Lost Angel (6 page)

Cathy Conroy was shocked when she answered the door and saw her son standing in front of her.

‘What are
you
doing here?’ she gasped, quickly adding, ‘Not that it isn’t good to see you, but it’s been ages since . . .’ She trailed off and gave a sheepish, guilt-laden shrug. ‘Are you coming in? I was just about to put the kettle on.’

‘I’m not stopping,’ Johnny murmured, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

‘Les isn’t here,’ Cathy told him, sensing that might be the cause of his reluctance. ‘He went out a while ago, and I’m not sure when he’ll be back.’

Johnny gave a nonchalant shrug as if he didn’t care one way or the other, but Cathy saw right through it. Smiling, she held out her arms.

‘Oh, come here, you daft sod. Give us a hug.’

Engulfed by the familiar scents of Head and Shoulders shampoo and Charlie perfume, Johnny closed his eyes, and for one sweet moment it was just the two of them again. No girls, no babies, no weddings – and, best of all, no cuntbag Les.

When Cathy let go at last, Johnny followed her down the short hall into the kitchen and gazed around. It felt weird being in there again after all that time; like he still belonged, and yet didn’t at the same time. The stench of Les was all over it, as if the prick had cocked his leg and pissed on every surface to ward Johnny off. But so much for his big talk about turning it into a palace: it looked exactly the same as it had when Johnny had left. The clock on the wall above the cooker still wasn’t working, its hands still at the 10 to 9 position they’d been in the last time he’d seen it; and the bin lid was still hanging askew, so he could see the packets of ready-cooked chicken korma – evidence that his mum still couldn’t cook.

‘Christ, I can’t believe you’ve still got that,’ he said when he spotted the spider plant he’d given her when he was eight sitting on the windowsill, complete with a dust-covered pink rosette stuck to its side. ‘It looks like a dead weed. Why don’t you chuck it?’

Cathy glanced around to see what he was looking at and smiled. ‘No way. You won that for me in the raffle. I remember how chuffed you were when you brought it home and gave it to me.’

‘Chuffed to get rid of it, more like,’ Johnny corrected her, moving over to the tiny table that was tucked away in the corner and sitting down. ‘When I told the teacher I was giving it to you, she bunged that pink shit on the side of it and my mates took the piss all the way home.’

‘Well, I thought it was lovely,’ Cathy said, casting another fond look at it as she stirred their coffees.

She carried the cups over to the table and handed Johnny’s to him before squeezing through the gap between the radiator and the loaded washing maiden and sitting across from him.

‘So, what’s brought you round?’ she asked, sliding two cigarettes out of her pack and passing one over. ‘Were you missing me?’

‘Whatever,’ Johnny drawled as he leaned forward to take a light from her. Sitting back, he exhaled into the air above her head. ‘Actually, there’s something I need to tell you.’

A loud bang from out on the landing cut him off before he could say any more, and Cathy rolled her eyes with irritation.

‘That flaming woman! I swear she does that on purpose. I’m going to bloody throttle her if she doesn’t pack it in.’

‘Who, Lynne?’ Johnny gave his mother a bemused look. ‘Don’t tell me you two have fallen out? You’ve been best mates for ever.’

‘No, not Lynne.’ Cathy flapped her hand dismissively as if he’d been stupid for even thinking she’d fall out with Lynne. Then, ‘Oh, I forgot, you wouldn’t know, would you? Lynne moved out a few months back to look after her mum, and
that
one got her flat.’

‘That one?’

‘
Maureen
.’ Cathy sneered. ‘Right stuck-up ugly bitch, she is. Reckons she’s the same age as me, but there’s
no
way she’s still in her thirties. And she’s a flaming nuisance, as well as a liar. You just heard how hard the door banged, didn’t you? Well, that was going on at all hours after she first moved in, so I had a word – explained about how you’ve got to hold it till it shuts instead of just letting it go. She said it wasn’t her, so I collared them lads from the other side. But they swore it wasn’t them, either. But I knew it had to be one of them, so I stayed up one night – to catch them at it.’

She paused and took a deep drag on her cigarette before continuing.

‘Anyhow, it
was
her. Or should I say one of her fancy men. And I say
men
, ’cos after I saw the first one coming out of her place I started keeping an eye on her. And I swear to God she’s got a different one every night – sometimes
two
, one straight after the other.’

Johnny eased his cuff back and took a surreptitious peek at his watch. His mum had said she didn’t know when Les would be back, but he could walk in at any time and Johnny wanted to be long gone by then.

‘I wouldn’t mind, but she’s got a face like a bleedin’ bulldog,’ Cathy rambled on. ‘So God only knows what kind of men they are, ’cos no decent bloke would pay to sleep with a boot like that. Anyhow, I was right, ’cos Diana told me. You remember Diana, don’t you – lives round your nan’s way? Well, she popped round for a brew the other week, and she bumped into that one on the stairs and—’

‘Mum . . .’ Johnny held up his hand to stop her. ‘I really haven’t got time for this.’

Cathy stopped talking and smiled. ‘Sorry, was I going on? I should have realised when your eyes started glazing over. You always did that, even when you were little. I’d be saying something, and you’d be pretending you were listening, but you wouldn’t have heard a word.’

Johnny’s brow creased and he gave a weary sigh.

‘Sorry.’ Cathy held up her hands. ‘Go on . . . you said you had something to tell me? It’s not about that girl, is it?’

‘Girl?’ Johnny frowned, wondering if she’d already heard about Ruth and had just been waiting for him to come out with it.

‘The one I saw you with in town that time. I didn’t like to say anything at the time in case you thought I was interfering, but I didn’t really like the look of her. You’re not still seeing her, are you?’

Relieved, Johnny smiled and shook his head. ‘God, no, she was just a one-night stand. But, you’re half right. This
is
about a girl.’

‘I knew it,’ Cathy crowed. ‘So, who is she? Do I know her?’

‘No, but you will.’

Cathy’s eyebrows knitted together as she waited for her son to go on. When he didn’t, she said, ‘I’m guessing it’s serious, or you wouldn’t have bothered coming round to tell me about her.’

‘Yeah, it’s serious,’ Johnny affirmed. ‘She’s pregnant. We’re getting married.’

‘Wow.’ Stunned, Cathy flopped back in her seat. ‘Well, I wasn’t expecting
that
.’

‘Join the club,’ Johnny murmured. ‘I was as shocked as you when I first heard about it.’

A look of concern crept into Cathy’s eyes as she gazed at him. They might not have seen each other for a while, but she knew her son better than anyone, and there was something he wasn’t telling her.

‘You don’t seem very happy,’ she ventured. ‘Are you sure you’re ready to take such a big step? How long have you been seeing her?’

‘Six months.’

‘
Six months?
’ Cathy squawked. ‘And you’re even
thinking
about getting married? Are you stark raving mad?’

‘I know it doesn’t seem long,’ Johnny said lamely. ‘But it’s happened, so I’ve got to do the right thing by her.’

‘I don’t believe this.’ Cathy shook her head and tapped her cigarette agitatedly on the side of the ashtray. ‘Marriage isn’t something you can do one day and undo the next, you know. It’s a massive commitment. Don’t you think it’d be better to get the baby out of the way and spend some time getting to know each other before you think about tying yourself down like that?’

Irritated that she was lecturing him as if he was a kid who didn’t know his arse from his elbow – even if she
was
right – Johnny said, ‘Like you and my dad did? Oh, but you didn’t bother going the whole hog, did you? Never mind what that made
me
.’

A look of hurt leapt into Cathy’s eyes and she raised her chin proudly. ‘I think you’ll find that I wanted to get married,’ she told him. ‘It was your dad who couldn’t be arsed. Too busy screwing that slag behind my back.’

She took another drag on her cigarette, and Johnny could tell that she was struggling to hold the tears at bay. Feeling guilty, he said, ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean that. You know I don’t blame you.’

‘I did my best,’ she replied quietly. ‘And I thought you were happy.’

‘I was,’ Johnny told her.

Until you fetched Les home and ruined my life.

‘I
was
,’ he repeated, more positively. He reached across the table and took his mother’s hand in his. ‘I know how tough you had it after my dad walked out, and I’ve got tons of respect for the way you handled it.’

Cathy peered down at their joined hands and bit her lip hard. It had been ages since she’d felt her son’s flesh on hers, and it made her realise that she had missed him more than she’d allowed herself to admit.

‘Are we all right?’ Johnny tilted his head and gazed up at her. ‘Am I forgiven?’

Cathy swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and pulled her hand free. ‘Yeah, course,’ she said, lighting a fresh cigarette and pushing the pack across the table for him to help himself. ‘Anyhow, whose idea was it to get married? Yours or hers?’

‘Both,’ Johnny lied.

Cathy arched her eyebrows and gave him a disbelieving look. ‘You never could fool me, Jon-Jon, so don’t bother trying now.’

Caught out, Johnny said, ‘All right, so maybe she wants it more than me.’

‘So why are you going along with it if you don’t want to do it?’ Cathy demanded. ‘And don’t say you’re doing it for the baby, ’cos it’s
her
you’ll have to go to bed with every night and wake up next to every morning. And, believe me, that’s hard enough when you love each other. But if you don’t, it’ll kill any feelings you
have
got stone dead. And you don’t love her, do you?’

She asked the question, but then snorted softly and answered it herself.

‘Course you don’t. How could you after six months?’

Johnny groaned and ran his hands through his hair. His mother was right on all counts, but he couldn’t tell her that. If she suspected he was being forced into it, she’d have him straight down to the police station screaming for Frankie to be arrested. But that was her world, where people played by the rules and respected authority. In his world, people like Frankie only followed the rules
they
had set – and anyone who grassed was a dead man walking.

‘It’s not too late,’ Cathy persisted. ‘Just tell her you’ve changed your mind and put it on hold. You can still be a dad to the kid. And you can even carry on seeing her – if that’s what you want. Then, if you’re still together a few years down the line, there’ll be nothing to stop you giving it another go. But at least you’ll know you’re doing it for the right reasons by then, won’t you?’

‘I know you’re trying to help,’ Johnny said wearily. ‘But I can’t back out of it.’

Cathy drew her head back and gave him a knowing look. ‘Oh, I see. She’s one of
them
, is she? Thinks she’s too special to have a baby if she hasn’t got a big fat ring on her finger? Well, maybe
I
’d better have a word with her, ’cos I’m not having any little madam push
my
son around like that.’

Johnny cursed himself for having made it so obvious that he wasn’t happy about the wedding and the baby. His mum had always been able to see right through him. When he was a kid, no matter where he told her he’d been she’d always known exactly where he’d really been, who he’d seen,
and
what he’d done while he was there. But confessions weren’t an option here. He had to convince her that she’d got it wrong.

‘Look, I think we’ve got our wires crossed,’ he said, looking her straight in the eye. ‘I was shocked when she told me she was pregnant, I’m not going to deny that. But once I got my head around it, I was made up. I’m chuffed to bits now, and you will be, an’ all –
nan
.’

He grinned as he said that last word, knowing that it would knock her for six.

‘God, don’t call me that,’ Cathy moaned, rolling her eyes. ‘Have you any idea how old that makes me feel?’

‘Yeah, well, you don’t look it,’ Johnny said, using flattery to manoeuvre her away from the other subject. ‘You’re still a babe.’

‘Shut up,’ she scolded, a hint of pinkness colouring her cheeks.

‘It’s true,’ Johnny insisted. ‘My mate went on about you for ages after he saw you that time. I had to tell him to pack it in, ’cos it was getting too freaky.’

‘You’re such a liar,’ Cathy chuckled. Then, self-consciously flicking her bottle-blonde hair back, she said, ‘Was that the lad who let you move into his flat?’

‘Yeah – Dave. He’s a good mate.’

‘He’s a nice-looking boy. And I’m glad it worked out all right, ’cos I
was
worried about you, you know.’

Johnny sensed that she was on the verge of getting emotional, and said, ‘Forget it.’ Then, ‘So, about the wedding . . . do you want to come, or what? Only I’ll need to tell Ruth and her mum, so they can send out a proper invite.’

‘Ruth?’ Cathy raised an eyebrow. ‘Is that her name? Bit old-fashioned, isn’t it?’

‘Never really thought about it,’ Johnny answered. And it was true, he hadn’t. But now that she’d brought it up, he supposed it was a bit dreary.

Dreary name for a dreary girl.

‘Well?’ He shoved Ruth out of his mind and gave his mum a questioning look.

‘I’m not sure,’ she murmured, scraping her chair back and reaching for their empty cups. ‘Let’s have another brew while I think about it.’

‘Not for me.’ He shook his head. ‘It’s being booked for the thirteenth of November, so if you’re coming I need to know asap.’

‘Let me talk to Les,’ Cathy said quietly. Sighing when Johnny rolled his eyes, she said, ‘Well, you can’t invite me and not him. It wouldn’t be right.’