Lost Avalon: A Finding Nolan Novel (22 page)

             
“Did you talk to Linus last night?”

             
The water came on and it was a little hard to hear him while he washed his hands. “For a minute. Why? He still there?” Water went off.

             
“Yeah. Look, I’m not trying to jump to any conclusions here, but I think something’s wrong. I found him out in the yard with some gravel. He was talking about securing barriers and acting all paranoid. It’s not good, Blaise.”

             
Total stillness.

             
“Blaise?”

             
“I’m still here.”

             
I waited for him to digest the news and went to stand by the window. Careful not to be seen, I peered out from the side. Linus was still down there, frantically shoveling the gravel along the edge of the yard. Every few seconds he stopped to glance around. His lips were moving. Apparently he wasn’t alone.

             
“How bad do you think it is?” He sounded broken and I instantly regretted telling him.

             
“I don’t know. He’s out there talking to himself right now. Not that that has to mean anything…I mean, I talk to myself all the time.”

             
Blaise laughed dryly. “Well, at least I can stop worrying that it’s me then. Guess Linus got the designated crazy gene.”

             
“Stop it.”

             
“What am I going to do?”

             
If only I knew the answer. All of the obvious choices were out of the question. He couldn’t go to his dad. Well, he could, but what would be the point? He’d just deny the issue and pretend it didn’t exist. He couldn’t admit Linus anywhere or get him any help unless he went willingly, which I sort of assumed would be unlikely. And taking any further action would definitely draw the kind of attention the Nolan boys had been taught to avoid their entire lives, so that probably wasn’t going to happen either. “You should talk to him. See for yourself how bad it is. Maybe it’s not a big deal. Maybe he’s just slightly more paranoid than the average person.”

             
“What if it’s more?” I knew what he was asking.

             
“I’ll keep an eye on him. If I think he might do something serious, I’ll use the spare key and go in to check on him myself.”

             
There was a click of a door handle announcing his exit from the bathroom and I knew Blaise’s mind had been set at ease again.

             
“I promise I’ll figure something out. But in the meantime, thank you.”

             
“Of course.” Linus wasn’t exactly family to me, but he was Blaise’s which in turn somehow made him mine after all.

             
“I better get back in there. Oh, hey, I meant to ask you last night…are you coming out to Rusty’s tonight? It’s our five year anniversary. It just wouldn’t be the same without you.”

             
I’d almost forgotten. Crazy, considering I had set the whole thing up just a few weeks ago. But then being out here had me feeling completely disconnected from my life and the band and all sense of time, and schedules had abandoned me.

             
“I don’t know if I’m ready, Blaise. I mean, last night was amazing, but…”

             
“It wasn’t enough. I know that. I’m not asking you to come and be there with me. I’m asking you to come and be there with the band. Besides, Rusty would miss you if you didn’t show.”

             
I smiled thinking of the old man. In a lot of ways he’d always been like a surrogate grandfather to me.

             
“I’ll think about it.”

             
“I’ll take it.”

             
As soon as we hung up I started thumping my forehead on the wall. Why hadn’t I just told him I was coming? Of course I would go. How could I not? And yet, I couldn’t admit it to him. Truth was, part of me was planning on just sneaking in to see the show. That way I could have my cake and eat it too. See the show, but avoid any uncomfortable run-ins with Blaise or the others. Maybe it would be okay to be that selfish this once.

***

I wasn’t crazy about the idea at first, showing up there without Ava at my side, but the moment we walked into Rusty’s Place, I knew that she’d come. This was our place. Our anniversary. The night we had first changed our destinies. There was no way she wouldn’t be there to celebrate tonight with us again.

“She going to be here?” Royce showed up beside me.

“She said she’d think about it.” I just stared straight ahead at the empty stage we’d be playing on in less than an hour.

Royce nodded. “She’ll be here.”

I grinned. “Yeah, she will.”

He gave me a pat on the back, and together we headed forward to check our equipment. Shortly after, Derek and Angel joined us and we were ready to run a sound check.

Since Rusty’s wasn’t exactly a large venue equipped with a backstage area or dressing rooms, we’d parked the tour bus in the alley out back so we’d have somewhere to hang until it was time for the show.

Chelsea, one of the cocktail servers, was on the bus now taking a round of pre-party drink orders.

“Hey Chels, you gonna be hangin’ with us all night?” She and Angel had been a thing back in the day. A very, very casual thing, but a thing none the less and Angel was looking at her now like he might want to take a trip down memory lane.

She wasn’t up for it though. “I’m jumping behind the bar as soon as the show starts. You’ll have Laura later. She’s new, so be nice.”

Angel frowned. “Will I at least see you after?”

Chels spun around and flashed him her ring finger. “Doubt it.” She was grinning from ear to ear.  Probably volunteered to come and take our drink order just so she’d be able to throw her new relationship status smack in Angel’s face.

Derek and I were cracking up. Royce was the only one being considerate enough to simply smirk in silence.

Meanwhile, Angel wasn’t going down without a fight.

“You can’t be serious. Who is he?”

“His name is Brian and I’m totally serious. Marriage serious.” Then she shrugged and giggled. “Snooze you lose, Angel.”

Defeated he fell back into his seat, while Chelsea came to collect the last of her order.

“What about you two boys? Blaise? Vodka Red Bull?”

I knew Royce was staring at me without even raising my eyes to meet his gaze.

“Actually, I’ll just have a water, please.”

“Whaaat? You feeling alright?” Derek was laughing at me from his end of the couch.

“I’m fine. I’m just not in the mood to be shitfaced twenty-four/seven anymore.” I could feel myself getting more and more agitated and I knew this was precisely the reason Ava had pushed for me to come clean to Angel and Derek. If they knew how serious my drinking had been they’d be the first to suggest I get a water, not give me shit for doing it.

“Funny Derek, I don’t remember anyone here saying anything when you stopped screwing everything that walked by wearing a skirt two seconds after Sammy reappeared in your life.” Royce leaned forward in his chair. “Let the man order a fucking water. There’s no need to make a goddamn production out of it.”

Angel and Chelsea exchanged an uncomfortable glance, while Derek gave Royce a dirty look and threw his hands up in a dramatic gesture of surrender. “Fuck, dude. Get him a water. I don’t give a shit what he drinks.”

“Alrighty then.” Chelsea had her tray pressed to her chest like maybe she could hide behind it or something. Of course with her big hair, sparkly facial piercings and full sleeve tat, this chick wasn’t about to fade into the background. Not to mention the sizable rock on her finger which could easily have doubled as a disco ball above Rusty’s dance floor. “So…Derek, that just leaves you. And I’m not even going to attempt to suggest anything, so what’ll it be?”

Derek grunted. “Well, since we’re all being so fucking responsible tonight, I guess I’m having a coke.”

I shook my head, trying not to laugh. “Because you weren’t totally going to order that anyway?”

“Dude, I thought we were going to celebrate tonight. It’s our anniversary for fuck’s sake, the one night I’m actually looking forward to getting hammered and all of a sudden everyone’s all into sobriety. I mean, I knew Angel was out, and Royce was a long shot, but I thought you for sure would be up for raisin’ hell with me tonight.”

I shrugged. “Sorry, man. I’ve done hell plenty. I can’t get down like I used to anymore.”

“Just to be clear,” Chelsea suddenly chimed in, “None of you assholes is ordering booze tonight? What the hell kind of tip is that going to come out to? Two dollars?”

              Fucking priceless. “Calm your tits, Chels. Nobody is dicking you out of a tip.”

             
“Yeah, well better tell Ava,” she huffed as she left the bus. “She’s the one signing off on the fucking tab.”

             
I would have handed Chelsea a thousand dollars right then and there if I’d had the cash. She’d unknowingly made my night in the midst of all of her bitching by letting it slip that Ava was already there.

Chapter 19

I was settled
in a booth near the stage along with Rusty and his wife when it was finally time for Finding Nolan to hit the stage. Naturally I had assumed that they would open the set with their first number one hit. The one they had played in this very bar for the very first time, giving the audience their first taste of what Blaise and the boys had to offer. But Blaise apparently had a little something different in mind as he stood up to the mic.

“How’s everybody doing tonight?”

The crowd erupted in howls of cheers and thunderous applause and I caught myself joining in.

“Thank you. Thanks. Well, I think it’s safe to say – we return those feelings.” He smiled out into the bright lights and the sea of people beneath them. Even though I knew he couldn’t make out a single one of those faces, each and every one of them had just felt spoken to and the howls erupted once more.

“I had planned to start the evening off with something a little more familiar, but I think maybe this will be better. I have a new tune I’d like to play for you all tonight.” He lifted the strap of his guitar over his head. Apparently he would be doing more than just sing for this set. He reached down for the strings, about to strum, then stopped. He grinned sheepishly and added, “I usually run each song I write by my best friend so she can tell me if it sucks or not. I wasn’t able to do that this time, so…sorry if it’s total shit, but no one told me.”

             
Quiet chuckles swept the room. Then the first note played and everyone was still.

“Others may not understand

The reality of love.

How it overcomes all odds

But that's okay, because I'm

finding my own way, anyway

As I search for your heart

Whoa.........whoa....

You're the one I want

You're the one I need

You're the one I want

Come back to me.”

I swear my heart stopped.

“There are times when I'm

feeling kinda lost

No words to say

You've been right there

To bring me back again (and again)

to show me the way

Whoa.........whoa....

You're the one I want

You're the one I need

You're the one I want

Come back to me

Even though I've lost you

Avalon

I just can't move on”

My name. He’d actually said
my
name. The man of secrets and of keeping up appearances. The master of hiding behind closed doors, had come out and told the world the truth about something at last. And it had been me of all things.

“Whoa.........whoa....

You're the one I want

You're the one I need

You're the one I want

Come back to me

Come back to me.”

             
For a split second I forgot the several hundred people present in the room with me and Blaise. Thankfully, I remembered before I went to storm the stage.

             
Still glued to my seat, I wanted desperately for Blaise to look my way. Even though I knew he wouldn’t possibly be able to see me, I needed him to. Needed him to know that I was there. That I had heard him. That I understood. That I loved him. That I would come back. I just didn’t know when.