Losing Faith (18 page)

“What do you think she’s doing here?” I ask.

Tessa shrugs. “Who knows. Maybe a grandparent or something.”

That makes sense. It looks like the same type of building my grandma lives in. Plain, drab, old people in wheelchairs decorating the front entrance. “So I guess we just wait around and see where she goes next?”

“Suit yourself,” Tessa says.

“What, you think I should go in there? Bombard their little family reunion, put Reena in a headlock and interrogate her about Faith? Her grandma’ll have a heart attack on the spot.”

Tessa chuckles.

“Besides, I’m sticking to my promise. I told Alis I wouldn’t bother her.”

We sit and stare at the automatic doors for several minutes before Tessa says, “Of course,
you
don’t have to bother her.”

I look at her, raising my eyebrows.

“Let’s go in pretending we’re Lilibeth and Gertrude Bonapart.” She laughs at her stupid names. “Alis isn’t here. He never has to know.” Tessa talks like she’s got it all figured out, and it’s oh-so-easy.

At least she isn’t planning on going in alone. I can imagine the whole staff hitting the floor and raising their hands. “Right,” I say. “They’re
sure to take us for a Gertrude and Lilibeth. I might as well go in there pretending I’m Annie Mo—” I stop. I haven’t told Tessa about Alis and Reena’s mom, and I’m not completely sure I want to yet. “I mean, let’s just use some normal names. Like someone from school.”

Tessa’s already out of the car. “Okay, come up with another name, then.”

But I am excited. It could work. Or maybe Reena will recognize me as Faith’s sister and actually want to talk to me. Maybe Alis has it wrong.

Barely through the sliding doors, I spot Reena. She stands behind the big open administration area, talking to a couple of nurses. She holds a clipboard and the nurses nod back to her in a way that makes me think she not only works here, but she’s their boss—that they’ll do anything she says—which is weird because she looks like she couldn’t be more than a year or two out of high school.

Still, she looks friendly and I feel more and more convinced that Alis was overreacting about the need to stay away from her.

Two hallways break off from the administration desk, with a lobby beside us. Before I’ve gotten my bearings, I hear a musical female voice coming toward us.

“Excuse me. Can I help you find something?”

I look up. It’s her.

“I’m, um, just here to visit someone,” I say, only turning an eighth of the way in her direction. My heart speeds up as I wait for her next words. I wait for her to say, “Hey, aren’t you Faith’s sister?”

“Oh, okay. Do they know you’re coming? What’s the name?” She walks closer and must be wearing heels, because I hear their
clickety-clack
on the linoleum.

It takes me a second to process her words, since they’re not what I expected. In the meantime, Tessa jumps in.

“Lori,” she says, extending her hand. Reena places her clipboard on the table beside me and shakes Tessa’s hand. “And this is Annie.”

“She means my grandma’s name, stupid,” I say to Tessa, bumping her on the arm, hard, and trying desperately to break the tense silence. I can’t believe she just named me after Reena’s dead mother.

“Oh yeah, right.” Tessa turns back to Reena. “This looks like a great place.” She walks toward a couple of men playing chess and Reena’s eyes scrutinize her. As Tessa goes on about how much my granny must like it here, I scan Reena’s clipboard for the first name I can find.

“Ivorson,” I blurt, because Tessa’s started making fun of an old man who’s fallen asleep in his wheelchair. Reena turns to me.
“Sorry. I, um, we’re here to see Doris Ivorson. Uh, my grandmother, she doesn’t know—”

“Oh.” Reena brightens. “You’re Mrs. Ivorson’s granddaughter?”

I nod, because I have no idea what else to do. I feel a grin cross my face and an ease come over me as Reena’s wide eyes meet mine. She seems so friendly and I wish Tessa hadn’t given fake names. Reena may be someone I could really talk to, even if she is a bit on the religious side.

“Don’t worry about it, Annie, is it?”

The reminder of my fake name makes my lies feel so obvious, like they’re written right across my face. But she goes on, apparently not noticing.

“I’ve been visiting her twice a week for months, and she doesn’t know me, either. But I still think it’s important that you’re here. Everybody needs to feel loved.” She nods, with a look of assurance. “Come on, this way to the Alzheimer’s wing.”

I feel like I can’t help myself and follow her down the hall. I’m not sure if it’s her voice or her eyes that are pulling me along, but since the whole feeling is so peaceful, it’s hard to fight against. I’m about to meet my new, Alzheimer’s-inflicted grandma and I’m hardly nervous. I should be. I know I should be, but there’s something about Reena.

Tessa hangs back. “I’ll give you some time alone and come in a few minutes.” But she stops outside a door labeled “Pharmaceutical Supplies.” Tessa’s voice helps me shake off the slight daze I’d fallen into.

Tessa. Pharmaceutical supplies. Right, so instead of hearing Reena’s memories of Faith, we’ll get busted for ripping off drugs from old people. Perfect.

When we round the corner into Mrs. Ivorson’s room, I prepare my first line.

“Hi Grandma. It’s me, Annie.”

The frail lady lies on her bed, watching a soap opera on a miniature television. The tiny room is just big enough for her single bed, a dresser, and one other chair. It smells like old people, kind of like dust, but not the kind that gets stuck in your lungs. Reena walks into the room behind me and shuts the door. I’m not sure if her hand slipped on the knob or what, but she opens it and shuts it again.

The old woman hasn’t looked over, so I reintroduce myself.

“Jesus!” she replies.

Reena holds her hand in front of her mouth and at first I wonder if she’ll scold Mrs. Ivorson for her trespass, but then I see the smile creep out from behind Reena’s hand.

“We’ve been talking about him every day,” she whispers to me. “She’s starting to remember his name really well.”

“Wow, that’s so great,” I whisper back. “I didn’t know if Grandma knew him anymore.”

“Praise the Lord!” Mrs. Ivorson says and raises both hands up toward General Hospital.

“Did she ever go to church?” Reena asks.

“Um, yeah. All the time. When she was … you know.”

Reena nods her understanding. “Which one?”

“Huh?”

“Which church did she—do you go to?”

“Oh, I’m new in town. I mean grandma’s been here for, uh—”

“Six months.”

“Right, six months, but I just moved to town after my parents split up. Moved here from Canada.” Amy’s story slips off my tongue like it’s my own.

“Oh, I see.” She stares at me expectantly and I feel myself starting to fall into a daze again.

Oh yeah, church. I snap myself out of it. “I haven’t … found a church since I’ve been in town.”

She raises her eyebrows.

“I mean, I’ve been to a few, but all the churches around here just seem so …” Alis’s recap of Reena’s church life comes back to me. “… lukewarm.”

Her smile widens, and her eyes light up with a secretive look. I can’t
stop my feet from shuffling, so I walk over to where Mrs. Ivorson lies on her bed. After easing down beside her, I scoop an arm around her and say, “Hi, Grandma. I’ve missed you.”

Reena doesn’t leave. She just stands there watching us.

“So what’s he up to?” I say to my pretend grandmother, motioning to the guy onscreen. Her eyes don’t leave her soap opera. She’s very serious about this. “Who’s he cheating on now?”

“Yes.” Mrs. Ivorson nods. “Yes, he is.”

I don’t know what else to say to this woman. Why is Reena still standing there? “Mom says she’ll be up on the weekend,” I continue. “And she says to give you a hug for her, too.” I reach over and give Mrs. Ivorson another one. This time she smiles, turns, and kisses me on the cheek.

Progress. Okay, maybe I can do this. “So, Grandma, it seems like you’ve been getting to know this nice nurse pretty well.”

“Oh, I’m not a nurse,” Reena says, as if I’m suggesting she’s the local garbage collector. “I’m here preaching the Gospel. Talking to those who want some hope. I do it a couple times a week.”

“Really? That’s so … giving of you.” And I thought
Faith
was a Bible-thumper! I think back to the nurses at the
reception area. How they seemed so subordinate to her. I feel her staring at me waiting for more, so I add, “There are so many in the churches who just don’t seem to know how to serve,” quoting Dad.

She turns her eyes to the window and is silent for several seconds. Did I say it wrong?

“So, Annie. We have this group. I don’t know, you seem like our type. Of course I have to talk to the others. …”

I jump up from the bed, more out of nervousness than enthusiasm. “Oh, okay. Uh, yeah. I’d love to!”

The words tumble out, even though I know I’ll have to retract them somehow. I mean, I assume Celeste would be there. But still, I can’t help being excited by the prospect of spending more time with Reena. Spending more time with the friends who really knew my sister.

I keep my eyes on her hands as she pulls a paper off the bottom of her clipboard and says, “What’s your last name again?”

I only pause for a second, then give her a fake one and my cell number, glad I still have that generic voice mail greeting, stating only my number. Now doesn’t seem like the best time to tell her about my lies. Besides, it seems easier somehow to get to know her as someone else. Someone who fits with her. For the moment, I need to come up with an excuse to get out of here before I say anything else stupid.

“I have to get home before dinner to walk the”—as I’m about to say “dog,” a jolt of panic hits me that maybe she knows Faith had a dog—“um, rabbit.”

“You have to walk your rabbit?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “He’s really overweight. Just, um, around the yard.”

She crinkles her forehead.

It’s not
that
far-fetched. I wave and slip out the door.

When I meet Tessa back in the Volkswagen, it feels like my lungs are on fire. How long have I gone without breathing? Tessa stares at me and taps the steering wheel, waiting for the story.

I take a quick glance in the backseat and thankfully don’t see any stolen pill bottles.

Looking over at her, I say the words slowly. “I think I just accidentally joined her home group.”

chapter
TWENTY

b
y the end of the week I still haven’t heard from Reena. I’m zoning out at my locker at lunchtime when Tessa slams her hand against the door beside me.

I can’t stop the flinch, but compose myself quickly.

Without looking at me, she puts her books away and asks where I’m going to eat lunch.

“Uh, I don’t know.” I usually go to the cafeteria and perch on the end of someone’s bench these days, keeping my eyes to myself, but I’m quite sure if I walk in with Tessa Lockbaum, the ends of all the benches will suddenly be overrun.

“You want to go to Wendy’s?” she asks.

It’s only a block away. I slip my hand in my purse and feel a few stray pennies at the bottom.

“I’m buying,” she says, as if she can read my mind.

I nod. “Sounds good.” But then over her shoulder I get a flicker of familiar dark hair and red checkered jacket in the sea of students. It couldn’t be … Alis?

Oh, right. He’s probably here to take another test. I turn away to slide my books into my locker since I said I wouldn’t bother him anymore. But when I look to see if Tessa’s ready, he still stands there, leaning against a locker less than twenty feet away, staring at me. I wonder if he somehow heard about the senior center.

“Hey, Tessa,” I say. “Can we take a rain check on lunch?”

She follows my eyes, and then shuts her locker with a bang. “Yeah, sure. Whatever,” she says and tromps right through my line of vision and down the hall.

Uh-oh. Definitely offended. I cringe, feeling caught between running after her and staying to talk to Alis.

She disappears around the corner, as have the majority of the students who were here a second ago. I inch toward Alis, leaving my locker wide open. His mouth is a flat line of non-emotion.

“Here for a test?” I ask.

He offers one nod. I feel stupid, my heart rate going berserk over his cuteness when he so obviously isn’t here for me.

“Oh yeah?” I’m hoping he’ll open up the conversation, but he stares blankly at me. Feeling uncomfortable, I turn back toward my locker. I should have gone after Tessa.

“But it got rescheduled,” he says suddenly, like he finally remembered how to work his mouth. He gestures to Clancy’s classroom. “Sometimes it works out at lunchtime, sometimes it doesn’t. But I thought maybe we could talk.”

Since I’m already facing the other direction, I head the twenty feet back to my locker. I feel like I need a few seconds to settle into the idea of this. Strengthen myself in case he found out about my run-in with Reena. Though the more that I think about it, Reena seems the more levelheaded, or at least the more relaxed, of the two of them. Alis makes me so tense and I wonder with his strange overreactions the other day if he’s the one I should be avoiding, cute or not. I close my locker door and turn to him. His eyes flit away from me, like I suddenly make
him
nervous.

“Okay.” I walk back toward him, studying him to see if I’ve got it wrong.

“Can we go somewhere a little more private?” he asks.

I raise my eyebrows, an automatic reaction, even though I know he doesn’t mean it like that.

“My sister will be here to pick me up, and I don’t want her—” He shakes his head. “Never mind.”

“Oh. Yeah, sure.” My breath quickens and I’m not sure if it’s from his nerves or my own.

He motions his head to the side and leads me toward the history classroom. “Mr. Clancy’s at a meeting in the office.”

He pulls the door open and we slip inside. I back into Clancy’s desk and lean against it while Alis turns to face me.