Lonely Girl (29 page)

Curious as to who this woman was, Rosie quickened her steps until she was almost upon her. The woman was seemingly unaware of her presence.

Rosie stepped forward. ‘Who are you?’ she asked kindly.

The woman looked up and regarded Rosie with tear-filled eyes.

‘I’m sorry, but I think you may have the wrong place.’ Rosie gestured to the flowers. ‘This is my father’s grave.’

For what seemed an age, the woman looked at Rosie with such kindness that Rosie’s heart seemed to flip over, and then the woman spoke softly to her. ‘This is John Tanner’s grave, isn’t it?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then I’m not at the wrong place.’

Rosie had a fleeting memory of a distant figure often waiting at the school gates and seemingly watching her.

Tears were now running down the woman’s face, and when she slowly rose to stand before Rosie, she looked at her with such compassion that Rosie was taken by surprise.

‘You must be Rosie?’ the woman asked in the softest tone.

Somewhat confused, Rosie stepped back a pace. ‘Yes, I am … but I don’t know you. At least … I don’t think I do.’

The woman smiled though her brown eyes remained sad. ‘Of course you don’t. But I know you, Rosie. I’ve watched you grow from a toddler. I’ve stood outside the gates of your school. I’ve kept you in my heart all these years, and now I share your deep loss. John was a good and beautiful man, and I’m so sorry he’s gone.’ Her smile deepened. ‘But you’re here, Rosie, and so am I. And I know he would be happy about that.’

Rosie was now beginning to feel deeply uncomfortable. ‘How do you know me? Why did you watch me grow up … and who are you?’ Her fear turned to anger. ‘I want to know. Tell me, who are you?’

The woman hesitated as if she was momentarily sorry for saying the things she had said, but she somehow gathered her courage in order to tell this lovely girl why she was here.

‘Forgive me, Rosie,’ she hesitated, but then the words just fell softly out, ‘… I’m your mother.’

It was too much for Rosie to take on board, and fearful of this woman and what she was claiming, she fled down the path and across to the church. Then she was in Harry’s strong arms, babbling and crying, and trying to repeat what the woman had told her.

‘Woa!’ Harry walked her to a bench beside the church door and held her tight as he spoke softly. ‘Ssh, Rosie, be calm.’ A moment later, she was calm.

The woman, who had been standing a short distance away, came to them. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘I should never have blurted it out like that. But I need Rosie to know who I am, and why I’m here. She deserves that much.’

Quieter now, Rosie sat on one side of Harry, and the woman sat down on the other side to explain herself.

‘John and I met a long time ago. We saw each other off and on for a while and I always thought we would get married, but Molly was a strong personality with an unusual wild beauty, and once he had met her she drew him in and he couldn’t resist her. Even after he married Molly, we still had feelings for each other, and although John told me that he had made a mistake in marrying her, it was too late.’

Both Rosie and Harry were dumbfounded.

‘Was my daddy really seeing you, even after he married her?’ Rosie asked the woman.

‘Yes. He loved her but she was so difficult to live with. He tried to leave her, but she always got him back. She was like a crazy woman when she found out about us.’

‘So how did she get him away from you? What did she do?’ Rosie wanted to know everything.

‘During the last time we were together, I got pregnant with you, Rosie. Your father didn’t know about you, because I didn’t want to put pressure on him, not until after you were born. I made up a story about not wanting him to cheat on his wife any more and I broke up our relationship.’ She paused to allow that to sink in. ‘Then my mother got taken very ill. She needed round-the-clock nursing, and there was no one to help her but me. My parents were divorced, and my father was travelling all the time with his work anyway. Also, I had two small brothers who needed me. It was so hard, but I couldn’t let them down. Eventually I couldn’t cope any more. That’s when I told your father he had a daughter.’

‘What happened?’ Rosie asked.

‘I took you to my heart, Rosie. I loved you from the first moment I saw you. It was very difficult … you can’t understand how hard it was. I was desperate. My family were in dire need of me, and after I had you my life became impossible, especially as my father had decided to stay abroad. When that happened, Mother got worse, and she died within the year. That’s when I had to turn to your father.’

She explained, ‘In the end, I had to tell John about you. That put him in a very difficult position, although he was thrilled to have you. He couldn’t stop cuddling you … oh, you should have seen the joy on his face the first time he saw you, Rosie.’

She took a deep breath. ‘He was so wonderful, and supportive. He said he would work something out, but that if he managed to persuade Molly to take you on, he would not be able to see me ever again. I agreed. He was married, and I had more than enough to deal with. It was a bad situation.’

Rosie listened while she went on. ‘I wanted to keep you, Rosie. But it was just too difficult, and I knew John would take good care of you. I was just seventeen, with so much responsibility that I could hardly breathe, let alone look after a new baby on top of everything else. Molly agreed to take you on as her own, but only if John signed over to her the cottage and five acres at the far end of the farm, the income from these to be paid entirely to her. Your father reluctantly agreed. She wanted more, but your father would not allow it. They kept the secret of your birth and the bargain they’d made.’

She assured Molly, ‘Your father adored you. There was no way he was going to let me have you adopted, something I had no choice but to consider if he could or would not help me.’

Reaching out, she touched Rosie gently on the hand, afraid to hold her in case Rosie rejected her altogether. ‘It’s been the hardest thing, seeing you and not being able to have you. But I knew you were safe with John. And we both loved you so much. We could not have loved you more.’

Rosie was deeply shaken by all this news. ‘That land was his father’s and his grandfather’s before him. How could he let her take it from him?’

‘Because he had held you in his arms, and he adored you from that moment, Rosie. Yes, your father was devastated by Molly’s demands, but he did not hesitate, not for one moment. You were everything to him, and he so wanted to raise you as his daughter. Molly got what she wanted, but your father thought it a small price to pay for having you in his life.’

For a long time, Rosie was silent; thinking and realising, and feeling so relieved. ‘Now I know why she hated me so much … why she liked to hurt me and make me cry.’

In a great surge of joy, she hugged this woman … this stranger who was her real mother. ‘Thank you …’ She could hardly talk for the emotions that were shaking her; she could hardly even think straight. ‘But I know now … why she wanted to hurt me. She said I was no good … that I would never be any good, and I believed her.’

Rosie got up and flung her arms about this woman, her real mother, warm and loving, and so sad about what she had had to do. ‘Thank you for telling me,’ Rosie said. ‘Thank you for making me realise that I am not bad, that I don’t deserve the worst things in life … like
she
always told me.’

Thrilled to his soul at Rosie’s news, Harry stood back while this woman held her child.

‘You’re a beautiful girl, Rosie,’ her real mother told her. ‘I know how proud your father was to have you with him … and he kept my secret for all those years. I only wish I could have done better for you. Please forgive me, Rosie?’

And because she felt this woman’s deep regret, Rosie promised her that there was nothing to forgive.

‘What’s your name?’ she asked.

‘It’s Rossalyn.’ She smiled. ‘Your daddy gave you a name that was very similiar to mine.’

Rosie thought of the woman who had hated her from as far back as she could remember. She wondered what Molly Tanner would say if she could see her standing here, with her own birth mother.

Shuddering at the thought of Molly Tanner and what that woman had done, Rosie felt heavy of heart. She wondered if, for her own sake and the sake of her loved ones, there might come a day when she felt able to put all behind her, where it surely belonged.

The lawyer was adamant. ‘I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do. The terms were lawful … written and passed, and they will stand as long as there are Tanners.’

Having taken an instant dislike to this scheming murderer, he now found great satisfaction in revealing that what was cemented in law with regard to the Tanner properties could not be undone, except by a direct descendant of John Tanner. If Molly Tanner thought to contest the lawful deeds, she would get no further than this irrevocable document.

John Tanner had, after some small difficulty, secured the right to give her the small cottage and the parcel of farmland, and so Molly was not altogether penniless. That would be all she inherited. Everything else would go to John Tanner’s only child.

I
N THE WEEKS
that followed, Rosie was finding it hard to come to terms with her beloved father’s death.

Keeping a close and loving eye on Rosie, Kathleen and Patrick treated her with the utmost kindness.They allowed her the space to grieve when she needed to, but also provided her with good company, and even a measure of laughter to help heal her crippling distress.

‘But what is Rosie’s new life to be?’ Kathleen asked Patrick one evening after Rossalyn had visited and had confided these thoughts to Rosie’s loving aunt.

‘My darlin’, does it matter just yet?’ he said. ‘That lovely young girl needs time and she needs space. She can stay here for as long as she likes, as far as I’m concerned.’

Kathleen replied in a quiet voice, ‘Thankfully, there’s a farmhouse and farm land waiting for her, and yet she hasn’t ever mentioned her home or the farm to me since that dreadful business.’

Harry assured them, ‘Rosie is still grieving. The last thing she would think about just now is her father’s farm. She’s still broken by her Daddy’s death. And besides, Uncle John’s men know their roles – the stable manager is in charge – and have turned up loyally to work every day since his death. There’s less to do on the land in winter anyway. She’s always loved the farm and she will go to it when she feels good and ready. Also, it would help her to look to the future.’

‘Do you think she could cope?’ Patrick was a little concerned.

‘Well at least she has us. We’ll all help her.’ Harry assured his father. ‘The trouble is, the longer she leaves it, the harder it will be for her.’

‘Harry’s right,’ said Kathleen. ‘She needs to go and look. Maybe we should take her over to the house for a couple of hours tomorrow, if she agrees. What d’you say?’

Patrick grinned at his wife. ‘I say that, as usual, you are right, Kathleen.’

Somewhat relieved, Kathleen planted a kiss on his rosy cheek. ‘Right! So we all agree that we’ll wait for Rosie to make the first move?’

Patrick nodded. ‘I think that’s the best plan, sweetheart, yes. But if she doesn’t mention it soon, it may be necessary to encourage her gently.’

After a week with Rosie making no mention of the farm, Kathleen gently reminded her that it was now her own, and to Kathleen’s relief it seemed that Rosie was feeling able to go there. She did, though, appear to be slightly nervous – it would never be the same without her beloved daddy there.

Harry reassured her. ‘We’re here with you, Rosie.’

And so, Rosie felt easier. ‘You’re right,’ she told him, and everyone agreed.

On arrival at the farm, Kathleen unlocked the door and opened it for Rosie to go in first.

‘It looks different, somehow.’ Rosie felt a great rush of emotion, as the tears welled in her sad eyes.

‘I hope you don’t mind, but I had a little tidy up,’ Kathleen revealed. ‘I wanted it to be nice for you.’

‘Thank you, Auntie Kathleen. I hadn’t thought about all the stuff we left – the food and that. I imagine it was all mouldy. I’m sorry …’