“Yes”

“Please don’t put all 38 soaps into my bathroom – find a cupboard or something for them.”

“38?”

“Yes I counted and there were 38, and I know as well as you do that not one of them will end up at The Tea Cosy,” he says rolling his eyes leaving me with the feeling that he knows me too well.

Later on, I hear a car slowly rolling up the track towards our cottage. Sorry, can I just stop my story for a second to pay attention to that detail
– our cottage!
I do understand that officially it is James’ cottage, but if I am to feel like it’s my home, I need to refer to it as ours.

After looking out of the window, I’m surprised to see Mark and Tabitha walking up the path crunching their way through the gravel. They never call without texting or calling first – strange. Suddenly I notice the reason straight away. You can’t miss it! Glinting delicately in the December sunshine, is the huge rock of a diamond on Tabitha’s finger and now it’s apparent why they’ve been so coy. “James–Mark and Tabitha are here and it looks as though they’re calling for their wedding planner,” I shout whilst quickly running to open the door, being greeted by a blast of icy air. “I knew you were up to something, but I didn’t know it would be so massive.” I say giddily whilst pointing at the ring. “Congratulations!”

“Oh Lizzie – I’ve been dying to tell you and when you texted about the wedding planner being in your bag by mistake – I thought you’d guess, so we thought we’d come over to tell you in person,” Tabitha gushes looking radiantly happy.

“We wanted to tell Mum first, but didn’t want to say anything to her until we’d got Christmas over with,” says Mark, whilst shaking James hand as he comes out to congratulate them.

“What did Mum say? Come inside, it’s freezing out here. I’ll stick the kettle on,” I say whilst ushering them all through the door to
OUR
cottage.

“She was pleased. In fact she smiled the first genuine smile I’ve seen since Dad died. Obviously she’d be happier if dad were here to celebrate, as we all would, but she did seem happy at the thought of helping Tabitha plan things.”

“Have you decided when and where yet?” I ask excitedly.

“We’re thinking of in the summer, but no definite plans yet,” answers Tabitha.

“Well we have a bit of news too,” I say and see Tabitha immediately glance at my wedding ring finger and noticing it free of a ring, she turns to my stomach. “Neither of those things Tabitha, I’m moving in with James. We are also completing item number nine on my list together. We’re off to Vancouver in April to see whales swim in the wild.”

“Wow, that’s great news!” answers Tabitha becoming child-like with all the excitement. “So Lizzie, you’ve completed eight tasks and you’re doing number nine in April – what about number ten? What’s number ten and when will you do it, because you only have until May?” As all eyes turn to me expectantly, but I know that I can never tell them what number ten is on my list or that I probably won’t achieve it – not before I’m 30 anyway.

“You’re going to have to wait a little longer to find out Tabitha – it’s still a secret.”

When I first started my list, I added this as number ten, knowing that I couldn’t possibly achieve this in a year, especially since I was single when I made my list. Perhaps I just thought I should get married, even though I’d never met a man I’d ever consider moving in with, let alone marry – until Mr Colley of course. At the time, lots of the things on my list seemed impossible, and I honestly didn’t think I’d accomplish half of them.

You know what? I would love to marry James one day and yes I’ve already admitted to you that the wedding is planned in my head – even many minor details. Having said all that, I feel more confident than I have ever felt in my life. My list has pushed me to my limits in many different ways and I know that I can reach goals if I put my mind to it.

Obviously losing Dad is something that will take me a long time to come to terms with, but if Dad taught me anything, it’s to take one day at a time and enjoy each and every day. If my list has taught me anything, it is that I am a capable woman and I can achieve what I want by myself. These life-lessons have changed my approach to number ten on my list. Yes, I do want to achieve number ten on my list, but not just to achieve a task on a list, but because I love James deeply, however – there’s no hurry. And after seeing the look on James’ face, when I mentioned hanging some more hearts up around the cottage, I think we need to work on moving in together first – one step at a time for him too!

After Tabitha and Mark left, James and I head to my flat, so that I can start to pack. It feels slightly strange to be leaving my little haven after many years of falling out of bed and into work on the same premises. The fact that I can no longer pop over to Ruth’s for a chat quite so easily suddenly dawns on me. Conflicting issues arise inside my head, with excited thoughts of moving in with James battling with melancholy thoughts about leaving my beloved flat. James must sense my apprehension. “Are you okay Lizzie – you’ve gone all quiet?”

“Yes I’m fine. It just seems strange that I won’t be living here anymore – that’s all,” I reply.

“You don’t have to move in with me if you’d rather stay here. I just thought that you spend so much time at the cottage – it makes sense.”

“You mean you only want me to move in for practical reasons?” I tease, but with a serious expression on my face.

“Yes–because you are at the cottage more and more, so you might as well move in with me. The cottage is bigger than the flat, so it makes more sense than my moving in with you. I want you to be with me when I go to bed every night and wake up every morning, also and most importantly–because I love you!” James answers in a slight monotone way that he uses as if talking to a small child, until he sees me grin and realises that I am actually winding him up.

“In some ways it also solves another problem,” I add.

“What’s that?” James asks coming over to hug me.

“Well Laura has to travel to The Tea Cosy every day and she’s desperate to be closer, but can’t afford the rent on anything she’s looked at so far. Kate and I want to give her a pay rise because she’s flipping brilliant, but we can’t afford it yet. I could let her rent here very cheaply as an incentive for her to stay with us.”

“So the only reason you want to move in with me is for practical reasons, so that Laura can have your flat?” James replies holding a tissue to his eyes pretending to cry. I burst out laughing and throw a cushion at him, before we start filling bags with all of my stuff.

A few hours later when James is loading up his Land Rover, I pay Ruth a goodbye visit and say goodbye to our many evening chatting. “I’m just popping in to say goodbye to you Ruth.”

“Why where are you going?” she asks startled at my sad face.

“I’m moving in with James, but I’ll miss my flat and I’ll miss living next door to you, so wanted to say goodbye,” I blurt out.

“For goodness sake Lizzie – I thought you were moving to the moon or something, with the way you’re carrying on. Let me get this straight–you are moving one mile up the road with a kind and thoughtful man – not to mention good looking.” We hear a clearing of a throat in protest after she uses the words, good looking and I laugh as I realise Pete is in the living room. “You’ll be moving into a beautiful cottage, just like you’ve always dreamed of, with a man who loves you – why are you still here saying goodbye, Lizzie?”

“Okay, point taken!” I sniffle pathetically. “But, can I still visit you and are you both coming to the party on New Year’s Eve?”

“Yes and yes – now go and start making yourself at home and let that poor man get back to his home too – he must be freezing waiting for you outside in this weather. GO!” And I can’t help but smile at the voice of reason – if also the voice of bluntness.

Note to self

1. Keep item number ten to myself for a while. James was quite shocked when he saw how many kitchen utensils I had – moving in is definitely enough for now.
   
2. Call Laura about my flat.