Long Way Home by Carolyn Gray (43 page)

“Don’t exactly feel like it right now, if you don’t mind.”

Lee pulled out the desk chair and sat. “Then listen to me.”

Gev let out a whoosh of breath. “You don’t have to say anything.”

Shit. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Lee said, cursing the surge of frustrated

anger. His arm throbbed, he felt like hell, and if Gev didn’t look at him soon, Lee was going to

push him down on the bed, hold them there, and make him listen—injury be damned.

“It means,” Gev said in measured tones, “you can do what you want. I can’t stop you.”

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I can’t stop you from going back to Stef
. That’s what hung between them. Lee looked at

Gev, tense and ready to spring away the second Lee said the wrong thing. Dammit, he wasn’t

good at this sort of thing. He was no lyricist; he was a background man, the bass…the

foundation. Nick had told him once that without Lee, steady and strong beneath them, Dream

would’ve failed. He wasn’t used to putting himself out there, but now he had to. His life

depended on it.

He took a deep breath, pulling from that. “You really think that now Stef is back, there’s

instantly nothing between you and me anymore?” He could tell by Gev’s flinch that was exactly

what he thought. Lee couldn’t stand it. He stood and dragged the chair around the bed. Gev’s

face was tight, and he glared at the floor as if he’d burn a hole straight through to the basement if

given enough time and fuel. Lee aimed to give him neither.

“I want to tell you about something I’ve realized, ever since that first night.” He didn’t

have to tell Gev what night. “I’ve spent more than fifteen years holding on to something that was

never mine to begin with. Ever since Stef disappeared, I’ve blamed myself. Wrapped everything

I did around the cold, hard fact that it was my fault Stef was gone. Today, hearing the real truth,

it slammed into me what an idiot I’d been, putting that kind of responsibility on the kid I was

then.”

Gev said nothing, but his eyes flickered.

“I made it everything to me, thinking it was the right thing to do, because I thought I loved

your brother.” Gev tensed at that, his jaw twitching. “But we were
kids
. I was a stupid teenage

boy with raging hormones and a crappy home life, and I was blind to what was going on in front

of me. You read that journal. Stef liked me, but he also used me to cover up what was really

going on.” Bitterness leaked out. “I was too young and too stupid to realize it.

“I’m not very good at this sort of thing, but dammit, there’s one thing I know—since

falling for you, everything’s been so much better. You’re the one who made me want to look to

the future, not to the past. Because there’s nothing back there, and I’ve known it for a long time.

But I was scared, a coward.” He took a deep breath. “You make me feel strong. Like I can

handle anything, do anything, because you’re there. There’s things I want, things I never thought

I could have. Stupid things. Like…like my own house. A car. I haven’t bought a car in years. I

want a stupid dog. I’ve never even let myself have a dog.”

The anger seemed to be leaving Gev’s face. But he hadn’t said anything, and Lee was

starting to feel desperate. He ached to reach for Gev’s hand, so close to his own. So he did, his

fingers grasping Gev’s, his heart clenching so damn hard that it shocked him.

“When I saw you in there,” he said, voice faltering as he remembered that moment, “on

your knees, with that gun pointed at your head, a split second away from being taken from me

for good, I went crazy.” His heart leaped when Gev’s fingers curled around his. “If anything had

happened to you, I don’t—”

Gev looked up then, the hardness—but not all the hurt—gone. “I—” He licked his lips,

straightening, not taking his hand away but still hurt, so damn hurt. “I feel like a fool,” he finally

whispered. “I thought…” He closed his eyes. “I thought with Stef back… I know you told me it

wasn’t like that, but… Oh hell. You fell for me?”

Lee was confused for a second, then realized what he’d said. He hadn’t meant to say it, but

now he was damn glad he had. “Yeah, I did. Hard.”

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Carolyn Gray

The corner of Gev’s mouth twitched, and the last of the hurt was gone. Lee held his breath,

hoping to hell he’d finally broken through.

“You really serious? You want a house? That’s a weird way to try to convince me to come

back to you.”

Lee’s heart tripped at Gev’s teasing. “Okay, fine—two houses, then. One here and one in

Colorado. Or wherever you want to dance. I don’t care. As long as I can have a dog.”

“What’s wrong with a cat?” Gev said steadily.

Lee hesitated, his heart doing flip-flops. “How’d she get a name like Terror Screech,

anyway?”

“Chad named her, not me,” Gev said, spreading one hand. Then he sighed. “I’m such a

stupid fool.”

“I should’ve told you about Stef being alive.”

Gev winced. “Um, actually? Nina said you did the right thing.”

Lee was surprised at that. “She did? I don’t know,” he said. “I should’ve anyway. That was

as good as lying to you, and it won’t happen again. From now on, no more hiding things, no

more lies.”

“No more lies,” Gev whispered.

Lee wanted to push aside the next, but it had to be said. Now. No more putting things off.

“There’s still a lot to get through. Your brother’s probably in a lot of trouble, and he’ll need

help.” He tried not to notice the guarded look that crossed Gev’s face. “And, well, your mom

doesn’t exactly like me.”

“She’ll get over it.”

“And we’ll have to work things out about your dancing. If you want to stay here, okay, but

if there’s something else you want to do—”

Gev stopped him. “I’m not worried about that. I… It might take me a while to deal with

Stef being back. My mom—” He waved his hand, his mouth quirking up, but it was not to smile.

“Yeah. We’ve got a lot of crap to figure out.”

“I understand.”

“I mean, how to tell them and everything. About us.”

“Nina knows. Stef knows.”

Gev looked surprised. “Yeah, I expect he does.” He shifted on the bed. “I don’t know what

to expect. With Stef back, I don’t know.”

“I gave him the card of a friend of mine, told him I’d pay his legal fees.” Lee waited,

holding his breath, afraid to hope that it was really going to be okay. Gev’s eyes widened at that.

“You saw me give Stef the card, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. Stupid me. I thought… I don’t know. Stupid.”

“Not so stupid.” Lee’s cell buzzed then. He didn’t have to pull it out to know who it was.

The Dream ringtone made that clear.

“Nick,” Gev said, smiling.

Lee ignored the phone. “I’ll call later. They probably heard the news.”

“And are probably freaking out. What about telling Nick about us?”

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195

Lee thought for a moment. The last thing he wanted was to make a big deal about him and

Gev. He could imagine the explosion that would cause.

The phone stopped ringing. “Call him back,” Gev said.

“What?”

“Call him. Or better yet—” Gev pulled the phone out of Lee’s pocket and turned the

camera on. He looked at Lee, his eyes dancing. “We can send them a picture.”

“No. No way.”

“Why not?” Gev grinned. “Not
that
kind of picture. I’ll only send those to you. Come on.

Do you really want to talk to him right now?”

Hell no, he didn’t. He realized he liked Gev’s idea, though it scared the hell out of him.

Sending Nick a picture of them together would cause fireworks in Durango. He had no doubt

Nick would freak out, jumping up and down and screaming, “I told you guys! I knew it. I knew

it!” even though Lee had never said anything about his sexuality. He studied Gev’s face, the old

reticence and, well, the old Lee arguing with the Lee he wanted to become. Gev wanted this. Gev

needed
this. Needed Lee to share the truth with the people he was closest to, his bandmates and

friends—no, his
family
. “Okay.” He took a deep breath.

“Okay?” Gev said. “Wow. Let’s do it, then.”

Gev pulled him down on the bed, the heat from his body seeping immediately through to

Lee, making him shudder with want. Pure, hard desire rocketed through him as Gev leaned his

bruised, bandaged face close to Lee’s, not touching him otherwise. As if a magnet drew them

together, their cheeks finally touched. Gev turned his face to Lee’s. “Ready?”

Their lips met. Lee cradled Gev’s face, and Gev took the picture. Lee snaked his other

hand around Gev’s neck, pulling him closer. A muffled cry broke from Gev, and Lee’s entire

body reacted to that small sound, to Gev’s surrender as he let Lee kiss him, lips exploring Gev’s

with possessive force. He dropped his hand to Gev’s crotch, which pulsed hard beneath his

fingers, and stroked Gev through his jeans, his own cock hard, throbbing, almost painful with the

need for release. Gev spread his legs, thrusting against Lee’s hand, covering it with his own.

Finally, too soon, their chests heaving, they pulled apart.

“Damn,” Gev said breathlessly, then looked at the phone. He held it out to Lee.

Gev had somehow taken a good picture despite being suddenly ravished, and if a picture

could express a thousand words, this one did. It was perfect, Lee’s hand on Gev’s face, eyes half-

closed, Gev’s squeezed shut, Lee clearly devouring him.

“Send it,” Lee said, hardly believing himself.

Gev eyed him, still wary and unsure. “You mean it? You’re really ready for this.”

“Yes, I am. I promise. I love you, Gev Sinclair. And I plan to spend the next hundred years

making sure you never forget.” The happiness that broke out on Gev’s face shot straight through

to Lee’s heart, settling there, warm and bright and oh so right.

“I can handle that.” Gev kissed him. “I love you too—and fucking hell, that feels good to

say finally.”

Lee tapped the phone. “Send it.”

Trembling, leaning toward Lee to show him what he was doing, Gev typed:
see you guys

soon, we’re fantastic
. “Good?” he asked.

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Carolyn Gray

Lee took the phone, added,
love—G&L
, then hit Send.

He captured Gev’s mouth again. The phone rang immediately, but they ignored it. Then a

text message came through, chirping madly. “Think they got the message?” Gev asked.

“Oh yeah, no doubt about it.” All the hurt and uncertainty fell away then as Lee pulled Gev

closer and sealed his promise with his lips and hands and body. Clothes fell away, and their

bodies, naked and warm, came together with open honesty for the first time, all the horrors and

heartaches, the fears and doubts, the stranglehold of the past falling away. Now, Lee vowed as he

took Gev and made him completely his at last, with no shadows of the past between them, they

could both begin living again. Together. And nothing would tear them apart.

Nothing ever could.

Loose Id Titles by Carolyn Gray

A Red-Tainted Silence

Long Way Home

Carolyn Gray

Carolyn Gray lives in North Texas, where she makes her home with her two young adult

kids and two spoiled Siberian Huskies. She divides her time between work in the legal industry,

finally completing her education, traveling to the United Kingdom to be with her own knight in

shining armor, and creating suspenseful stories about everyday people caught up in more-than-

ordinary lives.

To learn more about Carolyn, visit her Web site a
t http://www.carolyngraybooks.com.

• Dedication
  
• Chapter One
  
• Chapter Two
  
• Chapter Three
  
• Chapter Four
  
• Chapter Five
  
• Chapter Six
  
• Chapter Seven
  
• Chapter Eight
  
• Chapter Nine
  
• Chapter Ten
  
• Chapter Eleven
  
• Chapter Twelve
  
• Chapter Thirteen
  
• Chapter Fourteen
  
• Chapter Fifteen
  
• Chapter Sixteen
  
• Chapter Seventeen
  
• Chapter Eighteen
  
• Chapter Nineteen
  
• Chapter Twenty
  
• Chapter Twenty-One
  
• Loose Id Titles by Carolyn Gray
  
• Carolyn Gray