Lost Angel (22 page)

Dave had reversed into the hedge directly opposite the drive. He was listening to the radio and smoking a spliff when Johnny came tearing out as if he had a pack of wolves chasing him. He flashed his lights to make him stop and pulled alongside, gesturing at Johnny to roll down his window.

‘Quit panicking, or you’ll get nicked,’ he ordered. ‘And keep an eye on your speed, an’ all.’

Johnny nodded and took a deep breath. But he still managed to stall – twice – before he got going properly again.

Big Pat was waiting at the yard. He opened the gates when he saw their headlights approaching and waved them in, directing Dave to park out on the lot and Johnny round to the garage, where another man Johnny had never seen before was waiting.

When Johnny climbed out shakily, Big Pat handed him a wad of money. Then he passed another slightly slimmer one to Dave before showing them both out – all without uttering a single word.

‘That was fucking
ace
,’ Dave exclaimed as they walked back out onto the main road and headed over to the taxi rank. ‘I haven’t been that psyched up in years. D’ya reckon Frankie’ll ask us to do it again?’

‘I hope not,’ Johnny said, wishing that his heart would slow down. ‘I nearly shit myself when we passed them coppers.’

‘I told you, it’s all about front,’ said Dave, pushing the taxi-rank door open and stepping into the filthy customer area. ‘We’re going to Moss Side,’ he told the woman behind the counter.

‘Hulme,’ Johnny corrected him. Wincing when Dave back-kicked him in the ankle, he clamped his mouth shut and hobbled back out.

‘What did I tell you?’ Dave hissed when he followed a few seconds later. ‘Don’t let ’em know where you’re going – there
or
back.’

A car arrived a couple of minutes later and Dave told the driver to drop them at Moss Side market. After walking the rest of the way into Hulme, he said, ‘Your place or mine?’

‘I’ve got work in the morning,’ Johnny told him. ‘Best give it a miss or I’ll never get up.’

‘A couple of spliffs ain’t gonna hurt,’ Dave insisted, too wired to think about sleeping just yet. ‘Tell you what, we’ll go to yours, then at least you’ll be next to your bed if you fall asleep. I’ll kip on the couch.’

It was a reasonable expectation, and usually Johnny wouldn’t have hesitated. But Lisa was back at the house, and after what she’d said about trying to shake Dave off Johnny didn’t think she’d be too happy to see him.

‘Sorry, mate, but Ruth’s not too good at the moment,’ he told him.

‘What’s up with her now?’ Dave asked. Like Johnny, he considered two weeks ample time for a girl to get over losing a baby, and anything beyond that was just self-pity – for which he had no patience.

‘She was drunk when I got back from yours earlier,’ Johnny told him. ‘And she’s still on them tabs, so it sent her a bit loopy. I just want to keep everything calm.’

Dave gave a disappointed sigh and shrugged. ‘Oh, well, you’ve got to do what you think best. You know where I am if you change your mind.’

Johnny said goodbye and headed home, but he felt guilty all the way. Dave had been brilliant after his mum had kicked him out. He hadn’t known Johnny from Adam when he’d come across him sleeping rough in the garages under the flats, but he hadn’t thought twice about taking him in. And he’d been the best mate anyone could have asked for since, so it felt wrong to have knocked him back like that. Especially when Ruth would most likely still be sleeping – and Lisa might well have gone home.

Even as he thought it, Johnny knew instinctively that Lisa would still be there. And he was right. She was curled up on his chair with a blanket over her knees, and her face looked soft and relaxed in the warm glow of the lamp.

As he gazed at her, Johnny realised that she was the real reason he had knocked Dave back just now. Not because he’d thought that she would be uncomfortable if Dave was there but because he hadn’t wanted to risk them getting friendly again. That was the shameful truth of it.

Disappointed with himself, he went into the kitchen to get a beer. He didn’t know where this sudden interest in Lisa had come from but he wished it would go away, because he was a married man. And just because Ruth was going through a rough patch that didn’t give him the right to revert back to his doggish ways – albeit only in his head.

‘Johnny . . . ?’ Lisa came padding into the kitchen. She smiled when he turned around, and rubbed her eyes sleepily. ‘I thought I was dreaming when I heard a noise in here. When did you get back?’

‘Just now,’ he told her, gripping his beer can tightly and trying to keep his eyes on her face. She’d taken off her jeans and was wearing an old T-shirt of his which just about covered her thighs.

‘Hope you don’t mind?’ she asked. ‘I was uncomfortable, and I thought if I’m staying the night I might as well get changed.’

‘It’s fine,’ Johnny assured her, desperately trying to ignore the stirring sensation in his pants.

Lisa noticed his cheek muscles jumping and frowned. ‘Is everything okay?’

He nodded and turned to the sink to conceal the fact that he now had a full-blown hard-on.

‘Something’s wrong,’ Lisa said perceptively. She moved closer and touched his back. ‘If you’re still worried about Ruth, don’t be, ’cos she’s fine. She woke up a couple of hours ago with a headache, so I made her a cup of cocoa. She took one of her sleeping tablets and dropped straight off.’

‘Thanks,’ Johnny murmured, unable to move while Lisa was still standing there. ‘Why don’t you go and sleep in the spare room?’ he suggested. ‘You must be knackered. I’ll just do a quick tidy-up down here.’

‘I’m awake now,’ she said. ‘Might as well have a drink with you if you’re staying up for a bit. Unless you’d rather be alone . . . ?’

Johnny groaned. ‘Just go to bed, Lisa –
please
.’

‘Have I done something wrong?’

‘No.’

‘Well, what’s wrong, then?’ She pulled him round to face her. ‘Johnny, please tell me what I’ve done. I thought we were getting on okay.’

‘We are,’ he assured her, swallowing deeply. ‘Probably a bit
too
well.’

Confused, Lisa shook her head. Then a light came on and her gaze slid from his face. ‘Oh.’

‘So
now
will you go to bed?’ Johnny begged.

She bit her lip and shook her head. Then she took a step towards him, reached up and put her hand behind his head, bringing his face down to hers. And this time Johnny didn’t pull away.

They were on the floor in an instant, their lips locked together as Johnny unzipped his fly, tugged Lisa’s panties to one side and pushed himself into her, groaning. She wrapped her legs around him and held him tight as he rode her hard. It was wild and raw, and Johnny wanted it to go on and on. But when she sank her teeth into his neck, he had to bite down hard on his lip to keep from crying out and waking Ruth as he exploded into her.

‘Sorry,’ he murmured, when his heart had stopped racing and he was able to breathe again. ‘I’m not usually that fast.’

‘Neither am I,’ Lisa told him, giving him a shy smile.

Johnny gave her a questioning look.

‘Do I have to spell it out?’ she giggled, rolling her eyes.

‘Really?’

‘Yes, really.’ Sighing now, she said, ‘I suppose we’d best get up.’

‘Yeah, we should,’ Johnny agreed, casting a nervous glance out through the door as he slid out of her and zipped himself up.

‘You don’t regret it, do you?’ Lisa asked softly as she stood up and pulled the T-shirt down to cover herself.

‘I don’t know.’ Johnny shrugged. ‘Do you?’

‘Only if you do,’ she said.

‘I don’t think so,’ Johnny told her, sensing that she would probably go on a guilt trip if he didn’t reassure her – and he suspected that he’d be on a big enough one for both of them come the morning.

‘Me neither,’ said Lisa. ‘But we probably shouldn’t do it again.’

‘No, definitely not,’ Johnny agreed.

‘Not here, anyway.’

‘Where, then?’

14

Five months after losing the baby, Ruth found out that she was pregnant again. Johnny was working regular days and most nights by then, and he came home just long enough to eat, shower and get changed before going out again. Ruth would invariably be asleep by the time he got home in the early hours, so lovemaking had been a real hit-and-miss affair. And it was especially difficult to get time alone when her mum was here – which seemed to be most of the time lately.

But one of their snatched moments had paid dividends – and this time she was determined not to let anything go wrong. So the first thing she did was to ban her mum from drinking in the house.

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Rita scoffed, already twisting the top off the bottle of whisky she’d brought with her that day.

‘I’m serious,’ Ruth told her. ‘I’m pregnant, and I want everything to go right this time, so I’m cutting out all the negative energies in my life.’

‘Negative energies?’ Rita repeated scornfully. ‘You sound like you’ve been reading one of them stupid Chinese books. Next you’ll be telling me you’re taking up bleedin’ yoga.’

‘Don’t swear,’ Ruth chided, covering her stomach with her hands as if to protect the baby’s innocent little ears.

‘Sod this for a game of soldiers,’ Rita snorted as she took a glass out of the cupboard. ‘You can do what you want, but you ain’t telling me what I can and can’t drink.’

‘I’m not saying you can’t drink,’ said Ruth. She pulled the glass out of her mother’s hand and put it back where she’d got it from. ‘Just not here.’

‘Why? Don’t you trust yourself not to join me?’ Rita gave a knowing smirk. ‘I can see right through you, lady. You’re dying for one, aren’t you?’

‘No.’ Ruth shook her head. ‘I don’t want to hurt the baby, and my doctor said—’

‘Your doctor’s about twelve,’ Rita interrupted dismissively. ‘What does
he
know?’

‘More than you,’ Ruth retorted defensively. ‘He’s trained.’

‘You can’t learn about life from a book,’ Rita told her. ‘I’ve been there and done it, and I’m telling you it’s a load of bollocks when they say you can’t drink when you’re pregnant. Your nan drank all the way through with me, and it didn’t do me any harm.’

‘Are you serious?’ Ruth gasped. ‘You’ve been drunk for as long as I can remember, and now I know why.’

‘Don’t you dare bad-mouth my mother.’ Rita’s jowls wobbled with fury. ‘And you can get off that flaming high horse, ’cos you’ve been happy enough sharing my whisky for the past few months, so you ain’t no better than me.’

‘I was depressed – you should have helped me,’ Ruth muttered, tearful now because she was ashamed she’d been so weak. She
had
been drinking too much, but she’d needed something to ease the loneliness between Johnny’s flying visits. And her mum had done nothing to discourage her, because she’d been only too happy to have a drinking buddy.

‘Don’t try and make out like it’s my fault you can’t control yourself,’ Rita snapped, jabbing a finger against Ruth’s chest. ‘I brought you into this world, you snotty little bitch, and if you ever dare look down your nose at me like this again, I’ll take you right back out of it – d’ya hear me?’

Ruth raised her chin. ‘Right, that’s it. Get out. This is my house, and I don’t want you coming round if you’re going to talk to me like this.’

‘You what?’ Rita screwed up her face. ‘All your life I’ve been running round after you, picking up the pieces when you fucked up, and wiping your shitty little arse – and you’ve got the nerve to try and kick me out? And I wouldn’t mind, but it’s not even your house – me and your dad are paying for it.’

‘No, you’re not,’ Ruth told her. ‘Me and Johnny have been paying the mortgage for weeks.’

She’d never spoken to her mother like this before, and her stomach was churning like a washing machine. But the baby was her priority now and if her mum didn’t like it then she’d have to stay away.

‘Go to hell,’ Rita snarled, pushing past her daughter and stomping back into the living room. She snatched her bag up off the couch, stuffed her whisky bottle into it and marched out, slamming the front door so hard behind her that it dislodged the horseshoe that was nailed above it, leaving it hanging at an angle.

Superstitious about losing the good luck it had been collecting on her behalf, Ruth grabbed a hammer and put it back where it was supposed to be. Then she tidied the house, and waited for Johnny to come home.

Johnny was thrilled when he heard the news, but felt concerned when Ruth told him about the argument.

‘Don’t you think you’d best go round and sort it out?’ he suggested. ‘We’re rushed off our feet down at the yard, so I won’t be able to take any time off to look after you.’

‘I don’t need looking after,’ Ruth assured him. ‘And I don’t want her here if she’s just going to be horrible about it. She didn’t even say congratulations when I told her; all she was interested in was getting a drink.’

‘She’s still your mum,’ Johnny reminded her.

‘And I’m this little one’s mum,’ said Ruth, stroking her stomach. ‘And I’ll manage just fine on my own.’

It was lonely with nothing but the TV to keep her company, but pride prevented Ruth from calling her mum. And Lisa had got herself a mysterious new boyfriend, so she hardly ever came round any more. And there was no point trying to chat with the neighbours, because they still weren’t speaking to her after her drunken verbal attack on old Mrs Dobbs from a few doors down.

So Ruth enrolled herself in an exercise class for expectant mums. And then she borrowed some healthy recipe and Feng Shui books from the library and set about creating the kind of atmosphere in the house that was conducive to a happy, healthy pregnancy and a complication-free birth.

Relieved when she reached and then passed the dreaded four-month milestone, she finally felt brave enough to start buying things for the baby and it wasn’t long before the nursery was packed with pretty neutral-coloured stuff.

But just as she’d begun to allow herself to believe that nothing could possibly go wrong, she woke up one morning to find blood on the sheets, and her stomach gripped by the same agonising cramps that she’d felt when the last baby had slipped out.