Lost Soul (4 page)

Theus cared about his charge, Sarah, but it was obvious to Michael that he didn’t feel the same about her as Michael felt about Jessica.
 
To Michael, Jessica was the sun, moon, and stars and everything else that mattered in the whole wide world.
 
He loved to watch her play, but he would happily spend the rest of her life just watching her sleep, her rosebud lips puckered up and her long lashes fluttering as she dreamed.
 
Michael knew angels didn’t experience emotions the same way humans did, but he couldn’t stop from believing that no one had ever loved a human as much as he loved Jessica.

Once Jessica was old enough to appreciate the company of other children, Sarah decided to take her to the neighborhood park and let her play on the playground.
 
She figured there would probably be other mothers there for Sarah to chat with and other kids for Jessica to play with, if she wasn’t too caught up in her own explorations.
 
The first sunny day of spring 1980, Sarah packed a gigantic bag full of all the necessities a toddler could need for an hour away from home and loaded Jessica into the car for the two block trip to the local park.
 
When they arrived, the park was bustling with other families who had the same idea and Sarah felt a little overwhelmed by the crowd, but Jessica’s eyes widened at the sight of the playground and she started babbling excitedly, her little hands flailing as she pointed out the sights, so Sarah decided it would be worth the hassle if it made her daughter that happy.

Sarah lifted Jessica out of her car seat and set her down on the ground, straightening her twisted pants and pulling her pink and red striped tee shirt down over her belly.
 
Jessica squirmed under her mother’s ministrations and quickly took off towards the playground.
 
Her tiny legs were no match for her mother’s, though, and Sarah easily caught up with the anxious toddler, grabbing her hand and pulling her close as she squatted down in front of her.

“Hold on there, Speedy Gonzales!” Sarah scolded lightly, turning her daughter’s face towards hers so she could look her in the eyes.
 
“You have to stay with Mommy while we’re here, Jessie.
 
You can’t run off by yourself or you might get hurt.
 
Understand?”
 
Jessica stared at her mother, her large topaz eyes barely blinking as she considered the admonition.

“Pway?” Jessica asked hopefully, bobbing her head, her purple scrunchie gradually losing its hold on her silky dark hair.

“Yes, sweetie, we can play.
 
What do you want to do first?” Sarah asked, and Jessica turned to gaze at all the possibilities the playground had to offer.

“Dat!” she decided and took off, clutching her mother’s hand as she dragged her towards the tall metal slide.

Sarah wasn’t quite ready to let her toddler go down the slide all by herself, but when she started to say no, Jessica’s pouty bottom lip quivered and her chin turned up so high that her instantaneous tears ran sideways off her chubby red cheeks and dripped into her ears.
 
Sarah couldn’t possibly resist that kind of response, so despite her embarrassment in front of the crowd of onlookers, she hauled her daughter up the ladder and sat on the top of the slide, placing her giddy toddler firmly between her legs before pushing off.
 
Their descent was hampered by Sarah’s adult size hips, made even wider by the child situated between them, but eventually they managed to
 
gain enough momentum to slide to the bottom, Jessica’s exuberant squeals obvious proof of her delight.

“Again, Mommy!” Jessie cried as soon as her feet touched the ground and she raced around to the back of the slide.
 
Sarah noticed a few parents chuckling and a few others looking on in reproach, but she ignored them and focused instead on the happy smile lighting her daughter’s face.
 
A few minutes later, Sarah caught sight of another mother being dragged towards the slide by a toddler — this one a little boy about the same age as Jessica.

“We slide too, Mommy!” the adventurous little guy insisted, pointing at Sarah and her daughter.

“I always told him he was too little to go down the slide,” the mother explained with an exaggerated look of chagrin on her face.
 
Sarah grinned and shrugged apologetically as the other woman climbed the stairs, her own toddler in tow.
 
The skinny, bronze-haired boy tossed his mud-covered hands in the air and cried “whee!” as he and his mother whizzed down the slide and plopped onto the ground.

“How about a ride on the swings?” the frazzled mother suggested after a few more trips down the slide.

Sarah’s back was starting to ache from lugging her daughter to the top of the slide, so she thought the swings would be a great diversion.
 
“Yeah, come on, Jessie, you’ll love the swings!” she exclaimed, picking Jessie up and following her new companion over to the swing set.
 
Fortunately, the children didn't put up a fuss.

“I’m Karen Conrad,” the mother offered, poking her son’s legs into the holes of the safety swing, “and this is my son Caleb.”

“Sarah and Jessica.
 
Nice to meet you,” Sarah replied, following her example.
 
They each pulled back gently on the plastic seat and let go.
 
The kids squealed in unison as they stretched out their legs and threw back their heads.

“Have you been here before?
 
I don’t remember seeing you,” Karen asked, making polite conversation.

“No, this is our first time here.
 
You come here a lot?”

“Oh yeah, This is number five,” she replied, pointing at her obvious baby bump.
 
“I’m a regular around here.
 
My other three are out there somewhere, terrorizing each other, I’m sure.”
 
Sarah’s eyes widened in surprise at Karen’s laissez-faire attitude.
 
“I’m kidding, about the terrorizing part I mean.
 
Or at least I hope so!” Karen chuckled.
 
“You’ll see when you get a few more to worry about.
 
You can only realistically worry about so many things at a time, so once you start multiplying your worries, you have to let some of them go.”
 
Sarah nodded; that philosophy actually made a lot of sense.
 
Michael just hoped her kids’ angels were paying more attention than she was.

The two women chatted until the faintest strains of calliope music tickled their ears and Karen’s other children suddenly appeared, hands out and voices tumbling over each other as they hopped eagerly up and down like prairie dogs poking out of their holes.
 
“Mom, Mom, Mom!
 
It’s the ice cream man!
 
Can we have some?
 
Huh?
 
Huh?
 
Pleeeeaaasssseeeee!!!!” they begged, and Karen gave her characteristic look of chagrin.

“Ice cweam!” Jessica shrieked as soon as she heard the word and Sarah emulated Karen’s expression.

“If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,” Karen shrugged and lifted her littlest from his swing.
 
Her other children raced ahead of her towards the approaching van, intent on being the first in line.
 
Sarah followed suit and soon the whole clan was crowded around the picnic table, happily chomping on ice cream bars.

Karen introduced Sarah to her other sons, Casey, Corey, and Christopher, who were ages 8, 6, and 4, and Michael stared in amazement at their crazy antics.
 
They hopped and jumped and twirled and yelled and ran around in circles while their mother looked on, unconcerned.
 
She barely even batted an eye when they started sword fighting with their ice cream sticks, poking each other in the stomach and swiping their soggy wooden sticks precariously close to each other’s eyes.
 
Their guardians certainly had their hands full.
 
When Jessica’s eyes grew droopy and Sarah decided it was time for a nap, Michael was happy to leave the commotion of the Conrad crew behind.
 
He decided his little Jessica was more of a princess than he realized.

chapter four

The whole next week, Jessica begged her mother every single day to take her back to the playground for another ride on the swings and a trip down the slide, but the warm sunny day had just been a teaser of spring and Old Man Winter was threatening to bury them in a final blast of snow so deep Sarah figured the Easter bunny would die of frostbite before he was able to tunnel his way out.
 
Sarah paced as she stared out the window at the accumulating piles of frozen fluff.
 
It wasn’t like she usually went that many places but just the fact that she couldn’t go anywhere made her feel restless and trapped, especially with a hyper toddler bouncing off the walls, begging to go to the park.
 
She was glad she had the chance to stay home and raise her daughter instead of sending her off to daycare every day while she worked a 9 to 5, but the long hours her husband worked to provide for their family left her feeling forgotten and alone sometimes.
 
Even the stressful work her husband did managing dozens of employees sounded exciting after a week of nothing but Sesame Street and baby talk conversations with a two year old, most of them revolving around whether or not she needed to use the potty.

Her eyes roved around her shrinking home, toys dotting every inch of floor space, her daughter rolling maniacally around on her living room floor.
 
When Jessica swooshed her arms and legs around her like a fan, creating a clear spot on the carpet in the shape of a snow angel, Sarah decided she’d had enough.

“Jessica, do you still want to go to the park, sweetheart?” Sarah asked and Jessica popped up like a Jack in the Box and started prattling her approval.

“Park, park, park!
 
Wanna wide swings!
 
Wanna swide swide!
 
Wanna pway wif Caweb!”

“Okay, honey, I’ll take you to the park, but it’s very cold and snowy outside so we have to dress very warm, okay?
 
Let’s go put on lots of clothes,” Sarah said and proceeded to bundle the two of them up in half a dozen layers of wooly sweaters and fuzzy socks.

When they were ready, the two waddled out to the garage, but their exit was blocked by a big pile of slush the snowplow had deposited in front of their driveway.
 
Deciding to tackle that project after she had tired out her daughter, Sarah lifted her over the barrier and onto the recently cleared road.
 
The short walk would do them good, she decided.
 
Jessica jabbered nonstop as they trekked the two blocks to the park, swinging her arms and legs like a polka dot penguin in her puffy coat and striped knit cap.

Sarah was surprised to see quite a few people at the park, despite the arctic weather.
 
As they rounded the corner, the reason why became obvious.
 
The small hill the playground sat on was perfect for sledding and kids of all ages were dragging plastic toboggans to the highest point before climbing on so their parents could send them slipping down the snowy hill into the ditch below.
 
Snow-suited marshmallows tumbled on top of each other in a colorful, shrieking heap, only their round, pink cheeks giving away their identities.
 
The guardians were working overtime to keep the rowdy rugrats from cracking open their heads.
 
“Mommy!
 
Fun!” Jessica squeaked, as her eyes danced from one tumbling tot to another.

“Oh, honey, we don’t have a sled,” Sarah replied sadly, wishing she had thought of it.
 
She had fond memories of sledding with her parents when she was a child, but she hadn’t done it in years.
 
The idea to take Jessica had never crossed her mind.
 
Sometimes she felt so clueless when it came to mothering.

Just then, a friendly voice caught her attention.
 
“Hey Sarah, Jessie!
 
Over here!” hollered Karen Conrad, waving her arms so Sarah could find her.
 
Sarah smiled and headed her way, Jessica in tow.

“Nice to see you again!” Karen said with a genuine smile.
 
“Going stir-crazy yet?”
 
Sarah nodded emphatically.
 
“There’s nothing like an incapacitating snowstorm to make your kids go totally bonkers.”

“I didn’t even think about going sledding, I just had to get out of the house for a few minutes,” Sarah explained sheepishly.

“We have plenty of sleds.
 
The boys always insist on having their own everything, but it’s more fun to go down together, so they end up sharing anyway.
 
You two can borrow one of ours if you’d like,” Karen offered, pointing to the pile of discarded hats, mittens, and sleds nearby.

“That would be great!
 
Thank you, Karen!
 
Jess, do you want to go on the sled?” Sarah asked.

Jessica nodded like a bobblehead and Sarah grabbed one of the sleds and positioned it at the angle that looked least likely to end in bodily harm.
 
She lowered herself onto it, careful not to send it sliding down the hill before she was ready, then helped Jessica get settled between her legs.