Losing Virginity (19 page)

“So
how’s um, Pussy Wagon tonight? I hear they’re pretty hot,” I joked.

“Well,
we’re
doin
’ pretty alright, I guess.”

He
bobbed his head up and down smiling at me.
 
“I haven’t even seen you around campus all year,” he said, tossing back
his sweaty dark hair.

It
seemed like he was sizing me up to see if there was any indication that I might
have been missing him these months we had been completely apart.
 
The truth was no, I hadn’t thought about him
once. But now that he was in front of me, I couldn’t help but enjoy the sense
of familiarity he brought with him. However, fantasies with rockers are okay
but this was real life so going down that road would be difficult, unlike with
Big Stick.

“Do
you need another drink? Can we go somewhere where we can talk?”

I
nodded weakly, still smiling and dazed. Looking down at my punch cup I realized
that I’d sucked the entirety of its contents down in the moment I saw Carlos
coming towards me.

Nice
job, Olivia.
Really classy.

“Sure,
I could use another drink… I hope you don’t mean this jungle juice, though…”

We
were smiling at each other in this hard, happy way, and it was making me
unreasonably giddy.

“
Naw
, I’ll share some of my special stash with you.”

He
opened the tweed-
ish
jacket he was wearing over his
black T-shirt, and exposed to me two cans of Coke resting comfortably within
the inside pocket. I giggled and let him lead me upstairs. How old am I? Jeez.

Carlos
confidently pushed his way through the crowd, cutting a clear path for me to
follow so that I was hardly accosted or even nudged by a sweaty body. As we
climbed the staircase I grabbed his arm harder and shouted into his ear, “Are
you a brother here?”

He
stopped on the stairs and turned to face me. His face turned into a twisted,
contorted mask of disgust. For a minute I thought I blacked out from the jungle
juice and in reality asked him if he’d like to smell the fart of a dying pig.

“No
way, Ol, are you kidding me?”

He
laughed and touched my hair.
 
I still
wasn’t sure which question came out of my mouth but the feeling of his hand
close to my cheek made my heart do a little skip. Maybe it was the alcohol or
maybe it was jitters but either way I was feeling uncomfortable. I didn’t need
the old. I needed the new.

“I
just know a bunch of the guys,” he continued casually. “The Bulge plays here
like once a month, and they don’t mind if I take a little break upstairs
sometimes.”

I
wondered, suspiciously, just what the hell “take a little break upstairs”
meant. And who this break would be taken with usually? I pictured a nightly
rotation of freshman sluts following Carlos up these same stairs with that same
jacket and t-shirt ensemble, with hair perfectly messed up purring the same
casual replies to questions as he was doing with me… And then I told myself to
quit it and maybe just try to have fun tonight.

He
knocked loudly on one door and, when he didn’t hear anything, opened it
halfway.

“What the fuck, dude?”

One
of the brothers was reclining on a sofa with a bong in one hand and some
sorority girl’s head in his lap. That was lovely.

“Sorry,
bro!” Carlos covered his laughter with a hand as he shut the door quickly and
whispered “Come
on,
let’s see what’s behind door
number two!”

The
next room was empty. It was a typical college bro’s room, posters of barely
covered bikini models, beers of the world and, of course, an attempt at
appearing either intellectual or ridiculous. Albert Einstein with his tongue
sticking out.… Ugh. How original.

Carlos
swept a pile of crap including rolling papers, roach clips, Pabst cans, and…
Really?
Nudie magazines?
With the
dawn of the internet I didn’t think porn magazines were even in existence
anymore, going the way of the elusive Doe-Doe bird. Okay, well, it isn’t like
they were Carlos’s magazines.

I
wasn’t really sure what I was doing here, in this room with him. I had been
looking for a brand new start after an exceptionally awkward high school
career. In high school everything was so simple. The classes were practically
chosen for you, you still had someone making sure you got up on time and when
you were doing poorly, there was always a teacher to chase you down and force
you to get better grades. At least, that is how it was at my high school. But
college is one hundred percent the opposite. You can either spend your time
wisely or foolishly. They don’t care. They’ll take your money until they kick
you out and then you are still on your own.

I
wanted to be smart about college. I wanted to take interesting classes that
would make me want to explore the world and maybe even help a few people along
the way. And I really felt I was doing that with We Can Do It! I was ready to
forget about the past, forget about Carlos, and to try and dedicate myself to
something bigger.

But,
looking at Carlos now, looking all cool and handsome like he used to when we
dated, all my noble efforts were going out the window. Ironically, much like
all my scruples and worries had gone out the window when I met Big Stick.

Big Stick.

That
was not the person I should have been thinking about right now. Not only because
I was trying to enjoy this half-drunk alone time with Carlos, but also because
it made me feel a little guilty. I know
,
there was no
ring on my finger or even the slightest indication from him that we were
exclusive. But, I was hoping. I really was. And if he somehow found out that I
had gone a little too far with an old boyfriend this easily, well, it could
ruin everything.

However,
it could also be an indicator that I am much more desirable than I think I am.
Maybe he should know that I have an ex-lover. Yes, I said ex-lover! Not an old
boyfriend. Not just someone I used to know. But, and this has to be said with a
breathy, low voice…
An ex-lover.

 
“So, first of all,” he said, almost bashfully
as he produced the cans of soda from his jacket, “You look amazing, really
amazing, Ol.”

His
compliment snapped me back into the room with him. In my mind, I had left for a
short time. Couldn’t even tell you where I went. But I replied to him as if I
were completely absorbed in our intimate moment together.

“Thanks,”
I said, playing with my hair like a fifteen year old.

“I
was hoping you’d show up,” he said in what was almost a whisper.

I
was about to become indignant, to ask him why the hell he’d expect me to show
up at a place like this, but I was soon silenced by him drawing me into his
arms and pressing his lips against mine.

Shit.

Carlos’s
warmth, his boldness, the oddity of this situation all added up to me still
being stuck in the snow bank of my past. I wanted to get out. The wheels were
spinning and I was rocking it between drive and reverse but I hadn’t broken
free just yet. I responded helplessly, Carlos’s warm tongue entering into my
mouth, pushing my lips harder into his and digging his fingers into my back. He
started pushing my hands so they ran up under the fabric of his jacket to knead
his lean body through the sweaty T-shirt my bassist ex-lover wore. Yes, I said
it again…Ex-lover. Definitely not in a sexual way though. It was beginning to
head that direction though.

His
hands were around my waist and pulling me closer, pulling me into a make-out
session I was all too familiar with. Did I want to do this? I felt no real
emotion for Carlos. There wasn’t any love or terror or anything that could make
me think that when this was over I couldn’t easily just leave and go about my
life. He kissed well. If it stopped, I wouldn’t feel heartbroken or let down, I
would have been happy.
 
However, I was in
bad situation that a lot of girls got themselves into, how to just say no
without worrying about what the guy was going to think of you.

Carlos
suddenly pulled back. I was startled and embarrassed. Had he read my thoughts?
And as if that weren’t embarrassing enough an obnoxious strand of saliva was
hanging grossly connecting our lips. He didn’t even seem to notice. That’s what
I told myself, anyway.

“We
don’t have to do this, sorry.”

He
wiped his mouth and smiled at me.

“It’s
okay.”

He
must have thought that I meant it was okay to kiss me and such because the next
thing I knew he was pulling his pants and boxers down springing
loose
his boner. It pointed directly at me and I tried to
say no but the word wouldn’t come out. I was stunned.

He
was only a foot away from me and when he tried to walk towards me he tripped on
his pants that were around his ankles. He fell forward and I was at just the
right height that his dick jabbed me in the face barely missing my eye. This
was the true meaning of a dick to the face.

“Shit,
Ol, I’m sorry,” he exclaimed, quickly standing up and pulling his pants and
boxers up.

“”Uh…”
I sighed, covering my face.

“I’ve
gotta get on stage in a few! He zipped his pants. Will you come down and watch
the rest of the show?”

I
nodded breathlessly.

“Yeah,
yeah… Of course…”

“Great!”

“Um…
Whatever that was, um… Well, I don’t know what that was…”

He
shh’d
me and he gently kissed me on top of the head.

“Don’t
worry about it. It’s been a long time, Ol.”

He
said it as if he didn’t just dick poke me in the face. How? I don’t know. He
planted one more kiss, this one on the side of my cheek, and then he raced
downstairs. I got up and tried to pull myself together. He had left the bottle
of bourbon on the couch. I gave an unnecessary glance around to make sure no
one was watching, and took a long slug from the bottle.

Damn…

I
was going to become an alcoholic after that.

As
I tried to exit the bedroom, I was jostled aside by a giggling drunk couple who
also splashed cheap beer onto my skirt. At this point, I just didn’t care
anymore. I rolled my eyes as they apologized, and then shut the door behind
them.

………

Downstairs,
the crowd seemed to be even thicker, and I was in even more of a daze. I
scanned the room for Jess, and although I didn’t see her, I quickly heard her
drunken squealing. Following her voice, I elbowed my way towards a darker
corner of the room. There she
was,
arms around two of
the Alpha Delta brothers who were feeding her sips from both of their jungle
juices.

“Jess,”
I yelled, “Carlos is about to start. Come on, we gotta go.”

Seemed
like a good way to get her away from two sex craved boys. I yanked her away
from the two bro-dudes with what I thought was impressive strength as they
protested and begged for her to stay. I didn’t see anything good coming from
that so I pushed her ahead of me as I staggered behind her, guiding her to the
front of the stage.

My
heart skipped a few beats as I watched Carlos and the rest of his band climb to
the stage and start tuning their instruments. It wasn’t that I liked
him,
it was the music that I heard so many times in high
school that made me feel this way. However, Carlos seemed to notice me
immediately, and he gave me a wink and a smile.

“What
shit band are we even watching anyway?” Jess mumbled, her head lolling left to
right.

God,
I hoped she wasn’t going to be sick.

When
Carlos and the Bulge started to play, Carlos took the microphone for a brief
moment and addressed the crowd.

“This
song is for a very special girl, who I hadn’t seen in a long time…” he lowered
his voice as he looked in my direction. “Until tonight, that is.”

I
knew what song he was going to play and suddenly it was just like high school
again.

All
thoughts of Big Stick came to my mind now, as I realized I was this girl
holding up this other girl, in a frat house basement, watching her hot ex-lover
lay out a scuzzy, loud, dance-rock jam.

It
was funny. Most girls would think that being upstairs making out with a member
of the band was the best part of the night. But for me, it wasn’t anything
great especially when you get slammed in the face with his penis.

Jess
held my hand as she danced, laughed out loud, and shouted in my ear. At least
she was enjoying herself.

-----------Chapter
14-----------

Jess
and I stumbled back into our apartment bedroom not totally smashed but we were
definitely drunk. We fell right into our beds and were soon overcome with
sleep. But, I had a restless sleep. Not because of Carlos only but because of a
lot of things going on right now.