Long Time Coming (8 page)

Like many nights gone by, Deidre cried herself to sleep. When Sunday morning rolled in, she crawled out of bed and got dressed for church as a duty-bound servant of God. She sat in the service and listened to the message. However, she didn't really hear a word Pastor Monroe said. But when the altar call was made, the Holy Spirit tugged at her heart. She stood up and walked down to the altar, but instead of telling one of the altar workers her prayer request, Deidre fell on her knees at the steps of the pulpit and began crying out to God.

"I'm so sorry, Lord. I'm so sorry," was all she said for a long while. Deidre cried out to God as the barren woman in the Old Testament did after being tormented by her husband's other wife about not being able to have children. The woman begged God for a child and promised to give that child back to God if He would hear her cries. Now Deidre did the same. She told God that she would gladly raise her child in the fear of the Lord, if He would just forgive her for what she'd done to Johnson and heal her womb.

When Deidre finished praying, she looked around and noticed that the sanctuary was empty, all except for Johnson, who sat on the front pew with his head bowed, praying as well. She walked over to him and nudged him."You ready?"

As he stood up, he said, "I think we should adopt."

K
enisha hated hospitals. She had been in a hospital only three times, for the birth of her three children, and that had been plenty enough for her. Hospitals were cold and impersonal. But the thing she hated most was that there were no locks on the doors. Anyone could sneak into her room late at night and violate her and then ease right back out. That's why, even being heavily medicated, Kenisha was having a hard time sleeping. She would nod off, and then hear a noise and her eyes would flutter open and she would watch the door until she drifted off to sleep again. The surgery had left her in a lot of pain, but Kenisha was afraid to ask the nurse for more pain medicine that might put her in a deep sleep. And if she was in a deep sleep, she wouldn't be able to defend herself from anyone sneaking into her room for some late-night fun. No, she would just wait until morning to ask for some more pain medication.

But by morning, Kenisha's body was so racked with pain that she was sweating and shaking.

"Good morning," the nurse said as she entered the room to check Kenisha's vital signs."How's our patient today?"

"Terrible," Kenisha said through gritted teeth to the woman in the navy blue smock and matching pants.

"Terrible?" the nurse repeated and then asked, "Were you able to sleep last night?"

Kenisha shook her head.

"Look at you," the nurse said as she stood next to Kenisha."You're drenched with sweat. Let me get some towels and wipe away all that sweat."

Before she could move, Kenisha grabbed the woman's arm and pleaded, "Pain medicine. Please."

"I'm sorry, I figured you might be in pain by morning, I just didn't realize how much pain." She picked up a small white cup from her tray and handed it to Kenisha with a glass of water."I brought some pain medicine in with me. So just swallow those pills, and that should take care of the pain in a few minutes."

"Thanks," Kenisha said as she swallowed the pills and then drank the water like a man dying of thirst.

The nurse walked over to the chalkboard and wrote her name."I'm Linda," she said as she turned back to Kenisha."So if you need anything today, just call me or hit the nurse button." Linda wiped the sweat from Kenisha's face and neck, then checked her vitals and left the room.

Kenisha eased her head back onto her pillow and before she knew it, she was in dreamland. And in her dream, she was with Dynasty again. Dynasty was getting ready for her first date with Clyde. She came over to Kenisha's house and asked to borrow a sweater.

"I don't know about loaning out my clothes to you, Dy. The last time I let you borrow something, one of your friends stole it."

"Girl, give me that sweater. I'm going out with Clyde, and I want to look cute."

"Terrell's cousin Clyde?"

Dynasty nodded, dancing around the room, enjoying life.

"You didn't tell me you were interested in Clyde. When did you start seeing him?"

"This is our first date. And I didn't tell you because I know you don't like him."

Kenisha took hold of Dynasty's arm and stopped her from dancing around the room. She looked her in the eyes and said, "I don't have a problem with Clyde, Dynasty. What I don't like is the way he treats women. I saw him beat on his last girlfriend."

Dynasty brushed that comment off."He told me all about it. The girl was cheating on him."

Kenisha shook her head."I don't think you should go out with him, Dy. Just leave him alone. All right?"

"Kenisha, Kenisha. Girl, wake up."

"I know she can hear us. This just don't make no sense. The girl slept all night, now she wants to sleep the day away too."

Kenisha heard the rude voices around her that were interrupting her conversation with Dynasty. They sounded like her mother and her sister Aisha.

"Get up, girl. Stop being so lazy."

That was definitely her mother. That woman never had a kind word for her. But why was she bothering her while she was trying to warn Dynasty about Clyde. All she needed was a few more minutes with Dynasty and . . . somebody shoved her; she tried to hold onto Dynasty. Kenisha's eyes opened, and she saw her mother and sister standing over her. She rubbed her eyes and looked around the room, trying to figure out where Dynasty had gone. Then it hit her. She wasn't with Dynasty. She was in a hospital room recovering from surgery.

"So you just gon' sleep all day, huh?" Martha asked.

"What time is it?" Kenisha asked while rubbing her eyes.

"Girl, it's one o'clock. Even I don't sleep that late," Aisha said.

Kenisha lifted her eyes to stare at the ceiling as she wondered why the last two people she wanted to see right now would be the first and probably the only people to come to the hospital to see about her. Just some more of her rotten luck, Kenisha supposed."The pain pills they gave me this morning must have knocked me out."

"Don't take too many of them things," Martha warned."The last thing you need is a habit."

Kenisha couldn't believe the audacity of her mother, to come in here and criticize her about pain pills when she was a falling-down drunk. Kenisha hoped that her surgery had gone well, and she didn't want to jinx herself by telling Martha off, so she clamped her mouth shut and hoped that they would leave soon.

"This room is so small you can hardly turn around in it." Martha was determined to find something to complain about.

"Why don't you sit down, Martha? Then you won't have to worry about turning around," Kenisha said as she scarcely avoided rolling her eyes.

"Don't get snippy with me, missy. I didn't have to come all the way down here to check on you, but I did, didn't I?"

"Most people wouldn't need a pat on the back for seeing about their own child. Especially when that child is sick," Kenisha said, losing the battle with showing respect for her mother

"Can the two of you ever be in the same room together without griping at each other?" Aisha asked while shaking her head.

Martha sat down in the chair next to Kenisha's bed and waved her hand in the air as if swatting a fly."I'm not worried about Kenisha. She's just trying to make me feel guilty like she did Angelina, and I'm not having it." Martha took a flask out of her purse, opened it, took a swig, and then recapped it.

"Martha," Kenisha admonished."You can't drink in here."

"Hush, girl. You might be able to stop me from keeping my grandbabies, but you can't stop me from drinking if that's what I want to do."

"This is the exact reason you're not allowed to watch my kids. If you're drunk and passed out somewhere, who is going to protect my children when one of your perverted boyfriends tries to touch them?"

Before Martha could respond, Aisha said, "I'm tired of listening to y'all argue when I have good news."

"What is it now, Isha?" Kenisha asked.

"Guess who got a call back from
The Bad Girls
show? They want me to interview for next season's show."

Kenisha's mouth hung open, her eyes widened.

"I know," Aisha said excitedly."Isn't that great?"

"Isha, girl, you can't fight. You got beat up on a weekly basis when we were in school. You don't need to be on that show with those girls."

"You can't tell your sister nothing," Martha said."I told you that she was going to find a way to embarrass us all, and getting beat up on that
Bad Girls
show will do it. I won't be able to hold my head up in this town after one of those girls wipes the floor with Aisha's skinny behind."

"Don't hate," Aisha said as she got out of her seat and started boxing around the room."I'm not afraid of those girls. I can handle myself."

There was a knock on the door. The door opened, and Deidre Morris walked in, carrying a basket of flowers as Aisha sat back down.

"Hey, Kenisha, I just stopped by to see how you're doing."

"Finally," Kenisha said, flinging her hands in the air and pointedly glaring at her mother."Somebody wants to know how I'm doing."

"Don't start with me, girl," Martha said."Like I said, I didn't have to come down here, and I didn't have to let Angelina watch them kids of yours so that you could get operated on."Martha opened her flask and took another drink.

"Am I interrupting something?" Deidre asked, still holding the flowers in her hand.

"No, my sister was just showing us how she's going to get herself beat up on that
Bad Girls
show," Kenisha said.

A look of confusion crossed Deidre's face."The
Bad Girl
what?"

"Don't worry about it. It's some crazy reality show that Aisha is trying to get cast on." She then pointed to an empty table behind her bed."You can put those flowers on that table if you want."

"All right," Deidre said cautiously, as she walked over to the table and set the flowers down.

Martha told Kenisha, "You need to buy Angelina some flowers when you get out of the hospital. That girl has had to put her life on hold in order to watch your kids. And you didn't even say thanks, just made demands about her father not being able to visit while your kids are there."

"Her father doesn't need to be anywhere near my kids, and you know why. So don't sit there and act like I'm being unreasonable," Kenisha said in a huff.

Martha stood up and held out her hand to Deidre."My daughter is too rude to introduce us, so let me do it myself. I'm Martha." She gestured toward Aisha and said, "And that's my oldest daughter, Aisha."

Deidre shook Martha's hand and then turned to Aisha."Nice to see you again."

"You're that schoolteacher, right?" Aisha asked.

"I'm the principal at the school Jamal attends," Deidre said as she looked around the room.

"Grab that stool over by Martha and have a seat. We're all friendly here," Aisha said, and then looked at Kenisha and corrected herself."Most of us, anyway."

Deidre sat down and smiled at the group."So how is everyone doing?"

"Kenisha is in a bad mood as usual," Aisha said as if she didn't have a care in the world."Martha's drinking, and I'm being my wonderful self." Then she told Deidre, "Why don't you and I talk, so we don't have to listen to Kenisha and Martha argue?"

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

"For one thing, do you think a reality show about teachers would work, and if so, how can I become a teacher?" Aisha said.

Kenisha broke out in laughter."Girl, stop bothering Deidre. You know you don't want to be in a room full of bad kids. You don't even want to keep your own kids."

"Yeah, but I made you laugh, didn't I?" Aisha said with a mischievous grin on her face.

W
hen Deidre left the hospital, she felt a little melancholy. Although she had laughed and joked with Aisha, one fact kept running through her mind: she had not been there for Kenisha when the girl needed her. All Kenisha had wanted was for her children to be in a safe place while she was in the hospital, but Deidre hadn't offered shelter to three wonderful children who needed it. She also hadn't offered any comfort to Johnson in his quest to become a parent. Her behavior sickened her, and she was tired of it.

Deidre picked up the phone and dialed her mother. Loretta Clark was a God-fearing woman who loved her children and treated them and others with respect. She was a far cry from Kenisha's mother, and for that, Deidre was thankful. When Loretta answered the phone, Deidre said, "I need you to pray for me, Mama."

"What's wrong, honey? What's happened?" Loretta asked with concern in her voice.

"I've done some things that aren't right. I need to change, but I don't know what to do."

"I'm on my way over there."

"No, I didn't call so that you would rush over here. You live an hour away. Just pray for me. I'll be okay," Deidre said.

"Put on a pot of coffee. I'm on my way. We can pray together once I get there." Loretta hung up the phone.

Deidre did as she was told and put the pot of coffee on. She then sat down at the kitchen counter and waited on her mother. True to her word, Loretta Clark was knocking on Deidre's door in a little less than an hour."How'd you get here so fast? Are the cops on your trail again?"

"Naw, I shook them off on I-75," Loretta said with a giggle as she walked straight to the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Mother, you have got to stop speeding. That isn't funny. I don't want anything to happen to you, okay?"

Loretta put two spoonfuls of sugar in her coffee and then raised her hand as if she were in court."Okay, I promise." She set her mug on the kitchen counter and pulled up a chair."Where's Johnson?"

"He's still on base. I don't think he'll be home until about seven."

"That gives us enough time for some girl talk. Now come here and sit down with me."

Deidre sat down next to her mother. She tried to smile but her heart wasn't in it.

"Ah, honey." Loretta hugged her daughter."I heard the distress in your voice over the phone. What's got you so upset?"

"It's the same thing it's always been—my inability to have children. Now Johnson wants to adopt, and I'm just not sure how I feel about that."

"Wouldn't adoption be the answer to your prayers? I mean, you and Johnson would be parents just like you both have always dreamed about."

Deidre shook her head."My having a child would be the dream Johnson and I have had. Adopting would be like admitting that we have no faith in God."

Loretta patted her child on the shoulder."God has all sorts of ways to solve the problems we encounter," Loretta said, then added, "Why don't you just admit what's really bothering you? Do you think that Johnson will finally figure out that you can't have children if you agree to adopt?"

Deidre didn't respond, but the sadness in her eyes said it all.

"Don't you think Johnson has already figured that out?"

"I think he knows that I'm the reason that we haven't had any children. But he doesn't know that I've known I'm the reason all along. And I feel so guilty for not telling him the truth from the beginning."

"Honey, now, I've always told you that deception has a price. Aren't you tired of paying for your deception?"

Tears fell on Deidre's lap as she lowered her head."I'm tired of it, Mom. But I just don't know what to do to fix it."

"Talk to your husband, Deidre. He is a better man than you give him credit for."

"You make it sound so easy," Deidre said."I've been lying to him for years. How can I expect him to forgive me just like that?"

"Johnson loves you, honey. Give him a chance."

Deidre raised her head. She was silent for a moment, and then she told her mother, "I met this twenty-three-year-old woman who is battling cancer."

"That's awful. When did you meet her?"

"Her son is one of the students at my school. I kept him while she was getting a radiation treatment one day."

"That was nice of you," Loretta said.

"It really wasn't. I was mad about having to watch him. And then before she went into the hospital for surgery, she was trying to find someone to watch her children and even though I knew Johnson would have loved to do it, I didn't volunteer."

"So how do you feel about your decision?"

"I feel awful, because I know the only reason I didn't help her is because of my own issues about having children."

Loretta sipped on her coffee as she said, "I think you're being too hard on yourself. But I also think you need to let go and move on with your life."

"That sounds real good when you say it, Mom, but how do I move on when I don't know what to do? What do you tell your clients?" Loretta was a crisis counselor for Alcoholics Anonymous. She talked with people who had to deal with guilt and regrets all the time.

"I'm not always allowed to tell them everything I want to." She held out her hands for Deidre. When Deidre took her mother's hands, Loretta said, "Let's pray."

Deidre bowed her head and listened as her mother went to the throne room of God on her behalf. Deidre couldn't say what was different about this prayer, for she had prayed about this same issue a number of times. But this time, she felt that God was taking a heavy burden away from her.

When they finished praying, Loretta said, "Let's move this little chitchat into your computer room. I've got an idea."

Deidre took her mother into the computer room and then turned on the computer."Now what?" Deidre asked as she turned toward Loretta.

"Go to Google."

Deidre opened her Internet browser, went to Google, and then turned back to Loretta, waiting on further instructions.

"Look up adoption services in Ohio," Loretta said.

Deidre shook her head."I don't think I'm ready for something like this. What if I'm right, and adopting a child shows a lack of faith on our part?"

"And what if adopting a child brings unspeakable joy into your home?"

Deidre was still shaking her head, so Loretta became a bit more forceful with her."Now you listen to me, Deidre Clark- Morris. That husband of yours is a good man, and he wants to raise a child with you. Johnson doesn't care if that child is birthed through you or comes through adoption. He'll love it just the same. So you stop being foolish and give that man what he wants."

Without saying anything, Deidre stopped shaking her head and began typing into the Google search bar. Deidre and Loretta spent the next hour researching adoption services.

But the kicker as far as Deidre was concerned was that the final decree of adoption wouldn't even be issued until the child had lived with the adoptive parents for at least six months. So, therefore, the courts could come into the adoptive parents' home at any time within those six months and remove a child whom they had grown to love as if he or she was their very own. Deidre didn't like that at all.

When she was done looking up the process, she started looking for agencies that she and Johnson could visit in order to get more information. The first agency that looked good to her was one called Action Adoption. The information on their website really touched Deidre. They talked about making
forever families.
And something else caught her attention about the Action Adoption agency. The website stated that they believed all children had a right to a loving, caring, and supportive family to aid their growth as moral, functional members of society. That simple statement made her think about Ronny. How she wished he had the Action Adoption Agency on his side rather than that poor excuse for a mother he had.

Two other agencies looked like they might be able to help her and Johnson, so she wrote their names down on her notepad with the addresses and telephone numbers also. By the time Johnson arrived home, she was well equipped to talk to him about his heart's desire.

When Johnson came into the house, Loretta kissed him on the check and then left.

"Was it something I said?" Johnson joked."Why wouldn't my mother-in-law want to stay and visit with me?" he asked Deidre.

"I need to talk to you, so she wanted to give us some privacy." Deidre grabbed Johnson's hand and then walked him over to the couch and sat down. She then handed him the papers about adoption that she had printed off the computer.

"What's this?" he asked, before looking at the papers.

"You have been very patient with me, Johnson. And for that, I really want to thank you. But my mom helped me see that it's time for us to move forward and for me to stop clinging to something that might never happen for us."

As he read the information on the papers, he turned back to Deidre and said, "But I thought you were against adoption. Every time I brought it up, you refused to even discuss it."

"That was selfish of me, Johnson. I've been praying about this, and"—she swallowed hard on her pride, wishes, hopes, and dreams in order to give Johnson his wishes, hopes, and dreams—"I think we should give this adoption thing a try."

Cautiously, he asked, "Do you really mean it, Deidre? Do you really think we could do this?"

To Deidre's surprise, she really did want to check out those adoption agencies. In her heart, she knew that she was now ready to be a mother any way God saw fit. At that moment, Deidre imagined her mother speeding up I-75, praying to God on her behalf.
Keep on praying, Mom. Just keep on praying.
"I mean it, Johnson. I think this will be good for us."

Johnson jumped out of his seat, picked Deidre up, and twirled her around the room in a manner he hadn't done since the first year of their marriage."Thank you, Deidre. Thank you for doing this."

Deidre put her hand on her husband's cheek."Thank you, Johnson, for loving me in spite of everything."

The next day, when she and Johnson went shopping at the BX, Deidre stopped at one of the vendor tables to look at some jewelry that had caught her eye. After she selected the pieces she wanted, she set off in search of her husband. She checked the electronics department, the auto parts department, and the shoes, all the normal places where Johnson hung out when they came to the BX. Her final stop was in the baby department. Deidre didn't even know why she walked over there, except that she had a feeling that she might find Johnson snooping around. When she saw him standing over a crib with that wide-eyed expression he got when something truly brought him joy, her spirit leaped within her.

She had misunderstood her husband and cost them years of unnecessary pain. For now she knew that Johnson's heart was so big it could even make room for another man's child. At that moment, Deidre decided that she wouldn't look back. She, too, could love a child that wasn't pulled from her belly. She walked over to Johnson and poked him."Hey."

"Hey, yourself," he said as he turned to her.

Deidre pointed at the crib, "So I take it you want a newborn?"

"Wouldn't it be great if we could get a baby? That way we could raise her as our own."

"Oh, so you want a girl too, huh?"

Johnson pulled Deidre into his arms as he said, "Yeah, a girl who would be just as beautiful as her mother, and give me a hard time and drive me up a wall."

"Hey, you better watch it. Me and my daughter may just double-team you."

Johnson kissed Deidre."I'm just joking. How could the woman I love drive me up a wall?" He put his arm around Deidre as they walked around the store.

Deidre enjoyed spending time with her husband, and she especially enjoyed seeing him in such a good mood. But she was still bothered by the fact that she hadn't told him the truth. She had deceived Johnson. She'd strung him along for all these years, letting him get his hopes up about a child that had never come.

Later that night, Deidre got on her knees and begged God to forgive her for the mess she'd made of her life. She prayed for the newborn that Johnson wanted."Give him his heart's desire, Lord." She also prayed that God would help Johnson forgive her when she finally told him the truth, for she knew that she couldn't live with this lie much longer.