Long Time Coming (21 page)

Kenisha turned to James. She gently put her hand on his face."I've got to go. Please mail the release form to the address I sent to you."

Tears glistened in James's eyes as he held onto Kenisha's hand."I don't want to lose you, Ke-Ke."

"I'm sorry, baby."

The guard came back with a wheelchair."I found one," he said, then asked."Do you need help getting into it?"

"Yes," Kenisha admitted.

"I'll help her into the chair," James said, and he stood up and lifted Kenisha out of her chair.

Kenisha put her arms around James and imagined that he was carrying her over the threshold of the house they had said they would get when he got out. She wanted to stay in James's arms forever, but once he put her in the chair, the guard made him move away.

This was the last time she would ever see James. His last memory of her would be of the day he picked her up and put her in a wheelchair. Something just wasn't right about that.

D
eidre knew that Kenisha would be upset after their meeting with James, so she scheduled appointments at a local day spa. She'd made sure to inform them of Kenisha's condition ahead of time. Deidre was glad that she had done so, because each technician treated them like royalty. Kenisha received a facial, a manicure, a pedicure, and a massage. Deidre only had enough money to pay for Kenisha's procedures, but the owner said that they were doing a two-for-one special that day.

Kenisha had to be wheeled from one room to the next, but even that didn't dampen her spirits."This is great," Kenisha said with a genuine smile on her face.

"Isn't it? I get the works at least once a year."

"Wow. I never would have thought about doing something like this."

"A girl's got to treat herself every now and then," Deidre said as they walked into the massage room.

Kenisha lay on the table with Deidre on a table next to her. Instrumental music was playing softly throughout the room. The massage therapist pushed on Kenisha's back and began massaging the knots out of her back."Mmm, this is nice," Kenisha said as she drifted off to sleep.

Deidre was thrilled at Kenisha's response to the day spa. She had hoped that an afternoon of pampering would help ease some of her pain, but later that night while she was in the kitchen stirring her chocolate, she heard sounds coming from the family room. Thinking that Kenisha might be moaning out of pain, she stepped closer to the room to assist her. But then she heard Kenisha talking, and she sounded like she was mad at the world, or better yet, from what Deidre could make out, Kenisha was mad at God.

It sounded as if Kenisha had taken her advice about telling God how she felt. However, Deidre felt like she had some explaining to do to God. Kind of like the way she'd felt years ago after she'd run into one of Michelle's ex-boyfriends in a grocery store. He'd asked for Michelle's new number because he said he still had some of Michelle's things and needed to know what she wanted him to do with them. Deidre had given him the number, and then he'd started a telephone harassment campaign. Deidre had apologized to Michelle for a month.

Kenisha said, "You knew that James was the only person who ever truly loved me, but You took him away from me anyway. You've never been there for me. Not when I was being raped and molested, not when my children needed food. Never."

The pain in Kenisha's voice was too much to bear. Deidre backed away from the entrance into the family room. She was sure Kenisha wouldn't want her to listen in on this very private conversation. Deidre grabbed her cup and headed back upstairs. But before she got out of the kitchen, she heard Kenisha say, "My own father didn't even want me. Night after night I prayed for my father to take me away from Martha. He paid child support to Martha, but he never came for me. Deidre is always praying to You, but I know that all this prayer stuff is a waste of time. Nothing but a waste."

Deidre remembered the name and location of the fast-food restaurant Kenisha had told her that her father owned. As Deidre walked up the stairs, she suddenly had a taste for a cheeseburger.

Deidre walked up to the counter and asked to speak with the owner. The twenty-something girl behind the counter said, "If you have a complaint, I can help you."

"No, I need to speak with Dwayne Smalls. This is an important matter, so please get him." Deidre had intended to order a burger and fries, but the burger smell was messing with her stomach. She didn't understand it, because she ate fast food often, and the smell of burgers had never bothered her before.

The girl walked away from the counter in a huff. When she returned, a short, overweight, bald man followed her.

He stood behind the counter and said, "What can I do for you?"

"I need to speak with you in private," Deidre told him. One of the women working behind the counter stopped working to glare at her. Deidre wondered if she was his child or an extracurricular affair who thought she was the work wife.

"I'm busy right now, I don't have time for no games," Dwayne told her as if women approached him on his job more times than he could count.

"It's about Kenisha, Mr. Smalls. I'm not here to cause you any problems. I'm just bringing you some unfortunate news."

"Let's go sit down at the tables." He walked from behind the counter and took Deidre to an empty table. When they were seated, Dwayne got right to the point."Look, I just got remarried, and things are going good for me right now. So I don't need no drama. So you tell Kenisha and Martha that they're not getting another dime out of me."

Deidre took a deep breath. She hated giving people bad news, but this man needed a reality check for real."I really don't know why you think being a father is all about sending a check, but that's none of my business. I came here to tell you that your daughter is dying. I thought you might like to see her before it's too late."

"Is this some kind of trick?"

He looked like he wanted to be sad for Kenisha but didn't really know what sadness felt like. And in that moment, Deidre truly understood why Kenisha had made so many bad choices. If her father had never said a kind word to her or couldn't even muster the emotion to feel bad for her, she might have gone from one man to the next trying to find the love she hadn't received as a child also."Mr. Smalls, I really have better things to do with my time than to play games with you. Kenisha has cancer. I thought you might want to know, but I see now that I was wrong."

The woman who'd glared at Deidre from behind the counter came over to where they were sitting, put her hands on her hips, and asked Dwayne, "What's going on here?"

Dwayne turned to Deidre and said, "I'm sorry, but I forgot to ask your name."

"Deidre Morris."

He then turned to the woman and said, "Sit down with us, Brenda. This woman has brought me news about my daughter."

"Your daughter?" Brenda said, as if this was the first she'd heard of any daughter."You have four sons with your first wife. You never told me about a daughter."

"She's grown, probably twenty-five by now."

"Twenty-three. She turns twenty-four on the fifth of January, if she lives that long."

This time a pained expression crossed Dwayne's face."Do you really think she's going to die?"

"I've been praying all I know how for Kenisha. But to tell you the truth, she has been steadily declining. Unless God gives us a miracle, I don't think she has much longer."

Brenda turned to Deidre with a raised brow."Did I miss something? Is something wrong with his daughter?"

"The doctors say that Kenisha doesn't have that much longer to live. She has cancer."

Brenda put her hand over her mouth as she said, "Oh, my God."

"The thing is, Mr. Smalls, I was hoping that you would come see Kenisha. She probably won't admit it, but she desperately needs your love."

He lowered his head in shame.

His wife put her hand over his."What's wrong, baby?"

"I don't know what to say to her. I treated Kenisha so badly the last time I saw her." He looked up, eyes darting from Brenda to Deidre, looking for understanding."I was going through a bad divorce a few years back. Kenisha came to see me. I hadn't seen her in years, but I was mad about all the money I'd paid out to her mother in child support, and I knew good and well that Martha hadn't done anything but drink the money up. So I didn't even talk to her. I told her I wasn't giving out any more, and she left with two little kids."

"Those are your grandchildren, Mr. Smalls. Kenisha now has three children, and my husband and I have agreed to adopt them, but they might want to know their grandfather."

"I don't know if I can face her after how I've treated her, but tell her that I'll pay for the funeral. Just call me when it's time."

How big of you,
Deidre wanted to say. Instead she opened her purse and took a small notepad and pen out. She wrote down her address and handed it to him."This is where Kenisha is staying. Tell her yourself." Deidre stood up and said, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment."

She left the burger joint feeling slightly dirty. She went home and showered before she, Kenisha, and Johnson went downtown to the Juvenile Court Building. Kenisha had called the woman she had been working with at the Action Adoption Agency and told her that she had prospective parents for her children. The woman suggested that they pick up a Pro Se packet at the Juvenile Court so they could file for legal custody. She then told them that they would need to have their lawyer file the adoption petition with the Probate Court. But the process should go smoother if Deidre and Johnson already had legal custody in the works.

Knowing all that, it was still hard for Deidre to hear Kenisha tell the clerk in the Juvenile Court Building that she needed the Pro Se packet because she was dying and her children needed legal guardians.

The clerk looked up at Kenisha and asked, "Are you serious?"

"Nope," Kenisha said."I'm really just tired of being a mother, so I'm trying to throw my kids off on somebody so I can spend the rest of my days partying like a rock star."

Deidre jumped in front of Kenisha."We have her medical records. She's telling the truth."

Shaking his head as if dealing with a naughty child, the clerk opened a file cabinet behind his desk and produced the forms needed to get the process started. He handed them the packet."Fill this out and return eight copies to me."

They sat down at a table not far from the clerk's desk and began filling out the paperwork. The process was sobering for Deidre because if James didn't release his parental rights, she and Johnson could end up as the parents of two children rather than three. Deidre kept trying to quiet her fears by reminding herself to trust God, but her heart was beating fast when she handed the papers to the clerk."How long does this process take?"

"A couple of months."

Worry lines etched across Deidre's face. It was the second of December. Pretty soon people would be on vacation and out for the Christmas and New Year's break. What had she done? Had her procrastination cost her the children she dearly wanted? Would Kenisha even be alive long enough for this background check to go through?
Oh, dear Lord, please help us,
Deidre silently prayed.

O
n Friday morning, Deidre was preparing to miss another day of work so that somebody would be at the house with Kenisha when the doorbell rang. She went to the door and opened it. Her eyebrow rose as she stared into Aisha's smiling face. A young man, maybe mid-twenties, was standing next to her."Hey Aisha, I didn't expect to see you today."

"I told you I would take care of her on Fridays, and that is what I intend to do. Kenisha is just going to have to deal with it," Aisha said firmly.

"You brought someone else to see your sister?"

"Yeah. But this one is cool. Remember, she told me not to come back without Kevin. So I brought him with me."

Now Deidre was smiling."You're Kenisha's brother? Come on in. She has been wanting to see you. Thank God you showed up."

After Deidre walked them into the family room, she told Kenisha, "I'm going to go and get ready for work. Please be nice to Aisha."

As Deidre walked out of the room, Kenisha started to roll her eyes at her sister, but then Kevin walked into the room."Oh my God, I didn't think I would see you again. I didn't know if you were dead or alive."

Kevin walked over to the bed and knelt down next to his sister."I've been doing what you asked me to do lil' sis. I went to a rehab. I'm trying to get clean so my nieces and my nephew can be proud of me."

Tears filled Kenisha's eyes."I thought I would never see this day. Why didn't you tell anybody where you were going?"

"You know how our family can be sometimes. They say stuff to make you feel bad about yourself. I just didn't want to have all that in my head while I was trying to get clean, so I just walked off and didn't say anything to anybody. But I prayed before I left. I told God that if you were still alive when I got out of that rehab, I would stay clean for the rest of my life."

She wanted to tell Kevin that it was no use bargaining with God, because He was just going to do whatever He wanted anyway. But she didn't want to fill Kevin's head with the negativity he was trying to get away from, so she kept her feelings to herself.

Aisha loudly cleared her throat. When Kevin and Kenisha turned to her, she pointed at Kenisha and said, "You owe me an apology."

Kenisha thought about it for a moment and then admitted, "You're right. I shouldn't have been so mean to you.come over here so I can give you a hug."

Aisha climbed on the bed with Kenisha, and the sisters hugged like long-lost friends.

"I'm sorry, Isha. I'll try to control my temper from now on. Okay?"

"All right," Aisha agreed, clearly happy just to be back in her sister's good graces.

"Hey, have either of you seen Angelina?"

"Not in a couple of weeks. She just finished taking her finals, and you know she don't come around when she's studying."

Kenisha knew that Angelina hadn't felt comfortable around her since Kenisha told her just what kind of pervert her daddy was. But just as Kenisha hadn't wanted to go to her grave without seeing Kevin, she had the same kind of feeling now about Angelina."Call her for me. Tell her I'd like to see her," Kenisha asked Aisha.

"Sure, sis. What about Martha? Do you want to see her too?" Aisha asked.

Shaking her head vehemently, Kenisha said, "I'm not even sure if I want that woman to attend my funeral."

"Lil' sis, you've got to stop all this," Kevin said."I know Martha wasn't the best mother, but my counselor at the rehab told us that the best way to free ourselves is to let go. And that's what you need to do. Kenisha, just let go of all the bitterness that you have toward Martha. I guarantee you'll feel a lot better—I do."

"You handle your bitterness the way you see fit, and I'll handle mine. Okay?"

"Have it your way, Ke-Ke. I'm just trying to help you take that heavy load off your shoulders."

"Listen to you, away at rehab for a couple of months and you come back a philosopher," Aisha said.

"I might not be a philosopher. But I'm a whole lot wiser than I was when I went in. My counselor helped me find a job. It's not much, but I'm going back to school."

"Shut up, Kevin. You are not," Kenisha said.

"Yes, I am, Ke-Ke. I'm going to be that architect I always dreamed about being. It's not too late. And I plan to live every day of the rest of my life to the fullest."

"Has my impending death put you in such a hurry to live life to the fullest?"

The brightness that had been in his eyes as he discussed his job and his plans for school left as he admitted, "Yeah, Ke-Ke. This shouldn't be happening to you. But it's made me realize that we shouldn't waste a minute with bitterness or with unfulfilled dreams, because we don't know when our end is going to come. And I'd rather mine came while I was doing something. That's the way I see life now. And it's all thanks to my little sister."

Kenisha put her hand on Kevin's head and leaned back against her pillow. Her eyes appeared to be looking far off as she said, "As the years go by and my children begin to forget me, would you tell them the story of how I inspired you to go out and make something of your life?"

"Every chance I get," Kevin told her as he leaned his head on her shoulder.

"Okay, you two are sounding too morbid for me," Aisha said."What do you say I call Angelina over here, and we spend the day watching comedies?"

"Sounds good to me. But you need to call Deidre first, and make sure it's okay," Kenisha said.

After Aisha got the okay from Deidre, Angelina came over, and the four of them spent the day watching funny Christmas movies and other comedies. They laughed and joked with each other as they reminisced about the funny things they'd done when they were kids. Like the time Kevin rolled down their uncarpeted stairs on his big wheel, fell and busted his head and had to go to the hospital for stitches. Or the time Dynasty got caught stealing a bag of chips at the convenience store down the street from their house, and the store clerk whupped her all the way home, and then Martha whupped her some more.

"That girl was always doing stuff she didn't have no business doing," Aisha said with a laugh.

"She was kicks," Kenisha said.

"Hey, remember when we used to sing 'We Are Family'?" Angelina asked.

"Yeah, we really thought we were Sister Sledge back then. I remember how we would hold our play microphones and put on Martha's wigs and strut around the room singing." Aisha held her fist to her mouth as if holding a microphone and sang, "
We are family."

Angelina stood up, fist to her mouth like a microphone, and sang, "
I got all my family with me."

Kenisha sat up and joined in while Aisha and Angelina danced around the room. When they finished the song, Kenisha told Aisha, "You should do some of those moves for the next reality show you audition for."

Aisha stopped dancing and asked excitedly, "You really think so?"

"Nope," Kenisha said as Angelina and Kevin burst out in laughter."But I think it will give the producers something to laugh about. You never know, sis, comedy might be your ticket in."

Aisha waved them off."Forget y'all. I know I've got moves. Y'all are just jealous." Aisha started dancing around the room."See that? One day that's going to be a signature Aisha move."

"That's right, Isha, don't give up your dreams," Kevin said, still laughing.

They continued on like that for hours, then Angelina put Tyler Perry's movie
Daddy's Little Girl
in the DVD player. They were enjoying the movie until Idris Elba got fed up and headed out to settle a score. That's when Sam Cooke's song "A Change Is Gonna Come" started playing. The four of them listened as the honesty of those lyrics poured out of Sam Cooke's mouth.

It's been too hard living, but I'm afraid to die.
Those lyrics mesmerized Kenisha because she felt the same way. There were times that she would have gladly given up this crappy life that had been forced on her. But it was the not knowing what came next that had stopped her. Now that her life was being taken from her, Kenisha really wanted to know, as Sam Cooke said,
what's up there beyond the sky.

When the song finished, Kenisha turned to Kevin and her sisters and asked, "What do y'all think is up there?" She pointed upward.

"Are you talking about upstairs or heaven?" Aisha asked.

"Heaven. Do you think there is such a place?"

"I sure hope so. After suffering like hell on earth, I'd love to think we get to go to a place like heaven when it's all over," Kevin said.

"I started attending this church on campus about a month ago," Angelina began."And, well, the members have really been helping me get through some things."

Kenisha knew what things Angelina was trying to get through. And for the first time, she wondered if she had been wrong when she told Angelina how evil her father really was. He had never been that way to Angelina. So maybe she should have let the girl go on idealizing her father."I'm sorry about the things I said to you, Angelina. I shouldn't have told you."

"I'm glad you told me what he did to you and Kevin. He had no right, and I don't need a man like that in my life."

"He's still your father, Angelina. You can't let what happened to me and Kenisha turn you into a bitter, unforgiving person," Kevin said, again sounding wiser than his twenty-seven years.

"I'm praying about it," Angelina admitted.

"You're going to church and praying. Oh goodness, what have I done to you?" Kenisha asked jokingly.

"You can joke if you want to, but because of this church, I now can tell you that I not only believe that there is a heaven, but that there is also a God and we must serve Him if we want to get to heaven."

"Okay, we're getting morbid again. This is supposed to be a fun day, remember?" Aisha said.

"Then we better change the subject before Angelina starts baptizing us," Kevin said, and they all broke out laughing.

The next day, Kenisha was still in good spirits as she told Deidre about her fun time with her family.

When she finished, Deidre said, "Wow. You really changed their lives."

"Not really. They could have done that stuff without me," Kenisha said. As far as she was concerned, she hadn't done anything right all her life, so how could she possibly have helped change anyone's life?

"Kenisha? I can't believe you don't see how you helped them. It might have been in an indirect way, but if you hadn't been alive, your brother might still be on drugs and Angelina might never have attended that campus church."

"So you're saying that I wasn't born for nothing? That I've made a difference?"

"Not only in the lives of your brother and sister, but in the lives of your children. You've made a difference in my life also."

Laughing, Kenisha said, "Yeah, right. What could I have helped you with?"

"Laugh if you want, but I'm telling you the truth. When I met you, I was so absorbed in my problems that I had only been praying for myself, and I was only concerned about what Johnson and I wanted. My prayers changed after meeting you. And believe it or not, you helped me get my faith back."

"How? None of your prayers have been answered."

"But the thing is, I have come to accept that whether God answers my prayers or not, I know that He is able to. And I have decided to serve Him the rest of my life even if He never does another thing for me, because I love Him that much. So, thank you, Kenisha."