Lord Grenville's Choice (17 page)

They were performing to a circle of onlookers now. Alex took his sister’s arm, turned her around, and then placed her hand through his cocked elbow. “You are trying to cause a scene. You have come out without a chaperone. You have distressed my dearest wife. You will come with me now, if you do not wish your reputation to become shredded beyond repair. You are leaving for the country in the morning.”

Anabella pasted a sweet smile on her face. “If you really do love Felicity, I feel utterly sorry for her. You have treated her abominably over the years. Maybe she has simply had enough.”

“I admit, I have been a poor husband. Where did she go, Anabella?”

“Probably to her father’s estate. Where is it? Hertfordshire?”

“Yes. Hertfordshire. I will follow her in the morning.”

They had reached the vestibule, where Alex requested their outerwear. As they proceeded to the waiting carriage, Alex said, “I need you to be honest with me, Anabella. What did you say to Felicity?”

His sister climbed into the carriage. When he had followed her, she said, “I swear, Alex, I said absolutely nothing. I was rolling bandages all afternoon. The first time I saw her today, she was in the downstairs hall, following her portmanteaux out to her father’s carriage. When Aunt Henrietta asked why she was leaving, she said to ask you. She was very angry, I might add.”

Alex was completely flummoxed. When they arrived home, he went to his library and poured himself a whiskey. He sat at his fireside far into the night wondering what Felicity could possibly be thinking.

{ 22 }

F
elicity fully expected Alex to attempt to follow them in order to retrieve Jack. It was for this reason that she had chosen Tywyn as a destination. In western Wales, on the seashore, it was in a completely different direction than she expected he would be looking for them.

Nevertheless, she gave orders for the coachmen to drive through the night.

“Mama, is Papa going to come to the seashore?” Jack asked as they left the last of London behind.

“No. Papa has many things to do in Town.” How long would it be before she could bear to tell her son that he would not be seeing his beloved papa for many years? The seashore would not enchant him for long.

Memories of all their recent family outings teased her, adding to her heartache. She remembered when they had come upon Elizabeth in the park the day they had gone to Gunter’s. She had looked so hungrily at Jack. It had been obvious she thought he should have been hers.

She could now put Alex’s expedition to Leistershire in perspective. He had known of Elizabeth’s feelings but must have felt some degree of reluctance, so instead of dealing with it, he had left Town for a week.

And he had left it to Elizabeth to give her the news of their longstanding affair. Did this argue that he was torn in some way?

No. I must not think that way. I must not give myself the smallest degree of hope. Alex has been deceiving me since we met. He has never loved anyone but Elizabeth.

The pain made it hard for her to breathe. It had locked up her chest until the slightest inhalation hurt. The doctor and Nanny Owen were carrying on a discussion in low tones. Her father was dozing. Jack was watching out the window as the last of the light went.

Felicity pulled her son onto her lap and buried her face in his golden brown hair. He smelled like little boy. Her little boy. What would his future be now that he was estranged from his father? Her father’s money would hire him an excellent tutor. Jack was a very imaginative child. Felicity was certain he was quite intelligent.

The truth was, however, that she could not keep him from Alex forever. Jack was the heir. At some point, he would need to be trained to run the Lincolnshire estate.

But that was years away.

“Mama, I am hungry,” her son said.

Because her own appetite was nonexistent, Felicity had failed to think of dinner. Looking out the carriage window, all was dark.

“Dr. Caldwell, could you please stop the carriage and instruct the coachman to stop at the first inn he sees? I am sorry, but I have completely forgotten that everyone must be hungry.”

“If I may say something, my lady? I know you gave orders to drive through the night, and I understand your haste. But as a physician, I would advise that we stop for rest. Neither you nor his lordship have the physical constitution to bounce along in a carriage for ten or twelve more hours without sleep.”

She had to admit that her head was very sore. Almost as sore as her heart. And just because she was in a hurry, it did not give her the right to make others suffer. Besides, Alex would not look for them on the West Road. He was certain to search for her in Hertfordshire. She allowed herself to be persuaded.

They located a small inn with three available rooms for the gentry and two attic rooms for the servants. The public rooms were small and dark paneled, filled with the aroma of steak and kidney pie. Felicity was very happy to let the doctor take charge. Soon, he had her father seated in the inn’s private parlor. Everyone else followed, Felicity drooping with fatigue.

“I think I will go up to my bed,” she said. “I do not believe I could eat a bite.”

Dr. Caldwell said, “My lady, you need to at least sip some broth. I will order it for you.”

He immediately took himself off to the kitchen and returned with some beef broth in a tea cup. As she sipped, she welcomed the warmth in her chest. She was very glad the doctor had insisted.

She looked around her at the small room, feeling very strange. Jack was dozing again on Nanny Owen’s lap. Her father, obviously exhausted, was staring straight ahead into the small fire. The doctor was giving their order to the server. She felt Alex’s absence in the family and tried once again to comprehend the idea that he had been living a double life.

Had he gone to Elizabeth every night when she had thought he was at his club? But in that case, why come home to her bed every night as well? She did not know much about men, but that bit did not seem to be emotionally true. The one thing that had always been perfect about their relationship had been their physical intimacies. Or so she had thought.

Felicity’s heart squeezed within her with hurt so bruising, she knew she would not be able to simply cut it out as she had imagined. One did not cut out one’s heart. She was going to have to find some way of living with this, and she had not a clue as to how it was to be done.

Dr. Caldwell was very solicitous of all of them. She appreciated his wisdom in joining their party, as he carried her father gently up the stairs, he being overly exhausted by the journey.

He then carried Jack, with Nanny Owen following. Finally, he came for her. She insisted she could walk, but she did stumble a bit and was grateful for his strong arm holding her up.

Her room was small, with a full bed covered by a mountain of quilts.

“Is there anything further I can bring you?” the doctor asked, setting her candle on the bedside. “Just please send Martha. She will sleep in the trundle bed.”

“Thank you, doctor. I do not think we could have managed without you.”

When Martha came, she carefully undressed her mistress, changed the bandage on her head, and tucked her up for the night under the pile of bedclothes. Felicity’s injury proved to be a blessing that night, for it prevented her from lying awake, considering her position. Instead, she fell directly to sleep until late the following morning.

{ 23 }

A
lex rose at dawn after an extremely restless night. He had gone over every conversation he had carried on with Felicity over the past days to see what could have sent her running away from him.

Granted, he had behaved abominably at her concert. While she had been talking to him, he had been caught gazing at Elizabeth’s neck. Idiot! Felicity had just sung her heart out and he had not even had a compliment for her.

Then at Vauxhall. The unconsidered walk with Wilton, leaving his wife alone in their box with a young woman she hardly knew. Felicity had already been in a temper. And had not the entire idea of the outing been to make up for his
faux pas
the night before?

There was also the ill-advised jaunt to Leistershire of which she had been uniformed, leading her to think he had left her. Confound it! He could go back months and years and not come to the end of insults he had paid her. And he had thought
her
a difficult woman!

Feeling like a cad of enormous proportions, he realized that he might lose his son and the new baby to come. Those losses merely widened the hole in his chest. Not having Jack to begin his day with was commensurate with missing the sunrise.

This was the bachelor life he thought he had longed for. He had as much freedom as he liked to spend idly at the club, to ride in the park, to attend the horseraces, to play cards, to box at Gentleman Jackson’s. But all he wanted was his family back. Sitting on the edge of his bed at daybreak, pounding one fist into the other, he called for his valet. Hertfordshire was a good day’s gallop north. Hopefully, suitably repentant, he would be reunited with his wife that very day.

After he had given the order for Orpheus to be brought round, he was making a quick breakfast when Anabella joined him. She was dressed in a wrapper, her hair still plaited.

“I could not sleep and heard you come downstairs.”

He looked up at her. “I am just off for Hertfordshire. Hopefully, I will be bringing my wife and son home with me.”

“Alex, do you really love her, then? Why did you not tell me?”

“I have been a heartless, dimwitted fool. I have loved her for a long time, but I did not really understand myself until she was hurt and I thought I might lose her.”

“What about Elizabeth?” Anabella asked.

“An infatuation that I clung to. I should never have said all those unflattering things about Felicity when we were first married. Try to forget them, Anabella. I was headstrong, bull-headed, and blind to my own feelings. Felicity is far more than I deserve.”

Anabella was quiet, playing with the bow of her wrapper. “I have been so cruel to her,” she said finally.

“You have been. Felicity never deserved it, Anabella. And I should not have tolerated it. It is a wonder she did not leave me long ago, I have treated her so ill.”

“Does she know you love her?”

“No. I was planning on telling her and begging her forgiveness last night when I got home from my meeting.” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “But she was gone.”

“I promise, Alex, I said nothing to her yesterday.”

“Well, something made her leave,” he said, getting to his feet. “Now, forgive me, Anabella, but I must be on my way if I am to reach Morecombe Hall by dark.”

“Have a good journey.” Standing, she went to him and kissed his cheek.

Sunrise over London could barely be seen through the haze of coal smoke, and Alex was glad to be going into the country. If ever he convinced his wife to come back to him, would they do better in the country at their Grenville Manor? One thing was certain: he would not make such a decision without asking her.

The ride to Hertfordshire and Morecombe Village became tedious. Though it was good to feel Orpheus galloping beneath him, his mind was so fraught with regrets and resolutions, he scarcely saw the countryside. Over and over, Alex tried to rehearse what he would say when he saw his wife.

When he entered the familiar country with its large pastures of cattle, divided by high hedgerows, Alex actually slowed his horse. He still had not made up his mind what to do or say. All he wanted was to draw Felicity into his arms and beg her forgiveness. Perhaps, after all, that was the best approach. A set speech would be wildly inappropriate when his feelings were so violent and he had no idea what specific offense had caused her to flee. He doubted he could even deliver it.

As he walked his weary horse up the graveled drive belonging to Morecombe Hall at eight in the evening, he expected to see candlelight shining through some of the windows. The dining room was on the first floor. Surely, if they had driven through the night before last and through the day today, they would have arrived? Should they not be sitting down to dinner?

There was no candlelight in any of the windows. Confound it, he must have arrived ahead of the party. Perhaps they had come only partway the night before. Dismounting, he tried the knocker. It was answered by Lord Morecombe’s ancient servant, Perkins.

“Your lordship!” the butler exclaimed.

“Good evening, Perkins. Has the party from London arrived?”

“Come in, come in, my lord. It begins to be dampish and cold out there.”

Alex entered and gave the servant his riding coat and hat. “Have I preceded them, then?”

“I do not know to what you are referring, my lord. If there is to be a party from London, I have not been informed.”

“Two coaches set out from London the night before last. It was an unexpected journey. I doubt they sent anyone ahead. Unless they had trouble on the road, they should have arrived by now.”

Alex grew agitated. What if their carriage had come to grief? What if it was lying in a ditch somewhere? He wilted in sudden exhaustion.

Evidently noting his condition, the butler said, “I shall have a fire lit in Lord Morecombe’s library, Lord Grenville. I think you will be comfortable in there. Cook will heat up the stew we had for our supper. It has the saving grace of being hearty, at least.”

“That would be most welcome, Perkins. As I recall, the library overlooks the front drive.”

“Yes, my lord.”

*~*~*

Alex had fallen asleep in front of the fire when the midnight chimes of the hall clock woke him. As the library was on the ground floor, he knew at once that he could not have slept through the arrival of such a large party.

Dread pooled in his chest. There had to have been an accident. Was anyone hurt? Or dead? Such thoughts sent darts of alarm through his body.
Felicity! Jack!

He must retrace his steps, looking carefully for the carriages with the Morecombe crest. Orpheus was not well-rested enough for such a journey. Perhaps there was another mount in his father-in-law’s stable that would do.