Looking for Julie (14 page)

“No, Auntie, you didn’t say anything wrong. Actually, you said something so right. We won’t have to walk home from work if I have my car. Sam is just upset over what happened. She wanted to go home.”

“So he couldn’t find me,” Sam whispered.

Jamie walked her to her next class at the Sewell Social Science building. He said before he took off down Charter Street toward Chamberlin Hall, “Wait for me afterward. I’ll walk home with you.”

She dozed off at the beginning of the lecture and never noticed when the room cleared out. Jamie shook her shoulder gently, and she awoke with a painful start, like an electric shock.

“Hey, come on. Pretty boring class, huh?”

“I couldn’t stay awake. I tried.” She closed her computer and put it in her backpack. His cheek looked even worse, like it was rotting.  “Why aren’t you scared? You’re the one who keeps getting hurt.”

“I am scared. Okay? I almost shit in my pants, but then I thought what a mess that would make.”

“I’ve got it together now,” she said.

“Good, because I hate to think of what you’re like when you don’t.” He grinned. “I just met a dream man. Dark eyes, dark hair, great body.”

“Yeah? What’s his name?”

“I don’t know. He’s in my physics class. Maybe I’ll ask him for help.”

She threw her backpack over one shoulder. “You don’t need help. I’m the one who needs help in math.” She shuddered at the thought of having to study physics.

“You want me to call Karen? Find out where she’s at?”

“I think I’ll just go to the apartment.”

“I have to work tonight.”

“Don’t go,” she said, her bowels clenching.

“I’m done at ten. It’ll be all right. I’ll run all the way back to the dorm. He can’t run fast enough.”

“Call me when you get there.”

“Okay.”

“I mean it. Or I’ll call the cops.”

“Don’t do that, Sam.”

Edie hunkered down behind the wheel of Jamie’s old Escort, embarrassed by the roar of the engine. Why hadn’t her brother taken it to the Ford place and gotten the tailpipe assembly fixed or replaced? He was hard on his son, but she thought he’d forgive Jamie his youthful mistakes more easily if Jamie were straight.  Sometimes she also thought he blamed her for his son’s sexual orientation, as if he’d caught it from her.

She followed Lynn’s Honda down the interstate, trying to keep up. Not only was the Escort loud, it didn’t seem to have a lot of power.

When she told Lynn what had happened to Sam and Jamie, Lynn had looked as horrified as Edie felt. “I also told them that you’d met Julie Decker and she was teaching at UW-O.”

Lynn said, “I doubt she can help Sam with this one. Only the police can do that by catching this guy. You’d think he’d stand out, cruising around campus.”

“It’s a big campus,” she’d said.

They were on their way to Madison to a meeting. The only reason Edie was going was to see Claire. She and Claire had gotten back from Minocqua long before Lynn had returned last weekend, and Claire had gone home in a sulk.

She’d thought then that she was through with this foolishness with Claire. But as soon as Claire was gone, she began obsessing about her, reliving their times in bed, because those seemed to be the only good memories. This relationship was more like an addiction than a love affair. Claire did not love her. She didn’t even seem to like her. Maybe she was the one who should be looking for Julie.

On Monday night Claire had called just as she was falling asleep. “Miss me?” she’d said as if she hadn’t moped through most of the weekend, ignoring Edie until she wanted something from her.

She’d felt raw inside, sure she’d never see her again, and her heart leaped at the sound of her voice. “I thought you had plans with Janine. That’s what you said before you left yesterday.”

Claire had ignored the comment. “Will you be coming next weekend? There’s a meeting on Saturday.”

Fool that she was, Edie was doing as bidden. She would leave Jamie’s car at Sam’s apartment, then go with Lynn to the ERFA meeting where she was supposed to meet Claire.

She’d had to come clean to Lynn about Claire. She’d hardly been able to look her in the eye when she told her.

“Claire Bouveau?” Lynn had said, interrupting Edie. “When did this happen?”

Edie told her, and Lynn snorted a laugh. “And you were mad because I didn’t tell you about Frankie.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I understand now.”

“Claire is a user,” Lynn said in a soft tone.

“I know that too.” She lifted her shoulders and grimaced. “I don’t think she even likes me.”

“Then why?”

“I can’t seem to help it. Why Frankie?”

“You don’t know Frankie. She’s not like Claire,” Lynn said gruffly. “Claire will hurt you.”

“It hurts more not to see her.” They were sitting at the table, drinking coffee. “I feel like an elephant around her.”

“She wants you to feel that way.” Lynn looked mad. “Think of yourself skiing. You’re graceful. You’re a gazelle. You’re not heavy, you’re just tall.”

Edie laughed a little at the compliment.

Lynn leaned forward. “Don’t let her put you down. Think of this as a midlife crisis.”

“Is that how you think of Frankie” she asked.

Lynn had smiled. “No and you’ll understand why when you meet her.”

She parked the noisy car in front of Sam’s apartment and Lynn pulled in behind her. Before they got to the door, it opened. “Heard you coming,” Jamie said.

Sam was standing nearby, hands in pockets, looking tired. Her skin was pale except under her eyes.

“You two got a gay meeting?” Jamie asked.

Lynn said. “You should come with us, since it’s all about saving your asses from the persecution of the wrongly righteous.”

“And I thank you,” he said with a little bow.

A girl joined them—cute with freckles and dark hair standing up in disarray. Her ears were studded with tiny rings.

“Hi, I’m Edie,” she said, “and this is Lynn.”

“Karen,” the girl answered with a smile and put an arm around Sam.

So that’s how it was, she thought, pleased. “Where is Nita?” she asked, wondering if she’d moved out.

“Working.”

“Are you staying over?” Jamie asked.

Edie and Lynn exchanged a glance. “With friends.”

“Your car needs work, Jamie,” Edie said.

“I know. Maybe I can get it fixed now that I’ve got a job.”

She placed two rolled up fifties into his hand and closed his fingers around them. She didn’t want the car to break down while he was driving it. “It might not be enough, but it will help.”

“Hey, thanks. Will we see you again before you leave?”

“I doubt it.” She didn’t want him to meet Claire, to know that his reliable aunt was not in control of her life.

Sam burst into the conversation. “Edie said you met Julie Decker, Lynn.”

“I did. She’s really cool.”

Sam turned red and ducked her head. “She’s gorgeous.”

“Yes, yes, she is,” Lynn agreed.

“She’s more than that, though. She gets it,” Sam said.

“I’m not surprised.”

“What do you think she’d do if we went to see her?” Jamie asked.

“Not till you fix the car,” Edie put in. “Promise you’ll do that before you drive out of town.”

He put a hand on his chest. “Cross my heart.”

“I think before you go see Dr. Decker, Sam, you should e-mail her. Try [email protected]. She’s got to have a mailbox,” Lynn said.

They were late to the meeting, which started at ten. The large room was in the Union on the third floor and was hosted by the university’s LGBT group. A crowd of people sat around a long table. Heads swung as she and Lynn walked in. They each grabbed a chair and squeezed in between Pam and another woman.

Claire was not there, and Edie quickly realized that she’d have to sit through the meeting even if Claire showed up. It would be rude to leave. Pam poured her and Lynn a cup of coffee and brought them doughnuts from a table near the door.

“Thanks,” she whispered, smiling into Pam’s eyes, pale as the early morning sky.

Pam leaned toward her. “I thought you’d be skiing,”

“I brought my nephew’s car down.” That was her excuse. If possible, she would hide her affair with Claire from Pam.

“If you need a place to stay, you know where I am.”

People around the table shot “be quiet” looks their way, saving Edie from saying she thought she had a place to stay.

In charge, Todd talked about hate crimes and how some city councils were enacting ordinances against them. He also spoke about urging legislators to end “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” through letters and e-mails. On his right side, a woman next to Lynn stopped tapping on her laptop and spoke up.

Where Todd was ingratiating, she was commanding. “It’s expensive to take on the state, and that’s what we did, hoping to get the anti-gay marriage amendment repealed. I know how much you worked on this. It was heartbreaking to lose. Attitudes are changing, though, and there is the domestic partnership law. We need to create a stronger base from which to work to elect state and federal representatives and senators sympathetic to equal rights, because that’s what we’re fighting for.” She smiled and her dark, soulful gaze roamed the room. “We’re counting on you.” She sat down.

Lynn nudged Edie and whispered, “That’s Frankie.”

To Edie’s surprise, Frankie was not even remotely attractive. She was heavyset, and her “great hair” was bottle blonde with dark roots. Her eyes were her best feature.

When the meeting adjourned, Lynn introduced her to Frankie.

“You’re the skier Lynn talks about.” Her hand closed over Edie’s and she gave her a big, friendly smile that almost won Edie over. “I wish I could ski. I can barely walk a straight line.” She put an arm around Pam. “Here’s the woman you want for a skiing companion.”

“Oh, I know,” Edie said. “I’ve skied with her.” That was when she noticed Claire standing inside the doorway, and everyone in the room faded to background.

Claire was having an animated conversation with Janine, who had apparently arrived with her. Edie excused herself and walked over to them, but they continued talking as if she weren’t standing nearby.

“Do you always eavesdrop on other people’s conversations?” Claire asked, spinning toward her as if she’d just noticed her.

“I wasn’t…” she began, but she was of course. Bruised, she slunk back to the people bunched around Frankie. Pam appeared at her elbow. “Are you coming back for the afternoon session?”

She hadn’t known there was an afternoon session. “I don’t think so.”

“We’ll break down into groups. You get to know more people that way.”

“I guess I’m one of those members who just pays her dues.” When Pam looked disappointed, Edie said, “I think it’s great that you’re involved, but I’ve been trying to change the way things are for a long, long time.” She figured she’d done her part. She was watching Claire and Janine, fearing they would leave.

“C’mon with us for lunch. It’s not the best food, but it’s good enough and relatively cheap.”

She filled a tray with an iceberg lettuce salad and a turkey sandwich and sat between Pam and Lynn, who was sitting next to Frankie. Claire and Janine were at another table, laughing it up with three guys, all of them gay. When her tablemates talked about gay marriage as opposed to domestic partnership, she said nothing at first.

She believed everybody should have domestic partnerships, gay and straight. She didn’t want to tie her money up with someone else’s. Maybe she’d been single too long.

Frankie said, “Like I said, it’s about equal rights.”

She took a deep breath, her gaze holding Frankie’s. “I think everyone should have civil unions. That’s what marriage really is, right?”

Frankie smiled. “Marriage is a sacred institution to most people. If nothing else we ought to enjoy the same rights as married couples—the right to our spouse’s Social Security, for instance.”

She paid, wondering what she would do with the afternoon. She was deeply sorry that she wasn’t skiing. “I think I’ll just check out the bookstores,” she said to Lynn when the group headed for the elevators. “Where should I meet you?”

“Call me around four or I’ll call you.” Lynn was animated, full of smiles and laughter. Edie was trying to recall if she’d ever been this way around her. She felt lonely.

On State Street she ducked into shops selling souvenirs, into clothing stores that had no clothes that would fit her and into bookstores. She went to Room Of One’s Own where she browsed the books and bought a coffee. She went to Borders and found a chair where she paged through a few books from the sales table. It was there that she looked up to see Claire standing in front of her.

A rush of adrenaline coursed through her like a small jolt of electricity. “I’d given up on you.”