LONDON ALERT (30 page)

‘You had Claire.’

‘That’s my sole blessing,
but I could have done so much more with my life had I finished RADA. Interestingly,
the academy website quotes one of their alumni as saying,

My RADA training is the bedrock of my acting life. It allows
me to change from one kind of person to another. There is not a job goes by
when I do not rely on it.

Yes, RADA allows me too
to seamlessly change from one person to another at the service's behest.’

‘So RADA
was
useful.’

‘Yes, but had I continued
as an actress I could have proved myself. Had real adventures rather than
pretend ones – for better or worse, really lived. Here in the service, one
cannot risk anything personally; one only takes risks for them. Except for not
having to get up at five in the morning, I feel like a nun – duty, duty, duty.’

‘You’re exaggerating.
You can’t imagine, I am sure, what being chaste like a nun would be like.’

‘My looks would have
taken me far, if not in film or the theatre, then with a younger version of
Consuela’s husband. Whichever way it went, I would have had a real life, been
living. As it was, I just stagnated and married you, with the service’s
blessing of course. Not that they were at all concerned about what was best for
me personally.’

‘So your relationship
with me, all that innocence, was an act? A sham?’

‘Not exactly, though
role-playing became so second nature that it would switch on automatically,
even with you.’

Holt wondered just what
parts, if any, of their relationship had been genuine. His whole life was
crumbling. A couple of hours earlier, everything had seemed so rosy. Damn the
Owl. Not only was he the lynchpin of his professional life, he was becoming the
fulcrum of his private life.

D
inner
had
passed
in virtual silence
.

With Celia upstairs looking
after Claire, Holt tried to gain a few Brownie points by doing the washing up,
gulping down the leftover wine to ease his anguish. By the time she did finally
come back down, his senses were so numbed that he failed to realize her mood
had completely changed.

 ‘Hi,’ he said in a
depressed tone of voice, surprised that she had taken his hand.’

‘Jeremy, don’t take it
too badly.’

Her voice was quiet and
soft, even tender. Another act?

‘I can’t help it. You
mean – meant – so much to me.’

‘Trophy Wife stirred up
feelings in me of what might have been. From what you say, Consuela really did
have a hard time when young. Life for her was not always the bed of roses I imagined.
She used you, though.’

Remembering how much he
had enjoyed being
used
, Holt felt another twinge of guilt and did
not quite know how to respond.

‘I’m sorry,’ he replied
lamely as she released his hand and sat down on one of the wooden kitchen
chairs.

‘Don’t be. I could have
ended up like a crumb from a Warren Beatty table, with no baby, like so many.
Take Diane Keaton. She had everything, and yet…’

‘Diane Keaton was more
than a crumb. She was at least a crust for Warren Beatty – they had a
full-blown, longish affair. She had romances with many other celebrities, not
to mention Woody Allen and Al Pacino.’

‘That’s true, but recently
I read she told
People
magazine that she regretted not having married. I
remember her exact words: “
…I really wish I had
bought myself a man! A good man who would be a great father – I really do. I
think it’s a better way to go.”
Like I did with you, Jeremy. Marry a good,
simple man.’

‘I’m not
that
simple.’

‘I meant it in the
sense you’re unpretentious and lead a simple life, not a glamorous one, like those
celebrities in the limelight she was so beholden to. Like her, I had – have – the
choice of many men with my looks. I admit it did not work out too bad for the
two of us. You might not be rich, but at least you’re highly intelligent.’

‘Life,’ replied Holt, regaining
confidence, ‘is like a railway train. Someone flips the points, and off you go
on another track, with getting back on the original line well-nigh impossible.
Just think, had the Owl not found out I had forewarned the government about the
Nelson thing, I would have passed the initiation test and be still working
undercover, with even less a life of my own than you have with your à la carte escorting.
I could never have risked meeting up with you, let alone taking our
relationship further!’

‘And to think I played
a key role in your getting rumbled.’

‘I must say, you played
the hotel room maid to perfection. At one point I was worried you would overdo
it.’

‘Five minutes of real
action in a four-year career! I felt I was really living – and you there into
the bargain.’

‘Having had your five
minutes, why don’t you pack it in and return to proper acting? We can easily get
by on my salary.’

‘Who would protect you
then?’

‘What do you mean by
that?’

‘Many in the service
and beyond resent you being the intermediary in dealings with the Owl, as it
cuts them out and enables Sir Charles to keep them at bay by telling them only
he, via you, can interface with him. Many are convinced the wily bird turned you
in the course of those interrogations and you are a double agent, wittingly or
unwittingly. What’s more, they also say the freedom Sir Charles grants you to
roam at will – as was accorded to the genius spy-in-the-bag cryptologist – means
you could compromise yourself and embarrass us all, just as he did.’

‘I was aware of a negative
undercurrent but didn’t realize it was that strong.’

‘I protect you by submitting
reports on what we do together so
they
do not start thinking you might be playing
away, getting your pleasures in situations where you could be compromised. I show
that there is not much chance of you participating in quirky sex and having a
double life.’

‘It’s pretty obvious I don’t.’

‘More importantly, I keep
them abreast about what you are thinking. Or so they believe. That is why they retain
you, despite your hobnobbing with the Owl. Knowing you had a baby with a woman who
once worked for him would cement their suspicions. They could use that info to
finish you off. That is not to say you don’t have your powerful supporters who
share the Owl’s view that radical action is needed and think the country has
gone to the dogs.’

‘In future dealings I’ll
try not to appear so friendly with him, but he makes it difficult, demeaning us
in front of others by insisting we address him as
Your Wisdom
.’

‘Of course,’ continued
Celia, ‘I edit the things I tell them about you.’

‘That’s some
consolation, but to whom do you report?’

‘The security wallahs, of
course. Sir Charles occasionally, who by the way refers to you as if you were his
son, despite your faults or perhaps because of them. Sometimes even Blackwell.’

‘The Snake. How could
you?’

‘No big deal really. I found
out that he keeps details of everyone’s sexual peccadilloes to himself to use as
ammunition to protect his own position.’

‘But why give him any
ammunition at all?’

‘For fun partly, and to
keep him sweet. I have to tell him something anyway, and winding him up is one
of the few pleasures I have – his contorted face as he imagines what we are getting
up to is something to be seen, especially when I drag it out, with the ups and
downs, like some shaggy dog story.’

‘You’re joking – the
ups and downs, I mean.’

‘That was just a figure
of speech, like you saying I was in the back of your mind when you were
screwing…’

Having left the
sentence unfinished, she picked up her glass – untouched since the toast to the
new baby – and took a couple of sips, before carefully putting it down as if
she were weighing up what she was going to say next.

‘Jeremy,’ she said, leaning
towards him.

‘Ye-e-e-s,’ said Holt,
afraid that a faux pas issuing from his lips would result in another dramatic
outburst.

‘What if…what if…half
of what
I told Blackwell
were
true?’

‘What did you—?’

‘You were proactive in
bed. That really got him speculating as to what that meant.’

‘It would. Even makes
me wonder.’

‘Of course, we both know
it’s not true, but let’s just suppose you started showing me the zing and zip you
must have shown undercover with Consuela when you were doing your duty for queen
and country, and your life – or so you thought – was at stake. If you did, we too
could end up with a little boy. Time to really spice our sex life up, don’t you
think?’

‘Christ. Whatever
happened to Miss Innocent?’

‘Who?’

‘The Miss Innocent I married.
The virtuous mother of my daughter. The one the Snake said was the Virgin Mary
for the likes of me.’

‘You mean the one in
the Maldives who told you
it was better for having waited
?’

‘Yes, that one!’

‘She never existed.’

‘What!’

‘Playing her was fun,
though. Proved I could have been a serious actress.’

‘Couldn’t you be serious,
honest with me just this once?’

‘I’m not sure you’ll
like it. The whole truth, I mean.’

‘Try! What can there be
left for you to tell me?’

‘For starters…that His
Wisdom sent me a message too.’

‘You’re having me on!’

‘Not in the least. It was
here waiting for me when we got back from the beach.’

‘Seems we can never get
away from him. He’s up there watching over us, like God.’

‘No, not God, but he
would make a great godfather. You see, he suggested I have another baby. Hopefully
a boy, and that you had something important to tell me. That’s why I insisted
so much.’

‘One would have thought
being the country’s godfather would be enough for any man, assuming of course he
is a man.’

‘Godmother…is fine with
me.’

‘Either way,’ contended
Holt, ‘a godparent is usually someone you expect might be able to help the
child in the future, someone of substance.’

‘The Owl must surely be
someone of substance, great substance. Besides, I think he has a sweet spot for
us, another requisite for a godparent, don’t you think?’

‘You are changing your
tune. I thought you owed your allegiance to the service.’

‘In a way, but as I said
before, I am not really an insider, not an officer, expendable.’

‘I would have to agree
with you there, though they do not seem to be writing you off just yet.’

‘Promise me one thing,
Jeremy. If you ever do think you recognize the Owl by some turn of phrase or
otherwise, don’t ever let on.’

‘That’s crazy.’

‘If you do, no one will
thank you – most of what he wants is what we all want. If his identity is
revealed, with him having to be arrested, Sir Charles will lose his leverage,
Giraffe may be closed down, and where will you be? Sir Charles’s enemies will
have a field day, and you will go down with him.’

‘I hadn’t thought of
that.’

 ‘Now hear this! I’ve definitely
decided to take your advice and resign from the service. Strike out for better
or worse. Be myself.’

‘You can be sure I’ll do
my best to support you.’

‘To do that, you will
have to avoid doing anything silly and keep your powder dry, and not wind up
the Snake just for the kicks. I’ll be having a hard enough time and don’t want
it made more difficult by my husband moping about his demotion, not to mention
his reduction in salary.’

‘You’re making me
nervous. Ever since that unforgettable night at The Loughty, I’ve worried that I
might end up there myself if things went tits up.’

‘Just imagine…’ said
Celia, her face lighting up.

‘The tits?’

‘No, you fool. A washed-up
spy doing the washing up.’

‘Better,’ retorted
Holt, ‘than the fate that so often befell those parachuted into France in World
War II. Gestapo and all that.’

‘Actually, Jeremy, in
this business it has always been two different worlds – the operatives on the
one hand, and the officers, either with diplomatic immunity or sitting in
London, like Philby, orchestrating operatives and informers at no risk to
themselves.

 ‘You yourself, Jeremy,
took a great risk going undercover like that. You were not to know the Owl was
relatively benign. How could you?’

‘I suppose so, though to
be honest I did it partly for you, Celia – maybe because of you.’

‘Thanks for saying that,
though I presume you also had some higher motive?’

‘That did figure in it,
but how much, I’m not sure.’

She stood up, looked at
Holt endearingly, and kissed him on the cheek.

‘Jeremy,’ she muttered,
almost as if speaking to herself, ‘it
is
great to have a husband one can respect as if he were a James
Bond, even if he does not rise to similar heights in bed or in high society.’

‘Point taken,’ admitted
Holt ruefully, wondering what the future held once Celia branched out and
started meeting a whole new range of people. He tried to express his concern
without making too much of it.

‘You will be starting out
on a new life as an actress, meeting people in all walks of life. You will
inevitably meet someone much more glamorous than me.’
 

‘Stop worrying about
that. I’ll be too busy climbing the acting ladder and…with luck looking after
our next baby. You, Jeremy, will have to deal with the Owl again.’

‘I don’t think,’ Holt
replied, looking at her with a half smile, ‘he will do anything grandiose like
Tower Bridge again.’

‘No?’

‘More likely he will
target individuals and organizations. He must have built up quite a list. Would
be great if it included incompetent school teachers that our Claire might soon
have to suffer. They could be exiled to the Falklands, together with the
families of the teachers’ union officials protecting them so those officials’
children would end up being taught by them.’

‘You’re joking? That
could never come about.’

‘Yes, sorry, I am
beginning to sound like the Owl. He did suggest the Falklands be used as a kind
of dumping ground for those wrecking the country.’

‘Let’s hope that at
least thanks to him the country will one day deserve to have Nelson back on his
column.’

Holt’s face turned
serious.

‘Celia, I need to
anticipate what fanatics might do – the ones that will stop at nothing. That’s
my real mission. Make a difference that would have made my parents really proud
and save lives.’

Almost for the first
time ever, Celia looked straight into his eyes with no hint of artifice. No
play-acting any more. She would keep acting for the stage or film set.

An exception might be
made were the service to come to her asking her to play a particularly
challenging one-off role.