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Authors: Elaine Levine

BOOK: Logan's Outlaw
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He nodded. “I bet they even came to Swift Elk's village, didn't they?”
“He had the women hide me outside the camp. I was not allowed to speak or move. They kept me beneath a buffalo hide they were preparing for a tepee cover. I thought I would suffocate. I fought until I couldn't breathe. They beat me, and still I fought. And then one of them kicked me. I don't remember much after that. When I regained consciousness, the soldiers were gone.”
“There is nowhere that you could be hidden from me. If we got separated, I would find you. You must never, never attempt to take your life again. I need you to believe in me, even if you can't yet believe in yourself.”
She studied his eyes as she evaluated his words. “I want to believe in you,” she whispered.
He smiled at her. “I believe in you. I believe that you will heal, that you
can
heal. I believe that we will have an extraordinary life together—one I don't want to miss a minute of.” She reached for him, her gaze both unconvinced and yearning. He went to his knees, drawing her up with him, against him. He held her tightly enough to calm the trembling within her. Having her in his arms was heaven. He didn't move and barely breathed for fear she would remember where she was. When at last she began to pull away, he eased his hold, moving a hand down her arm to thread his fingers with her smaller ones.
“Let's make a few more miles today. Tomorrow morning we will meet up with Chayton and his family.”
 
The fire crackled a few feet from their wagon. The air moved in a slight breeze that carried the scent of new sage and snow from the distant mountains. Sarah lay beneath the heavy quilts, drawn tightly against Logan's side. His denims were rough against the bare skin of her calves.
Neither of them was the least bit sleepy. He had held her like this for a week, never seeking more from their intimate time together. She leaned up on her elbow, looking at the firelight reflected from the canvas cover, playing across the shadows and hard planes of his face. She reached a hand to touch the rise of his cheekbone, tracing it down to the lines bracketing his mouth. She looked at his eyes, saw the pale edges of his irises that were centered with deep black circles. His stare was unblinking.
“I want to be your wife.”
They lay so close, neither needed to speak in more than a whisper. “You are my wife.”
“In every way.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. “You aren't ready for us to join our bodies. We have our whole lives together. I will not rush this part of our relationship. I like holding you. I like watching you. I like that you feel comfortable lying next to me. It is all I need for now.”
Her thumb brushed back and forth across his cheek. She lay half across his chest. She could feel his heartbeat drumming against her chest. “I don't think it's all that I need.”
“Then take the lead. Kiss me. I won't kiss you back unless you ask me. Hold me. I won't hold you unless you ask me.”
She studied him. Heat swirled within her, warming her in ways she hadn't experienced since those first days Eugene had courted her, before she knew what it was to be a man's wife, to be Eugene's wife. So far, nothing about being Logan's wife had resembled her time with Eugene. She wondered if this would be different, if his kisses would be anything as wondrous as she imagined.
She drew herself up, across his body, bringing her face even with his. He made no move to restrain her, to take over their embrace. The dark intensity in his eyes was unmistakable. He watched her every move. She drew her thumb across his mouth, learning the contours of his lips. Logan was quick to smile, quick to meet a challenge, so very sure of himself. Slowly, slowly, she lowered her mouth to his, a chaste touch that was anything but innocent. She moved her lips to the left over his closed mouth, to the right. She could feel his breath against her upper lip. His nostrils were flared, his control hard-won.
She lifted up to look at him, momentarily losing herself in his eyes. They were like ice over a black, fathomless lake. She bent to his mouth again, reveling in the control he granted her. She took his upper lip between both of hers, feeling the texture of him. She moved in the opposite direction with his bottom lip. She liked the feel of him. She liked his scent, a musk that was his alone. She could do this. She could surrender to him. It wouldn't be terrible, wouldn't be like the other times.
A flash of what would happen exploded in her mind. Grunting. Pushing. Ripping. Laughing at her pain. It hurt. It hurt. She couldn't do this.
At once she withdrew, pulling away from him so fast that she would have fallen from the bed had he not grabbed her, steadied her. “Whoa!” He eased her back onto the bed. “What happened?”
“I can't do this.”
“You can't lie still and go to sleep?”
“I can't be your wife. I want to, but I can't. I can't do it.”
They were lying on their sides, facing each other, she at the very edge of the mattress. He kept a hand at the curve of her waist. It was constricting. It was reassuring.
“You are my wife. There isn't anything you have to do or not do to be more of a wife to me.” She looked at his chest. She was out of the covers, exposed to the cold air of the night. His hand moved from her side, up to her face to push the hair from her cheek. “There's a big difference between being taken and giving yourself. I will not take you. When you are ready, you will give yourself to me. We will both know when that is. For me, right now, I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms and know that you are safe, that your heart beats so close to mine. I'll sleep on top of the covers if you like, so that you'll feel safe.”
She shook her head. “It's cold.”
He smiled and tugged at the covers. “Then get under here.”
Chapter 11
“Wait until you see what Laughs-Like-Water has brought for the trade. She's been working on her items all winter. She's quite a skilled artist,” Logan said with a grin the next morning, as if all that mattered was the warm sunshine and the brilliant blue sky. As if he had no concerns at all about the Sioux camp they were riding into.
“Laughs-Like-Water was the one who taught me to listen to the pieces of art, to hear the stories woven into them.”
Chayton called out, ending further discussion. Not a breath later, two children ran toward them, squealing with joy.
Logan set the brake and pulled the children up to the bench, settling them between him and Sarah. “This is Little Hawk and that's White Bird,” he said, introducing Chayton's children. They peppered Logan with so many questions that Sarah could not make sense of much of what they said. When Logan pulled a package of hard candy out of his vest pocket and gave it to them, they settled down immediately. They looked up at her and smiled, their teeth white, their faces tanned already from the early summer sun. The little girl watched Sarah with big eyes the color of molasses. She reached out hesitantly and touched Sarah's long braid of blond hair.
No sooner had they drawn up beside the camp than several women hurried forward to tend the horses. They must have handled wagon teams before, for they made short work of unhitching the horses. Logan climbed down and helped Sarah to the ground. People gathered around them in a circle, patting Logan's shoulder, greeting him like a son. A dog barked excitedly.
This wasn't a warrior band. The difference was immediately evident. There was an elderly couple, Chayton's children, and a few teenage boys and girls. There was no hostility, no distrust, just joy at the return of an important friend. It looked as if Chayton had brought only his immediate family to the trade.
“The boys are apprentices to Chayton and the girls to Laughs-Like-Water. It is an important thing to be apprenticed to such highly regarded people as Chayton and his wife,” Logan leaned down and explained in English. “The older couple are Chayton's parents.”
Chayton came through the small crowd of people to stand in front of them. He put a hand on Logan's shoulder, welcoming him to their camp. “Come and greet my wife,” he invited as he led the way to his tepee. Logan took Sarah's hand as the crowd parted, giving them room to follow Chayton. They paused outside the entrance to his tepee where he called to his wife.
Quickly, as if she had been awaiting his summons, a woman emerged from the low opening. Her hair was parted in the middle and woven into two tight braids. Beaded tethers bound the braids at the top and bottom. She wore a buckskin dress with a wide sash beaded in lines and geometric shapes of green, white, and orange. The sides of the skirt were opened, revealing a pair of fringed leggings that terminated in beaded moccasins. She was beautiful. Sarah caught herself staring and tried to cover her lapse of manners.
Chayton smiled at Laughs-Like-Water. “I have big news! Shadow Wolf has married! This is his wife, Yellow Moon.”
Laughs-Like-Water approached Sarah. She took hold of Sarah's hands and gazed into her face. Her eyes were a warm brown. Emotion danced freely across her face, like sunlight skittering through the branches of a tree. Her hands were strong, her grasp firm. Sarah studied Chayton's wife as she was herself studied.
“I am glad for you, Shadow Wolf, but her eyes tell stories that make my heart ache,” Laughs-Like-Water said without looking away from Sarah. “If there is anyone who can fill you with laughter, Yellow Moon, it is Shadow Wolf.”
Impossibly, Sarah felt certain that Chayton's wife saw into her soul. She did not answer the woman. Laughs-Like-Water gave her hands a squeeze and then released them. “Let us help with the horses.”
Sarah led their two horses to a patch of grass where another horse grazed untethered. She was surprised that he was not secured.
“He will not run. He listens to Chayton's magic.”
Sarah wasn't sure what that meant, but Logan had said he was an extraordinary trainer. She set to work removing saddles, wiping the horses down. She took them to the river to drink. When they were finished, she tied them to the corral line that was already in place.
“Shadow Wolf said he came to trade with you,” Sarah said as she waited for Laughs-Like-Water to finish with the horse she was tending. It felt odd to call Logan by his Sioux name, but it fit him. He was fierce and protective. Observant and patient. Like a wolf watching from the shadows.
Laughs-Like-Water straightened and smiled. “We have met with Shadow Wolf for many years. In the days following the fall hunt, we meet to trade for the beads he brings. Then all winter, I sew them into clothes, leggings, pouches, and such. In the spring, we meet again, to trade for the products I've made. Chayton is very proud of my work. And the money Shadow Wolf pays for it helps our people through the winter when hunting is poor and we need to trade for supplies.”
Sarah studied Laughs-Like-Water. She had not known anyone like her during her stay with the Sioux. None of the women she'd lived with chatted so openly—not even among themselves.
When the horses were settled, Laughs-Like-Water grabbed Sarah's hand and hurried with her back to camp. Caught up in the other woman's excitement, Sarah laughed. “Do we begin the trade now?”
“No.” Chayton's wife slowed to a walk. “First we make a feast. It is not good to rush these things. If I hurry to put my wares in front of your husband, he will think less of them. He will think I value them so little that I wish the transaction concluded rapidly before he can give much thought to what he is purchasing.”
A large fire pit was already roasting a deer haunch. Chayton's children were tasked with keeping the meat rotating. Fortunately, their duty didn't impact their game of chase. Every few minutes, they rotated the skewers, then hurried off again to play.
Sarah helped Chayton's wife and the other women make flat bread. Then she brought some supplies from their wagon to make a few extra treats. Using one of the flat breads as a crust, she made an apple torte from Logan's store of dried apple slices, cinnamon, and sugar. She ground coffee and set a large pot of it to boil over the fire. When it was ready, she poured a cup for Logan and sweetened it with a bit of sugar. Chayton's father and his apprentices sitting near him watched her serve Chayton next. Coffee was such a common thing to her, but to Chayton and his people, it was a treat. Fortunately, she had enough tin cups for each of them to have one of his own.
When she looked up, Logan was watching her, seeing how she interacted with the people he was so fond of. She smiled at him. His eyes widened; his hand froze with his cup midway to his mouth. Sarah returned to Laughs-Like-Water. She didn't know what had come over her, but she was excited to be here. She knew what a savvy negotiator Logan was, and she hoped he would be generous in his transaction with Chayton's wife.
When the meal was nearly ready to be served, Laughs-Like-Water set a blanket on the ground. Her young apprentices brought out several large bundles. Logan faced them, but he never let his gaze wander in their direction. He was acting as uninterested as Chayton's wife in the transaction that would follow their meal.
Sarah knelt across the blanket from Laughs-Like-Water as she unrolled her bundle and set out an amazing variety of items, all of which had been beautifully beaded. There were moccasins, ceremonial leggings and shirts, dresses, earrings, bracelets and necklaces, breechclouts, tobacco pouches, medicine bags.
“This is impressive, Laughs-Like-Water. Did you do all of this?”
Chayton's wife smiled at her. “I did the first year. But Shadow Wolf said he would trade for as much as we could produce. So now, all the women of the village help me with these over the winter. Each contributes as she may. Some prepare the skins, others watch the children, others cook for us. My apprentices, whose eyes are young and hands are steady, show great talent. We spend the summers thinking up the patterns we will make, and the winters making them. Do you like them?”
“Yes. You are very talented.”
Chayton's wife picked up a pair of beaded earrings stitched across a circle of suede backing. “I give these to you.”
Sarah reached for the earrings. She knew how much work went into the pair and was shocked at the generous gesture. “They are stunning. I am speechless.” She looked at Laughs-Like-Water. “I have no gift to give you in return.”
Laughs-Like-Water smiled. “I did not give you a gift expecting one in exchange. I gave you a gift because it gives me joy to do so.”
The women and children arranged the items for Logan to review. Laughs-Like-Water sent the children to the river to fill the water pots. Sarah looked at Logan, uncertain whether she was permitted to join him. He smiled an invitation. When she approached him, he moved over on the blanket to make room for her.
“Those are beautiful earrings.”
Sarah fingered the beaded discs she was already wearing. “Laughs-Like-Water gave them to me. She's quite an artist.”
“Every year, she enlists the help of more women. It's become quite an undertaking. My customers are very pleased at the quality they produce.”
Laughs-Like-Water served Logan several slices of venison on a flat bread. She gave her husband a similar portion, then called the children over to share the one she took for herself. For a moment, time slipped away, taking Sarah back to her days among Swift Elk's people. Then, she had eaten what little they'd spared, sometimes going for days without.
“This is for both of us, Sarah.”
She looked at the roasted morsel he held out to her. Her stomach growled. She glanced up at him, too late remembering to shutter her expression, hating that he could see how hungry she was. “Thank you.”
He ate slowly, feeding her bigger pieces than he took for himself. When she became aware of his actions, she tried to refuse what he offered. “It would be an insult not to finish what has been prepared for us,” he whispered, leaning close. She acquiesced, eating every piece he gave her.
When the others had also finished, the time for trading had come. As before with Cloud Walker, Chayton started a pipe. He offered its first smoke to the four directions, the Earth and the sky, then passed it around to the men.
Sarah felt unaccountably nervous for Chayton's wife. She didn't know what Logan would use to trade for the pieces of art Laughs-Like-Water offered. Logan knelt before the blanket where the items were spread. Several times, he would pick up a piece and examine it closely. He discussed the various colors and pattern choices represented in the different pieces.
Sarah looked at Chayton, who stood off to one side, arms crossed. His expression was impossible to read. She knew the more stoic a Sioux was, the greater import a subject held. Even the children stood silently—and still—next to him.
“This is a fine collection of work, Laughs-Like-Water.”
“It is a larger bundle than ever before.”
Logan lifted a man's shirt, studying the colors banding the chest and the patterns embedded within it. He picked up a pair of women's moccasins, carefully looking over the designs that covered the top of each foot and circled around the ankle. He touched piece after piece, sometimes studying them, sometimes looking away pensively as his thumb moved over the beadwork pattern.
“What is the price you ask for this collection?”
Laughs-Like-Water shot a glance at Chayton. He met her look, but did not give away a single clue as to how she should answer. Sarah's stomach tightened.
“I ask four hundred dollars for the bundle.”
Logan's brows lifted. He whistled under his breath. “That is considerably higher than our last trade.”
“I had help from many more women. I have many more families to share the proceeds with. And apprentices of my own now, too.”
“I will give you two hundred and fifty for the lot in coins, and another twenty-five dollars worth of supplies.” They quibbled a bit more. Sarah brought over coffee. They sat down and sipped the dark liquid, taking a break in their negotiations. In the end, Laughs-Like-Water got the price she wanted.
Logan counted out the money and handed it to her, which she promptly gave to Chayton. The goods were packed up and handed to Logan, who turned over the supplies he had brought with him for this transaction. Laughs-Like-Water stoked the fire, adding more wood.
Logan took chocolate bars out of the wagon and handed them to Laughs-Like-Water to distribute among her family. The children, who were growing sleepy, instantly revived. Chayton's son climbed into Logan's lap. White Bird came over and sat in Sarah's lap. She looked up at Sarah with her huge eyes, as brown as the dark chocolate bar she ate. Sarah smiled as she smoothed the girl's silky black hair from her face. White Bird held the bar up for Sarah to bite. Sarah took a little nibble, then snuggled White Bird more comfortably in her arms.
She set her chin on the top of White Bird's head as the chocolate melted in her mouth. This was something that would never be hers. She would never have a child of her own to sit trustingly in her lap. Moisture filled her eyes, distorting the campfire. She blinked it away and caught Logan watching her. His expression was rigid, as hard as she'd ever seen it.

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