Lost in Flight (21 page)

If she had one life to live, she wanted to do something with it.  Her mother had died young and so had her mother’s mother.  At the back of Christina’s mind, she worried that her life might be short too and she didn’t want to spend it waiting for something to happen in this small town.  She knew the conversation with Riley was going to be unpleasant, but she needed to be true to herself.

After she’d been gone 48 hours, Riley turned up on the doorstep, asking her to come home, but she shook her head.  Riley’s eyes opened in surprise and his jaw clenched.  “Why not?” 

She invited him into the house and they sat at the kitchen table.  Riley’s eyes never left her face.  Christina looked at him and he still made her heart skip a beat. 

Blinking back tears, Christina pushed the words out her closed throat.  “It’s not working, baby.  You know it and I know it.  We need to let each other go.” 

Riley pushed his long dark hair off his face and stared at her.  “Dina, come on baby.  This is
me
:  this is
us
.  I know things haven’t been good, but we’ll get through this.” 

Christina looked down at her hands, but Riley moved forward and gently grabbed her chin.  “This is grief, honey.  Don’t shut me out.  Your mother has just died…”

She pushed his hand away.  “I think I know that better than you.”  Every time she made eye contact, she looked away because she knew this was going to cause them both pain. 

“I’m not fighting with you, Dina,” Riley said.  “I’m not doing this.  Look at me, Dina.  Look-at-me.”

When Christina looked up, he was staring at her and she realized:  he hadn’t seen this coming.  How could he?  She didn’t really know what she wanted either.  She gulped back tears saying, “I can’t stay here, Riley, with no money and no plans.  I want to do something – ANYTHING – but I don’t want to wait here and die.” 

He nodded his head.  “We have a plan, baby.  Remember?  We’re going to wait for the band to get more well known, and then you can join.”

Christina sighed.  “I don’t want to join the band, Riley – not if it means waiting for years.  I-don’t-want-to.  I want to do something else.” 

Riley rubbed his hands over his face.  “Okay.  If that’s what you want – we’ll get out of here.  We’ll go anywhere you want – do anything you want – just don’t do this.” 

She knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but she had never really understood how hard it would be.  Tears fell down her face, which made him groan.  He’d always hated her crying and if she could have kept them back she would. 

“I don’t believe that anymore, Riley,” she choked out.  “You say one thing and do another.  You leave me here and go away.  We
fight
all the time.  There’s not a lot of happiness here…”

“Christina,” Riley interrupted.  “We get our trust fund in three years.  It’s three years and then we can do what we want.”

She shook her head.  “
You
get
your
trust fund in three years.  And waiting?  For three years?  It’s an eternity for me, at the moment.  I need to be by myself.  I want to find myself.  Find out who I am…”

“What does that mean?”  Riley snapped.  “
Find
yourself
?  By leaving me?”  He shook his head.  “How does that work?  I know you better than anyone else.  You think I want to let you go off on your own – to god-knows-where when you’re grief stricken.  You need time, but don’t make any changes you can’t take back when you’re in this state…”

Christina put her hand up.  “Wait.  I’ve had a life-changing event, Riley.  I see things differently now, and it’s clear to me, we can’t carry on how we are…”

“Dina, stop over-reacting…”

“
I’m over-reacting?” 

Riley’s jaw clenched.  “Yeah, you are.  You’re making drama and for what?  To make yourself more miserable?  Add to your grief and push me away?”

Christina closed her eyes and sighed.  He always did this.  Refused to listen and spoke over top of her.  “I haven’t finished speaking and you are
not
listening to me.  I don’t want this – us – to turn ugly.  I’d rather remember us how we were, not how we are.  I want to break up.” 

Riley stood up and his eyes had gone like cold green glass.  He cocked his head to the side and hissed.  “What?  Were?  What are you talking about?  Come on, Dina.  This is insane.  I’m trying… okay… I’m trying.  It hasn’t been easy for me either.” 

He moved forward and put his face in hers.  “I love you and I always will, and I’m prepared to fight for us…  even if you’re not.  I want kids some day with you, Dina, we always said…”

Christina stood up.  “I don’t.  Not anymore.  How could we take care of kids, when we can’t take care of ourselves?” 

She wanted children too, but she wanted a life of her own first.  She could never say no to Riley and she knew it would be only a matter of time before she gave in, and had children with him.  She would be stuck here forever and the thought made her hyperventilate. 

Christina would shrivel up and die inside if that happened before she was ready.  Children were an absolute for Riley.  He had always talked about them and she knew how important they were to him. 

Riley looked like she’d punched him in the face.  “Never?” 

She shook her head.  “Never-say-never, but I can’t see it happening in the near future.  I want my own life before bringing kids into it.  I’ve never lived anywhere, but this town, Riley, and if we have kids, I never will.” 

Christina touched his arm, but he jerked it away.  “Riley, face facts,” she pleaded.  “We were just too young.  We should never have done this and it’s time to move on.” 

Riley stared at her like he didn’t recognize her anymore.  “Age has nothing to do with it, Dina.  Some people never get to love the way we do and they never will.  I’d rather take the tough times loving someone, than spend a lifetime settling for second best.” 

He put his hands up.  “Give me some time to think about things, okay?  I just need some time.”  With that he stormed out of the house, leaving her sitting at the table dying a thousand deaths.

********************

Riley

Riley slammed his hands on the steering wheel of his truck and swore. 
Damn it
.  He was losing her.  She was disappearing right before his eyes and she looked like hell.  He was frightened of the dead look in her eyes and she was a shadow of her former self.

He knew her mother had dripped poison in her ear.  They had a plan and Dina was changing the rules on him.  They’d always talked about music, travel, and kids.  They were three years away from all of that being a reality.

Now Dina wanted new experiences, ones that he had no interest in, and she was shutting him out.  And she didn’t want kids?  They’d always talked about having kids – four of them and now none.  Or maybe she just didn’t want them with him?  The thought made him see red, because that-was-not-happening. 

Riley shoved the truck in gear and drove home.  He was sick of fighting with her and trying to please her.  But what he hated the most, was watching the respect drain out of her eyes.  She took him for granted.  She took them for granted as well and maybe she needed a reality check?

He’d seen loveless marriages and people staying together out of habit.  They were everywhere and the love matches were the rare ones.  He didn’t want that – never wanted it.  He’d always wanted to marry for love and he had.  If it didn’t work out, he’d live, but he wasn’t prepared to just let it go – not without a fight. 

If there was one thing he didn’t like, it was ultimatums and she’d just handed him a big one.  Do as I say or I leave?  Nice one.  He shook his head – not happening. 

Riley went to the farmhouse and sat down, looking around.  The place was empty without her and he hated it.  He hated sleeping in bed when she wasn’t with him and he was tempted to go to the Martins just to crawl in beside her.  He knew if he went over there she’d take him in, but he refused to cave after that conversation.

He couldn’t make sense of it.  This was so unlike her.  Sure they’d had their fights, but nothing that couldn’t be resolved.  She was feisty and strong, he had a temper, but they loved each other.  He couldn’t imagine there was any obstacle they couldn’t overcome. 

Riley was pretty sure he could talk her around, once she’d got over her grief.  This was crazy-talk.  They were all crazy at the moment – Jack, Johnny, Gabby, and his Dina.  She just needed time.

He lay awake most of the night and as the sun rose, he got up, packed a bag and left.  He’d asked for some time and he was going to take it.  He drove slowly past the Martins and couldn’t see any lights on.  He was going to knock on her bedroom window, but decided to leave it.  He’d see her in a week.  It would do her good to miss him.

Riley made his way to Seattle to hang out with a friend, Mason Glenn, who used to be one of the outcast crew from Shanwick.  He’d been in the same year as Christina and they’d hated each other.  Mason was infamous and had the worst reputation – much more so than the Martins or Riley. 

Mason was viewed as dangerous, or in Shanwick-speak, “a child of Satan.”  Rather than being upset by this, Mason reveled in it.  He’d had undiagnosed ADHD at school, and put his compulsions into psychological torture of his teachers and the local church group.  He’d just started an Internet company that Riley had invested in and it had caused a lot of friction between him and Dina.  Riley, however, believed Mason was onto something. 

This was one of the few places Dina wouldn’t look for him and even if she did suspect he’d gone to Mason, she wouldn’t contact him here.  She had a particularly way of spitting Mason’s name out –
Massssson
– that was a cross between a hiss and a growl.  Also, Mason was notoriously hard to find.  He was a professional squatter, who moved from place to place, not because he couldn’t afford one of his own, but he liked the excitement.  Being busted by the cops and fleeing in the middle of the night, gave Mason an adrenaline rush. 

When he arrived at Mason’s latest squat, an old warehouse, Mason took one look at him and shook his head.  “Women.  Come on in.  Don’t worry.  This time it’s legit.” 

Riley looked at Mason and grinned.  “Legit?  You’ve dropped your standards.” 

The place was huge, filled with computers and “interesting” people.  Some had dreads or tattoos and needed a shower, but the one thing they had in common:  they were computer freaks.  Music blared out over the stereo and one guy was watching hard-core porn.  When he raised an eyebrow, Mason just pushed his lank black hair off his face and shrugged.  “If there was an Olympic medal for porn, he’d win.  Ignore it.”

Riley gave Mason the abridged version of what had gone on between him and Dina, but didn’t want to discuss it too much.  He’d come here to get away, not brood, and Mason was just the sort of company to do that with.  They spent most of the week getting drunk and stoned, with Mason throwing women at him that he turned down.  He hadn’t touched anyone else since he’d been with Dina and he wasn’t starting now.  It really would be the end between them if that happened.

Mason went into minute detail about their business venture and how well it was doing.  He’d managed to secure funds from a few other investors and was now expanding.  Riley got the distinct impression that the squat might be legit, but the business wasn’t.  Mason was running some porn-pirate, file sharing business and masking it as hosting. 

********************

Christina

Christina couldn’t remember a time when she’d been this livid with Riley.  He’d just left – gone.  No word – nothing!  He hadn’t told anyone where he was going – not Johnny, Dave, his parents, or his brother – anyone.  He’d just vanished.  Who did something like that?  It was so disrespectful, she thought, he must rank her so low on his list of priorities that she was a joke. 

She didn’t want to pull the “I’ve just lost my mother card,” but she couldn’t help going there.  Her mother had recently died, her family was a mess, and now Riley had left without a word.  She tried to keep a happy face for her family, but it was overshadowed by their collective doom.  She couldn’t fix their grief, but she could fix her own life and take control of her destiny.  If she were a joke to Riley, then she’d do something to make him take her seriously.

When she arrived at the lawyers’ offices in Wenatchee, the receptionist asked if she was looking for her mother.  In a particular waspish tone, Christina retorted, “That would be difficult, considering my mother is dead.” 

The silence was more than uncomfortable.  It was an awkward living entity.  The receptionist apologized profusely and then couldn’t meet Christina’s eyes.  Christina knew it was unfair, but she felt like lashing out at someone - anyone to share her misery, even for a brief moment of time.

She was led in to see the lawyer, who looked up at her in surprise.  Dressed from head to toe in black, including her hair, eyes, and fingernails, complete with a large set of combat boots and red lips, she was eye-catching.  The lawyer was an older gentleman and when he saw her appearance he recoiled. 

Christina tried not to roll her eyes and scowl at him.  Yes.  She was young and an emo/grunge chick, but Pops needed to just get over it.  Recovering himself, he sat her down and asked her to tell him her “story.” 

Her eyebrows came together at what she perceived to be his ‘paternalistic tone’, but she dutifully outlined all the details.  Yes - she really was legally married.  Yes – she really did want to start formal divorce proceedings from her husband.  And yes, for the millionth time they really were legally married.

The lawyer asked her some material points about communal property, children, or extenuating circumstances.  She had replied in the negative to each question and until this time, it had never occurred to Christina that there might be legal ramifications around property.  She didn’t have any and she didn’t want Riley’s. 

What she wanted was to shock him into doing something.  The lawyer assured Christina that everything seemed relatively straightforward and there should be few or no difficulties.  In retrospect, he was really wrong about that.