Lost Daughters (31 page)

M
ONDAY, IN THE SECOND WEEK OF JULY, MAUREEN MET WITH A
lawyer, the same man Virgil drove for. She was not going to give Mel the satisfaction of initiating the divorce. She didn't have an address for a process server to deliver the papers, but that didn't matter to her lawyer. This man had kept some of Miami's most notorious criminals out of jail, so he knew every underhanded trick and loophole in the business. “All you need to give me is that scoundrel's Social Security number, darlin',” he told her. “I'll take care of the rest.”

The following Saturday was Maureen's thirty-seventh birthday. She planned to celebrate it and the fact that she would be a free woman again in a few months when her divorce was finalized. She celebrated with Virgil, Corrine, Fast Black, Catty, and Jay in Virgil's house. Corrine had barbecued some sausage links and steaks, and Jay had brought a bowl of potato salad that he had made from one of the late Mrs. Freeman's recipes.

“Thirty-seven and you don't look a day over twenty-five,” Jay said as they raised their wineglasses and toasted Maureen.

“But I'm feelin' every one of my years,” she laughed before she blew out the candles on the German chocolate cake that Corrine had baked. Maureen didn't even want to think about what was in store for her in the next thirty-seven years—if she lived that long. The way things had been going for her, she was surprised she had not already dropped dead.

It was a sad day for Maureen. Her birthday was the day that she'd been kidnapped and that was one thing she would have to deal with every year until the day she died.

When Jay drove her home, she invited him to spend the night. They slept on a pallet on her living room floor like they usually did. Even though Maureen had replaced the bed she had shared with Mel, she spent as little time in the new one as possible. Just being in the same room that she had shared with Mel made her sick to her stomach.

 

It was hard for Maureen to believe that only three months had passed since Loretta and Mel's departure.

The weather was unusually hot and humid for September this year. Even with air conditioners, large pitchers of iced lemonade, and chilled cans of beer, Maureen walked around in her bare feet with a fan in her hand. Her pain had eased up enough so that she felt comfortable again in her own apartment. She still liked to get out whenever she could. She went fishing with Jay, spent more time with Virgil and Corrine, and entertained Catty and Fast Black whenever they dropped by. She was glad that she had enough going on in her life that she didn't spend a lot of her time thinking about Loretta.

One of the things that Maureen didn't like about her job at the nursing home was that she had to wear scrubs and those ugly, thick-soled white shoes. Each day at the end of her shift, she kicked off her shoes as soon as she got into her car and drove with bare feet. Even with the unattractive attire, Maureen had begun to enjoy her job. Despite the fact that it involved a lot of unpleasant situations, and the turnover was higher than ever, doing what she did made Maureen feel important. She had gotten used to the combative patients and all of the mayhem they caused. She had learned how to duck or jump out of the way in time when one of them threw something at her, and she had learned how to wrestle them off of her when one attempted to bite, pinch, or fondle her. One man got so mean and nasty whenever he couldn't play with Maureen's titties that he soiled himself on purpose so she would have to clean his butt and the rest of his private parts. Each time she had to do that, he displayed an erection that would put a horny frat boy to shame.

Work kept Maureen's mind occupied. In fact, she enjoyed keeping her mind occupied so much that when two more aides walked off the job, she volunteered to go full-time.

She had not heard from Loretta or Mel since they had called her that one time. Because they had not given her any contact information, she had no way of getting in touch with them either—not that she was dying to do so anyway. She couldn't imagine anything they had to say about their relationship that would make her feel any better. They had told her enough.

 

Things gradually returned to normal, or as close to normal as it could get. People had almost stopped cursing Mel, so the subject of him and Loretta was discussed only when Maureen brought it up. She had not told her coworkers or her neighbors the whole story about why Mel and Loretta were no longer around. When one of them asked, she simply told them, “Loretta relocated to further her modelin' career, and Mel and I decided that our marriage was a mistake.”

Maureen's family and friends were very important to her, and they were all very supportive. But the support and love of the man she loved was different. For thirty-seven years, Maureen had felt like half a person. Jay made her feel whole. She spent so much time with him in his house that his neighbors thought she had moved in. She loved him so much that it sometimes hurt. The sight of him, his touch, and his lovemaking made her feel that her life was worth living after all.

Maureen knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jay was her soul mate, the one she'd been waiting for her whole life. If she lost him, well, she didn't even want to think about that. Losing Loretta had been painful, and she knew that it always would be, but no matter what, she still wanted her child to be happy. If being with Mel was what it took for Loretta to be happy, well, so be it, Maureen told herself. Besides, there was nothing she could do about that anyway.

Even though she
knew
in her heart that she would never forgive Mel and resume their relationship, her pending divorce would make it so final. And that hurt. She didn't like what it implied. Yes, it meant that she was no longer going to be married to Mel, but it also meant that she was “divorcing” her only child in a manner of speaking. In spite of Loretta's blatant betrayal and total disregard for her feelings, the girl was still her only child.

Big Maureen and Lukas came back for Thanksgiving. Maureen and Virgil were so happy to see them again so soon that they didn't spend much time thinking about Loretta's absence.

Jay had turned down several Thanksgiving dinner invitations from people who were still “looking after him” so that he could spend that occasion with Maureen and her family. He occupied the seat that Mel had always sat in on this occasion every year, and the high-backed chair, which didn't match any of the other chairs at the table, was occupied by Big Maureen this year, not Loretta.

Even though there was a huge Thanksgiving feast piled up on the table, a lot of hugging and kissing going around the room, and a lot to be thankful for, it was not a happy holiday. This was the first time since Loretta's birth that she had not spent the holiday with Maureen. Maureen didn't even want to think about how hard it was going to be for her to get through Christmas without falling apart.

Big Maureen had seemed distracted and preoccupied since she and Lukas arrived from the airport. After dinner, Maureen took her aside and demanded to know why she was walking around looking as gloomy as a pallbearer.

“It don't look like me and Lukas ever goin' to get us a baby,” Big Maureen choked. “Them adoption folks finally told us somethin' they never told us before.” Big Maureen blinked to hold back the tears that were threatening to roll out of her eyes. “There was some kind of mix-up at their main office and somebody misplaced some paperwork. We was the next couple in line to get a baby, but because of that mix-up, another couple—a couple that's been childless for the twenty years they been married—got the baby we should have got. Now we got to wait God knows how much longer.”

“Well, maybe that wasn't the baby for you and Lukas. Maybe God thought that other couple who had never had a baby deserved a baby before y'all. You can't overlook the fact that you have raised some kids of your own already,” Maureen said. The way Big Maureen's mouth dropped open and her eyebrows shot up frightened Maureen. She wished she hadn't added that last sentence.

“But me and Lukas ain't never had no kids together. Since my kids all so old, it don't even feel like I ever raised none,” Big Maureen shot back. She immediately apologized to Maureen for her outburst. “I don't mean to be takin' out my frustration on you, Little Mo'reen. I know you got enough problems already on your plate without me addin' some of mine. I'm sorry. It just seems like I can't win for losin'.” She sniffed, nervously wringing her hands.

“That's all right, Big Mo'reen. You don't have to be sorry about nothin'. I've learned to live with my problems and you will too.” Maureen smiled, but it was a hollow smile. “I got a feelin' things will work out for you and Lukas, and for me,” she told her big sister.

T
HE MONTH OF DECEMBER SLID IN LIKE A PYTHON. NEITHER
M
AUREEN
nor Jay bothered with Christmas decorations or a tree, and neither one of them did any Christmas shopping. All Maureen did to observe the holiday was send out a few cards.

This would be the first Christmas in Jay's life that he didn't spend with Mrs. Freeman, the woman he still thought of as his mother. He invited Maureen to spend the holiday with him in Bimini.

Since Maureen's blue mood was just as dark as Jay's, she told him she would go. A change would do her a lot of good, but before she could get out of town, another monkey wrench got thrown in her direction.

Loretta called while Maureen was packing for her trip. It was Christmas Eve.

“Merry Christmas, Mama!” she chirped.

“Lo'retta? Is that you?” Maureen asked, too startled to say anything else.

“Who else calls you
Mama
, Mama?!”

“Merry Christmas to you, too, baby,” Maureen said in a warm voice.

“You sure don't sound merry to me. This is the season when everybody is supposed to be jolly. You used to be!”

“I used to be a lot of things, Lo'retta.” Maureen's voice went from warm to chilly within seconds. “And so did you.” What she couldn't understand was how Loretta was still able to be so “jolly” under the current circumstances. She had to know that she had caused her mother an enormous amount of pain.

“Mama, get over it. What I did is old news now. You need to move forward.”

“Lo'retta, I have moved forward. I hope you have too.”

“Oh. Well, anyway, I've been meanin' to call you,” Loretta said, sounding as petulant as a five-year-old.

“Why didn't you? And why are you callin' me now?” Maureen asked. She was in her bedroom sitting on the side of the new bed.

“I needed to talk to you about somethin'. . . .”

“Oh? Was there somethin' you forgot to say to me when you called that day back in June?” Maureen was still bitter and still very angry with her daughter, but she was glad to hear her voice, so she decided to soften her demeanor. “Is everything all right?”

“Yes, ma'am. How have
you
been? I mean, you still pissed off?”

“Yes, I am still pissed off. I probably will be for a long time to come. But like I just said, I'm movin' forward with my life, Lo'retta. Thank you for askin'.”

“And like I just said, you need to get over it.”

“Is that why you called?”

“Well, I was thinkin' about you. I thought that it bein' the holiday season, you'd be in a good mood.”

“I am in a good mood. I still have a lot to be thankful for. I have some good friends and family who love me. I'm better off than a lot of people.”

“That's the spirit, Mama. They say you can't keep a good woman down, and you've proved that that's true a hundred times over.”

“I can agree with that. I feel the same way.” Maureen's voice was dripping with sarcasm on purpose.

“You still workin' at that old folks' home?”

“Yes, I am.”

“I hope you find somethin' better soon. You used to come home from that place smellin' like Bengay and liniment and old folks' sweat. That lobster factory you worked for all those years was bad enough.”

“I hate to disappoint you, but I love my job, so I won't be lookin' for somethin' better at all. You still modelin'?”

Loretta gasped. “Eoww! What's wrong with you, Mama? Of course I'm still modelin'! What do you think I came up to New York for? Didn't I tell you I'm goin' to be a supermodel?”

“Repeatedly,” Maureen hissed. “I hope you do become a supermodel.”

“When I do, I'll be doin' magazine interviews and TV talk shows like that black supermodel Naomi Campbell is doin'. Her mama used to be a showgirl, and I heard she is goin' to be doin' some modelin' too!” Loretta clucked. Then she began to speak in a more serious tone of voice. “I wish you was more like Naomi's mama. I don't want to go on a talk show and tell the world that my mama works in a nursin' home! I'll probably say you're just a housewife, sittin' on a porch with a cat.” Loretta snickered, but she was dead serious.

Maureen rolled her eyes and sighed with exasperation. “Like I said, I enjoy my job now. I like workin' with people who need and appreciate me, but if I was just a housewife sittin' on a porch with a cat, I'm sure I'd enjoy that too.”

“Oh well. Whatever, whatever. Are those old people still actin' crazy? Bitin' you and spittin' on you and stuff?”

“I'm used to it now. I told my boss to put me on full-time as soon as possible,” Maureen announced, unable to keep the curtness out of her voice. Loretta's call had caught her off guard. Since she had never been betrayed on this level before, she didn't know how she was supposed to feel, think, or act by now. Loretta was still her daughter and Maureen still loved her. “I hope your life is still goin' well, Lo'retta,” she offered. She meant it too. Despite what had happened, she wanted her daughter to succeed in everything she did. But she prayed that that would not include her stealing another woman's husband someday. “I pray for you all the time.”

“That's nice.” Loretta cleared her throat with a cough. “I've been gettin' a lot of work, and I've met a whole lot of important people. I'm makin' so much money, and I have a gorgeous loft in Soho! You wouldn't believe all the gorgeous new clothes I bought and all of the A-list celebrities I run into all the time. Even Al Pacino. He laughed when I told him that you've had a crush on him since 1972.”

Maureen couldn't believe how giddy and upbeat Loretta sounded now. Was she so self-centered that she didn't even care about all the pain she had caused? And why had she not even asked about Virgil or Corrine or Big Maureen? Or anybody else?

“I might be goin' to Milan next year. That's in Italy,” Loretta gushed, keeping the general focus of the conversation on herself.

“I know where Milan is,” Maureen said. “Well, I hope you and Mel enjoy Milan, Italy.”

Loretta gritted her teeth before responding. “Um, he won't be goin' with me.”

“Awww, that's too bad,” Maureen said with mock compassion. “I didn't think that y'all liked to spend too much time apart. Especially now. I'm surprised he's goin' to let you go halfway around the world without him. By the way, when's the weddin'?”

“Mama . . . he's with somebody else. He moved out two weeks ago,” Loretta choked. “He didn't really love me after all, I guess.”

“I guess he didn't.” Maureen sniffed.

Mel Ross had never really loved Loretta, but she had been the best business opportunity he had ever encountered—until he met another girl who was even more gullible, more beautiful, and more ambitious than Loretta. Most importantly, the newer model was an even bigger love-struck fool. Being the astute businessman that he was, Mel had traded one fool for another. Now Loretta was devastated.

“Before we could even get settled in good, he started actin' crazy up here,” she growled. “Women were callin' our place all hours of the day and night, and all the while he was tellin' me they were callin' about business! How many models or magazine people call up photographers in the middle of the night? He thought I was a fool!”

“Oh, like me, huh?”

“You don't have to rub it in. You don't have to say it because I already know how bad you want to say ‘I told you so.' ”

“Well, I never said that, but I'm glad you brought it up.” Maureen couldn't remember the last time she felt as smug as she did now. Had she no longer cared about Loretta, she probably would have laughed and danced a jig. “I'm just sorry that you had to be the woman who did me the favor of takin' Mel off my hands. I knew how anxious you were to marry him.”

Loretta didn't respond right away. Maureen thought that maybe it was because now that Loretta knew what it felt like to be betrayed, she was wondering how she was going to make up for all of those nasty words she'd hurled at Maureen the first time she'd called. Maybe she was truly sorry about what she had done and was trying to ease her way back into Maureen's life. But from what Loretta had said so far, it didn't sound like she wanted to come home.

“There's a new man in my life already. I will love him until the day I die,” Loretta gushed. She had said the
exact
same thing about Mel.

Maureen couldn't resist the urge to remind Loretta of that. “Just like you were goin' to do with Mel, huh?”

“What?”

“That's the same thing you said about Mel. Word for word. Don't you remember?”

“Oh well. I was wrong! I'm not wrong this time. I've met a wonderful man. I love him and he loves me!”

Maureen closed her eyes, rubbed her eyelids, and shook her head. Her eyes were burning when she opened them again. “I hope it wasn't love at first sight this time too,” she said with a profound sigh.

“It wasn't. I've known Kyle for a few weeks, and we just recently realized how much we care about each other.”

“Well, I'm happy to hear that things are workin' out for you, Lo'retta. No matter what you did, I still want the best for you. I just hope that you will make better choices in the future.”

“Uh, there's somethin' else. The reason I really called.”

Maureen felt her entire body get tense. If Loretta was calling to ask if she could come home, would she allow her to do so? The thought of having her back under the same roof gave Maureen an instant headache. How would she deal with that? The bottom line was, if Loretta wanted to come home, Maureen
couldn't
turn her away. What else could she do?

“What did you really call me for, Lo'retta?” Maureen held her breath.

Several moments of ominous silence passed. Loretta coughed again. “Mama . . . I called to tell you that I'm goin' to have Mel's baby.”

“Oh.” Maureen wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there until she died. How in the world would she be able to live under the same roof with Loretta
and
Mel's baby? What would people say? Maureen knew that Catty and Fast Black would preach her funeral and talk about her so badly she'd probably have to sever her relationship with them. She had no idea how Virgil and Corrine would react to this disturbing news. But Loretta was still her daughter and she couldn't turn her back on her and her unborn baby.

“You want to come home, huh?” Maureen blew the words out as quickly as she could because as long as they stayed in her mouth, she felt nauseous.

“Oh no! Not even! The thing is, I don't want this baby. I'm goin' to get rid of it, see. I . . . well, another model I work with sometimes got herself in trouble. She died durin' her abortion.”

“Please don't tell me . . .”

“That I'm gettin' an abortion? Well, I am. I just wanted you to know in case I . . . die on the operatin' table or somethin'. Uh, have me cremated and scatter my ashes on top of Mama Ruby's grave so she can look out for my spirit.”

Maureen wanted to go outside and run up and down the street screaming. As if she was not already in enough pain, now here she was listening to her daughter discuss her final arrangements. Oh, if she could get her hands on that Mel!

“Then don't take that chance,” Maureen pleaded. “Havin' a baby is not the worst thing in the world.”

“It would be for me. The last thing I need right now is a baby. My career is just beginnin' to take off, and I can't let a baby get in my way. I'm showin' already, and I can't work again until I get my abortion and lose the weight that keeps sneakin' up on me.”

“What about Mel? Did he tell you to abort his baby?”

“He suggested I throw myself down a flight of stairs to abort it so I wouldn't have to pay for it!”

That Mel. His name made Maureen want to puke. He was a dog clean to the bone. He didn't want any babies, but he had seduced a “baby” and now he wanted her to kill the baby that he'd impregnated her with.

Loretta blew out an angry breath. “As Mama Ruby would say,
that low-down, funky black dog!
If that wasn't bad enough, he thinks it's another man's baby. He's a damn liar. Mama, you know me. I wouldn't lie about somethin' this serious!”

Maureen was speechless for a few moments. Loretta's last sentence almost made her laugh. Under the circumstances, that stupid declaration was nothing to laugh about. After Maureen took a few deep breaths, she continued. “Lo'retta, don't do somethin' that you might regret for the rest of your life. Like I almost . . .”

“You almost what?”

“I was goin' to get an abortion when I was pregnant with you.” Maureen heard a mild gasp, but she couldn't tell if it had come out of her mouth or Loretta's. When she heard another gasp, this time loud and clear, she knew it was coming from her. “It would have been the biggest mistake I ever made in my life.”

“Why didn't you go through with it? Why didn't you get rid of me before I was born? You would have been better off.”

“I don't know about that. I've enjoyed bein' your mother.”

“Until now,” Loretta said.

“That's beside the point. I never expected you to be the perfect child. I wasn't. That's a position that only Jesus can claim.” Maureen paused and swallowed hard. “Your daddy died and I couldn't go through with the abortion.”