Lockdown (12 page)

“Fuck this,” Jake muttered, stalking across the bar. He pushed his way through the crowd, and by the time he finally reached the side of the stage, her song was ending and he was beyond livid. He grabbed her hand as she walked down the steps. “Let’s go, and don’t even think about arguing with me.”

“But I want to know if I won the first round,” Jessica said.

“Your first round is gonna be your last goddamn round, so it doesn’t matter.”

She pulled against his hand, trying to force him to release his grip. “Didn’t you hear anything I said to you at my office? I’ll leave, I swear to God, I will.”

He cursed and glowered at the raucous applause she received as she made her way through the bar, but when some stranger wearing a cowboy hat and ripped jeans grabbed a handful of her ass, Jake saw red. He grabbed the front of the guy’s t-shirt while maintaining his grip on Jessica’s other hand. “You keep your fuckin’ hands to yourself, you dirtbag.”

The guy raised his hands. “Relax, man, I don’t want no trouble.”

“You’re gonna be in for a world of trouble if you ever put your hands on her again, got it?”

He eyed the gun strapped to Jake’s waist as he swallowed convulsively. “Yeah, I got it. I’ll keep my distance. No worries, man, no worries.”

Jake released his shirt, shoving him back into a crowd of men who threw him into someone else. A fight might break out as a result, but he knew Tucker could handle it. He had bigger problems right now.

He dragged Jessica across the parking lot by the hand as he cursed a blue streak.

“Would you stop?” Jessica shouted. “You can’t just abduct me like this!”

“Oh yeah? Just watch me, sweetness.” He opened the truck door and ushered her inside without giving her time to argue.

She crossed her arms and glared out the passenger’s window. “I can’t believe you did that.”

She might think she was angry, but it was nothing compared to the fury consuming him. “I’d suggest you keep your mouth shut right now.”

She gaped at him as though she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Who the hell are you to
—
”

“Stop!” he roared, slamming his palm into the steering wheel. He tore out of the parking lot, barely stopping at the stop sign. “I don’t like feeling helpless, Jessica; you should know that by now. You had me sitting in there, bound and gagged, and now you’re gonna find out what that little stunt is gonna cost you.”

He’d lay down his own life before he ever hurt her, they both knew that. But it was time to set some ground rules because he was never going to go through that again.

“You’re overstepping, Jake. You don’t have the right to dictate to me. You’re not my husband; hell, you’re not even my boyfriend.”

He clenched his jaw in frustration. It would take some time before he felt comfortable going public with their relationship. First he had to talk to his son about it, find out how he would feel about his daddy having a new woman in his life, especially when that woman was Jessica. Jared had been through so much the past year, he couldn’t stand the thought of hurting him more.

He gripped the steering wheel as he forced himself to draw a few deep breaths. “I’m your lover, and I think that gives me some rights.”

“You’re not my lover. We only slept together once.”

“Yeah, well, we’re about to remedy that right now.” He needed to get her alone, in his bed. He had to make her come apart in his arms, with his name on her lips, to prove to her that she still belonged to him, that she would always belong to him. The thought of losing her was killing him. He felt so out-of-control. He needed to do something to recapture the girl who’d spent her life loving him.

She chuckled. “You actually think I’m going to fuck you tonight?”

Jake reached across the seat to grab her silky smooth leg. “No, I think you’re going to let me make love to you,” he whispered. He knew taking her in a fit of anger wasn’t the best way to re-connect with her. He had to be sweet and gentle. He had to remind her of the guy she fell in love with all those years ago.

“Please, baby, I need you tonight.” It scared him just how much he needed her. He’d fallen into fantasies about their night together every time sleep claimed him and he woke up reaching for her and cursing softly when he realized he was alone. “Don’t deny me…” He brought her hand to his lips. “Don’t deny us.”

She looked into his eyes and sighed. “Why can’t I resist you?”

“I think you know why,” he said, kissing her palm. He needed to hear her say it. “You said it yourself; you’re in love with me.”

She shook her head, looking sad. “No, I was in love with a fantasy, not a man, Jake.”

His gut clenched as he eased the big truck into his driveway. “Are you saying you didn’t mean it?” he asked as he cut the engine. He felt the pungent taste of fear rise up in his throat as he held his breath, waiting for her answer.

“I meant it when I said it, but…”

He closed his eyes and tipped his back against the headrest. “But what?” He felt her slipping away from him. She was with him in body, but her heart was somewhere else, and he didn’t know how to get it back.

“I realized something that night we were together.”

“What’s that?” He didn’t think he wanted to hear this, but he’d never been a coward. No matter how hard it was for him to face the truth, he didn’t have a choice. He’d waited too long to tell her how he felt about her, and now she was telling him it was too late.

“I realized I don’t need a man to fulfill my childhood fantasies. I just need a life partner, someone who’s kind and gentle. Who loves me and supports me, who wants to be my husband and the father of my children.”

He opened his eyes to find her looking at him.

“I want to find that man, Jake, but I don’t think he’s here in Brant. No one can even get close to me here, with you hovering in the background, trying to protect me, trying to prevent me from moving on with my life.”

He’d been shot in the line of duty during a botched robbery once, but he had no idea mere words could hurt more than a bullet until this moment. Her words ricocheted through him before finally piercing his heart. “I want you to be happy. I do.”

“Then let me go, please,” she whispered.

“I don’t know if I can, Jessie.” Jessie was his son’s name for her, and it reminded him of all the people who would miss her if she felt she had to leave her home because of him. “Please, don’t go. If you want me to keep my distance, I will.”

She sighed. “How can I believe that? You were supposed to give me some space tonight, but you came riding to my rescue, yet again. You’re trying to save me from myself, but when are you going to understand that you’re the one I need protection from? You’re the one who continues to hurt me, over and over again.”

“Honey, please
—
”

She touched her fingertips against his lips to silence him. “Do you know what it did to me, seeing you fall in love with Diane, watching you marry her?” She closed her eyes as though the memory was too painful. “I sat in the back of the church and watched you take those vows, and I remember thinking, why can’t that be me standing up there with him? Why can’t he love me the way he loves her?”

“Sweetness, you were so young. I couldn’t allow myself to think of you that way. Your daddy and your brother would have come after me with a shotgun.”

“I was old enough to know how I felt, what I wanted.” She sighed. “It was you. It was always you, Jake. There was never anyone else for me. I never let anyone in. I didn’t want to fall in love with anyone else because I wanted to hold on to the belief that you were gonna come around someday.”

Jake didn’t want to hear this. He wasn’t ready to acknowledge the pain he’d caused her. How could he blame her for wanting to put some distance between them when he didn’t feel fit to breathe the same air as her anymore?

“And then Jared came along, and I didn’t want to fall in love with that little boy, but I did because he was a part of you, the best part of you.”

He felt terrible knowing that she’d given her heart to his little boy, knowing that it would only hurt her more. “I’m sorry. Jesus, I’m sorry I was so blind, baby.” Why didn’t he try and protect her from herself? He knew why. He was too busy trying to keep her from falling in love with someone else. He’d been unbelievably selfish, married with a child, but he still wanted to know that she was saving all of her love for him. “I hate what I did to you.”

“Please don’t misunderstand, Jake. Some of the best memories I have are times I spent with you. Going to the movies, out for dinner, all those impromptu nights out that meant nothing to you meant everything to me. You taught me how a man is supposed to treat a lady, and now I’m ready to go and find a man who’ll treat me that way, with the same love and respect you did.” She smiled at him. “You may not have been in love with me, but you made me feel loved and cherished every time we were together.”

He knew she would find that man in no time. She was sweet and smart, sassy and sexy, every man’s fantasy. They would line up for the chance to be with her. “Jess…” He cleared his throat. “I don’t know how to let you go.”

“I know how hard this is for you. I know you care about me…”

It went beyond that, but he wasn’t ready to get married again, and she deserved to start her life. She’d already waited long enough. He reached across the seat to palm her cheek. He looked into her eyes, intending to tell her he loved her, but the words got stuck in his throat. This was it, their last night together. “Jess, let me make love to you tonight, please.”

She closed her eyes as she touched her forehead to his. “You know that’s not a good idea.”

At this point he didn’t care about consequences; he just knew he couldn’t survive the rest of his life without making love to her at least one more time. “I need you. You want me to beg? I will.”

She chuckled. “You beg? Now that I’d like to see.”

“Look at me,” he whispered. He knew the raw emotion was there in his eyes for her to see, and he didn’t care to try and conceal it. He wanted her to know that he was as vulnerable and as weak as she was in that moment. The big, strong, tough cop had fled. In his place was just the guy who was terrified of losing her. “Please, please, make love to me tonight.”

She drew a sharp breath. “I never thought I’d see…” She shook her head. “Yes.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. She was giving him tonight. He had one more chance. “Let’s go inside, sweetheart.”

Chapter Ten
 

Jessica followed Jake up the stairs, cursing herself for being so weak. She couldn’t help herself. Seeing his resistance melt away made her want to ease his suffering the only way she knew how.

He closed the bedroom door before pulling her into his arms. “It drove me crazy seeing you like this,” he whispered. He traced the swell of her breast with his fingertip. “I wanted you, but I knew every other guy in the place wanted you, too.” He threaded his hand through her hair as he held her face between his hands. “I had no idea whether I was going to be the one you chose to go home with tonight. It scared me to think you could let someone else have you just to spite me.”

Jake didn’t talk about his feelings. She knew this was foreign territory for him. She didn’t want to risk breaking the spell, but she felt compelled to correct his false assumption. “I wouldn’t have done that. You should know by now I don’t take sex lightly.”

“I know, but lately you’ve been a different person, someone I barely recognize.”

She heard the censure in his tone and it irritated her. He didn’t have the right to judge her. “Maybe this is the person I’ve wanted to be all along. It’s possible I’m finally finding the courage to say to hell with what everyone else thinks of me. I’m going to live my life for myself for a change.”

He frowned. “Honey, you don’t have to impress anyone, least of all me. I think you’re incredible, exactly the way you are. I always have.”

She’d come too far to back down now. At least if she put it all out there, she could say she didn’t have any regrets. “If that were true, you would have given us a chance after your marriage ended, but you didn’t. Every time I reached out to you, you shut me down, over and over again. I don’t deserve to feel that way, and I’m not going to put up with it anymore, Jake. Not even for you.”

He lowered his head. “Baby, I wouldn’t hurt you for anything, but when my marriage ended…”