Lost Soul (19 page)

“You do?” Michael replied.
 
“Me too!
 
Who’s your favorite author?
 
Let me guess…I bet you read a lot of Nora Roberts.”
 
Michael teased.

Jessica’s eyes twinkled in guilt.
 
“Everybody loves a good romance, don’t they?
 
What do you read — Stephen King?”

Michael laughed, a hearty chuckle that sent waves of happiness coursing through Jessica’s body.
 
“Actually, I’ll read just about anything I can get my hands on.”
 
Michael meant that literally.
 
He passed most of the nighttime hours with a good book, but he didn’t have the luxury of browsing the bookstores whenever he wanted, so he mainly read whatever he could find lying around the house.
 
Some of the hotels Maxwell stayed in when they were on the road had gift shops with books he could “borrow” to supplement Maxwell’s meager library.

They spent the next few hours telling each other about their favorite books and then movies, a safe conversation that still gave Michael a glimpse into who Jessica was but only left him wishing for even more.
 
He had loved Jessica from the very first moment he saw her, but now he realized how much he liked her, too.
 
She was charming and funny, humble yet confident.
 
She was everything he would ever want in a soulmate and he constantly had to remind himself she wasn’t his.

He knew someday someone would realize just how wonderful she was, and he desperately wanted her to be happy, so he couldn’t even begrudge whoever it would be, but deep down he knew no one could ever possibly love her as much as he did right at that moment, with the candlelight flickering off her hair in a million little facets and her mouth spread wide in an exuberant smile.

Her words faded as he lost himself in the mesmerizing movement of her lips and he couldn’t resist their pull any longer.
 
He leaned in and captured them with his, drawing her into a gentle kiss.
 
Jessica’s eyes widened in surprise as his lips claimed hers, but she quickly melted into his kiss, nipping and tasting and sucking till their breath came in heaves and their eyes became deep pools of lust and need.

“Take me home, Michael,” Jessica gasped, tearing herself from his lips.
 
Her cheeks flamed with heat and her mouth glistened like a swollen ripe berry.

Michael nodded and threw a large bill on the table before grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the car.

It was a short, almost silent drive back to Jessica’s apartment, rife with sexual tension so thick Michael felt they would both combust if they even touched.
 
They kept their hands to themselves and spoke only with their eyes, conveying their need with searing glances and breathless gasps.
 
Even Falla was silent, offering only a sour stare to indicate his disapproval.

As soon as Michael parked he was out of the car and around the other side, helping Jessica from her seat.
 
He pressed her up against the side of the car with his hips and captured her waist with his hands as his mouth moved in for another taste of her lips.
 
Jessica dropped her hands below his waist and pulled him closer till she could feel his hardness pressing up against her.
 
She groaned and felt him stiffen in her arms.

“We better take this inside,” he growled, swiftly pulling her towards the door.
 
Jessica fumbled with her keys and Michael grabbed them from her and made quick work of the lock.
 
Slamming the door behind them, they quickly shed their coats before reclaiming their embrace.
 
Michael unbuttoned his shirt between kisses and Jessica took the opportunity to run her hands across his blazing bare skin before pushing the shirt down his arms.
 
Her hands glided back up his biceps and lingered on his broad shoulders before sliding their way up his neck and dragging his head back down to hers.

Michael grabbed the hem of Jessica’s sweater and tank and pulled them over her head, revealing a simple nude colored bra with a tiny bow between her breasts as its only ornamentation.

“Sorry it’s not very sexy.
 
It’s the only kind that doesn’t show under my uniform,” Jessica explained with an embarrassed grimace.

“No lingerie could make you look any more beautiful than you already do,” Michael whispered and let his gaze slowly travel from her eyes to her waist.
 
He watched as she unclasped her bra and let it fall to her feet.
 

Jessica’s chest heaved with desire at his stare and Michael’s fingers burned a trail from her neck to her breasts then slowly caressed the ripe mounds.
 
She moaned as he bent his head to tease her with his tongue.
 
Jessica swooned with pleasure at his touch and Michael quickly caught her in his arms.
 
Scooping her up, he carried her to her bed and laid her gently on top of the satin comforter.

As Michael removed his slacks, Jessica wondered for one brief moment if he had any protection.
 
He hadn’t used anything last time — did he assume she was on the pill?
 
She didn’t plan to have another lover anytime soon, so she hadn’t given it a thought.
 
What were the odds of her getting pregnant again?
 
The guilt of her secret flooded her with anxiety and she opened her mouth to say something, but Michael’s mouth closed over hers and his limbs engulfed her, the weight of his hot, firm body disintegrating all rational thought.
 
Only in the cold light of day did Jessica realize how foolish she had been to make the same stupid mistake.

chapter seventeen

Michael stared at the cellular phone in his hand, wishing it would ring, wishing he had the nerve to punch in her number.
 
She had given him her phone number before he left and told him to call her whenever he was going to be nearby.
 
He hadn’t had a phone number to give her, other than Maxwell’s, so he made up a story about losing his phone and promised to call her as soon as he got a new one.
 
He had made good on that promise, stopping to buy a cell phone as soon as he left her house.
 
He kept it hidden and set to vibrate so Maxwell wouldn’t find it, but he checked it for missed calls every chance he got.
 
So far, Jessica hadn’t called him and he wondered if she thought about him even a fraction as much as he thought about her when they weren’t together.

He had no idea that Jessica was doing the exact same thing at that very moment, fiercely wishing that he would call.
 
She knew he was busy — an important man with a demanding job, so she didn’t want to bother him, but she longed to hear from him one more time.
 
When he told her he had lost his phone and couldn’t give her his number she thought for sure he wanted nothing more to do with her, but the very next day he’d called from his new phone.

Her heart soared at the sound of his voice on the line, and happiness oozed from her pores and engulfed her like a warm bath.
 
He told her he would soon be traveling more internationally and he might not always be able to take her call, but he would call her back as soon as he could.
 
So far it had been four weeks since they last spoke and Jessica was starting to doubt she would ever hear from him again.
 
She had no idea he was doing the very same thing, waiting for her to make the next move.

His silence became an omen when Jessica realized she was pregnant once again.
 
She cried herself to sleep that night, holding the phone to her chest, praying it would ring and wake her from her nightmare.
 
How could she do this to herself, she wailed, great heaving sobs wracking her body.
 
Several times she punched in his number, her finger hovering over the send button, desperate to call him for help.
 
But then she remembered the excitement in his voice when he told her he was going to France and then Italy on a whirlwind sales trip and she knew her news would only ruin his life like it had ruined hers.

If he had wanted to be with her he would have stayed, she told herself, and forced herself to put down the phone.
 
If he really cared about her he would have called.
 
But he didn’t, and the weeks marched on.

Faced with the same choices as last time, Jessica didn’t let herself contemplate any other option.
 
She made another appointment at the clinic and buried her secret deep in her heart, vowing never to tell a single soul, especially not Michael.
 
She got a prescription for birth control from the doctor and took the little pills faithfully every day.

Ridden with guilt and shame, she gave up her dream of going back to school and resigned herself to the life she was living.
 
She didn’t date, didn’t respond to any of the offers she received every day.
 
She decided she didn’t deserve to have anyone love her and she didn’t want anyone else anyway.
 
She was madly in love with him and no one else could ever make her feel the way he did, despite his extended absences.
 
She and Michael deserved each other, she figured.
 
A man who didn’t stick around long enough to ever be a husband or father, and a woman who threw away any hope of a family because she was too selfish to find another way.

Michael showed up again a few months later, and Jessica once again kept the secret of her pregnancy from him.
 
It was obvious he wasn’t prepared for a committed relationship, so if she wanted to be with him at all she would have to accept what he offered.
 
From then on, whenever Michael showed up for a visit, Jessica just enjoyed the moment and reveled in the time they had together.
 
It was enough, she accepted.
 
It was all she was going to get.
 
Despite the fact that they only saw each other a couple times a year, Jessica and Michael fell into a routine that they both treasured.

He would show up near the end of her shift and take her out for dinner where they’d talk and laugh till their desire got the best of them.
 
Then he’d take her home and ravish her body till she felt like she would dissolve into his.
 
He rarely ever stayed more than the night and he always left her feeling alone and in need, but she looked forward to his visits like an addict craving a hit and her addiction to him grew stronger with each passing year.

Michael felt the pull just as strongly, but in both directions.
 
When he was with Maxwell he could think of nothing but Jessica.
 
He craved her company and her intoxicating touch.
 
He worried incessantly if she was safe and happy and he was overcome with guilt every time he left her to fend for herself.
 
But his duty was to Maxwell, and the few hours he spend away from him left him wracked with anxiety.
 
He knew he could never forgive himself if something happened to Maxwell while he was away, but his obsession with Jessica could not be denied.
 
He lived in a constant state of fear and worry about the people he loved.

Maxwell’s ego grew with his success and Michael found him insufferable at times, but he still loved him and was devoted to his safety and well-being.
 
As the years went by, it became harder and harder for Michael to justify leaving Maxwell’s side, even for a few hours.
 
Yet, the longer he spent away from Jessica the greater his desire for her grew till he wished he could rip himself in two and send each half in opposite directions to satisfy his warring desires.
 
He tried to wean himself off of Jessica by going longer and longer between visits, but his heart still pined for her as if he had left her bed just days before instead of months or even years.

Despite his ever increasing anxiety over leaving Maxwell unguarded for any length of time, his visits to Jessica continued to reap no negative consequences, so when his craving to see her grew too strong, it was practically impossible for Michael to convince himself it was wrong to leave Maxwell’s side to satisfy his need for her.
 
Unlike Colby, Maxwell was an adult who could take care of himself, and although he wasn’t the smartest person Michael had ever met, he did manage to avoid the most dangerous activities or life-threatening pursuits.
 
All of that changed one day in 2012, though, and Michael was reminded how life could shatter in the smallest instant.

chapter eighteen

Michael checked the weather forecast one last time, nervous that a sudden rainstorm would pop up and ruin his plans.
 
He had spent months planning this day and he wanted everything to be perfect.
 
He had called Jessica’s boss and asked him to give Jessica the night off, he’d booked a room at the nicest hotel within a 30 mile radius, and he’d made reservations at a fancy restaurant nearby.
 
All he needed to do was conjure up a few necessities and persuade Jessica to spend her birthday with the man she loved.

Michael knew Jessica had worked the night before, so he let her sleep in a bit before rapping on her door, eager to put his plan into action.
 
By 10 am, though, he could no longer stand the anticipation and he decided it was time to wake his princess from her slumber.