Losing an Edge (Portland Storm Book 13) (14 page)

WITH ALL THE
gentleness in the world, Anthony lowered me to my skates and put his hand on my waist, drawing me back into position following the star lift we’d just done—the first time we’d done one flawlessly together. Everything about the trick had felt right.

“Yes!” Ellen called out from the boards, cheering us on. “That’s exactly what I want. Now do it again, and don’t either of you change a thing.”

Anthony squeezed my hand gently, and as one we inhaled and took off with our left foot. Everything we’d done in the last week had been to improve our synchronicity, learning to breathe in time with each other, to match our strides, to anticipate the other’s actions two beats before they would happen. All our hard work was paying off. It was crazy to think that less than a month had passed since our first skate together.

It was all starting to come together. We had officially agreed to a partnership now, which meant I needed to start moving on the massive amounts of paperwork I needed to file. It wasn’t unheard of for a government to push through citizenship for an athlete who could compete at my level, especially considering I’d already won gold once, because of the prestige of international competition. Anthony and I would definitely have to sit out this season, but we could potentially be ready to compete next year. That would give us two full years leading up to the next Winter Games. But none of this would happen if I didn’t file all the appropriate forms and convince the U.S. President to push things through. That was next on my to-do list.

After three strides, Anthony’s hands were at my waist, and in no time I was soaring high in the air above him, my arms and legs locked into position, my abs tight to keep me balanced. At exactly the same moment, we shifted my position in the air, easily finding a new center point. Three seconds until the dismount.
One, one thousand. Two, one thousand. Three, one thousand.
He changed his grip and brought me back to earth. My skate blades met the ice in a feather-light caress, not like the way Guy would sometimes plunk me down following a lift. Guy had never been overly careful with me. He’d expected me to look out for myself. Working with Anthony was a nice change of pace.

“All right,” Ellen said, her enthusiasm bringing her face to life and erasing the lines around her mouth and eyes. “Do that three more times, perfectly in sync with each other, and then we can call it a day.”

She had another pair of students—much younger than us, only in their early teens—coming in for their session, so she turned her attention to them, trusting us to do as she’d instructed. Anthony and I continued on our own. Once we finished and he set me down on the ice, there was a long, loud, slow clap coming from the opposite side of the ice from Ellen.

“Bravo,” Guy said, sarcasm dripping from his tongue and turning my blood to ice. I didn’t even have to turn around to realize it was him. His voice still echoed in my head, even though I hadn’t seen him for months. Berating me. Threatening me. Begging me to forgive him, only to start in on me all over again the next day.

Anthony turned me in his arms and chucked me under the chin until I looked up to meet his eyes. “You okay? You went all stiff on me as soon as he showed up.”

I couldn’t speak. My tongue was thick with dread and fear and a bit of hatred, and bile was slowly climbing up my throat and making my eyes sting. I nodded. Lying. I always lied when it came to Guy. Anthony didn’t look like he believed me, so I forced a smile to my lips. “Fine,” I forced out. “Give me a minute, okay?”

“Want me to come with you?” There was a crease between his brows. Had to be from worry.

I shook my head, fully realizing my voice would betray me, and I skated over toward Guy.

“So what, he doesn’t trust you to be able to get rid of me on your own?” Guy asked, laughing, when I reached him.

I kept a few paces between us, though. No chance was I moving close enough for him to touch me. Because he would. He would touch me like he owned me. And that touch would make my skin crawl more than it already was from nothing more than seeing his sneering face.

I glanced over my shoulder. Anthony was far enough away that he couldn’t hear but close enough that he could intervene if needed. He had his eyes trained on the two of us. That helped calm the churning in my gut, but only so much.

“What are you doing here, Guy?” My voice cracked on the words. Nerves were eating me alive. I’d come a long way since I’d cut things off with him, but I wasn’t ready for this. To see him. To confront him. I wasn’t anywhere close to ready.

“I miss you, baby. I’m a mess without you.”

“You were always a mess with me, too.”

“Because I don’t know what to do if you’re not right by my side.” His voice had taken on the sickening tone he always used when he wanted to sweet-talk me into forgiving him. “This is a joke, right? Skating with him? You’ve got to come back to me.”

“This is not a joke. Anthony and I are partners now. I’m not coming back.”

“You have to.” His eyes went dark, taking on the slightly crazed look he got if he didn’t get his way. “I’ll die without you. As my partner. As my girl.”

I shook my head and backed up on the ice, putting more distance between me and Guy…less between me and Anthony. “It’s not going to happen, Guy. Let it go, okay? Just let me go.”

“I can’t. You know I’m worthless without you.”

I knew he was worthless, but that had nothing to do with me.

“I’ve seen you with your new boy toy. The Babcock kid. Hockey player.”

My throat got tight. Dry. I couldn’t swallow. “He’s not my boy toy.”

“No? Then you won’t care if anything happens to him?”

My insides knotted. Twisted. Tightened. I broke out in a cold sweat. Clammy. “What are you saying?”

“You be sure he’s not your boy toy, okay?”

“You need to leave,” I forced out. “Go back home.” But he wouldn’t. He might never be out of my life. The reality of the situation was creeping in on me, turning everything in my head into a gray, foggy, sodden mess. I had to go. I backed up again, until I felt Anthony’s warmth behind me. His hands landed on my arms, and he stroked them up and down, warming me. Soothing. A reminder that I wasn’t alone. That I didn’t have to live in Guy’s world anymore, that his lies were no longer the reality I chose for myself.

Guy turned and left, but his veiled threats wouldn’t go with him. They hung in the air, surrounding me. Suffocating me. I might not be his partner, his girlfriend anymore…but he still owned a piece of my mind.

Would I ever be free of him, once and for all?

“You okay?” Anthony asked. His voice calmed me down almost as much as the solidness of his body behind me.

I nodded. Blinking to keep myself from crying.

“Because you don’t seem okay. What was he doing here?”

I shook my head. The last thing I needed now was for everyone else in my life to start freaking out about Guy. I was doing enough of that on my own for all of us. “He only wanted to stop by since he was in town,” I forced through my teeth, tasting bile as the words left me. Because it was a lie.

I’d never been one to lie before—except where Guy was involved. But that appeared to be all I could do when it came to him.

“
YOU LOOK LIKE
somebody just ran over your dog,” Sara said. “But you don’t have a dog. What gives?” We were at the mall to go shoe shopping, along with both kids. She had Cassidy in her stroller, and Connor was running up ahead, but only as far as his leash would allow. Yes, she had her kid on a leash. Sadly, I understood all too well why such a thing was necessary. She took a moment to adjust his leash to prevent him from running quite so far ahead.

I couldn’t explain why she thought she needed more shoes. She had an entire closet full of them. In fact, I was pretty sure that about half of the money Cam had left after helping me out all the time went toward buying Sara new shoes. Still, at least going shoe shopping together was a way for me to forget about the fact that Guy had showed up at practice today.

Or I was trying to. But Sara was digging, and she was the one person here in Portland, other than my counselor, who knew anything about what had happened with him.

“It’s nothing,” I said.

“I may not be the sharpest cheese in the fridge, but I’m not stupid. It’s not nothing.”

“Well, you tell me. What do you think it is?”

“Did Levi try to pull something?” She shook her head as soon as the words were out. “No, not his style. He’s still trying to win you over. Anthony? Did something happen in practice that reminded you of Guy?”

I didn’t say anything. I only bit down on my tongue.

“That’s it. What’d that fucker do?”

“Mommy! You said
fuck
!” Connor screeched so loud it echoed through the entire mall.

“How did you even hear that?” I asked, laughing. He was easily a good five feet ahead of us, and it was jam-packed in the mall, people everywhere, music playing over the speakers.

“He has selective hearing,” Sara said, drawing in his leash and giving halfhearted apologetic looks to everyone walking by with scandalized expressions. “Don’t you remember the rule?” she said to Connor once he was inches away. “Just because Mommy says something, that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to repeat it.”

“I’m telling Daddy on you,” Connor said in a taunting voice.

“Well, goody goody. I’m telling him on you, too. And you can bet he’ll probably spank you this time.”

Connor grinned. “If he spanks me, he’ll spank you.”

“I’d like to see him try,” Sara muttered under her breath to me. But there was a hint of a blush on her cheeks. Sara didn’t ever blush. Never. I was pretty sure I’d just picked up on something about her and my brother that I’d prefer not to know.

Mind bleach. I needed mind bleach.

Then as quickly as the blush had come, it was gone, and she waved Connor ahead. “Go. Run. Burn off some of that energy.”

He took off again, but with the shortened leash, he could only run wide circles in front of us.

I couldn’t help grinning at her. “You do realize you act more like he’s an annoying little brother than your son, right?”

“I keep waiting for him to grow out of this phase.”

“Something tells me that won’t happen any time soon.”

“Something tells
me
you’re trying to change the subject,” she said. She gave me a side-eyed glance. “So are we taking body parts to feed to the alligators in Florida?”

I shrugged. “Not Anthony’s.”

“Levi?”

“No.”

“Cadence Johnson, you’d better fucking tell me what the hell’s going on, or I’m going to feed
your
body parts to the alligators.”

This time, Connor turned to look, but he stared with wide eyes. Sara’s tone had changed. At least he recognized that much. He might just make it to five years old, after all.

I smiled, hoping it would help calm him down so he’d think everything was okay. Once he started running circles again, I said, “Guy showed up at practice today.”

“He
what
? He’s in Portland? Oh, you just wait until I get—”

“Calm down so you don’t scare the kids.”

“Cadence, this isn’t a
calm down
sort of moment.”

“How do you know that?”

“Well, let’s think about this for a moment, hmm?” She kept her voice down this time, but the intensity was still ramped up. “What was he doing here? After he fucking
dropped
you, after he made you have a fucking
miscarriage
, what the fuck does he think he’s doing here?”

I shook my head, trying to defuse her. Instead of coming home, I should have gone straight to Wendy’s office and begged for a quick session. Something. Anything but let Sara see how much Guy’s drop-in had upset me. But I hadn’t, and now she was flying off the deep end. If I didn’t calm her down and convince her I was fine, there was no telling what she might do. Like tell Cam.

“I don’t honestly know what he wants,” I said. “I mean, he was talking like he couldn’t live without me. Stuff like that.”

“He’s going to have to live without you. I’m not letting that son of a bitch anywhere close to you.” She stopped short, causing Connor to jerk against the end of his leash and stumble back a few steps until he landed on his butt. He laughed maniacally, but he didn’t seem hurt at all. Sara stared into my eyes, hers a little wild. “What did Anthony do? And your coach?”

“Ellen was already working with her next class. Anthony stayed close.”

“How close?”

“Close enough.”

“Hmph.” She started walking again, though. “Do you think Guy’s leaving now? Is he done fucking with you, or will he come back?”

I shrugged. “No idea.” Only that was a lie, just like everything I’d said to Anthony about what Guy wanted was a lie. There was one thing I understood without a doubt about Guy, and it was that he never gave up easily. If dissuading him were possible, he never would have shown up in Portland. He would have been out of my life as soon as I’d informed him I was done with him.

But that hadn’t happened. There’d been weeks of phone calls, text messages, emails, notes left on the front door of my house or under the wiper blade of my car. He’d come by and pounded on the door, demanding that I let him in so we could talk. After a while, he’d let it drop, only to pick up with the obsessiveness again after a month of silence. That had repeated time and again until I’d left. Until I’d come to Portland.