Lost Voices (9 page)

“You saw how they acted last night, anyway,” Catarina i 65

added in the same savage tone, though at least she’d put her tail back in the water. “As long as you do a good job singing, they
want
to drown. It makes them happy. Happier than they’ve ever been in their rotten human lives! They’re so disgusted with
themselves
that they’d rather be dead. We just help them, really.” There was silence for a moment. Luce was thinking about the face of the drowning old man when Catarina added something, a little reluctantly. “But it’s hard for any mermaid to keep too many humans enchanted at once. Even the best singers can only handle so many at a time . . .” Then Catarina shot a vindictive glance at Samantha. “
Some
of our singers can barely even deal with one human.”

Samantha’s face buckled with humiliation, and Luce knew this was revenge for what Samantha had said back in the cave: that Catarina was too sensitive about her past.

Luce tried not to let the personal drama distract her. She needed to understand. “And that’s why you won’t try to sink a ship that’s too big? You wouldn’t be able to . . . to make completely sure . . .”

“Exactly.” Catarina nodded. “We can’t risk losing control of the situation. Just think of what they’d do if they ever found out we’re here! They’d poison the whole
ocean
if they had to just to kill all of us.” A snarl came back in her voice. “They already
do
poison it. Such filthy things they throw in here!” Luce was still brooding over all of this. She didn’t like the idea of killing anyone. But on the other hand, everything Catarina had said was obviously true. Humans did do terrible, unimaginable things, to one another and to the whole world.

They’d done something awful to every girl here.

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“But what do we do about kids?” Luce asked at last. “If there’s a kid on one of the ships . . .”

Catarina flashed a callous smile, and stroked Luce’s hair with her long, cool fingers.

“Oh, but they’re just going to grow up, aren’t they?” she said.

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5

Wondering

After the painful explanation of the timahk, though, the afternoon turned wonderful. The mermaids swam out into the open sea and taught Luce tricks: ways of swimming upside down, of turning underwater loops so fast that the flying bubbles made their long bodies look like giant silver rings, and how to use a quick corkscrewing movement of her tail to shoot straight up out of the waves. They took turns twirling up into the air and then splashing down again, and Luce laughed so hard she felt breathless. It was a pale gray day, the clouds above glowing like soft lamps, and around her the water pleated aluminum white and dull dark green together. The crisp salt smell excited her, the rhythm of lift and fall became a kind of music ringing inside her chest, and the gulls wheeled and screamed above. Once in the distance she spotted the sweeping shape of a bald eagle.

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It was so easy to tread water now. She didn’t even need to use her arms. Just a tiny circling movement with the broad, sensitive fins at the end of her tail, and she could stay in one place with her head above the water for as long as she wanted, riding the swells. It still felt a little strange, but Luce was becoming aware of just how much she loved having that forceful tail. It was infinitely stronger than her legs had been; it was stronger than any human legs, even a marathon runner’s. And then the color of it was so beautiful, a brilliant silver glimmer over soft jade green. It was perfect for her, exactly the color she would have chosen.

They were all so friendly to her, so much fun. Luce had barely ever had real friends in her life. She and her father never stayed anywhere for more than a few months, so even the rare friends she had made were always left behind as soon as her father told her it was time to pack up again and the red van rumbled off down the next highway. But Luce had been enrolled in different schools a few times, and the other kids had never treated her like this, with so much warmth and acceptance. Luce was starting to realize that a lot of the other mermaids actually admired her, even though she was the one who was new and strange.

It was an incredible stroke of luck, she thought, that she’d found them all. Luce still didn’t like what her new friends did sinking ships, drowning people but it was hard to think of them as evil when they were being so nice to
her
.

Luce did an especially high twist up into the air, then at the top she somersaulted and curved down again into the sea.

Silver water flashed in her eyes, and when she came up into the circle Catarina beamed at her delightedly. “That was incredi-i 69

ble, Luce! And when you’re still getting used to your tail. You’re really a natural at this.” Again Luce thrilled at Catarina’s warm golden smile, and the sweet moonlight glow of her gray eyes set in their thick fringe of auburn lashes. She was sure now that Catarina
did
like her, very much. Luce was just grinning back when she caught sight of another dark, disquieting flicker in Catarina’s eyes.

“She’s
such
a natural,” Miriam agreed. While most of the mermaids had a slightly green or golden cast to their skin, Miriam’s was just faintly blue, her tail inky, and her eyes were smoky black above high, fragile cheekbones. She seemed very small for her age: fourteen, like Luce. “I’ve been in the water for longer than any of you, and my singing’s nowhere near ” Miriam broke off. Luce understood by now that singing was a touchy issue, and also that it might be the reason for the awed glances some of the younger mermaids gave her.

Something else kept bothering Luce, though. Just the ghost of an unbearable idea, always hovering at her back. Maybe if she ignored it for long enough, it would eventually go away.

“ Catarina! You know what you should teach Luce?” Samantha exclaimed. “Some of those singing tricks you can do.

Like that one where you make your voice into a ball, kind of? I bet she’ll be great at them.” Luce thought that sounded fantastic. She loved how it felt to use her voice now, and also she wanted something to distract her from that needling, half- formed idea. She turned to gaze excitedly at Catarina, expecting to be met by her shining smile.

Instead Catarina looked tense, sullen. The happy sounds of the chattering mermaids faded as they all noticed Catarina’s dark-70 i LOST VOICES

ening mood. She looked around at them all with her brows drawn together, her lips pursed. The silence lasted much too long.

“Singing can’t be taught,” Catarina finally announced in her coldest voice. Hearing it, Luce felt like the back of a steel knife was being drawn along her skin. Was her singing the reason why Catarina watched her with shadows stirring just behind her eyes? “You know that, Samantha. Maybe it’s possible that someone could get better by practicing on her own, though I can’t say I’ve ever really seen that happen . . .” Samantha and Kayley exchanged a look that was much too obvious. It was like they were daring each other to say something. Luce wasn’t completely sure what was going on.

Kayley was the one who took the chance. “Do you even hear yourself, Cat? Everyone can tell you’re just afraid. You think if Luce was that good while she’s still just metaskaza . . .” Luce was dismayed. Catarina’s lovely face was crumpling with pain and anger, and Luce had the awful feeling that she was about to be stuck in the middle of a fight. Whatever this was really about, she didn’t want anything to do with it.

“I don’t want Catarina to teach me anything about singing,” Luce lied firmly. “I’m not sure singing even interests me that much.

I’d rather learn more about swimming.” Kayley shot her a look of open disbelief, but Catarina’s tension finally dissolved.

“I’d love to teach you more about singing, Luce,” Catarina said, and the falseness in her tone was apparent to everyone.

“Just like I wish I could help
everyone
here . . . It’s just that it can’t be done. It’s a gift; we each have to accept exactly how much we’ve been given. But you shouldn’t let that stop you from enjoying it. Believe me, we’re all very glad to have another singer i 71

as talented as you are. I’ve been doing much more than my share of the work.”

Luce looked around. Suddenly the sea looked much too silvery, too empty, and too huge, and she wondered if she could suggest going back to the cave. They’d been playing in the water for so long that the afternoon light was shading into a soft gray gloaming. As she gazed farther out she saw something black arch up out of the water, a tall bladelike fin defining its movement as it sleeked back into the waves. It was up again too quickly, and it seemed to be heading their way. Luce realized there were a few of them.

“Orcas,” Kayley said. Luce couldn’t understand why the other mermaids didn’t seem more worried. “They’re pretty far off still. And we can outswim them, easy.” Luce looked around and saw that a few of the larvae had caught up with them, along with a few curious seals. It was hard to tell the drifting heads of the larvae apart from the heads of the seals unless you watched for a while.

“We can’t just leave the larvae out here,” Luce said anxiously. “Won’t the orcas eat them?”

“They eat them all the time,” Kayley agreed. “Like potato chips. That’s why
we
should get out of here.” Mermaids were already flashing away under the water. “Come on, Luce!” Kayley’s black glossy head blinked under a wave, then Catarina’s red- gold hair formed a sudden streaking torrent, just for a second, as she dove away.

Only Luce hesitated. One of the larvae noticed her looking and tentatively wriggled in her direction. They really couldn’t swim very well, Luce realized. They were hopelessly clumsy, 72 i LOST VOICES

uncertain in their movements, and their tails were soft and stubby. She suddenly remembered that she hadn’t seen any of them inside the cave. Probably they couldn’t dive well enough to get through that deep underwater tunnel.

Didn’t the timahk require her to at least
try
to help them?

The soft larval mermaid nosed up to her and gently butted its head against Luce’s shoulder. It was about two years old, Luce thought, maybe three. Just about the same age as that poor little girl she’d found on the beach.

“Who’z zat?” the larval mermaid warbled at her through its pink baby lips. It had such lonely blue eyes that looking in its face made Luce almost nauseous, but at the same time it reminded her of Gum. Nobody had ever wanted to take care of him either, just because he couldn’t talk right. “Who’z zat?” The shining black curves of the orcas rose and fell much closer now. Looking around, Luce counted at least five of the larvae, and realized she couldn’t possibly save all of them.

She hooked her right arm around the gibbering larva next to her and dove. A second later something dark and huge streaked near her, and the water in her eyes filled with dark red. Blood unraveled through the water in smoke- shaped curls. Luce spun her tail in a corkscrew, hurling as fast as she could, but she hadn’t had enough practice swimming to keep her course straight with the larva dragging on her arm. The awkward weight threw her movement off, and Luce curved around to the right before she could stop herself. A wall of glossy black filled her eyes, and she dashed head first against the side of an orca that was practically erupting up out of the water, then rolled over its back as the momentum of the leap sent it hurtling past. The blow and the i 73

tumbling rush left her disoriented in a cloud of spinning bubbles.

For a moment she couldn’t tell which way was up.

The larval mermaid wasn’t in her arm anymore. Somehow the impact had knocked it away, and now as she swirled in place she couldn’t see it anywhere.

A wave of displaced water sent Luce pitching sideways, and again the sea turned crimson. It was like looking through red rippling glass. Luce spun in time to see a single small hand floating by, its palm upturned. To her horror, she realized that some of the bloody water had seeped into her mouth; she could taste the poor little mermaid’s sour, metallic death . . . Panic finally seized her. She lashed out her tail, and now that she wasn’t trying to pull the larval mermaid along with her, she found her body streaking away from the carnage at terrific speed. After just a few seconds the water in her eyes was dusky gray and clean, truly clean. Silver fish whipped out of her path. Luce spun through the waves in a frenzy, sure that her skin was still streaked with blood. She swam on and on until her lungs began to hurt, then flung herself toward the surface.

She came up suddenly in an expanse of empty twilit sea, under cliffs she didn’t recognize, and gasped for air. Her head was spinning. Seals moaned, forming disorienting streaks of black as they parted around her. At least, Luce realized, she was still near the coast, so as long she followed it she’d find the cave eventually. It was pure luck that she hadn’t sped farther out to sea in her panic.

But even so she didn’t know if she should follow the cliffs to her left or to her right. Right, she decided. Her movements were strangely wobbly and, now that the adrenaline was ebbing from her system, she began to feel exhausted.

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Why had she let go of that poor larval mermaid? Somewhere far behind her the waves were bright with blood, and the foam was pink. Luce swayed in the water, and darkness blurred her vision. She thought she might faint. She pushed her way to a crest of projecting rock and wrapped her arms around it, her tail trailing out behind her and dark fog growing in her eyes. If she rested for a while it might be easier to find her way back home.

Home,
Luce thought. It was strange to realize that that dark, jagged cave was the first real home she’d ever had apart from her father’s red van. She’d definitely never thought of her uncle’s house that way, not even when her father was still alive.

The terrible idea that had kept bothering her all afternoon came back. Luce was relieved that oblivion was flooding into her mind now and drowning her suspicions in darkness.

* * *