London Calling (9 page)

“That’s better,” Kate said. “Now, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get in the shower – we have a zoo to tackle today in case you’d forgotten.”

“Do we have to?”

Kate gave me a look and I hauled myself off the sofa.

“Will you at least make me breakfast?”

She smiled and took a sip of her coffee.

“I will, but only because I love you, unlike Ange. Now go and wash your guilt off in the shower, you harlot.”

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Kate was good to her word and handed me a bacon sandwich 20 minutes later along with a fresh cup of coffee. I was still weighed down with woe, but I did at least feel a little more human after a shower and clean clothes, although looking at my bed had me replaying last night. I made a mental note to change the sheets later before going to bed.

“Can I have some pills too, please?” My voice was laced with self-pity.

“What did your last slave die of?” Kate said. But she got up and got me two ibuprofen and a glass of water anyway. She’d got dressed in the interim period into jeans and a dark blue shirt. Coupled with her white leather shoes and just-so hair, she looked like an ad for modern lesbianism.

 “Thank you, dearest,” I said. I sighed heavily before popping the pills with the water. “What did you do last night anyway?”

“We went to some club that Caroline’s mate was DJing at. It was a bit lame but I was the dutiful girlfriend.”

“And where is she now?”

“Working – we both went home alone last night unlike some people. I didn’t drink either as I volunteered to drive, so my head is a cool, calm environment this morning.” She gave me a broad smile.

“Aren’t you a saint?” I said.

The doorbell interrupted our conversation. Kate got up and I heard voices and kissing in the hallway, then zips being undone, coats being hung. A moment later Kate ushered in Luke and Freddie, with Jack and Vicky close behind. They were the picture of a traditional family: two cute kids accompanying my metrosexual brother alongside Vicky, whose eyes told me she couldn’t wait to be led to her first glass of wine.

“Morning sisters – and I mean that in every sense of the word,” said Jack. He chuckled heartily at his own joke. “How is Sunday in non-married childless land? Hungover?”

“She is,” Kate said. She lifted Luke up and kissed his forehead. “I’m saintly, you know that Jack.”

Vicky came over to kiss me but even her lips hurt my head.

“Sure a trip to the zoo is exactly what you need to feel better,” she said.

“Just what I thought when I woke up this morning,” I lied. “But it’ll be fun to bond with my two favourite nephews. Isn’t that right, Freddie?”

Freddie stared at me uncertainly but I picked him up and sat him on my lap anyway where he stayed, quite content.

“What are you up to?” I said. Small talk didn’t come easy this morning. My mouth felt claggy.

“We’re going to the Tate Modern first and then for a posh lunch. Food cooked for me and wine poured by handsome waiters. Heaven,” Vicky said.

“Speaking of which, our reservation’s for 2pm so we should get going if we want to look at art first and be cultured.” Jack was up on the balls of his feet and tapping his watch.

“Do they always run off this quickly?” I said.

“Every time,” Kate said. “We’ll feed the kids – pick them up when you like.”

“Thanks, ladies – text you later,” said Vicky, kissing her sons in turn.

As soon as the door shut Freddie’s lip began to quiver so Kate used a distraction technique which involved a packet of Custard Creams along with promises of ice cream and tigers at the zoo. It worked a treat.

“You’ve done this before,” I said, as the boys chatted excitedly about tigers and forgot all about their missing parents.

“Yes, but it’s nice to have a partner in crime,” she said.

“Right then, you two. Let’s go to the loo before we get coats on and go to the zoo!”

The kids clapped their hands in excitement and I joined in, laughing. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

***

Drained and zipped up, we grabbed buggies and expressed the boys to the tube. As I was soon to learn, children and buggies slow you down monumentally and I had a whole new respect for the mums I sometimes tutted at on the bus or tube. Not having been around the boys for so long, it was still amazing to me how small Luke and Freddie were and how cute – tiny hands and shoes and huge eyes looked up at us as we scooped them out of their buggies.

“Are we going on the tube, Aunty Kate?” asked Luke. His fair hair was blowing into his eyes at the top of the tube steps.

“Yep. You ready to go on a train?”

Luke nodded his head furiously.

“You good with the buggy?” Kate said, seeing me juggling it while grasping a two-year-old. I finally kicked the right bar and it collapsed, trapping my fingers as it did and causing me to say a word not yet in the boys’ vocabulary. Or maybe it was with my brother as their dad. Kate laughed as she stood beside me, Luke’s hand in hers and her buggy already tamed.

“This is what comes of being the stay-in-England aunty – buggy skills,” she said.

“I’m sensing that.”

We cleared the barrier and made it onto the escalator, me holding Freddie tightly as I was suddenly aware of the big drop down to the bottom and how tiny he was. A few stops and an unnecessary amount of steps later we arrived flustered and out of breath at the zoo with two kids in need of a wee and two aunties in need of a drink.

“How’s your head?” said Kate. We were washing the boys’ hands post-loo, holding them over the sink as they wafted their tiny hands under a fiercely icy faucet.

“Cold!” screeched Luke with understandable horror – I’d suffered it myself two minutes earlier.

“Child-focused,” I said, lying wildly.

However, much as my mind did keep wandering to Ange, I had to admit it felt like I’d done the right thing in ditching her. Last night had felt fine in the moment but nowhere else. The next time I got together with somebody I wanted to be sure it was going somewhere – for her and myself. Kate consulted the map, jolting me from my thoughts.

“What do you think – monkeys first?” she said.

“Sounds like a plan.”

***

Luke was quite taken with the monkeys, especially the squirrel monkeys who ran around their cage as if performing to some secret tunes playing in their heads. We had to leave the red-faced spider monkeys though after Freddie burst into tears when one lunged at him after showing us its arse. I could understand Freddie’s fears: they were odd-looking creatures who squawked too much for my still-delicate head.

Both boys got a bit freaked out by the darkness of the reptile house – they weren’t alone. However, the big hit of the day was the aquarium where we did indeed find Nemo, much to the delight of all four of us.

After an hour and a half of wandering round the zoo we all needed a break. Kate spied one of the outdoor cafés and we grabbed one of the wooden picnic tables beside it, feeding the kids chips and cokes while we added hot dogs to our orders. All around us parents and kids were eating additive-laden foods and planning their next animal adventure.

As I wiped some ketchup from Freddie’s mouth and helped him out of his jacket, I caught the eye of a lesbian couple passing by. We exchanged the lesbian look – it’s a bit like when bus drivers acknowledge each other, albeit with fewer buses. I smiled, before swallowing down some more headache pills with a swig of Coke.

“Still feeling it?” Kate asked from across the table.

I nodded, while she grinned at me.

“You do know we’re presenting as the poster alternative family unit here don’t you?” I said.

“It’s crossed my mind,” she said. She kissed the top of Luke’s head as he ate his chips with utmost concentration. “I think we make a great-looking unit. Ever thought about having some?”

“Not really,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “It’s the pushing them out that scares me.”

“Yeah, but when they turn out as cute as this – and let’s face it, yours or mine stand a good chance of looking fairly similar – it might be worth it. I fancy it in a few years.” She shielded her eyes from the sun as it dipped out from behind a cloud.

“Besides, you could always get your other half to push them out – advantages of being a lesbian no.37,” she added. I chuckled as Kate grinned at me, giving Luke another squeeze. Then a razor-sharp smile zipped across her features and she shot me a look.

“Oh, by the way – I forgot to tell you.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe I forgot to tell you.”

I looked confused as I took Freddie’s chips from his tiny hands and replaced them with a drink. He looked happy with the swap. I wrinkled my forehead.

“Tell me what?”

“That Lucy was there last night. With all the Ange excitement this morning I forgot.”

“Lucy? Where?” My attention was caught.

“At the club. She just got back from Oz last week. She asked after you. That was of course before she knew you were a toxic heartbreaker and to be steered clear of. But she wasn’t to know, was she?”

“What did she say?” I was sitting up straight now, my interest piqued as my entire body flooded with warmth. When did I turn into such a harpy? Luke chose this inopportune moment to jump off of Kate’s lap and hop around, clutching his trousers. Kate held up her hand.

“Let me take him and I’ll be back.”

“Kate…” I whined as she disappeared to the toilet with Luke. It was wrong to be chastising my nephew for a toilet break but I couldn’t help it. Two minutes later and they were back.

“So?”

“Hmmm?”

“Kate…” I said. She sat Luke back at the table. “Was Lucy there with anyone?”

“Yeah, her cousin I think,” she replied. “Quite cute actually. Why?”

“No reason. What did she look like – her cousin?”

“Why?”

“Did she have blonde hair, long?”

“Yeah she did,” Kate said. She arched an eyebrow. “Hang on, are you interested in her cousin now?”

A wave of relief washed through me. It was her cousin, not her new girlfriend. Her cousin. That’ll teach me to jump to conclusions.

“So what did she say?” I said. I couldn’t stop a huge smile lighting up my face.

“She asked how you were, if you’d found a job – she asked more questions than she needed to, let’s put it that way. Caroline agreed and she’s known her a long time. Her face had that slightly odd look on it when she was asking about you. The same one you’re giving me now when you’re asking about her. A bit goofy.” Kate said.

I pursed my lips then smiled.

“But she had a gorgeous voice if I remember correctly.”

“Heartless wench.”

“I still got it, though,” I said.

“LL Cool J you are,” she replied.

I paused while Freddie slurped the last of his Coke. Lucy still liked me. Thank you, love gods and goddesses.

“You finished, Freddie?” I said. He nodded, a man of few words.

“What about you, Luke? What was your favourite thing so far?”

“I think the chips,” he said, putting another in his mouth.

“Chips!” said Freddie, clapping his hands and kicking his tiny heels against my shins. It hurt quite a lot.

“Aunty Jess?” Luke said.

“Yes?”

“I love chips – do you?”

“Course I do – you’d be mad not to. Only a stupid person wouldn’t love chips.”

“That’s what I think!” Luke said, smiling at my answer. It was definitely a bonding moment. Fifteen minutes later we were all chipped up and ready for more zoo.

“Well let’s get ready to go then – and if you’re good, Aunty Kate might buy you an ice-cream.” I winked at Kate.

“You better be good then, hadn’t you?” she said to me, before plonking Freddie in his buggy.

As we walked off towards the hippos with Luke and Freddie jibbering to each other in their buggies, I felt a stirring of familial satisfaction. This was definitely something London offered that I couldn’t get in Oz – family bonding with my nephews and dyke-in-law. Today was just what the doctor ordered and I’d managed to scramble through it admirably. I thought about Ange but shoved that thought to the back of my mind. Then I thought about Lucy and grinned anew. Perhaps this weekend hadn’t been such a blowout after all.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Julia turned up at the café the following week for lunch, her face carrying a vaguely cross look which dissolved as soon as I gave her a sheepish one. She was wearing a Columbo-style mac that seemed to be the choice of the modern-day professional when the weather took a turn for the better.

To soften her mood I sat her down with one of Matt’s speciality goat’s cheese & red onion tarts, along with a glass of posh fizzy orange I knew she loved simply because it had a French name. It certainly worked as Julia’s eyes lit up at my offerings. However, I knew I wouldn’t be off the hook for long.

“So when you said you didn’t mind sleeping with her so long as she didn’t open her mouth, I thought you were kidding,” she said, tucking into her lunch. I could tell she wanted to be cross but the tart was working its magic.

“This is really good, by the way,” she said. “You didn’t make this, did you?” She shovelled another forkful into her mouth and savoured.

“No – this one is Matt’s speciality,” I said. “And don’t speak with your mouthful.”

She looked over at Matt serving behind the counter.

“He’s single, right?”

“Yes Miss Matchmaker.”

“Well you can mock all you like but it wasn’t me who messed it up.” She paused. “I might just have someone for Matt. Would he be interested in dating?”

“He’s desperate, so I’m guessing yes.”

She shook her head.

“How can he be desperate? I thought there was a shortage of eligible straight guys. He’s got his own business and a full head of hair – you’d have thought people would be queuing up to grab him.”

I shrugged.

“Leave it with me,” she said and then waggled her finger in my direction. “But you’re not off the hook. It’s a good job Ange is not in my department, that’s all I can say.”

“Better to be honest though, eh?”

“Or just not to shag them and leave them? I’m not giving up, though – it’s my mission in life to get everybody happily coupled,” she said.