Long Slow Second Look (11 page)

"No!" I turned to face him and gripped his arm. "No."

"No to which question, Am?"

"No, don't…keep your size thirteen feet away from his ass."

He inhaled. "So you love him?"

"Just because I don't want him hurt doesn't mean I love him."

"But you do." He caressed my cheek. "I can't make him love you too, Am, but I can and will damn well make sure he doesn't mistreat you." He rose. "Where can I find him?"

I reached up to grab his hand and tried to pull him back down onto the loveseat. "Darkwater–"

He shook his head and refused to sit down. "He's not going to fuck you over, Am."

Looking up at him and seeing the determination in his gaze, I was thankful I hadn't told him the sex had been unprotected. As it was, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep him from a physical confrontation with John.

"Please, Thomas. I made a stupid mistake with him, but I don't want you confronting him. I need to move on. I shouldn't have called you."

"Why did you?"

I shrugged, feeling close to tears again. "I just wanted my big brother's shoulder to cry on."

Staring up at him, I saw his expression soften and felt the tension leave the hand I gripped. "Oh, Am. Honey, that's the first time I've ever heard you acknowledge that I am your brother. I know we've often butted heads, but I couldn't love you any more if we actually shared a blood tie."

Darkwater's never been given to displays of emotion or verbal affection. Hearing the feeling in his voice and seeing the look in his eyes not only touched me but also filled me with regrets.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For all the times I angrily rebuffed your attempts to give me advice I knew you felt was in my best interests. I'm admitting now what I've always known in my hearts of hearts…you're the best big brother any one could ask for."

He sank back on the loveseat beside me and embraced me. "Oh, Am, I'd given up ever hearing you say anything like that. Don't tell the others, but you've always been my favorite and the one I longed for acceptance from the most."

We laughed and clung to each other. As we did, I realized how I'd shortchanged myself for years by not taking advantage of the love and support he'd always shown himself willing to give. Yes, he was opinionated, but so was I. And he had the benefit of having lived eight years longer than I had.

Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks–this time for all the grief I'd given him when he'd only wanted to be a supportive brother.

He released me and wiped my damp cheeks. "Are you sure you don't want me to kick his ass?"

"I don't want him hurt."

"Even if I don't kick his ass, I can't promise one of the other guys won't."

The other guys in question were Darkwater's brothers Jeff, Mike, David, and Cody. "I told you in confidence," I said, feeling desperately afraid at the thought of the five Darkwater brothers gunning for John. "Please don't tell them."

He sighed. "I'll keep your confidence for now, Am, but I'm warning you I won't allow him to piss on you and treat you like a…none of us will allow that. If you take his dumb ass back, you need to make that clear to him or I will. If he doesn't treat you right he's going to find himself in need of surgery to repair several broken bones."

I shivered. I knew he meant it.

He glanced at his watch. "Now if you're okay I need to leave for a while, but I thought it would be nice if we had dinner together tonight."

While I didn't feel like doing anything but staying home and having a good cry, I wanted to nurture and embrace our new understanding. "Okay."

He glanced at his watch. "I'll pick you up at six."

"I'll be ready."

When he left, I called and left a message on Deandre's voicemail telling him I was no longer available to see him that day.

* * *

John

"You're really going to have to face facts, Johnny."

Stretched out on a lounger on Shane's balcony two hours after I'd left Amber, I'd already had time to regret my response to her perfectly reasonable request. "And what facts would those be, Shane?"

"First, she was right and you were wrong."

I nodded. "Tell me something I don't already know."

"Then why the hell did you walk out on her?"

I turned to stare at him on the lounger beside me. "I didn't walk out on her. I left to cool my head before I said something I couldn't take back."

"Hmm. I'll bet she thinks you walked out on her."

I silently acknowledged that he was probably right. "Given my mood, staying wouldn't have been a good idea."

"Then you should have told her you needed a cooling off period. You know how fragile a woman can get when she knows she's given it up too often and too quickly."

I clenched my right hand into a fist. "How many times are you going to imply she's easy, Shane?"

"Look, Johnny, what would you call a woman who allows a man she's known one day to fuck her raw? I call that easy or—"

"Fuck you!"

"Or a woman who fell in love at first sight… if you believe in such shit."

"I don't."

"Neither do I," he said. "So what explanation can you offer for her behavior?"

I felt angry, raw, and confused by my behavior since I'd met Amber. The last thing I needed was for him to make things worse for me when all I wanted was a listening, non-judgmental ear.

I stretched out my foot and kicked his lounger. "I don't have to offer you any explanation, you asshole. And I'm warning you, Shane. Call her easy again and you're going to find yourself getting up off the ground." I rose from the lounger and stormed inside, afraid I'd take a swing at him.

He followed me.

I swung around to stare at him. "I'm really not in the mood to listen to any more shit from you about a woman you've never met."

He held up his hands, palms outward. "Understood."

I sighed and walked across the room to sit on the loveseat. "I hate this feeling."

"What feeling?"

"She makes me feel like a horny teenager crushing for the first time."

He sat opposite me on the sofa. "That's probably because you're in love for the first time."

"I am not in love with a woman I met two days ago, Shane."

"Then why the hell are you wasting so much of my time talking about her?"

I stared at him. "For two cents, I'd knock you on your ass."

"Look, Johnny, get real. It doesn't matter if you call her cher or sheenea. You're in love with her."

"Are you out of your mind? I'm not some silly teenager who equates great sex with love. Just because I lost my head with her doesn't mean I'm in love with her. Hell, in case you've forgotten, I don't do love. I do lust and mild affection but not love."

"Maybe you didn't before, but you do now. I think you need to give yourself a few days to let the idea that you're in love for the first time gel and then provided she hasn't decided to write your ass off and continue her pursuit of the doctor, I think you'd better get your ass in gear and go see her.

"Better yet, send her flowers and a note apologizing and telling her you'll see her in a few days."

I stared at him, while I silently acknowledged that I had no desire to wait a few days before I saw her again. Hell, I didn't even want to wait a few hours. I wanted to see her ASAP. I rose, removed my cell phone from the holster at my waist, and walked out on to the balcony. Ignoring Shane's self-satisfied smile, I closed the door, turned my back to him, and dialed her number.

Of course the way things had been going since I met her, she probably wouldn't even take my call. My relief when I heard her voice in my ear was almost palpable.

"Hello."

"Amber."

"Yes, John?"

She didn't sound particularly pleased to hear from me. I knew it was my fault but I missed the sassy, confident woman who had taken me from friendship to lust in a matter of minutes and who made Johnny mine sound like a sweet endearment. "We need to talk."

"So talk."

"I meant in person. Can I come see you?"

"No."

Shit. "Why not?"

"Because we have nothing to say to each other, John."

"You may have nothing to say to me but I have plenty I need and want to say to you."

"Either you say what you need to over the phone or I'm not interested in hearing it."

What the fuck? Was she telling me I'd blown it for good? "Look, Amber we need to talk."

"The last time we did, you walked out on me. That said all I need or want to hear from you."

"I'm on my way to see you. I promise all I'll do is talk."

"Don't come."

"I am coming."

"You might want to rethink your stance, John. One of my brothers is here and—"

I took a deep breath. "You called your brother? Why? Are you afraid of me?"

"No."

"Then why did you call him? Do you feel as if I forced sex on you, Amber?"

"No!"

Thank God for the conviction I heard in her voice. "Then why did you call him?"

"I don't owe you an explanation for why I called him. All you need to know is that he's here."

"Am I going to have a problem with him?"

"You will if you think you can make me see you when I've already told you I don't want to see or talk to you."

"I have no beef with your brother—"

"He'll have one with you."

"Then that will be a problem we'll have to settle between us. Make no mistake, Amber, I'm not afraid of your brother."

"Well he damned sure won't be afraid of you either, John."

"I don't want him to be. I just want him to stay the fuck out of our relationship."

"Excuse me? We were stupid enough to have unprotected sex three times. You treated me like a whore and then you walked out on me. We don't have a relationship."

Her words stung…hell. They hurt. She was the last woman I wanted to feel as if I'd treated her like a whore. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Amber. That was not my intention. I don't know how things went so awry. When we met, I wanted to be friends. I'm not sure what the hell happened but I know I do not think of you as easy and I damned sure don't think you're a whore."

I paced the balcony. "I'm aware that I fucked up more than once. I know you were right to insist I behave in a more sexually responsible way. I shouldn't have walked out."

"Why did you?"

I hesitated. If I admitted the truth, she'd know I was in over my head with her. If I didn't, I might find it impossible to repair the damage I'd done. "I felt as if you were using my feelings against me," I admitted.

"By feelings you mean your desire to continue to have unprotected sex?"

"No! That's not what I mean! Why the fuck won't you give me a damn break, Amber? I readily admit I screwed up more than once. I've done the only thing I can, apologize. Why are you so damned determined to emasculate me?"

I heard her catch her breath. "If that's what you think I'm trying to do, you should be glad it's over."

"It's not over."

"It is for me, John."

"Amber—"

And damn if she didn't end the conversation decisively by hanging up on me.

I clipped my phone to my waist and ran my hands through my hair. She'd sounded serious. The thought of not seeing a woman I'd only met two nights earlier again shouldn't have sent me into a near panic.

Fuck, you screwed up, Reddorn.
I took several slow, deep breaths. They didn't help. I still felt as if…hell. I wasn't sure what I felt. I just knew I needed to see her to make things right. If I had to go through her brother to do it—so be it.

I turned and found myself facing Shane, who had quietly come out onto the balcony. I stared at him. "How long have you been standing there? Were you listening to my conversation?"

He nodded.

Infuriated, I curled my right hand into a fist.

He reached down to grip my wrist in an effort to keep my hand at my side. "If you're about to hit me, you should also be able to admit that she's important to you, Johnny. And if she is, you need to take a step back, get yourself under control and then regroup.

"Storming over there insisting she see you and forcing a confrontation with her brother isn't going to earn you any points. You're angry and she's probably hurt. You both need a little time to cool off."

I knew he was right but that didn't alleviate the urge to deck him. I jerked my wrist free.

He danced back and held his hands up, palms outward. "Get a damn grip, Johnny. I know you're angry and probably hurt, but you are not decking me."

I took a deep breath and stepped around him.

He again followed me into his living room. "Don't leave angry."

"Fuck off, Shane!"

"John!" He gripped my shoulders and swung me around. "You're behaving like Jonny. Shouldn't that tell you all you need to know about how you really feel about her? Hell, you're probably behaving worse than Jonny would in this situation. If he insisted he felt nothing special for a woman, he'd move the fuck on."

"Shane—"

"Think about what advice you'd give him in this situation and then take it. We both know you'd tie his ass down if he insisted on forcing a confrontation with a woman who asked him to leave her alone. Some people might call that harassment."

I unclenched my hand and shook my head. "I don't know what the fuck she's done to me."

"Don't you, John? Sounds like you might need to be prepared to make some big admissions to get her to see you again."

"I am not in love with her!" I insisted.

"Then move the fuck on and leave her alone!"

I walked over to the loveseat and sank down into it. I shook my head.

"Why? Because you don't want to or—"

"I can't," I admitted. "I can't. Satisfied, Shane?"

He nodded and sat beside me. "Yes. Now that it's out in the open, we can deal with it and get you back in her good graces and more importantly, in her arms."

Just the thought of feeling her arms around me even if it didn't lead to sex excited me. Yeah. I had it bad.

Chapter Eight