Lone Star Baby (McCabe Multiples Book 5) (13 page)

Violet rubbed the toe of her bare foot across the wood floor. “They did not think I should be doing that. But with all that going on with Sterling, there was no way I could focus on my studies, never mind be involved in patient care.”

She had a point. Sensing she needed comfort, Gavin wrapped his arm around her and brought her into the cradle of his body. “What did Sterling think?”

Violet shook her head. “He wanted me to stay in med school. But he was too sick to argue, so, like everything else, he let it go. And let me take care of him—although that, too, was against his better judgment.”

Gavin ran a hand up and down her spine. “Why didn’t he want you to care for him?” He watched her face, noting she was looking as if she were beginning to feel a little better now this was all coming out.

Violet sighed. “He found it emasculating, to have to rely on me. And he was disappointed our ‘engagement,’ such as it was, started out while he was ill.”

Gavin could understand that, just as he understood Violet’s wish to take care of the man she had loved. “Did he ask you to end your engagement?”

“More than once.”

Gavin couldn’t stand the raw vulnerability in her low tone. “You refused.”

Violet splayed her hands across Gavin’s chest. “When I told him I loved him enough to marry him, I meant in sickness and in health. I wasn’t going to renege on that.”

“So he kept mum?”

Violet took in another halting breath, then stepped away from Gavin. “He didn’t really have any choice, unless he wanted to humiliate me publicly, and he was too much of a gentleman for that. Plus, he knew having some concrete symbol of our future together, like the diamond ring and the hope that we
would
one day marry, was a comfort to me. And, maybe, deep down, to him, too. So he let my lie stand.”

Gavin could understand that. “And your parents?”

“They knew there was tension between Sterling and me, because I couldn’t accept the fact that Sterling wasn’t ever going to get better, even when all the tests and scans proved otherwise. But they never knew the truth about our engagement.” She sighed heavily. “They still don’t.”

Just when he thought he couldn’t possibly be surprised by her, he was.

“Does anyone?” he asked, curious.

Violet turned troubled eyes to his. “No,” she said softly. “I’ve never told anyone. Until now.”

Chapter Thirteen

“Why me?” Gavin asked. “Why now?”

Good question, Violet thought. And one she really didn’t want to contemplate, but... “I guess I’m just tired of carrying that secret around.” Tired of being alone. Tired of feeling as if she had somehow made a mistake in giving her heart away.

Aware he wanted and needed more from her than that, however, after all she had revealed, she reverted to her usual sly humor as defense.

She looked him up and down, teasing lightly, “And if there was ever anyone who would understand being misunderstood, it would have to be ‘the man who doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body.’ At least, according to your very wrongheaded exes.”

Gavin chuckled, seemingly relieved at the newly lightened mood. “What makes you think the women were all wrong about me?” he challenged mildly, looking suddenly as if her dad’s talk had gotten to him, leaving him thinking that he wasn’t the right man at the right time for her, either.

Determined not to let her ill-fated past cheat her out of another love, she took him by the hand and led him into the bedroom. Instead of heading for the bed, though, she found a place against the wall and backed him up against it. Taking his head in her hands, she rose on tiptoe and fit her lips to his. “This.”

With an aggression she’d never dared to let herself unleash before, she pressed her whole body against him and poured every bit of pent-up need and longing that she had into the steamy kiss. And then all was lost in the first thrilling heat of their bodies and mouths.

Violet could tell he hadn’t meant to fall for her, any more than she had meant to fall for him. And somehow that made the culmination of their desire all the more scintillating. This wasn’t supposed to happen, yet it had. She wasn’t supposed to be this reckless or wanton, yet she was.

Gavin groaned, his unbridled hunger coming through loud and clear. Threading his hands through her hair, he lifted his head from hers. “Are you sure this is what you want?” he murmured.

Emotion swept through her like a tsunami, followed by a wealth of need. Lower still, in the feminine heart of her, the tingling started. She slid her hands beneath his shirt and ran her palms across the satiny-smooth muscles. Her breath coming raggedly, she pressed closer still.

“Because if you want or need to wait...until things aren’t quite so complicated...I’m on board with that.”

It helped. Knowing he would be as patient as she needed. She moved her hands around to his back, up his spine. Kissed his neck, his jaw, each corner of his lips. And felt him shudder in response. “I may want everything to be perfect. But I gave up thinking it would be a long time ago.” She undid the first two buttons of her pajama top and lifted it over her head. Standing there in a transparent demi-bra, she drank in the tantalizing scent of soap and man and the masculine fragrance of the cologne he favored. She leaned up and brushed her lips against his once again.

“What I want now is you. Right here.” She reached behind her, undid the clasp on her bra and let it slip from her arms. “Like this.”

His chest rose and fell with each breath. He shook his head as if wondering at their undeniable passion, too. “You make a very strong case.”

Grinning, he switched places with her, so her back was against the wall.

Her knees weakened as he began to kiss her with everything that had been missing in her life.

Yearning. Tenderness. And a need that was so strong and all-encompassing there was no way to describe it.

“Good,” she whispered. “Because I want you.”

“I want you, too. So much...”

His gray-blue eyes darkening with pleasure, he resumed the hot, heady kiss. She could feel his fierce arousal beneath his pajamas as he took her wrists in hand and pinned them behind her, leaving no doubt as to who was in charge.

Sensations ran riot through her as he teased her nipples into aching crowns, then moved down, sliding his hand beneath the flannel, stroking her through the damp fabric of her panties, until she gasped. “More,” she demanded.

“Ah. A woman after my own heart.” His free hand slid between them, stroking from pelvis to knee and back again.

She was teetering on the edge of something wonderful...hot and melting inside...

“Gavin,” she moaned. Her pajama pants and panties came off. “I’m supposed to be calling the shots.”

He chuckled softly and then his mouth was there, with nothing between them, his fingers parting the slick folds, sliding inside her. Making lazy forays, moving in, out and in again.

Driving her crazy as more moisture pooled, making her feel more beautiful and womanly and wanted than she had in her entire life. And then something else was happening. She was trembling, aching, exploding inside with pleasure.

Suddenly he was rising again, shucking off his pants. Finding a condom and easing between her legs with a blatant masculine resolve that had her surrendering to him all over again.

For a moment Violet didn’t think it was going to be possible. He was so big and hot and hard. Too overwhelming. But he did fit, and when inside her, pleasure swept through her, more fierce and enervating than ever before.

Together, trembling, they rose and fell and rose again, then succumbed to the inevitable, swirling bliss. And Violet knew, whatever happened, whatever the future held, no longer mattered. Because this—what they felt...what they brought to each other—would never change.

* * *

A
LTHOUGH
V
IOLET
HAD
planned to sleep on the sofa and to do all the midnight feedings with Ava, the thought of being apart did not sit well with Gavin. So he convinced Violet to wheel the bassinet into the bedroom and place it next to the bed.

That way, when the baby woke, they each could share in the responsibility. One could change the diaper while the other heated the bottle. Both could feed and burp her, and then all three could go back to sleep more quickly.

It was a cozy, familial arrangement.

Even though Gavin knew their time with Ava wasn’t going to last, he intended to enjoy every second of it and to make sure Violet did, too.

By morning, unfortunately, the next phase of their guardianship proved more difficult than even he expected.

“This is harder than I thought it was going to be,” Violet said when she and Gavin finally sat to review the potential parents for baby Ava. “Do we go with a set of brand-new parents who, like us, has little or no experience in the practical aspects of caring for an infant? Or choose a family that has already brought up an infant? In which case, Ava would have a brother or sister or both.”

“But not get nearly as much time and attention as she would if she were an only child,” Gavin pointed out.

They looked at each other and sighed.

“Then there is the question of whether we choose a family right here in the community whom we already know as one of the three families to meet with Ava?”

“And risk their hurt feelings if we don’t choose them in the end?” Gavin put another pot of coffee on.

Noting the baby beginning to stir, Violet went to the bassinet. “Or just stick with complete strangers?”

Watching his woman pick up the baby he also cared deeply about, Gavin felt a strange stirring in his heart. He pushed aside the unfamiliar emotion. Getting up to warm a bottle while Violet changed Ava’s diaper, he forced his attention back to the task at hand. “Which carries another kind of liability entirely.”

“Although,” Violet noted, contentedly cuddling Ava close, “if Mitzy and social services has approved them, they’ve already passed the litmus test.”

A reluctant silence fell.

“What do you say we each choose our top three picks, write them down and then see which ones match up?”

Violet nodded, a fleeting sadness in her eyes. “Sounds good.”

Afterward, they looked at the slips of paper.

Two families matched up.

“What do you say we ask Mitzy to introduce Ava to the two families we both agreed upon, to start, and go from there?” Violet suggested.

Gavin nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

“I
DIDN
’
T
EXPECT
to see you at the hospital today,” Tara Warren said the following morning, when she ran into Violet in the staff lounge.

It was Gavin’s turn to take care of Ava. Although he wasn’t exactly going it alone. His younger sister Bridgette had gone over to hang out and assist. “I’ve got a meeting with the chief of oncology.”

“You’re thinking of staying, then?” Tara asked hopefully.

“Through the New Year.”

“I heard you were offered a position in San Antonio.”

Violet nodded. News traveled fast. “I may have to turn it down, though, due to my personal obligations here.”

“Ava?”

Another nod. Another stab to the heart.

“How is she doing?” Tara asked kindly.

“Great. Waking every two hours or so to eat and get a diaper change, then she goes right back to sleep.”

Tara patted her rounded belly. “I can’t wait until our little one is here.”

Whereas Violet was dreading the day Ava left their lives. That was why she had to stop focusing on what was never going to be, and start dealing with what was within the realm of possibility. And that started with sitting down with her mentor.

“No question,” Bart Remington said gruffly a short time later. “We want you here on staff, either full-or part-time. What we don’t want is the uncertainty that comes with anything of a temporary nature. We need to know you’re as committed to Laramie Community Hospital as LCH is to you.” He cleared his throat. “So, if you can give us that, then great. If not, I suggest you go with a bigger organization—like the San Antonio job—where staff turnover is more easily absorbed and accepted.”

“How long do I have to make my decision?”

“I want to know, one way or another, by the end of the week. Because if you’re not going to be here, I’ll need to line up someone who is willing to work part-time until Tara Warren goes on maternity leave and full-time after that.”

“I’ll let you know by then,” Violet promised.

She thanked the chief and left, already having an idea what her decision was going to be. And it had nothing to do with the ramifications of her blossoming relationship with Gavin.

Or did it?

* * *

“S
O
N
ICHOLAS
LOST
EVERYTHING
?
” Gavin repeated, dumbfounded.

Bridgette nodded. “Apparently he wasn’t making enough quickly enough in the stocks he initially chose, so he decided to make a risky investment just before the stock cratered.”

Gavin groaned. Had it paid off, of course, Nicholas would have been much better off financially. Since it hadn’t... “How is he taking it?”

Bridgette continued feeding Ava. “He’s embarrassed, of course.”

Realizing he had let his family down again—by not noticing how distressed Nicholas was, and so not doing anything to prevent his little brother’s rash actions—Gavin promised, “I’ll make time to see him. Give him the support he obviously needs.”

“Wait a few days,” his sister advised, setting the bottle aside. “He needs time to deal with it on his own first.”

Gavin watched as Bridgette placed Ava across her lap. “That’s not the way you burp her,” he told her.

Bridgette looked at him with the expertise of an NICU nurse. “I think I know how to do this,” she said, gently patting Ava’s back. A loud burp sounded.

Smiling victoriously, Bridgette shifted Ava and situated her to continue feeding her.

Unable to help himself, Gavin hovered over them. “That’s not how she likes to be held, either,” he said.

Bridgette sighed. Loudly.

Ignoring his sister’s exasperation, Gavin gestured to demonstrate what he meant. “Her head should be just a little bit higher, nestled against your bicep rather than just above the crook of your elbow, when she takes her bottle.”

Bridgette rolled her eyes. “I
have
fed her before.”

“When she was in the hospital,” Gavin countered. “Things are different now.”

His sister smiled tenderly at the little girl cuddled in her arms. “I should say they are.”

Gavin frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You have baby fever.” She winked. “Or should I say
Ava fever
?”

Gavin paced nearby, not sure when he’d felt so at a loss. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ava began to fuss, just a little bit. He itched to take the infant in his arms again.

“Have you begun to reconsider your decision not to keep her?”

Gavin shook his head. “Violet and I agreed what was best at the outset. All our reasoning still stands.”

“With one exception,” Bridgette said, rising. She walked over to settle Ava in Gavin’s arms. “The love you both obviously feel in your hearts.”

Love?

He knew he loved Ava. Violet did, too. But wasn’t the point of love to ignore your own selfish wishes and do what was best for the person you cared for?

After all, he loved his family dearly. But that didn’t naturally make him an effective parent. If it had, he would have known what to say to Nicholas after the accident. He would have realized immediately how traumatizing the rollover was, and insisted Nicholas not go back to college right away. But instead, he’d let him go. Not having a clue that his little bro was so upset he was about to drop out of school. Or worse, gamble what remained of his tuition money away.

Bottom line, he had failed him. And thereby his whole family, again.

He couldn’t fail Ava.

He could love her as a godparent. Care for her, watch over her.

But he could not be her parent.

Not without letting her down.

The question was, how would he explain this to Violet, in a way she would understand and accept. Gavin was still thinking about that long after Bridgette left.

When Violet returned, she had the ultra-determined cheerfulness about her that always meant more was going on with her than she wanted to admit. Which made sense, since more was going on with him, too.