Losing Nuka (Litmus Book 1) (2 page)

“Did she, though? I should at least be able to find out the truth. And not from the woman who got stuck with me because my dad died. The same woman who has lied to me for years. You never adopted me willingly, you inherited me.”

“That’s not true, Nuk—”

“Will you at least help me try and find my birth mother? If for nothing else, then just to get some answers? I need to know why my dad changed my name, I need to know why she gave me up. And, if she hasn’t come looking for me, I want to know why.”

“That’s all perfectly natural to want those things,” Dad says. “But you also have to be strong enough to handle the consequences of your search. How will you feel if you do find this woman and she shuts the door in your face? What will happen if she rejects you again? We don’t want to see you go through something like that. She’s abandoned you once before, what’s to stop her from doing it again?”

“Says you two. How do I know you’re telling me the truth? You’ve been lying to me my entire life. And not only me, but William as well. BDM couldn’t give me my birth certificate, so I asked for all the info I could get on my dad. I found it interesting that
you
were engaged to my dad at one point.” I give Mum a pointed glare. “They gave me your marriage license application form, but what else is interesting is it was for
after
Will was born. So I’m guessing Will doesn’t belong to Daddy Jayce? Is Will my
actual
brother?”

Mum winces as if she’s in pain. “No. It wasn’t like that between your dad and me. We were just friends.”

“Dad isn’t my real dad?” Will’s tiny voice echoes through the suddenly silent house.

Crap!
I didn’t mean for him to hear that. I hadn’t completely decided whether or not to bring that up at all, but I want to know the truth. If Will is my biological brother, that means they’ve been lying to both of us.

“I really wish you had come to us first,” Mum mumbles to me as she turns to Will. “William, sweetheart—”

“I’ll talk to Will, you finish with Nuka,” Dad says, standing to guide my brother back to his room. He turns back just before they disappear upstairs. “We knew this day was coming sooner or later,” he says to Mum.

“Will is not your biological brother,” Mum says quietly, turning to face me. “His father died long before your dad and I ever … well, we weren’t even together. If you must know, I’ve only been with two men in my life—Will’s dad and Jayce.”

I wince, not really being comforted by her words. I did
not
need to know that about my mum.

“Your father and I, we had an agreement. We were friends who agreed to marry on the grounds that it would be good for his presidential campaign, but he was killed not long after our engagement. I didn’t even know he had already applied for a marriage license. When he died, he wanted me to take you, and I did. I’ve always looked at you like a daughter, and I didn’t want to lose you. That’s why we never sought out your birth mother. We knew you’d want to know about your past one day, but we didn’t want to be the ones to bring it up. In hindsight, we probably should have, but there’s never really the right time to have this kind of conversation.”

Mum’s tone is downright disappointed. This is why I didn’t come to her first. I’d feel guilty if I wasn’t so mad. It’s like a fire has ignited in the pit of my belly, full of rage and anger. A part of me knows it’s irrational, but there’s a bigger part of me that wants answers. And it’s clear they aren’t willing to give them to me.

“What’s my real name?” I ask again.

She doesn’t respond.

I don’t want to be in this house anymore. I stand up, preparing to leave.

“Where are you going?”

“What do you care?” I yell.

“Really, Nuka? Going to play the teenager card? Going to yell irrationally and run away? You’re a bit old for that now, aren’t you? I thought we lucked out with you, that we weren’t going to go through this phase.”

It’s not like Mum to lose her cool—be sarcastic, yes, but not yell. It rattles me further. “Well, I thought you’d always be honest with me. There’s so much that you haven’t told me,
and
Will,
and
I’m assuming Illy as well.”

Storming to the hallway and grabbing my backpack off the ground, I head for the door when Mum’s pleading makes me pause.

“Please don’t leave like this.” Her voice is quiet and full of pain.

“Tell me what my name is.”

“We don’t know,” Mum says.

Forcing myself to turn and look at her, I have to quickly glance away again. She looks so distraught, but I don’t see how she could be telling the truth. She’s a sergeant on the police force, not to mention a well-known public figure in the political world. She’s one of those insane do-gooder types. Always helping, never taking any of the credit. If she wanted to, she could take this Immune advocacy platform and use it to become one of the most powerful people in the country. Instead, she chooses to stay on the force and train new recruits in the Special Ops department. She says it would be hypocritical of her to preach about Immunes living a normal life if she didn’t have normalcy in her own life … or some crap like that.

Still, I don’t believe for one second that she hasn’t worked out a way to find out what my real name is.

“Honestly. Your records were sealed, even from us,” she says.

“I wish I could believe you,” I say as I walk out.

-2-

THREE YEARS LATER

“I’m going to do it. I’m going to knock. Just watch me go,” I say, remaining completely still in the passenger seat of Declan’s car. I think I’m trying to convince myself more than my best friend that I’m actually going to go through with this.

The small, white fibro house with perfectly manicured gardens mocks me. It’s daring me to go and knock, but my nerves aren’t allowing me to move. I’m frozen.

I’ve been waiting three years for this moment. I’m about to meet the woman who gave birth to me twenty-one years ago.

“
Are
you going to go knock?” Declan asks. I think he’s getting a little impatient.

I don’t reply and we continue to sit in silence for another fifteen minutes while the house continues to taunt me, like we’re playing some messed-up staring contest … and the house is winning.

“Nuke, we don’t have to do this today,” he says.

“Yeah, I do,” I say, finally summoning the courage to open the door. It clicks open, the fresh cool breeze hitting me.

Declan gently grabs my arm before I get out. “Do you want me to come with you?”

“No. I have to do this alone.”

He smirks. “I knew you’d say that. I’ll be here if you need me.”

I get out of the car, taking a deep breath as I step towards the house, but I don’t get far. A police car pulls up next to us with its lights on.

Crap.

Two officers climb out of their car; one I recognise as one of Lia’s colleagues. He’s a regular at all the barbecues my adoptive mum’s hosted over the years. He’s practically an honorary uncle to me.

“Hey, Kai,” I say casually.

“Nuka,” he says in a more serious tone than I was using. “Declan.” He nods to Dec as he gets out of the car. “Haven’t seen you two at your mum’s gatherings lately. Where’ve you been?”

Ignoring his question, I ask one of my own. “Patrol’s a bit beneath you, isn’t it?” He’s one of Lia’s taskforce agents.

“Everyone has to pull patrol duty every now and then. It keeps us on our toes.”

I narrow my eyes at his lie, and he picks up on my scepticism.

“I heard Declan’s name when they ran the plates. I came as a favour.”

“To my mother?”

“No, Nuka. To you. What are you doing here?”

“How do you all know each other?” Kai’s younger partner asks.

“She’s the sergeant’s daughter,” Kai replies.

The partner’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “She must’ve been young when she had her?” This is something I’ve heard nearly my entire life.

“That’s a long story,” Kai says before facing me. “What are you doing here?” he asks again.

“That’s a long story,” I repeat his words.

“What’s going on? Why did they run my plates?” Declan asks. “I don’t think we have time for a classic Kai-slash-Nuka argument. As entertaining as they are.” Declan’s joking manner dissipates as he gives me a stern look, one that tells me to stop being difficult.

I sigh, turning to Kai to tell him the truth. “A PI found my birth mother. He tracked her last address to here, and I’ve been sitting in my car trying to build up the courage to go knock. What are
you
doing here?”

Kai’s stance relaxes a little. “I’m so sorry, Nuka. Your birth mother doesn’t live here.”

“What?” I croak.

“We got a call from the resident. She made an official complaint about a strange car with ‘suspicious younglings’ sitting outside her house. Her words, not mine. Unless your birth mother is a seventy-six-year-old woman named Elizabeth, you’ve got your information wrong.”

My shoulders slump forward in disappointment.

“I’m really sorry,” Kai says. “I’ll come with you to explain yourself to Ms. Sean. I’m sure she’ll back down if you tell her the truth. Otherwise, I’ll have to take you down to the station.”

I nod, and Kai starts escorting me along the short pathway and up the three patio stairs to the front door. Declan and the partner stay with the cars. Kai knocks for me, and a tiny lady with short, curly grey hair answers the door.

“Hello, Ms. Sean. This is Nuka James. She’s the one who has been sitting outside your house.”

She looks at me, her face turning into a scowl. “What do you want?”

“I … Umm …”

“I’m afraid there has been a misunderstanding,” Kai talks for me. “Nuka was given wrong information about the possible whereabouts of her birth mother, whom she has been trying to locate for a long time.”

The woman’s face turns from a look of anger to one of sympathy. “Oh, honey. I’m sorry to hear that, but as you can see, I’m the only one here, and I’m a little old to be your mother.”

“Thanks anyway,” I manage to say. “I’m sorry to have upset you.”

“That’s okay, dear. All is forgiven. I’m sorry I couldn’t help.”

I turn to walk away but wonder if she knew about the people who lived here before her. “You wouldn’t happen to know if a Cadence Edwards used to live here, would you? Or a Cade Edmunds?” I ask over my shoulder.

Three years ago, I found out through Births, Deaths, and Marriages that my mother’s name was Cadence Edwards. After searching for any information I could find on her, it seemed she mysteriously disappeared around the same time she gave me up. The PI Declan recently hired uncovered that she changed her name and now goes by Cade Edmunds.

The old woman thinks for a moment before a look of recognition crosses her face. “There used to be an Edmunds living next door. I haven’t seen them for a while, but the house has never been put on the market. I think they rent it out now.”

“Maybe the PI got the wrong address,” Kai says.

The house next door is almost the complete opposite of this one. It’s cement rendered and a dark charcoal colour. A modern wooden archway sits over brick stairs leading up to the wooden floorboard porch. It’s even more daunting than this house, but I don’t know if it’s because it’s my new target or if it’s just really intimidating to look at.

I mutter a quick thank you as I make my way down the footpath and rush over to the next house. Urgently bounding up the steps, I don’t hesitate to knock on the door this time, adrenaline urging me forward.

A young blond guy in his twenties answers the door. “Can I help you?” he asks, his blue eyes shining at me through thick-rimmed glasses.

“Uh—”

“Nuka, you can’t just go knocking on everyone’s door in hopes of finding her.” Kai finally catches up to me.

“Who are you looking for?” the guy asks, giving Kai the evil eye.

“Cade Edmunds,” I state in a flustered rush, worried Kai’s going to drag me away any minute.

The guy shakes his head casually. “Sorry. I’ve never heard that name before.”

“Are you sure? She’s not like your landlord or something?”

“Nah, a cranky balding guy is my landlord. Sorry again,” he says and goes to shut the door.

“What about Cadence Edwards?” I practically yell, putting my foot across the threshold to stop the door from shutting completely.

His eyes travel down to my foot in the doorway and then back up to meet mine. “Again, no. Sorry.” His casual tone doesn’t match his look of contempt.

“Sorry to have bothered you,” Kai says before grabbing my arm and dragging me back down the steps of the porch. “I know you want to find her, Nuka, but you can’t bother everyone on the street. My advice would be to go back to your PI, tell him he gave you bogus information, and ask for a refund.”

He leads me over to Declan’s car before finally letting go of my arm.

“What happened?” Declan asks.

I just shake my head at him. Looking at Kai with pleading eyes, I beg, “Please don’t tell my mum about this?”

Kai glances over at his partner before nodding to me. “Get out of here now, and I won’t say a thing.”

“Deal,” I say, turning and climbing into the car.

Declan gets back in the driver’s seat. “What happened?” he asks again. He puts the keys in the ignition but doesn’t turn the car on just yet.

Tears break me as I put my head forward on the dashboard. Declan rubs my back in a soothing way.

“It was a dead end,” I whisper. “The old lady said that an Edmunds used to live next door, but when I asked the guy who lives there now, he had no idea who I was talking about.”

“Hey, it’s okay. We’ll just make another appointment with the PI and give him more money. Although, you might have to fund this one. He’s not cheap. But I’m sure he’ll find her. He was able to find this information pretty quickly.”

I nod and lift my head off the dash. “Okay.”

Declan surprised me for my birthday by hiring the PI. I’ve spent the last three years trying to find out everything I could about my bio parents. There’s an abundance of information on my dad. Kind of helps that he was an assassinated presidential candidate. At the age of thirty, he was killed on the campaign trail by an activist group against Defectives. The activists were not expecting what followed. The death of my father united the nation. It was the first major step in equality between Defectives and normals. Even though we still aren’t quite there yet, it was his legacy that has got us to where we are today. We’re no longer imprisoned for who we are, and we’re free to do whatever we want.

So, naturally, there are countless news articles on him, but no dirt. The media seemed to think he was perfection wrapped in flawlessness. I’m not that naïve, everyone has dirt, but even Lia wouldn’t tell me anything I couldn’t read in a history book or archived news articles. In fact, she more or less refused to talk about him at all when I’d ask.

There’s nothing on my birth mother, anywhere. All the information I could find on Cadence at the city library was from before I was born. The computers at the library aren’t exactly the best search tools, though. I tried to sneak Lia’s work tablet once, but it’s password secured. Back in the old days, everyone had access to online information, everyone had their own tablet or online device, but when the pandemic hit and millions of lives were lost, the country became self-sufficient from the rest of the world. Now it’s only important government employees or people with a ton of money who have them.

Everything used to be imported from overseas. Now everything has to be made here, and the costs are ridiculous. The country struggled for decades after the worst pandemic in history broke out. It caused a time-machine effect, taking us back to a time of fewer technologies. We’ve since advanced in some areas like medicine and essential living needs—lab-created food for sustainability, lab-made medicines for cheap healthcare—but cars, electronics … any luxury items became nearly obsolete. It’s taken a long time, but we’re slowly getting back to how things used to be. Cars no longer cost more than real estate like they used to twenty years ago, and tablet devices are available to buy,
if
you have the money to afford it.
Maybe I could get myself one now with my trust fund,
I ponder.

My trust fund kicked in yesterday on my twenty-first birthday, and if I’m smart with it, I’ll never have to take a depressing waitressing job ever again.

“You still want to go apartment hunting?” Declan asks as we start to drive.

“Nah. Not today, not now. I’m not really in the right mood for apartment hunting.”

“Maybe I can talk to Mum and Dad about you moving in? You’re practically crashing in my bed every night anyway.”

“You know they won’t allow that. They hate me,” I say, pointing to my Defective mark in the crook of my elbow, “because of this.”

It was put there when I was five, right after Defectives were released from the Institute. The government decided we needed to be tracked, seeing as we were no longer confined. The mark appeared when the tracker was inserted. While the government no longer tracks us because of the Immune Rights Laws that were brought in by my Uncle Tate and his political party about five years ago, we’re still branded with the mark: a small, black backwards “S” shape.

Everyone now has a blood test at birth, and if it comes back positive, they get the mark. Immune Genetics Laboratory has been studying Defectives for decades. They found a connection between Defectives and the immunity to Cataclysm Fever, the disease that eradicated the majority of the population almost seventy years ago. Those who are born naturally immune to the disease are Defective. Those who aren’t are given the vaccine and are deemed as “normal.” Hence the term “Immune,” but to most people we’re still Defective. We’re still broken.

It was never worked out why some people are born immune and some aren’t or why the natural immunity also causes supernatural abilities, but the most logical theory out there is that we evolved—adapted to our new environment to ensure we’d survive the Fever.

What all that has to do with our abilities, I don’t know. It also doesn’t explain why the abilities are all different. I mean, I’ve met a few people with a heating ability like mine, but all of my “family” have different abilities. Uncle Drew is an Empath—able to sense what you’re feeling, Uncle Tate is a Telepath—can hear what you’re thinking, Uncle Shilah gets visions of the future, Nanna can tamper with your memories, and Great Aunt Kenna can alter her appearance. My brother, William, is proven to be Defective but doesn’t have an ability at all. Then there’s Lia and Illy—they both have rare double abilities. It doesn’t make any scientific sense, and yet it still happens.