London Match (7 page)

'We don't need anyone else to live here. You have Nanny to look after you,' I said, avoiding the question.

'Will she use our bathroom?' said Sally.

'No. I don't think so,' I said. 'Why?'

'Nanny hates visitors using our bathroom.'

This was a new insight into Nanny, a quiet plump girl from a Devon village who spoke in whispers, was transfixed by all TV programmes, ate chocolates by the truckload, and never complained. 'Well, I'll make sure she uses my bathroom,' I promised.

'Must she come today?' said Billy.

'I invited her for tea so that we could all be together,' I said. 'Then, when you go to bed, I'm taking her to dinner in a restaurant.'

'I wish we could all go out to dinner in a restaurant,' said Billy, who had recently acquired a blue blazer and long trousers and wanted to wear them to good effect.

'Which restaurant?' said Sally.

'The Greek restaurant where Billy had his birthday.'

'The waiters sang "Happy Birthday" for him.'

'So I heard.'

'You were away.'

'I was in Berlin.'

'Why don't you tell them it's your girlfriend's birthday,' said Sally. They'll be awfully nice to her, and they'd never find out.'

'She's not my girlfriend,' I said. 'She's just a friend.'

'She's his boyfriend,' said Billy. Sally laughed.

'She's just a friend,' I said soberly.

'All my lovers and I are just good friends,' said Sally, putting on her 'Hollywood' voice.

'She heard that in a film,' Billy explained.

'Her name is Gloria,' I said.

'We've nothing for tea,' said Sally. 'Not even biscuits.'

'Nanny will make toast,' said Billy to reassure me. 'She always makes toast when there's nothing for tea. Toast with butter and jam. It's quite nice really.'

'I believe she will be bringing a cake.'

'Auntie Tessa brings the best cakes,' said Sally. 'She gets them from a shop near Harrods.'

'That's because Auntie Tessa is very rich,' said Billy. 'She has a Rolls-Royce.'

'She comes here in a Volkswagen,' said Sally.

'That's because she doesn't want to be flash,' said Billy. 'I heard her say that on the phone once.'

'I think she's
very
flash,' said Sally in a voice heavy with admiration. 'Couldn't Auntie Tessa be your girlfriend. Daddy?'

'Auntie Tessa is married to Uncle George,' I said before things got out of hand.

'But Auntie Tessa isn't faithful to him,' Sally told Billy. Before I could contradict this uncontradictable fact, Sally after a glance at me added, 'I heard Daddy tell Mummy that one day when I shouldn't have been listening.'

'What kind of cake will she bring?' said Billy.

'Will she bring chocolate layer cake?' said Sally.

'I like rum babas best,' said Billy. 'Especially when they have lots of rum on them.'

They were still discussing their favourite cakes — a discussion that can go on for a very long time — when the doorbell rang.

Gloria Zsuzsa Kent was a tall and very beautiful blonde, whose twentieth birthday was soon approaching. She was what the service called an 'Executive Officer' which meant in theory that she could be promoted to Director-General. Armed with good marks from school and fluent Hungarian learned from her parents, she joined the Department on the vague promise of being given paid leave to go to university. It probably seemed like a good idea at the time. Dicky Cruyer had got his Army service — and Bret his studies at Oxford — credited towards promotion. Now financial cutbacks made it look as if she was stuck with nothing beyond a second-rate office job.

She took off her expensive fur-lined suede coat and the children gave whoops of joy on discovering that she'd brought the rum babas and chocolate layer cake that were their favourites.

'You're a mind reader,' I said. I kissed her. Under the children's gaze I made sure it was no more than the sort of peck you get along with the Legion of Honour.

She smiled as the children gave her a kiss of thanks before they went off to set the table for tea. 'I adore your children, Bernard.'

'You chose their favourite cakes,' I said.

'I have two young sisters. I know what children like.'

She sat down near the fire and warmed her hands. Already the afternoon light was fading and the room was dark. There was just a rim of daylight on her straw-coloured hair and the red glow of the fire's light on her hands and face.

Nanny came in and exchanged amiably noisy greetings with Gloria. They had spoken on the phone several times and the similarity in their ages gave them enough in common to alky my fears about Nanny's reaction to the news that I had a 'girlfriend'.

To me Nanny said, 'The children want to make toast by the fire in here, but I can easily do it in the toaster.'

'Let's all sit by the fire and have tea,' I said.

Nanny looked at me and said nothing.

'What's wrong, Nanny?'

'It would be better if we eat in the kitchen. The children will make a lot of crumbs and mess on the carpets and Mrs Dias won't come in again to clean until Tuesday.'

'You're a fusspot, Nanny,' I said.

'I'll tidy up, Doris,' Gloria told Nanny. Doris! Good grief, those two were getting along too nicely!

'And Mr Samson,' said Nanny tentatively. 'The children were invited to spend the evening with one of Billy's school friends. The Dubois family. They live near Swiss Cottage. I promised to phone them before five.'

'Sure, that's okay. If the children want to go. Are you going too?'

'Yes, I'd like to. They have
Singin' in the Rain
on video, and they'll serve soup and a snack meal afterwards. Other children will be there. We'd be back rather late, but the children could sleep late tomorrow.'

'Well, drive carefully, Nanny. The town's full of drunk drivers on a Saturday night.'

I heard cheers from the kitchen when Nanny went back and announced my decision. And tea was a delight. The children recited 'If for Gloria, and Billy did three new magic tricks he'd been practising for the school Christmas concert.

'As I remember it,' I said, 'I'd promised to take you to the Greek restaurant for dinner, have a drink or two at Les Ambassadeurs, and then drive you home to your parents.'

'This is better,' she said. We were in bed. I said nothing. 'It is better, isn't it?' she asked anxiously.

I kissed her. 'It's madness and you know it.'

'Nanny and the children won't be back for hours.'

'I mean you and me. When will you realize that I'm twenty years older than you are?'

'I love you and you love me.'

'I didn't say I loved you,' I said.

She pulled a face. She resented the fact that I wouldn't say I loved her, but I was adamant; she was so young that I felt I was taking advantage of her. It was absurd, but refusing to tell her that I loved her enabled me to hang onto a last shred of self-respect.

'It doesn't matter,' she said. She pulled the bedclothes over our heads to make a tent. 'I know you love me, but you don't want to admit it.'

'Do your parents suspect that we're having an affair?'

'Are you still frightened that my father will come after you?'

'You're damned right I am.'

'I'm a grown woman,' she said. The more I tried to explain my feelings to her, the more amused she always got. She laughed and snuggled down in the bed, pressing against me.

'You're only ten years older than little Sally.'

She grew tired of the tent game and threw the bedclothes back. 'Your daughter is eight. Apart from the inaccurate mathematics of that allegation, you'll have to come to terms with the fact that when your lovely daughter is ten years older she will be a grown woman too. Much sooner than that, in fact. You're an old fogy, Bernard.'

'I have Dicky telling me that I'm fat and flabby and you telling me that I'm an old fogy. It's enough to crush a man's ego.'

'Not an ego like yours, darling.'

'Come here,' I said. I hugged her tight and kissed her.

The truth was that I was falling in love with her. I thought of her too much; soon everyone at the office would guess what was between us. Worse, I was becoming frightened at the prospect of this impossible affair coming to an end. And that, I suppose, is love.

'I've been filing for Dicky all week.'

'I know, and I'm jealous.'

'Dicky is such an idiot,' she said for no apparent reason. 'I used to think he was so clever, but he's such a fool.' She was amused and scornful, but I didn't miss the element of affection in her voice. Dicky seemed to bring out the maternal instinct in all women, even in his wife.

'You're telling me. I work for him.'

'Did you ever think of getting out of the Department, Bernard?'

'Over and over again. But what would I do?'

'You could do almost anything,' she said with the adoring intensity and the sincere belief that are the marks of those who are very young.

'I'm forty,' I said. 'Companies don't want promising "young" men of forty. They don't fit into the pension scheme and they're too old to be infant prodigies.'

'I shall get out soon,' she said. 'Those bastards will never give me paid leave to go to Cambridge, and if I don't go up next year I'm not sure when I'll get another place.'

'Have they told you they won't give you paid leave?'

'They asked me if unpaid leave would suit me just as well. Morgan, actually; that little Welsh shit who does all the dirty work for the D-G's office.'

'What did you say?'

'I told him to get stuffed.'

'In those very words?'

'No point in beating about the bush, is there?'

'None at all, darling,' I said.

'I can't stand Morgan,' she said. 'And he's no friend of yours either.'

'Why do you say that?'

'I heard him talking to Bret Rensselaer last week. They were talking about you. I heard Morgan say he felt sorry for you really because there was no real future for you in the Department now that your wife's gone over to the Russians.'

'What did Bret say?'

'He's always very just, very dispassionate, very honourable and sincere; he's the beautiful American, Bret Rensselaer. He said that the German Section would go to pieces without you. Morgan said the German Section isn't the only Section in the Department and Bret said, 'No, just the most important one'.'

'How did Morgan take that?'

'He said that when the Stinnes debriefing is completed Bret might think again.'

'Jesus,' I said. 'What's that bastard talking about?'

'Don't get upset, Bernie. It's just Morgan putting the poison in. You know what he's like.'

'Frank Harrington said Morgan is the Martin Bormann of London South West One.' I laughed.

'Explain the joke to me.'

'Martin Bormann was Hitler's secretary, but by controlling the paperwork of Hitler's office and by deciding who was permitted to have an audience with Hitler, Bormann became the power behind the throne. He decided everything that happened. People who upset Bormann never got to see Hitler and their influence and importance waned and waned.'

'And Morgan controls the D-G like that?'

The D-G is not well,' I said.

'He's as nutty as a fruitcake,' said Gloria.

'He has good days and bad days,' I said. I was sorry for the D-G; he'd been good in his day — tough when it was necessary, but always scrupulously honest. 'But by taking on the job of being the D-G's hatchet man — a job no one else wanted — Morgan has become a formidable power in that building. And he's done it in a very short time.'

'How long has he been in the Department?'