Long Division (39 page)

Antolini, Marco:
A yay-hoo indeed, but actually quite bright and never mean-spirited.

Atkins, Lacey:
Second favorite.

Bouvert, Alexandra:
Mega shy. Perfect attendance! (She got a special award at the end of the year for this.)

Carlton, Jasmine:
Really into drawing, not as much into everything else. Her ADD was diagnosed in February after I recommended her to the school counselor. And though I'm still a little squirmish about medicating children, Jasmine's academic improvement post-February was astounding.

Carter, Diondre:
Will charm lots of girls in high school.

Davidson, Lenny:
Mediocre student. Laughed at my jokes more than others. I was sad to see after winter break that his parents had clipped off his beautiful rattail.

Espinoza, Thomas:
The better behaved of the Thomases. Started the year chubby but ended it trim. I attribute the weight loss to a growth spurt and his huge interest in Dance Dance Revolution.

Ghate, Somya:
Moved here from India when she was five. Well adapted and bright. Doesn't like math so much.

Gutierrez, Joey:
Wiggles his legs nonstop under his desk. Drives me nuts! But I can take it because while he's wiggling he's also a very attentive listener.

Johnstone, Blake:
Has immaculate penmanship. Sharpens his pencil many times daily.

Jones, Maria:
Jessica Marquez's BFF.

Lin, Gracie:
Very aware of endangered species. Tried to start a club to raise money for Siberian tigers.

Marquez, Jessica:
Loves weddings.

Martinez-Carbajo, Alex:
Big baseball fan. Once ate twenty-four chicken nuggets from the cafeteria!

Matthews, Damian:
Responsible for starting the Yu-Gi-Oh nightmare of late September. Made up for it by being very enthusiastic about Math Olympics.

McDonnell, Lizzie:
Spunky and confident. Major kudos for befriending Lacey Atkins when she was so new.

Morris, Ben:
Whines about nearly everything. Very loud.

Peterson, Thomas:
Not related to Lieutenant David Peterson. Though they do both have buzzed hair.

Rivington, Jordan:
Female. Really good at singsongy patty-cake games, and more importantly, never self-conscious about still playing them as a third grader.

Robinson, Caitlin:
Despite Denise being a bit of a witch, Caitlin is mostly a very sweet kid. She's very generous with the Avon sample- sized lotions and lip balms from her mother's business.

Ryles, Janelle:
Probably the only person at Franklin Elementary who actually owns a horse. Admirably, she never boasted about it.

Schaffer, Max:
Favorite!

Small, Danielle:
I had to have a talk with Danielle back in March because she kept braiding friendship bracelets under her desk during class. After I caught her doing it for the third time and made her stay in for lunch recess, later that afternoon when she left I found a green and pink bracelet on my desk.

Taylor, David:
The kid who wears sweatpants every day except for special occasions.

VanOudenardren, Spencer:
Poor Spencer. His parents are über- health nuts and send him to school with gluten-free bread and eggplant polenta. But he does have the shiniest, prettiest hair and beautiful, glowing skin.

Wagner, Garrett:
Despite being a fainter, Garrett has mad four-square skills. Never talks out of turn.

Wells, Katie:
Has the kind of type A personality that will make her either head cheerleader or head of the forensics team in high school. But at age nine, it's impossible to tell which way she'll fall.

Williams, Hannah:
Frequently looking at her reflection in the window. The only person who jumped on Gracie Lin's save-the-tigers bandwagon.

Wright, Stephen:
An excellent artist. Has six older siblings, but never looks awkward or sloppy in his hand-me-downs.

In looking over several scenes, I realize that the physical characteristics of some people were very poorly described. I know them. I know what they look like. But I wasn't all too conscientious about actually telling and showing what they look like in my writing. People are into that.

 

Atkins, Charese:
Tall. Very nice legs. A general aura of glamour evident by the frequent usage of designer handbags.

Atkins, Lacey:
Round-faced, but in the way that will disappear with puberty and reveal stunning cheekbones just like her mother's.

Barkley, Gene (Barfley):
Obviously at odds with his pattern baldness. Muscular legs are often hidden. Sagging gut is not. Prone to wearing beige sweaters with flecks of different-colored wool in the weave.

Carter, Michelle:
Blonder in the summer. Looks hott hott hott in scrubs.

Chang, Stephen:
Half Chinese. Half Irish. Excellent posture. Very clean teeth.

Harper, Annie:
Wears glasses two to three days a week. Fit and smallish. Long, dark hair that spends very little time on her shoulders. Extremely badass.

Harper, Joyce:
Soft, dexterous hands. A fine quilter, hugger, and cook.

Harper, Greg:
Looks healthier than his cholesterol level suggests.

Harrington, Edward:
The sweet kind of man you'd see eating strips of bacon in a TV commercial for a local pancake restaurant. A face that says “safety.”

Mezzo, Hillary:
Never without a French manicure.

Montoya, Alden:
Dark eyes and long limbs. Brave, honorable, perfect.

Peterson, David:
That classically attractive man you may have seen on an army recruiting ad. Could be a bouncer at a tame nightclub or a model for athletic gear.

Rayburn, Jean:
Her eyes are a very becoming pale blue. More of a kindred spirit than her sour expression indicates.

Robinson, Caitlin:
Always well groomed. No stains on any of her clothes. Owns many beautiful hair clips.

Robinson, Denise:
Constantly repositioning her legs to hide her varicose veins. Ha. Ha. Ha!

Schaffer, Max:
Wears trendy plastic-rimmed glasses. Does not tuck in his shirts. Never lets his mouth gape open.

Schumacher, Loretta:
Practically perfect in every way.

Small, Carrie:
Really huge breasts! Lucky she teaches first and not eighth grade.

Warren, Gus:
Dreamy. Smiles and sweats a lot.

 

A:
Yes! That bully secret keeper!

A:
Still not entirely sure. Perhaps if you're too rich, the army doesn't think you'll be able to take orders well. But Elvis still did it. Right?

A:
No. Never.

A:
Yes. I have since learned that my dear mother told him. That woman is far more perceptive than she lets on.

A:
She caught a nasty flu in October, went to the hospital for three wretched days, but pulled through triumphantly.

1. Water has an unusually high viscosity. Viscosity means how easy it is for molecules to wiggle around relative to each other. It depends on the strength of the bonds holding the molecule together. This is called cohesiveness. Water is so cohesive because of its serious 3-D structure of hydrogen bonding. Think of a 3-D puzzle versus a 2-D one. The first is going to be much more complicated to deconstruct. This also accounts for water's nasty surface tension. Think of how much it hurts to belly flop off a high dive.

2. Water shrinks as it melts, but as temperatures continue to decrease, it then expands as it freezes. Most substances behave in the opposite manner, shrinking as they freeze, because the individual molecules are stuck in fixed positions while the substance is solid, and when they're liquid they require more space to move around. I like to remember this one by thinking of how when humans are really cold they bundle up. Expanding in size as we freeze. Those New England winters at Yale were brutal.

3. Water has an outrageously high heat of vaporization. The highest of any liquid. Even at 100 degrees Celsius, there are still tons of hydrogen bonds in water that need to break for it to reach the gas phase. Watched or not, pots take wicked long to boil.

4. Pressure reduces the melting point of ice. Adding pressure to a liquid usually promotes freezing—and thus a higher melting point—but water works the opposite way.

5. Water has the highest thermal conductivity of any liquid. That means energy can run through it with considerable ease. So in a lightning storm it's probably better to stand in a swimming pool of rubbing alcohol than a swimming pool full of water. If you have that option.

6. The Mpemba effect! (Annie said I didn't have to explain this one because she already has me doing so somewhere in this book she won't yet let me read.)

1.
Wartime Alone Time: When Abstinence Fights for Freedom

2.
Spoon the Air

3.
Grace in His Absence

4.
Dear John

5.
Don't You Call Me a Hero

6.
Nine Times Forever Equals Way Too Long

7.
Time Out for Karma

8.
Without an Artifact

9.
Almost Too Ripe for Squeezing

10.
So Very Alone

11.
Pins and Fucking Needles

12.
While Fleeing the Coop of Terror

13.
Inside the Yolk of the Sun

14.
Reactivating the Fumes

15.
101 Ways to Go Nuts While Your Lover Is at War

16.
Caution: This Book Has a Surprise Middle Part

17.
Almost Perfectly Innocent

18.
Shout Across the Ocean

19.
Untitled Suicide Note

20.
Dreams from the Homeland

21.
Annie Harper's Journal

22.
On the Tailbone of the Luck Monster

23.
What I Did on My Boyfriend Vacation

24.
Between a War and a Window

25.
That's What Humans Do

26.
Red, White, and Brutally Honest

27.
The Charisma of Coincidence

28.
Miss Harper Can Do It

29.
Confession-Booth Graffi ti Artist

30.
(no title given for suspense purposes)

31.
Arachne vs. Penelope: Live on Pay-Per-View!

1. Chickens were domesticated over eight thousand years ago!

2. An egg-laying chicken will lay about one egg per day for five to six days and then take a few days off to rest.

3. You have to take the eggs away as they're laid or else the chicken will stop and start brooding after she's collected six or seven. This little group is called a clutch. I wonder if there's a relation to the style of handbag of the same name.

4. A chicken cackles to check where all the other chickens are. And they cackle back to say, “I'm here!” That's why Helen was rather quiet with her vocals. She figured out pretty fast that she was the only hen around.

5. The word for “fear of chickens” is “alektorophobia.” Can you even imagine? What kind of ninnies are scared of chickens?

6. Since chickens don't have teeth, they mash up their food with grit, which they keep in their gizzard. They put food down there to chew it up before they send it along to their stomachs. I had to buy grit and sprinkle it around Helen's coop because there wasn't the right kind of gravel in my yard for her to find it naturally.

7. 2005 will be the Year of the Cock!

8. Chickens have just one orifice for pooping, peeing, and laying eggs. Though this sounds mega gross, it's really quite efficient. The poop and pee (which is not like our pee, but globby and mucky) come out one tube and the eggs come out another. And both tubes meet at the same opening. However, there is this nifty flap of skin that moves over and sticks out when the egg comes out so that the egg never touches any part of the chicken's body where the poop was. This is also the same hole they use for S.E.X. Except I kind of deprived poor Helen of that. We were chaste together!

9. A chicken's heart beats 280-315 times a minute. I felt like at times over this past year mine has too.

10. It takes over four pounds of chicken food to make one dozen eggs. So ultimately, my egg-eating phase was not too economical.

11. A hen usually lives for about five to seven years, but under the right conditions they can live up to twenty. Rest in peace, sweet Helen Harrington-Harper.