Looking for Mrs Dextrose (42 page)

Dextrose had clearly lived. The eyes said ‘early 40s’, the features said ‘add ten’. Stuff the Walter Raleigh of history books, who returned to these
shores fawning and proffering root crops. Here was a real sea-faring hero, ravaged by alcohol and sexually-transmitted disease, who probably couldn’t remember the name of the ruling monarch.
Were his parents alive, I felt sure they would have long since disowned him. Was there anything of me in him, I wondered? I liked beer and had always been an embarrassment to my parents…

With thanks to:

Robin Wade at Wade & Doherty.

Mr S (rainforest vibe).

1
. The Lost Incompetent’s editor had censored the author’s multiple profanities with the word ‘mink’. Interestingly, it
appeared that Dextrose had adopted the affectation.