Lorraine Heath (12 page)

But she knew the important things: He was a rare man who thought more with his heart than his head. When he loved, he loved deeply and years didn’t diminish his affections even when memories faded. She had seen him weep over the loss of a woman, had watched him place flowers on the twenty-year-old grave of his mother. Had welcomed his gifts of a burned barn and a puppy.

But above all else, she had welcomed the comfort of his presence, the warmth of his touch. For a while, he had eased the sorrow and the loneliness.

For the past two hours, she had heard Austin tromping around her house. He had no barn in which to sleep. She had left the front door unbolted, the door to her room ajar, a portion of her hoping that he would sleep with her—just sleep with her, his arm around her, his breath skimming over the nape of her neck.

She strained her ears for several moments, but no longer heard him stirring outside. He had probably stretched out in the wagon he’d brought along with his plans to pack her up and haul her to West Texas as his wife.

She pressed her hand to her stomach. It wasn’t the first time that the actions of one night would forever change her life, but their actions were reaching out to touch an innocent child.

Austin was right. Their child would suffer because of their mistake. Born out of wedlock, she would burden the shame that rightfully belonged to them.

She threw off the blankets and scrambled out of bed. In bare feet, wearing nothing but her nightgown, she padded through the house, opened the front door, and saw Austin sitting on the porch steps. He glanced over his shoulder. She felt his gaze travel from the top of her head to the tips of her toes before he turned his attention back to the blackness stretching across the sky.

She knew that rejecting his proposal had hurt him. He hadn’t joined her for supper. He’d prepared a bath for her, but hadn’t indulged himself in the luxury. He seemed intent on giving all to her and taking nothing from her.

Her mouth grew as dry as cotton. She crossed the porch and sat beside him. His knees were widespread, his elbows resting on his thighs, his hands clamped together before him, his gaze trained on the distance. In the shadows of the night, she saw the slight breeze brushing his black hair over his collar.

“Lot of stars falling from the sky tonight,” he said, his voice low.

She followed the direction of his gaze. A ball of light arced through the black void and disappeared like a dream that was never meant to be.

“Make a wish, Loree,” he said quietly.

She closed her eyes. One wish. If she were allowed only one wish, she wished she could unburden her past on this man sitting beside her. She thought he, of all people, would understand all that she had done, the things the killer had goaded her into doing. She wished she could tell him and not risk losing any of the affection he might hold for her.

“What did you wish?” he asked.

Opening her eyes, she peered at him. He watched her, and even in the darkness, she felt the intensity of his gaze. “If I tell you, it won’t come true. Did you make a wish?”

He leaned toward her, propping himself up on an elbow. “I wished that you would marry me.”

Her heart beat faster, harder than the hind foot of a rabbit. He took the curling end of her braid and carried it to his lips. She almost imagined she felt his breath fanning over it, his soft lips brushing over it.

“I want you to marry me for the sake of our daughter—”

“Son.”

His hand stilled, the locks of her hair resting against his chin. “Earlier you said—”

“Well, now I’m thinking it’s a boy.” She rolled her head to her shoulder. “I can’t decide what it is.”

He chuckled low. “Marry me because you make me smile when I haven’t in a long time.”

“Less than a week ago, you told me that you weren’t courting me, that you had nothing to offer me.”

“That was before I knew you needed my name.” He cradled her cheek. “I’d give you the world if I could, Loree, but I made a decision five years ago that’s gonna limit the things I can offer you. The only thing I have that I can give you is my name, and I hate like hell that I can’t give it to you untarnished. But I’ll work hard. I think I can give you—and our children—a good life. I know I can give you a better life than the one you have here. At least with me, you won’t have the loneliness.”

During the past month, she could count the number of days that contained a promise of happiness. The promise always arrived when he did. Her child could have a father who had been in prison or no father at all. Was the past more important than the present? And who was she to judge? Her past was as tarnished as his.

“Will you promise me something?” she asked hesitantly.

“Anything.”

Her stomach quivered, and she clasped her hands tightly together. “Will you promise never to make love to me if you’re thinking of Becky?”

A profound silence stretched between them. Earlier he had mentioned children, not child, and she knew he expected more than a marriage in name only. She also knew that she could easily come to care for this man, perhaps she already did more than she should. Her heart would shatter if he ever again whispered another’s name while joining his body to hers.

“I promise,” he rasped.

“Then I’ll marry you—for the sake of the child.”

A warm smile crept over his face, and he grazed his knuckles over her cheek. “I’ll make it good for you, Sugar. You won’t regret that you had to marry me.”

He drew her face toward his and kissed her. Not with passion, not with fire. But with an apology and understanding.

She knew she’d never regret marrying him, and she hoped he would never discover what she had done, the actions that had prompted her to settle for a life of solitude. For if he did, she feared that he would deeply regret marrying her.

“O
h my goodness!”

As the wagon rolled along, Loree shifted Two-bits on her lap and stared at the massive adobe structure. Turrets in the corners. A crenellated roof. She’d never seen anything like it. “Is that an inn?”

Beside her on the wagon seat, Austin chuckled. “Nope. That’s my brother’s house.”

Loree pressed her hand against her stomach as though to protect the child. “It’s so big.”

“I think it’s god-awful ugly.”

“Well, it’s not exactly what I would want in a house—”

“What do you want, Loree?”

She turned at the serious tone of his voice. They had been married in Austin, with only Dewayne and his family in attendance. She had worn a white dress and new soft leather shoes that Austin had purchased for her. She’d carried a bouquet of wildflowers that he had picked for her.

As nervous as she’d been, she’d also felt a spark of happiness because he treated her with reverence and respect, and he constantly worried over her. Too many years had passed since anyone other than Dewayne had worried over her.

He had packed up her belongings, loaded them on the wagon, and traveled slower than a snail’s pace for fear the jarring wagon would cause her to lose the baby. At night, they slept within each other arms, beneath the stars, but he never attempted to exercise his husbandly rights.

“Something smaller,” she assured him. Then she smiled brightly. “Something much smaller.”

He returned her smile. “I ought to be able to give you that.”

She slipped Two-bits into his box on the floorboards. He no longer looked like a puppy and was rapidly outgrowing the box. Austin had promised to build a shelter for the dog as soon as they arrived.

“Are we going to stay with your brother?”

“For a while. Till we get settled. Decide what we want, where we want to live. I have a little money saved up, but it won’t get us far.”

The wagon rolled past a huge barn that bore no resemblance to the one that had sat on her property. She heard the clanging of iron from the blacksmith who worked near the barn. Horses trotted around a large corral. In the distance, she saw a long narrow clapboard house and a brick building. She felt as though she were traveling through a miniature town. Men wearing chaps and dusty hats sauntered between the buildings. Only a couple acknowledged Austin as he drove the wagon by them.

She might have thought he didn’t know the others if it weren’t for the tightening in his jaw. He brought the wagon to a halt in front of the veranda. A man and woman sitting on a bench swing slowly came to their feet. The man stood as tall as Austin did, and she knew from the facial features that he was Austin’s brother. The woman was nearly as tall. Slender, she moved gracefully across the porch.

“You should have sent word that you were on your way home,” she said as she floated down the steps.

Austin leapt from the wagon, walked briskly to her, and hugged her fiercely. “Didn’t know how long we’d be. Didn’t want you worrying about us.”

“Did you find out anything?” his brother asked, and Loree sensed in the tone of his voice that he was a man who gave no quarter.

“Not a damn thing,” Austin said as he stepped toward the wagon and held his arms up to her.

Loree wiped her sweating palms on her skirt before she placed her hands on his shoulders. He grabbed her waist, and she felt his trembling through her clothes. She met his gaze and saw the worry in his eyes. She tried to give him a smile of reassurance, but feared that she had failed miserably.

He brought her to the ground and slipped his arm around her. “This is my brother Dallas and his wife, Dee.”

Dee smiled prettily and Dallas looked as though he were waiting for a clap of thunder to sound.

“Did your parents name all their sons after towns?” Loree asked.

“Yeah, they did.” Austin met his brother’s darkening gaze. “This is Loree. My wife.”

Dallas narrowed his eyes. “Your wife?”

Shock rippled across Dee’s face, before her eyes warmed, and she gave Loree a sincere smile. Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around Loree’s shoulders. “How wonderful! Welcome to the family.”

As Dee released her hold, a wave of nausea hit Loree, and the world suddenly spun around her. She staggered backward. Austin reached out, steadying her. Her cheeks burned as concern swept over Dee’s face.

“Are you all right?” Dee asked.

Loree nodded. “It’s just the baby. I get light-headed when I go too long without eating.”

“The baby?” Dallas ground out in a clipped voice. “And when is this blessed event to take place?”

From the tone of his voice, Loree wasn’t certain he truly considered it to be a blessed event, but she wasn’t going to let him think she was ashamed of carrying his brother’s child. She angled her chin. “End of January.”

“Dee, why don’t you take Loree inside and get her something cool to drink?” Austin suggested. “I’m afraid I might have pushed us a little too hard trying to get here before nightfall.”

Dee wrapped her arm around Loree’s waist. “I’d love to get her out of this heat. Come on inside.”

Loree glanced over her shoulder at Austin.

“Go on,” he urged.

Austin watched Dee guide his wife into the house. Then he met Dallas’s blazing glare.

“She’s your wife and she didn’t know your brother’s name?” he asked.

“I told her I had brothers. I mentioned Houston to her. Guess I just never got around to mentioning your name. Don’t take it personal.” Austin stepped onto the porch. Dallas grabbed his arm and jerked him back down.

“Let me get this straight,” Dallas said, his voice seething. “Five years ago, you bedded Becky Oliver and to protect her reputation, you kept your mouth shut and ended up in prison. Now, you’ve been gone less than four months and show up at my door with a wife—a pregnant wife at that. Do you have a problem keeping your trousers buttoned or do you just have a tendency to get involved with women who have no morals—”

Dallas’s tirade ended the instant Austin’s fist made contact with his jaw and sent him staggering backward. He landed hard in the dirt. It took every ounce of control Austin could muster not to pound his brother into a bloody pulp. “You don’t know a goddamn thing about any of it, and until you do, keep your goddamn mouth shut!”

Austin stormed up the steps and threw open the door. “Loree, we’re leaving!”

He stalked down the steps, taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself before Loree got outside. Dallas worked his way to his feet, backhanding the blood trailing from the corner of his mouth. “Where in the hell do you think you’re going, boy?” Dallas demanded.

“I’m not a boy. If prison does nothing else, it beats the boy right out of you. Where I’m going is none of your damn business,” Austin snarled. He spun around at the sound of footsteps and held his hand toward Loree. “Come on, Sugar.”

Worry etched creases into her brow. “Is something wrong?” she asked, her gaze darting between him and Dallas.

“No, I just decided we’d be better off staying at the hotel in town.” The anxiety didn’t ease from her face. He squeezed her hand. “Honest.”

He helped her into the wagon, then climbed up, released the brake, and slapped the reins. He’d expected coming home with a wife to be difficult. He just hadn’t expected it to rip away the last bonds he had with his family.

Staring at the night sky through the window of his office, Dallas felt a need to ride across the plains, climb to the top of one of his windmills, and listen to the clatter created by the constant breeze. Instead, he quietly sipped on his whiskey and wondered where he had gone wrong.

He heard the quiet footsteps, downed the remaining whiskey, and set his glass aside.

“Are you ready to tell me why Austin hit you?” Dee asked softly.

“I questioned his wife’s morals.”

“Then, I’m glad he hit you. It says a lot about his feelings for the woman.”

“And I questioned his ability to keep his trousers buttoned.”

“Oh, Dallas, you didn’t.”

He spun around and faced his wife. “Dammit, Dee, by my reckoning, he must have bedded her two minutes after he met her. He’s given himself a life sentence with a woman he barely knows—”

She angled her head and lifted a dark brow.

“Dammit! Our situation was different.”

“I realize that. You didn’t know me
at all
when we married.”

He twisted around, gazing back into the night, into the past. “I raised him, Dee. From the time he was five, I was more of a father than a brother. I hate seeing him waste his life, making decisions that lead him nowhere.”

She placed her hand on his shoulder, a habit she’d acquired once she realized his back had little feeling in it after the beating he’d received five years before as a result of her oldest brother’s greed. “You gave him a good foundation. Now you have to give him the freedom to build on it.”

He snapped his head around. “And if I don’t like the life he’s building on it?”

“As hard as it is, you have to learn to accept it. Someday Rawley and Faith will leave us. All we can do is hope that the foundation we give them is strong enough to sustain their dreams … and their failures.”

He drew her into his embrace and pressed his cheek against the top of her head. “I remember coming home from the war and finding him living like an animal. I don’t know how long our ma had been dead before we got there or how Austin managed to survive. It took me and Houston weeks to earn his trust. Then he looked at everything we gave him as though he were afraid we’d snatch it away. I always expected him to dream bigger dreams, go farther than I ever dared. I feel as though I’ve failed him.”

She leaned back and cradled his face between her hands. “Do you know what Cameron’s biggest fear was?”

Dallas blinked at the abrupt change of subject. “I’ve got no idea.”

“Once Austin realized that Cameron and Becky were married, he’d post a public announcement telling the town that he had been with Becky the night Boyd was killed. Neither he nor Becky would have blamed him had he done so, but he didn’t. Becky trusted him that night and he won’t betray that trust. How can you have failed him when you raised him to be such a fine young man, to accept responsibility for his actions?

“Loree and I didn’t have much of an opportunity to talk, but I know he met her on his way to Austin. She didn’t even know where he lived until today. He could have ridden out of her life and never looked back. Instead he convinced her to marry him. You didn’t fail him, Dallas. You raised him to be the kind of man you can be proud to call ‘brother.’ ”

Dallas heaved a weary sigh. “If I didn’t fail him in the twenty years I raised him, I’m afraid I may have failed him today.”

“Only if you let what happened this afternoon fester between you. He needs us more now than he ever has before, and I’m sure tomorrow he’ll wake up with a few regrets of his own. Go talk to him first thing in the morning.”

“What in the world did I do to deserve such a wise wife?”

She smiled seductively. “Come to bed, and we’ll try to figure it out.”

Laughing, he scooped her into his arms and hoped his youngest brother hadn’t made the biggest mistake of his life.

Holding the curtain aside, Austin gazed into the quiet street where lanterns fought to hold the darkness at bay. He’d never felt so unsure of himself in his life.

He heard his wife’s movements as she changed into her nightgown behind the screen. The day they were married, they’d returned to her house and slept in her bed. Just slept. Holding each other.

They’d continued that ritual through the journey, but tonight he needed more. The only family he had left was sharing this room with him, and the memories they’d created spanned only a few weeks.

Memories of Dallas spanned years.

He wanted—needed—Loree’s touch on his skin, her scent filling his nostrils, her taste on his lips. And dammit, he didn’t know how to go about getting it.

He’d made love twice in his life. Neither time had been planned. He’d sought comfort, given comfort.

The one time he’d stood in a room with a woman knowing he had the right to her body, he’d walked out because no matter how much he’d paid her, he couldn’t make himself want her.

“I’ve never been in so fine a place,” Loree said quietly.

Austin released his death grip on the curtain and faced his wife. Her hands were clasped in front of her. He smiled, hoping to ease her nervousness as much as his own. “Dee would only settle for the best.”

“Why didn’t we stay with your brother?”

Austin plowed his hands through his hair. “Because he still sees me as a boy. He never noticed that I grew up.”

“He’s angry that you married me.”

The sadness in her voice had him crossing the room with only one thought: to comfort her. He cradled her delicate face between his large hands. “It doesn’t matter. He ain’t got a dog in this fight.”

She blinked, one corner of her mouth curling up. “What does that mean?”

“It means you—our marriage—is none of his business.” He traced the edge of his thumbs across her brow, down her temple, across her cheek. “My reasons for marrying you are my business.” Her eyes lured him the way gold lured miners, and he felt as though he were traveling into a mine, guided by light and darkness, searching for the treasures that lay within. He touched his thumbs to the corner of her mouth. He’d given her a perfunctory kiss after they’d exchanged vows. It had been less than satisfying. He wasn’t certain what she expected of this marriage, but he damn sure knew what he wanted.

He lowered his mouth to hers, tasting her sweetness on his tongue. Her small hands pressed against his chest, and he wondered if she felt the heavy pounding of his heart. He guided her toward the bed and they fell together into the deep softness of the mattress. He’d have to remember to compliment Dee on her taste in furnishings.

Austin tucked Loree’s finely boned body beneath his. He’d take his time tonight, go slowly, savoring every moment, every inch of her, making certain he caused her no discomfort. He trailed his lips along the slender column of her throat and dipped his tongue into the hollow at the base of her throat.