Looking for Julie (28 page)

Jennifer frowned a little. “I didn’t know you were involved with anyone. Do you want me to go?”

“Absolutely not. I just want more time to get to know you.” Instead of jumping into bed right away, she thought. She had spent time with Jennifer, though. She had even slept with her.

“Okay. Maybe we could go to the Leigh Yawkey Woodson Museum tomorrow.”

“There’s a nice little art center on the Wisconsin River here in Point. We could go there.”

“Sure. I have my skis just in case we’re inundated by snow overnight.”

Edie laughed. “It always pays to be prepared.”

Later, when she showed Jennifer to the extra bedroom, Jennifer gave Edie a kiss that sent chills down to her toes. When it ended, Jennifer looked in her eyes and said, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.”

Edie cleared her throat. “You’re a sweet woman. If you need anything, I’ll be right across the hall.”

“I want you,” Jennifer said.

“Let me think about it. Okay?”

“It’s your call.” She went into the bedroom.

Edie stood outside the closed door. “I’ll put the toothbrush on the bathroom counter, just down the hall.”

She went to the bathroom, put the toothbrush in its package on the counter, then brushed her teeth and washed her face. In her bedroom, she changed her clothes and got into bed. Lying awake, listening for some sound from Jennifer, she regretted her decision. Finally, though, she fell asleep.

She awoke in the night from a dream, awash with desire. The house was quiet. She padded down the hall to the bathroom to pee. On the way back, she paused outside Jennifer’s bedroom door. The dream and desire were still with her.

The door opened quietly under her hand. Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, but on the way to the bed, she caught her toe on its leg. She hopped around on the other foot, trying not to cry out.

“Hey, is that some new kind of dance?” Jennifer was up on her elbows, her hair askew.

Jennifer’s voice startled the pain away. She put her foot down and tried to think of how to explain her intrusion.

“Come over here, why don’t you? I could use some body heat.”

She felt like a fool, but she sat on the edge of the bed. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“That’s okay. I’m glad you changed your mind. Come on, get in with me.” Jennifer pulled the covers back and moved over.

She got into the bed, turned toward Jennifer and pushed the heavy hair away from her face. They were eye-to-eye and toe-to-toe. That had never happened before to Edie. She gave Jennifer a serious kiss.

When Jennifer sat up and pulled off her T-shirt, the sudden movement startled Edie out of the moment. Jennifer’s breasts were firm, taut, like the rest of her. Edie wriggled out of her own sleep shirt and watched as Jennifer lowered her head to gently take one of Edie’s nipples between her lips. She buried her fingers in Jennifer’s hair.

Jennifer kissed her way up to Edie’s lips. When she got there, Edie took control. She’d always been in charge when making love. Whereas Claire had seemed to love that control, Jennifer resisted it.

“Come on back up here,” she whispered when Edie was bunched under the covers They held each other with one arm, breasts and bellies touching, fingers moving in unison. Edie could not distinguish the sounds they made as they climaxed. Even after, they clung to one another until their breathing normalized. Then they fell apart to lie on their backs, separate with only hands and toes touching.

Jennifer turned her head. “What made you change your mind?”

“I awoke from a dream.” It could only have been a wet dream. “I don’t know if you were in it.”

“I was having the same dream,” Jennifer said, and they smiled at each other. “Don’t go away.”

“We can go to my room. The bed is bigger.”

“Let’s stay here tonight. The best is yet to come.”

“Promises, promises,” Edie said. She had expected a little shyness afterward, not this easy banter.

It was true, though. Before the sun rose they explored intimacy without any hesitation, as if they’d been making love for years.

Sam was on a scary high. For a couple of days, she and Jamie celebrated in his room. Mike, the nerdy hall advisor, was always popping his head in the door, telling Sam she’d have to leave after hours. He’d only recently realized that she sometimes stayed there overnight. She and Jamie would hide their beers behind their backs and tuck the computer chair back under the doorknob. She always hoped when she was there that she’d run into Karen, but so far she’d only seen her roommate Lisa.

She and Jamie talked about whether they would testify at the trial. They were due to be deposed the third Wednesday in March. “What are you going to say?” she asked Jamie.

“I’m going to tell them the truth.” His arm was still in a sling and hurt when he tried to use his fingers.

“What if he gets parole?” she asked.

“He’s not going to get off. When he gets out of prison, we’ll be long gone from here.”

“The defense is going to ask me if he’s the guy who grabbed me.” Her heart catapulted when she said that. “I’ll have to lie.”

“Yeah, so?”

She admired his bravery, and she tried to put DeWitt out of her mind when she studied, but either he or Karen or Nita always crept in and ruined her concentration.

When she went from the dorm, feeling a sense of freedom, she found Nita in the apartment with a guy from work. He was new to the waiting staff—a senior, named Judd Jelinsky. He was tall and well built and good-looking. All the other girls at Chili Verde had the hots for him. His eyebrows, like Carmen’s, merged into one.

He was sitting on the lumpy couch, his large hands hanging between his legs. “Hey, Sam. You live here too, huh?”

“Yeah, I do,” she said, her gaze flitting from him to Nita.

Nita sat down next to him. “We’re going to study together.”

“Great.” She went to her room with an uneasy feeling in her guts. Nita had never brought a guy home.

Later, as she sat on her bed with her learning disabilities text propped on her legs, she heard them through the thin walls. He was coming on to Nita, and Nita wasn’t putting up much resistance. When the door shut to Nita’s room, Sam’s chest hurt so much she wondered if she was having a heart attack.

She confronted Nita when he left. “What’s going on with you and Jelinsky?”

Nita looked bored. “We’re going out.”

“What does that mean? You’re the one who’s been climbing into my bed at night.”

“I’m not the way you are.”

“Yeah? You could have fooled me.”

“I guess I did.” Nita turned on her heel and shut her bedroom door behind her.

Sam shouted. “You just wanted to get rid of Karen, didn’t you? You can’t tell me you didn’t like it—all that moaning and stuff.”

Nita opened the door a foot. “I put on a good act, didn’t I?”

Sam went to back to her bedroom and put her head in her hands. She hurt so much she considered walking out in front of a car. Then Nita would feel bad, but so would her mom and dad and Jamie and her brother and sister and Edie and Julie. Julie. She had her number. Julie had said to call if she needed her.

She pushed in the unfamiliar digits and waited through five rings. When Julie answered, she hung up. After a moment or two, her cell rang. She opened it up without looking at the display.

“’Lo,” she said.

“Sam? You called me?” Julie asked.

Her mind froze for a moment before she stumbled over her words. “I didn’t mean to bother you. I just, I always think of you when things go really bad.”

“I’m flattered. What has gone bad?”

She told her about Nita and then apologized again for calling and whispered, “I thought I wanted to die, but I don’t—not really. I think I’ll go home this weekend if I can get a ride.”

“Good idea. Sam, it will get better. I know sometimes that doesn’t seem possible, but then you meet someone, and you will, and things start looking up.”

Sam snorted. “Nita’s got a boyfriend and Karen acts like I’ve got leprosy.” She had read about leper colonies in a history text three years ago and hadn’t forgot the horror.

“Listen. It’s a myth that these are the best years of your life. I lost my lover. For a while I lost my way. I think we all do at one time or another. I’m coming to the trial. So is Edie.”

“Thanks for talking to me.” She was crying.

“Stay on the phone. Let’s talk this through. Okay?”

She threw herself on the bed and told Julie how she was afraid they’d find DeWitt not guilty or put him on parole. She said she missed Karen and hated Nita. She said she had trouble concentrating and was afraid she’d flunk out.

Julie told her that she had been put on probation by the university and returned the next year and completed her education. That it hadn’t been the end of the world like she’d thought it was.

Sam was silenced by surprise. Julie had been on probation and lost her lover and had not only survived, but got her doctorate in psychology? She wanted to hear the whole story.

“I want to be just like you.”

“And I wanted to be just like my psychologist. But whatever you choose to be, Sam, you’ll give it that intensity of yours.”

Her tears had dried up. “I’m okay.” It dawned on her that Julie probably thought she was going to kill herself. “I won’t do anything. My mom and dad would be too sad.”

“I think it would be a good thing if you told them about DeWitt. They would want to come to the trial.”

“Yeah, I will.”

“I’d like to talk to Nita if she’s there. Would that be okay?”

Surprised, she said, “Yeah, she’s here, but why do you want to talk to her?”

“Just for a moment.”

She knocked on Nita’s door and opened it. Nita was lying on the bed, studying. She looked up and said, “What?” in an annoyed tone.

“Here. Dr. Julie Decker wants to talk to you.” She thrust the phone at Nita, who looked puzzled.

Sam stood by the bed and listened.

“Hi,” Nita said. “Yes, this is she.” She was quiet then, her eyes flitting to Sam and away. “Okay, I’ll do that right away. Yes, I’ll tell him.” She scribbled on the margin of the text.

Sam saw it was a number but couldn’t read the digits. It had something to do with her, though. She took the phone back and walked out of the room and into her own. “I’m going to study now, try to catch up on things.”

She was still on the phone with Julie when Jamie opened the bedroom door. She looked up in amazement and things fell into place. Jamie was here to make sure she didn’t off herself. “Jamie’s here. Do you want to talk to him?” She handed him the phone.

“Hey,” he said breathlessly. “I ran most of the way.”

Julie said something that made him laugh and he handed Sam the phone.

“I’ll see you soon,” Julie said. “Take care.”

She was in awe. Julie cared enough to keep her on the phone till her best friend came to make sure she was all right.

“You wouldn’t do anything to yourself, would you? I mean, how would you do it anyway? You don’t even own a gun.”

“Shut up, Jamie. Don’t even talk about it.” Nita was standing in the doorway.

She did go home on Friday and tell her parents about DeWitt. Her mom about popped a blood vessel. She was hurt because Sam hadn’t told her what was going on. “You would have made me come home for good,” Sam said.

Her mom had no answer to that, and her dad said, “We want to be at the trial.”

She gave them the date in April. She was messing around with Buddy. The dog was mouthing her hand and mock growling.

Her fifteen-year-old brother and seventeen-year-old sister came into the kitchen after school and were surprised to see her there. Her brother ate a peanut butter sandwich and some cookies and said he was going to meet friends and go to the basketball game.

He punched her on the arm. “Don’t they have basketball games there?”

She grabbed him by the head and tousled his hair. “On Saturdays, you beast.”

Her sister stuck around and asked her about the university. She had applied and been accepted. “I have to stay in a dorm,” she said, making a bored face.

“Yeah, well then you don’t have to cook or shop for food. You’re better off.”

“Maybe you’ll still be around and I can room with you my sophomore year.”

Unlike Sam in high school, her younger sister had tons of friends. Sam was a little teary eyed because she wanted to room with her. “Maybe,” she said.

The day of the trial, she and Jamie were sequestered in the same room with two other people, who, Jamie thought, were there to keep an eye on them. After what seemed an interminable time, someone opened the door and asked for Jamie. The man who had been in the room with them went with him. Sam was so nervous she had to pee every five minutes. The woman in the room went with her and waited outside the bathroom.