Losing Nuka (Litmus Book 1) (24 page)

“You saved my life.”

“Yeah … I did. And I’d do it again, too.” He goes to reach for me, but hesitates, taking his hand back and placing it by his side.

“I won’t break if you touch me,” I whisper.

He moves his hand to my hip, squeezing it gently. Reaching my left hand up to his face, I wince in pain before dropping it to his chest.

He picks my hand up and gently brings my fingers to his lips, kissing them softly.

“I thought I was going to lose you,” he says.

In this moment, I have absolutely no reason not to tell him how I feel about him. Not one reason. The words are on the tip of my tongue; all I have to do is say them out loud.
Say them!

“I’m falling for you.” The words come out as barely a whisper, but I say them.

He smiles that half-smile that looks so damn good on him. “I know.”

“You know?”

“I hear it. Every time you look at me, your heart starts beating harder.” He’s smirking now as he places my hand over his chest. “It matches mine.”

“Damn your ability,” I mutter, pulling back slightly. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because your head needed to catch up. I need you to choose me.”

“I do. This is me choosing you.”

Leaning forward, our lips touch. His hands wrap around me, gentle and cautiously, careful of my injuries. Where his touch is soft, his mouth is firm and certain, claiming me as his. Like so many of our other kisses, it makes me want more, but this time it’s not for show. It’s for real.

***

“Tomorrow,” Brett says, trailing kisses down my jaw and neck. “It’s been three long days, and I can’t wait to get you home, and in our bed.”

“
Our
bed?” I croak.

“I guess that is a bit presumptuous of me … and I mean, you’re probably still sore … and …” He runs his hand through his hair.

His fluster makes me smile. “Tomorrow … if I’m not too sore.”

“No pressure, Nuke. Whenever you’re ready.”

I kiss him with as much fervour as I have, letting him know how much I want him.

A throaty groan escapes him as his hand trails down my side, grasping my hip.

“Ugh.” Sasha’s voice comes from the doorway. “Is there ever going to be a day where I don’t walk in on you two canoodling now that you’re together for real?”

We both laugh as Brett pries himself away from me and climbs off my hospital bed.

“Sorry,” I apologise to her.

“No you’re not!” she shrieks.

“Okay, I’m not. But I’ll try to contain myself when you’re around.”

“I make no such promises,” Brett says sitting in the chair next to my bed and smirking arrogantly.

“How are you feeling today?” Sasha asks.

Brett was right about her. The minute she found out I was in here, she forced Drake to bring her here, even though visiting hours were over. She kicked up a stink, made a fuss, and practically forced her way in to see me. She and Brett have barely left my side ever since. Silver and Paddy came by again yesterday, but Cade and Jonas haven’t bothered at all. Not that it should surprise me. Although, you’d think they’d be concerned for one of their fighters. Apparently having five others to choose from means they feel fairly comfortable with almost losing one of them.

“I can’t wait to get out of here,” I say.

“Just one more day, baby,” Brett says.

Sasha rolls her eyes and puts a finger down her throat, mock throwing up. “Sickening,” she mumbles.

I just laugh at her. “Just wait. One day you’ll meet someone, and you’ll beg them to call you baby.”

“Not likely. They could call me queen, or master, or hey—here’s a weird suggestion, they could call me Sasha, you know,
my name
. Treat me as an equal.”

“It’s just a term of endearment, it’s not meant to be demeaning,” I say.

“Uh … Nuke,” Brett whispers. “I think Flynn used to call her baby.”

“Oh, honey,” I say, as she starts welling up with tears. Reaching out, I take her hand in mine.

I’ve never seen her get upset over a guy before. Hell, she uses Drake like a toy. I know she was hurt by Flynn, but I guess I didn’t realise just how bad until now.

I open my arms and she climbs onto my bed, snuggling into me.

“He’s stupid, you know that?” I say.

“Of course, I know that. He’s such a stupid bogan.” She starts laughing through her tears. “It sucks what he did, but I’ve learnt my lesson. I deserve better. I can take what I want from guys, and I’ll never fall for anyone again.”

“Sounds like a good plan,” I lie. That doesn’t sound like a good plan at all, but I’ll let her wallow in her self-pity. For a little while anyway.

“Why look for Mr. Right when Mr. Right-now is around the corner.”

“Hmm … that’s probably not the best attitude to have, but I’ll let it slide because you’re upset.”

“Hey, now that you’re taken, maybe I could make a pass at Declan.”

I know she’s joking and I shouldn’t react, but my heart’s still hooked up to these monitors, and my traitorous body lets the whole room know how much I hate what she just said.

I avoid looking at Brett. I don’t want to see his hurt face.

“I’ve gotta go get ready for my fight tonight,” he says, standing.

Damn it. I’m already screwing this up.
“You’ll be by to pick me up tomorrow?”

“Of course,” he says, coming to kiss me on the forehead before walking out.

“Good luck,” I yell after him, but he’s already gone.

“I’m sorry,” Sasha says after a safe enough time for Brett to be out of hearing range. “I didn’t think you’d react like that, though. I was only joking.”

“I know you were. I don’t even know why my body did that.”

She grimaces at me as if I just said the dumbest thing ever. “Just because you’ve decided to be with Brett, that doesn’t mean your feelings for Declan are gone.”

It’s not like I’m pining after Declan, though. I’m happy with Brett and I’m not doubting my decision to be with him. I know he’s the one for me, but … part of me will always belong to Declan.

“How can one heart belong to two people?”

She shrugs. “It’s probably better for it to belong to two people than to give it wholly to one, only to have him smash it to pieces.”

“I’ll get Flynn in the arena, I swear I will.”

“That’s okay. He’s not a bad guy, really. And I think that’s what I hate the most. He didn’t promise me the world, he didn’t lead me on. I just wanted more than what he was willing to give, and when he realised that, he was upfront and honest about it. So I can’t really hate him. I hate myself more than anything. I think deep down, I knew. I always knew he wasn’t that into me.”

“So you’ve just been toying with random guys ever since?”

“I haven’t slept with any of them, if that’s what you’re getting at. I told myself I wouldn’t do it again until I was sure.”

I huff out a little laugh. “So it really is all an act.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she says dismissively.

“I love you, Sasha. You know that, right? I’m so happy I get to have you in my life.”

“You too,” she says awkwardly while looking away.

It makes me wonder how many times she’s been told “I love you” growing up. By the way she’s reacted, I’m guessing not a lot. Cade definitely doesn’t seem like the affectionate kind of mum. It’s such a vast difference to the way I was brought up—in a house full of love, encouragement, and support.

“I mean it, Sash. You’re in my life forever.”

She nods, but I sense she doesn’t believe me, and I don’t know how to convince her.

***

“Where’s that ringing coming from?” I murmur while opening my eyes.

I’m still in the hospital. The lights are all on.

“What time is it?”
How long have I been asleep?

No one answers—I’m all alone.

The phone on my bedside table is ringing. That’s where it’s coming from.

“Hello?” I say groggily, picking up the receiver. According to the clock next to the phone, it’s just past 10:00 PM.

“Nuka?” a small voice says.

“Who is this?” I ask, confused.

There’s sobbing on the other end of the line. “It’s … Paddy.”

I bolt upright, ignoring the slight twinge in my side. “Paddy? What’s wrong?”

He sniffs.

“Is it Brett? Is he okay?”

“I need Uncle Brett, but I can’t get a hold of him, and I don’t know where Litmus is.”

I sigh. “So you know about Litmus.”

He sniffs again. “Nuka. I really need him.” He’s blubbering now.

“Paddy, just tell me what’s wrong. I’ll work out how to get a message to Brett.”

“She’s dead.”

“What? Who’s dead? Paddy, what’s going on?”

“Shane killed Nanna.”

My gut pinches.
That can’t be right.

Silver’s … dead?

-19-

UNCERTAINTY

“Paddy, calm down. What did you say?”
I had to have heard wrong.

“Can you just get Uncle Brett, please?”

“Have you called the police?”

“No. And neither can you.”

“If something happened—”

“Nuka, you can’t. You just … can’t, okay? Please, I’m begging you. I trust you because Uncle Brett trusts you.”

I think I’m going to vomit. “Where are you?”

“At home.”

“Where’s…” I swallow hard, “Your nanna?”

“Living room,” he says, his voice a quivering whisper. “There’s blood everywhere.”

Yup. Can definitely taste the bile now. “Stay right there until we come get you, okay?”

“What if Shane comes back?” His shaky voice sends chills down my spine.

My heart thunders in my chest, and the machines around me start beeping like crazy. I start fumbling to remove all the wires and needles from my skin as I try to process what Paddy’s saying.

“You need to hide. Lock yourself in a closet, the bathroom, anywhere safe …” I say, now climbing out of bed in a panic. “If there’s nowhere safe, you go to a neighbour you can trust—”

“They won’t help me once they find out Shane’s involved.”

“Can you get anywhere safe?”

“The bathroom has a lock. I … I can hide in there.”

“Okay, you hide in there and wait for us, okay? It may take an hour or two to get out there. I have to go get Brett, and then we’ll come to you, okay? Don’t open the door for anyone else.”

“Please hurry. I’m scared.”

My heart sinks to my stomach, the churning nausea feeling only getting worse.
This can’t actually be happening, right?

“I’m leaving now,” I say, hanging up the phone.

I should call the cops. That’s what you do when someone’s been murdered, right? Why am I not calling the cops?

Murdered.

Maybe she’s not dead. He’s overreacting. He’s thirteen, what would he know?

“So much blood.”

I should call an ambulance.

Just get to Brett, just get to Brett.

***

I don’t know how I got to Litmus. My body must be on autopilot, because I don’t recall getting dressed or sneaking out of my room. I don’t even remember hailing down a cab on the street.

Yet, here I am, making my way into the old train yards to the main entrance of Litmus. The cabbie was reluctant to drop me off out here in the middle of nowhere, but I don’t have a key for the warehouse entrance, and there’s no way either of the clubs would let me through while I’m wearing the only pair of shoes I had with me—a pair of fluffy slippers. I may’ve gotten through if they recognised me as Heatwave, but I figured this would just be easier.

That was before I got here and remembered how long the walk is. My stitches hurt, I still feel queasy—I don’t know if it’s from the situation or the painkillers I’m on. I try to run, but my shoes, and my body, won’t let me.

What am I doing here? I should’ve ignored Paddy’s pleas and called the cops. An ambulance, at least. Someone, anyone!

It was almost 11:00 PM when I got out of the taxi. I really hope the fight starts late tonight, or Brett’s going to be in the ring by the time I get in there. I try to pick up my pace, but it only makes me dizzy.

Finally arriving at the Deakin locker room, I’m sweaty and gasping for breath.

I punch eight-zero-zero-eight-five into the keypad and stumble in.

Brett and Ryker look up at me from the bench seats in the middle of the room.

“Nuka?” Brett asks, his face aghast. “What are you doing out of bed … and the hospital?” He rushes to my side, holding me up as I pant for more air. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Paddy … in trouble,” I struggle to get out.

“Paddy?” His eyes widen in fear.

“It’s … he said … Shane … your nanna …”

He turns to Ryker. “Ryke—”

“I’ve got you covered. Go,” Ryker says, shooing us out the door.

Brett doesn’t ask questions on the way to the car. He drags me by my hand and I try to keep up. The closer we get to the car, the more urgent his steps become.

“Brett, my stitches,” I remind him as his grip on my arm becomes a bit too tight.

“Sorry,” he says, letting my hand go completely.

“Give me your keys,” I say as we get nearer the car.

“What? No.”

“I have to … there’s something you need to know, and I’m not going to tell you if you insist on driving. But, if you give me the keys, I can explain on the way. Even with my broken wrist, and insanely sore side, it’ll be safer if I drive.”

He stops dead in his tracks, turning to face me, his eyes glistening as he hands over the keys. “She’s dead, isn’t she?”

“H-how did you—”

“It’s how Shane works. Paddy screwed him over, now he’s out for revenge. He doesn’t go after you, he goes after your family first.”

“But Paddy doesn’t work for him anymore, right?”

“We really need to get to him, Nuke. Fast.”

“Okay.”

We don’t talk any more. Brett silently stares out the window as I drive.

I don’t know how to console him. There’s no way to console someone in this type of situation, is there?

I reach over and grab a hold of his hand, gripping it tight. He holds it like it’s a lifeline but doesn’t look in my direction, continuing to stare out the window. Eventually, I have to grip the steering wheel again, so I move his hand to my thigh to give him something to hold onto.

It’s at least half an hour before he finally speaks, his words coming out in sobs. “I told him this would happen. I told him to stop.”

“Stop what?”

“The last time we were there having lunch a few weeks ago. He was fidgety, he looked guilty … he wasn’t being himself. I confronted him while you were doing the dishes with Nanna in the kitchen.”

“He went back to Shane after you paid him off?”

He shakes his head. “Worse. He went out on his own.”

“I don’t understand.”

“He was doing business on Shane’s territory,” he says through gritted teeth, his sadness suddenly replaced with anger. “I told him!” He removes his hand from my thigh, punching the dashboard and causing a small indent.

I pull the car over to the side of the road and put it in park but leave the engine running.

“What are you doing?”

“Get out,” I say, opening my car door.

“We don’t have time for this, Nuke.” He tries to grab my hand but I pull it away. “What the hell are you doing?” he yells as I climb out of the car.

“Get out of the car, now!” I yell back.

I make my way around to his door. When he refuses to get out, I open it, grab his arm, and practically drag him out.

“What do you want from me?” he screams.

“Get it out. Get all of your anger out now, because when we get to Paddy, it needs to be gone.”

“He got her killed!”

“Yes, he did. And he is thirteen years old. He’s going to need his uncle to forgive him. He’s going to have to live the rest of his life knowing that his actions got his family killed. You can’t make it any worse for him.”

“Nuke, we need to go. We need to get to him before Shane does.”

“Then let it out. Punch the ground if you have to, stomp your feet like a toddler. You need to calm the hell down before I’ll take you anywhere near him.”

Please let Paddy be safe
is all I can think as I stalk back to the car while Brett lets off steam.

He paces back and forth for a while, yelling at an invisible Paddy. I know we need to get going, but I’m right. He needs to get this out.

He’s quiet but subdued when he finally gets back in the car. I put the car in drive, speeding off as safely as I can. We need to get to Paddy before it’s too late.

“Thank you,” Brett mumbles.

***

The neighbourhood is quiet when we finally reach the Estates. Not really a cause for alarm considering it’s almost 1:00 AM, but the stillness is eerie. Pulling into Brett’s driveway, I grip the steering wheel tight. My knuckles turn white as I think about what we’re going to find when we get inside.

Brett’s armed with his gun that he keeps in the centre console and reaches the front door before I’m even out of the car. My heart sinks when he pushes the door wide open. I guess the six-lock trick didn’t work this time.

Please let Paddy be safe.
This has become my mantra the rest of the drive here.

By the time I get the courage to get out of the car and make my way through the front door, I find Brett sobbing on the ground near a puddle of bright crimson liquid surrounding his nanna.

So much blood.

My hand grasps at my stomach as the other covers my mouth, and I have to turn away.

Tears pool in my eyes, and the urge to run to Brett almost consumes me. But I have to leave Brett where he is on the floor. As much as I want to go to him, I need to find Paddy. I avoid looking at Silver, the way her lifeless body is splayed out on the living room carpet.

With my heart thundering in my chest, I round the corner only to find the bathroom door wide open and the light on.

“Shit!”
I shouldn’t have made Brett stop.

I’m frozen in the hallway, unable to move. Taking in a deep breath, I force my feet to work. My steps are slow, cautiously going in the direction of the bathroom. Terror surges through me like it’s adrenaline; I’m visibly shaking by the time I reach the end of the hallway.

He’s gone, he’s dead. We were too late. I should’ve called someone.

Letting out a shaky breath and wiping tears from my eyes, I take the last step, making it to the threshold of the bathroom.

The window’s open, the room empty.

Still shaking with fear, I make my way to the edge of the bathtub and sit. “Where are you, Paddy?” I mutter to myself.

The cabinet under the sink flies open, and I jump in fright and fall backwards into the tub. My head hits the porcelain edge, sending pain down the back of my neck.

Paddy’s squashed into the little cabinet, clambering his way out. I’d find this whole thing humorous if we weren’t in this situation. I probably just gave myself a concussion. My stitches aren’t faring so great either.

“Are you okay, Nuka?”  Paddy’s small voice makes me scramble out of the bathtub, reaching for his held-out hand. Finally finding my feet with his help, I wrap him in a massive hug.

“You’re okay. What happened? Why wasn’t the door locked?” I don’t realise how tight I’m squeezing until he lets out a little grunt.

Brett appears in the doorway, reaching out and taking Paddy out of my arms and into his own.

“Shane. He … he came back.” Paddy starts sobbing through his words as he’s pressed into Brett’s chest. I think Brett’s holding on just as hard as I was. “He was banging on the bathroom door, and I knew he was going to get in, so I opened the window as loudly as I could, then got in the cabinet hoping he’d think I’d jumped out. Once he got in, he realised I wasn’t in here and left. But I was too scared to come out until I knew for sure it was you guys who came in the second time.”

“We need to get out of here,” I say.

Brett nods. “Let’s go.” He turns to walk back out of the bathroom when he stops short in the doorway. “Shit, a car just pulled up. Nuka, take Paddy out the window, wait until they come inside, then get Paddy to the car. Now.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

He turns, grabbing my shoulders. “Now’s not the time to be stubborn. I need you to stay with Paddy. Shane isn’t exactly the type of person to come on his own. Get Paddy to the car. I’ll be out there to join you soon.” He kisses my forehead and then pushes me towards the window as he turns and starts walking down the hallway.

Blood whooshes in my ears to the beat of my heart. I don’t question him this time, turning to usher Paddy out the window.

The drop is small, easy enough for both of us to handle. He hits the ground with a thud, and I’m close to follow.

“Stick behind me, got it?” I whisper. He nods, his eyes wide in fear.

I grab his hand as we sneak alongside the house, the only sound our footsteps and heavy breathing. Reaching the edge of the house, I peek my head around the corner. Two guys are standing by the front door, talking. They’re only a few feet away from us. There’s no way we could get to the car without them seeing us.

“What do we do?” Paddy whispers, obviously not quietly enough, because one of the guys snaps his head in our direction, making eye contact with me.

“Run! Run the other way, go around the other side of the house.”

We take off at a sprint, and I’m thankful Paddy’s fast. The sound of pounding footsteps stalks us. We round the corner at the back of the house, only to come to a skidding halt. There’s one guy behind us, and the other in front of us. We start backing up as they begin to get close, but there’s nowhere to go. We’re being cornered into the back fence.