Lost Until You (The Sorrentino Brothers Series Book 1) (26 page)

I flicked the bud out the window and then rolled it back up. “She came out to the pier and told me you were in Stone’s face. I threw her my jacket and ran inside.”

“You sure about that?” he asked, and it pissed me off.

“What are you getting at, Brix?”

Besides Stone, my cousin was the closest person to me. And Brix, of all people, knew better than to misconstrue me talking to another girl. Hell would freeze over before I went out on Jazz. Together or not, that would never happen.

Brix released a long breath, keeping his focus on the road. “Nothing, man. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t doing anything out of anger or being a stupid drunk. I know shit’s been hard on you. You’ve had us all worried.”

I laid my head back on the seat and laughed. “Yeah, well, if it’s any consolation, I’ve been worried about my damn self, cuz.”

He pulled into my driveway, twenty minutes later, not bothering to shut off his car.

“I’ll call you tomorrow. Sleep that shit off.”

I hopped out of the truck and reached in the back for my jacket. “Later, man.”

I was glad Brix didn’t try to come in. I needed time to myself. I still had to process everything I read on the computer earlier this afternoon. I hadn’t given myself a chance to breathe after I trashed the studio and then went to the bar to drink my sorrows away.

Dammit. I was going to have one big fucking mess to clean up tomorrow. I fucked my girl’s studio up bad. But before anything, I needed to sleep off all the alcohol I consumed. I wasn’t going to get anywhere feeling like this.

**

It was too early for this shit. Whoever was pounding on my door had a death wish. I rolled my sore, achy body over and looked at the clock. It was only nine in the morning. Dammit. I must have turned my alarm off yet again.

I forced myself out of bed and threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. Grumbling, I walked through the house and to the front door. Whoever it was continued to pound, not letting up with their fist. I didn’t bother looking out the peephole and jerked back the handle, ready to kick some ass.

“What the fuck is—”

My dad was standing on the porch with a coffee in his hand. “Were you asleep?”

I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

“Uh. Yeah. It’s been a long night, Dad,” I said and took a step back, opening the door.

I didn’t feel like talking. I was too tired to deal with anyone this early, especially him. If he started popping off at the mouth about Stone, it was going to cause a war. I was certain one of my brothers went back to my parents last night and ran their mouth, but it wasn’t something I felt like hashing out. I needed to wake up.

Dad followed me into the kitchen and took a seat at the island. I grabbed a bottle of water and sat down on the other side of him.

“Is something wrong?”

 “I tried to call you yesterday afternoon, but you never returned my call,” he said watching me closely. “I just wanted to let you know that Dr. Aimee from Indian River Counseling Services contacted me after you left.”

 “Who’s Dr. Aimee?” I asked, trying to remember where I had heard that name before. It sounded familiar.

“Dr. Aimee is Jazz’s counselor. She’s been seeing Jazz for a few weeks now.”

Dad set his coffee down on the island and then continued. “She asked to meet with me this morning. I just left her office and came straight here.”

“You…you met with Jazz’s counselor?” I was surprised.  Why would he meet with her and not make me aware of anything? I got that he tried to call me, but he could have blown my shit up until I answered. I couldn’t even remember where my phone was yesterday during that time.

“Why?”

Dad gripped his hands around his coffee.

“She’s been working closely with Jazz, and apparently, I was part of the problem. Dr. Aimee wanted to sit me down and fill me in on as much as she could. When she told me everything, I agreed to take a DNA test this morning, so the girl can have some closure.”

“Wait…you’re what?” I had to be hearing things. Dad agreed to take the test? How in the hell did all this come about?

“I agreed just to prove Jazz wasn’t my daughter, B,” Dad repeated, his tone showed frustration toward me. “Dr. Aimee’s staff also got a hold of Teto. He’ll be there this afternoon and we’ll meet back up to get the results together. The three of us.”

I couldn’t believe everything was happening without my involvement. Why wasn’t I called? Why didn’t Dr. Aimee reach out to me? I was her husband for fuck’s sake.

“Did you…did you see, Jazz? Have you talked to her?”

Dad shook his head. “No, but that’s another reason I stopped by. I wanted to let you know that I’m going to call and see if she’ll meet with me. I think her and I need to talk before this goes down tomorrow morning. It’s long overdue anyway.”

I didn’t know what to say. A part of me wanted to jump across the table and rip his head off for not informing me sooner, but I was stunned about this entire situation.

I was pissed Jazz still felt like she couldn’t talk to me. It’s been too fucking long. I wanted my wife. God, I needed to be there with her. I couldn’t imagine her going through all of this alone. Just reading her journal was enough to push me over the edge last night.

“You gonna say something?”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. As much as I hated my father for what he had done, I needed someone to listen, someone who wouldn’t judge me for being an ignorant asshole, and help me.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Dad. I call Jazz almost every day. I backed off for a while, but yesterday, when I left your house, I went looking for her. I couldn’t find her anywhere. I went to her studio and turned on her computer. I searched her emails and found she had written in a journal every night. I read through each one until the power cut out and then I lost it. I fucked her studio up. All her equipment is damaged. Everything’s ruined. I don’t know what came over me. Fear, maybe. But that didn’t stop the anger from coursing through my body.”

I shifted in the stool and continued. “Just reading how badly she was hurting and yet there was nothing I could do to take away her pain killed me.” I looked him in the face and begged for his help. “Why wasn’t I enough? Didn’t I always treat her right? Because I thought I did. I put Jazz on a pedestal. I kept her first in everything. EVERYTHING, Dad, and she pushed me away. And when I found out Stone kissed her when she was staying at Kelly’s, I lost my cool. It’s like my entire world erupted before me. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was dying.”

“When did that happen? Stone kissing her, I mean.”

I didn’t want to tell him everything, but I did anyway. I couldn’t keep these feelings inside anymore. Someone had to know how I was feeling. Besides, you could spot my busted up knuckles from a mile away. My right hand was black and blue.

“One night when Kelly had enough of Jazz lying in her room. She called Stone and Tanya and had some kind of intervention on her. I read her journal. That’s how I found out. Stone took her out to dinner and then kissed her. Jazz apparently wigged out on him, but nothing else was said other than her praying and asking God why.”

I grabbed the edge of my stool, gripping it as hard as I could. “Stone has been my best friend since we were kids, man. There had to be more to it that maybe she just didn’t want to type it all out, but shit, Dad. He kissed my wife. My fucking wife.”

Dad sat back, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t know what to say, son. The both of you didn’t deserve this kind of hell. If anything, the love you and Jazz have shared over the years has been admirable. It reminded me of your mother and me after I let Peyton go.”

Dad continued talking, but my mind tuned him out. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts; I could no longer pay attention to what he was saying.

I wasn’t sure if fighting for Jazz was what I was supposed to keep doing. I knew what she said in her journal about missing me, but maybe it was finally time to let her go. As much as it killed me to think that way, nothing I had done over the last couple of months had worked. I needed a change. I couldn’t continue living like this anymore.

“I’ll always regret that, B. I hope one day you can understand where I was coming from,” Dad said.

I nodded my head, not knowing what he was talking about, but did it anyway. I felt defeated. My marriage was a lost cause.

“Can I ask you one more question? And then I don’t think I can handle anymore today.”

Dad stood up, pushing his chair under the island. I followed behind him in the suite, doing the same. 

“You can ask me anything, son.”

“Were you at the hospital when Peyton delivered Jazz?”

Dad tipped his chin, avoiding eye contact with me.

“No,” he shook his head. “It wasn’t me. If I were there, I wouldn’t have run off and left an innocent child alone. It had to have been Teto. That’s something my dumbass cousin would have done.”

I exhaled the long breath I had been holding for months, relieved at what he said. I didn’t think my father was that heartless of a man, but then again, after hearing about his affair, I didn’t know what to think of him.

I walked him over to the door feeling somewhat better after getting everything off my chest. Dad turned around and reached out his hand. I extended my arm and then he pulled me in for a hug.

“I love you, B. I’m sorry for everything I have put you through.” He released his hold around me, and then took a step back. “But I’m going to make it right. I promise.”

He opened the door and walked outside, not bothering to say any more. I waited for him to pull off before closing the door.

What was I going to do? I had asked the same question over and over, and yet nothing good came from it.

If you had told me twenty-four hours ago that I was going to have a heart to heart with my father, I would have laughed in your face. But this…I needed to have this conversation. This had been building up for months, not leaning on anyone other than the walls in my bedroom. It was about time I felt some kind of relief. It might not have been much, but it was a start.

It was time I made some changes once and for all.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Jazz

Tomorrow was the big day. Not only was I going to meet Teto for the first time, but I was also going to find out if he was my biological father. After doing the mouth swab, I was afraid he wouldn’t show up to do his portion of the test.

Needless to say, I was an emotional, nervous wreck.

Dr. Aimee called the phone she had given me this morning, informing me of her conversation with my father-in-law. Apparently, Anthony met with Dr. Aimee at her office, agreeing to take a DNA test on the spot. I was shocked, not believing he would actually follow through, until Anthony called my phone for himself, asking if we could meet this afternoon to discuss everything.

I didn’t know what to say. A part of me wanted to tell him no, but then I thought about the questions I needed to be answered. Questions that couldn’t wait until tomorrow.

When Dr. Aimee couldn’t get a hold of me last week, she was fearful I’d done something bad and came looking for me. Thankfully, I changed my address on my file or I would have never been found.

She showed up that evening after going to Best Buy and bought me a prepaid cell phone, insisting I keep it on me at all times. It wasn’t anything spectacular, but at least I would be able to check in, and let her know I was okay.

It was nice having someone looking out for me. Someone I just met but also knew my life story. Dr. Aimee wasn’t only my therapist; she also became a very close friend. I enjoyed her company, but more than anything, I looked forward to her pep talks. It was something I desperately craved from anyone willing to help encourage me.

The verdict of who my biological father was between Anthony and his cousin, Teto. And from my understanding, there couldn’t have been anyone else. At least I hoped not, anyway. I can’t even imagine if both Anthony and Teto’s test came back negative. I didn’t know what I would do. Months and months wasted, drowning in pain. God, I couldn’t go there. Not now. I had to remain positive.

I got in the shower and threw on a pair of sweats and my favorite hoodie. It wasn’t an outfit I’d normally go out in, but lately, it was all I wore. Unless I went to the Counseling Center, I didn’t really leave my apartment. Other than the grocery store and seeing Phyllis and Landon yesterday, I couldn’t take the risk of being seen by anyone I knew.

I scraped off the snow on my SUV before getting settled inside. Once I was out on the main road, I took my time. It snowed a couple of inches last night, and the roads were a little slick.

I made it 91
^st
Street, turning into the Coffee Beanery. I located Anthony’s car and parked next to him. I shut off the ignition and grabbed my purse, arming the alarm behind me. It was blistery cold outside and the wind made it even more brutal. This was one of the perks of living close to the ocean during winter.

As I walked through the side door, I spotted Anthony seated in the back dining area. I kicked the snow off my Uggs and headed toward his table.

“Hi, honey. It’s been a while.” Anthony stood up to greet me.

I leaned in and gave him a hug, just like I had always done in the past.

“It’s good to see you,” I retorted, as my body shivered from the cold. I was freezing and couldn’t get warm. It also didn’t help as nervous as I was, either.

I sat down as he slid a hot cup of tea in front of me, warming my heart that he remembered.

“Have you been here long?” I asked, wrapping my hands around the warm cup. I would do anything to get this chill off my body right now.

“A few minutes.” He grinned. “Just enough time to order your favorite tea.”

I took a sip, not wanting this talk to become awkward. Anthony and I had always been close. This distance wasn’t something I was used to.

He didn’t waste any time, jumping right in and talking.