Lost Wishes (13 page)

“Fallon, you’re the one trying to control me here,” she says, as if that’s some kind of defense.

“That’s different. This is just sex.” I sigh. Motherfucker, doesn’t she get it? “Listen, I may lack the ability to love, but when it comes to sex, if you just stop fighting me, stop trying to get something from me that I can’t give, I promise that I can give you what you need, what your body craves.”

Her eyes glisten up at me, and I swear she’s getting to me. I’m falling for her. I fucking know it. But I’m not lying here. I’m not ready or willing to hand over my damaged heart to anyone. Hell, if I could, I would have dropped that beat-to-shit organ right into her healing hands already.

“No.” She shakes her head. “I don’t believe you. I know there’s a guy in there who wants to be loved. I just need you to access him and bring him to the surface. Let me see him,” she says.

Shit, we’re both too easily throwing around that fucking “love” word. It’s not helping the situation. I have to squash it, get that fucking word the hell out of her head. Hell, if I’m going to fuck her, I need to toss it clear out of her damn bedroom, too.

“You’re wrong. He doesn’t exist.” I glare at her. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Sex is all that I can give you.”

 “But I need more,” she says, and I see it in her eyes. She wants every part of me, the good, the bad, and even the fucking ugly broken parts.

“I’m sorry, but it’s all you’re gonna get,” I say, and before she has the chance to respond, I capture her mouth. I kiss her. I let every feeling I have for her spill into that kiss. I resign to opening myself up to her that much. I’ll love her body as I would if my heart were capable of working right. Just for tonight, I’ll pretend that I’m not all kinds of fucked up. Tonight, I’ll give her all of me.

“Now,” I grab the bottom of my shirt blinding her beautiful body from me, “I’m going to take this off.” I pull it over her head, toss it on the floor, and I lower her back onto the bed. “And I’m going to do what I came here for. I’m going to fuck you.” I move down her body, my lips barely brushing over her breasts, belly, between her thighs. “Fuck, you smell good.” I stand up, examining every inch of her. Damn, she’s dangerous. I’m afraid to touch her, hold her. Afraid that once my hands get on her, I won’t want to let go.

I search my back pocket for a condom, and then take my pants off. I wrap the rubber around my cock, watching her, waiting for her to protest, but she’s still gazing at me with those loving eyes. I want to pleasure her, play with her, taste her, but I’m afraid to let my mind think about anything other than getting my dick inside and becoming a part of her. Feeling her, and feeling alive because of her. She brings everything inside of me back to life. I need to bury myself into her. That’s how I need her right now.

I kneel on the bed and nudge my knee between her legs until they spread open for me.

“Tonight, you’re all mine.” I move between her thighs.

“No,” she reaches up, grabs my shoulders, and pulls me to her, “tonight, Fallon, you are all mine.”

Our lips connect, and one forceful thrust is all it takes to correct her, to show her who’s claiming who here. She arches and hisses, “Yes!” Her legs hug my ass. God, she feels so good, so perfect, so fucking right. I hold myself deep inside of her. I don’t want to move. I drop my forehead onto her chest and take a deep breath, inhaling her womanly scent and absorbing her essence, the life that ignites me. She clouds my thoughts, fills my heart with hope, and I don’t fight it. Tonight, I’m going to let her reach inside of me. I’m going to let her touch me.

I raise my head and look into her eyes. I feel my body stepping out from the darkness of my cage. “Fuck, if I wasn’t broken inside, I could give you everything you need, all that your little heart desires,” I say, deep inside knowing that if I could let myself, I could love her.

“Oh, Fallon,” she says in a cracked whisper, palming my face with her gentle hands. Her glossy eyes gaze up at me, touching my heart. “All I want is you.”

“Tonight.” I withdraw from the warmth clinging to my cock and push back in. “Babe.” My body shudders, fighting me as I slowly pull from her warmth again. “Tonight, I will be yours.”  I sway my hips, tense my ass muscles, and plunge back inside of her.

Heaven. She’s pure fucking heaven.

But I know this heaven isn’t somewhere that I belong, and I’m waiting for her light that’s shining through my dark tunnel to turn off. I know it is coming. I know that it will happen.

Chapter Sixteen

Katie

I remember waking in the middle of the night. My eyes fluttered open, the glowing green light of my alarm clock indicating that it was three-thirty a.m. Then, I heard Fallon breathing, felt the weight of his arm draped lovingly over my body, and I closed my eyes. Earlier, during our lovemaking, he had touched me gently, went slow, and whispered sweet nothings into my ear. Following the first orgasm that we shared together, he then became aggressive, and he did things to my body that no man ever had. 

When I again woke in the morning, he was gone. I moped around all day, checking my phone, looking out the window, waiting for him to call or to return, but he never did. 

Now, I stand in my simple black dress staring at my image in the mirror, accepting that he’s not coming back. He gave what he could, and then left. I want to stomp my feet and scream, have a full-blown bitch-fit. I want to run after him, make him admit that he doesn’t want more, say it to my face, push him to see that there is something going on between us, that we should give this a try.  I can’t deny the truth, though.  He’s been nothing but honest. He’s told me, warned me, proven to me that he just can’t let anyone into his heart.

I pick up my lipstick. Shit! I’m so not in the mood to put on my happy face and go to this damn dinner tonight. But I can’t let Mr. Lennox down, and I could use the distraction. I finish applying my lipstick and try to shake the sadness inside of me. I head into the kitchen, grab my purse from the counter, slip on my heels, and head out the door. The Town Car should be here any minute. I slump against the elevator wall, my sadness sloping further into the pit of my stomach with the downward motion.

The bell dings, and I make my way through the front lobby. I step out the door and see my ride is already here, waiting for me. Okay, I can do this. I place my purse between my arm and side, square my shoulders, and start down the stairs. The back door of the Town Car swings open, and a shiny black shoe attached to dark slacks hits the ground. I stop on the second to last step as an attractive man with dark hair, dressed in a seamless fitting suit rises from the car. Holy shit! Hair a little shorter with a perfect five o’clock shadow…Oh, my God, there’s no mistaking it. That debonair, sexy, hot fucking man-beast dressed to the nines is Fallon!

He walks over to me. Each step controlled and calculated, his powerful well-muscled body moving with easy grace. He holds a hand out to me. “Close your mouth, stowaway. Haven’t you ever seen a guy in a suit before?”

“What…” I swallow the pooling saliva in my mouth and let my hand fall into his. “What are you doing here?” He looks different. Some guy you’d find in a GQ magazine, a sexy Wall Street tycoon or something.

“I heard you needed a date tonight.” He leans in closer to me; he smells like Fallon formally enhanced, “And my little cousin, she can be very persuasive.”

“Jessina?”

“Yes.” He pulls back, and I can’t stop inspecting him. Damn, he can wear the hell out of a suit. He looks relaxed and comfortable in it. Then again, he is a lawyer. So I guess he’s used to wearing them. “The only way to get out of there yesterday was to promise to meet her for breakfast this morning. And before I could even get through my first cup of coffee, she had me taking you to this thing tonight.”

“Hold up!” I sway back from him. I’m no charity case here. “You didn’t have to—”

“I know,” he says, pulling me back to him with a small smile. “Katie, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.”

I search him and think he’s telling me the truth. “Well,” I run my eyes down him again, “you look good.”

“I was overdue for a haircut, and the whiskers needed a trim.” He scrubs a hand over his chin. “But it’s been a while since, ya know.” He drops his hand.

“What? That you’ve been on a date?”

“Yeah, not sure what kind of company I’ll be, but…” He shrugs.

“At least you’ll look pretty on my arm,” I tease, still trying to get over the fact that he’s looking hotter than hell, and he’s here, willing to go with me tonight.

“Me, pretty,” he laughs, the sound tickles my insides, and the naughty sparkle in his eyes light up my heart.

“Okay, you’re right. There’s nothing pretty about you.” I smile. “Wait, I thought you were leaving yesterday. Did you plan on coming back to meet Jessina for breakfast?”

“Babe,” he chuckles, “I knew that I’d be here in the morning, since I had every intention of staying at your place last night.”

“Really,” I squint up at him. “You were that sure of yourself?”

“Yes. I was.” Channeling his inner gentleman, he offers me his arm. I take it, liking this confident, polished Fallon O’Conner just as much as the rugged one.  “Now, let’s get going to this damn thing.”

We walk over to the Town Car. He waits for me to get in, and then closes the door.

After dinner, we mingle. Well, I mingle. Fallon stays close by my side. Every time I turn to him, his eyes are there waiting for me as if I’m the only person in the room. It’s distracting, and each time, all I can do is smile.

Jessina comes strolling over in a long, elegant red dress. There’s a string of men, including Mr. Lennox, following her. It’s no surprise; she really is an attractive woman.

“Katie, you remember, Gill Burk,” Jessina says, waving her hand at the middle-aged, well-groomed, handsome man who I know is representing the MTP Enterprises merger.

“Yes.” I put out my hand. “Nice to see you again, Mr. Burk,” I say as he gives me a gentle shake.

“Oh, and this is my cousin, Fallon,” Jessina says, beaming at Fallon. “He’s visiting for the weekend and was kind enough to escort Katie this evening.”

Mr. Burk squints at Fallon, his dark brows connecting. “Yeah, I thought that I recognized you. O’Conner, right?”

Fallon’s lips thin. He nods his head and turns away.

“Yeah,” the man snaps his fingers. “You worked for Holloway and Fletcher on the Keller case. Man,” he blows out, “that was a tough one.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “O’Conner, yeah,” he nods. “You were Roger’s golden boy during that trial. He said you broke that case wide open; that son-of-bitch was real proud of you. Said in no time you were headin’ straight to the top, maybe even taking his spot someday. But, hey, you’re not there anymore, are you?”

“No,” Fallon looks over at me, as though dismissing the man. His eyes darken while his face slackens. I know that look. He’s shutting down.  

“So,” Burk nudges, “what firm are you working for now?”

Fallon doesn’t take his eyes from mine. I watch his jaw clench tightly as he replies, “None.”

“Gill,” Mr. Lennox says, dropping a hand on Mr. Burk’s shoulder, “Why don’t you and I go get that drink now.”

“Yeah,” Mr. Burk stares at Fallon, and you can see it creeping into his face, he remembers why Fallon doesn’t work for the company he mentioned. He must recall what happened to Hope. He reaches into his coat jacket, pulls out a business card, and holds it out to Fallon. “Here, when you’re ready, you call me, son. I work for Lambert and Katz.”

Fallon’s eyes shift to the card, and then they drift back to me. I reach out and take the card. “Thank you, Mr. Burk.” I smile at the man.

“Sure.” He glances over at my boss. “Okay, Lennox, let’s get that drink.”

Jessina walks up to Fallon, leans in, and kisses him on the cheek. “Thanks for coming tonight,” she says. She glances over at me with a weak smile before following after Mr. Lennox.

I shove Mr. Burk’s card into my purse and look at Fallon. “Well, you about ready to go, then?”

Chapter Seventeen

FALLON

Fuck that Gill Burk. I saw him earlier, and like a few other fuckers here, I recognized him from my past. But I did hear good things about Burk. A few years back, I would’ve jumped at the opportunity to make friends with such a heavy hitter. And, sure, I shouldn’t have been such a dick, but really, there’s no need for me to kiss up to the king players anymore ‘cause I’m out of the fucking game.

I don’t care about any of it. But, fuck. When I look at Katie and see the concern in her eyes, a part of me gives a shit about her. She knows being here is dredging up some memories, taking me back to a place I don’t want to be. This society, the power, the money—it killed Hope. I killed Hope with my need for it.

“You about ready to go, then,” Katie asks, her large, baby-blues blaze tenderly up at me, and I can see she’s just waiting for disappointment.

I turn to her. “No.”

Her head jolts back. “No?”

“Not until you dance with me,” I put my hand out to her. She stares at it, and I struggle to keep it steady for the rest of me is shaking all over. What the fuck did I just do? Dance? Hell, I haven’t done that in years.

“You, ah,” she looks up at me, “dance?”

“Yes. I dance.” I chuckle, already feeling sorry for the poor girl’s toes. “Now, give me your hand, stowaway.” She reaches for me. I take her hand into mine, lead her out to the dance floor, and gently draw her to my body. Her softness crushes into me as I gather her into my arms.

We move with the music and the steps slowly come back to me. She rests her head on my chest, and I embrace her. I lean in, inhaling her heavenly scent. “You smell good.” I run my hand down her back. “And I don’t think that I mentioned it, but you look beautiful tonight.” She pulls back from my chest. “No.” I place my hand upon her head and draw her back to me. “Stay right here.” I feather my palm over her silky hair. “It feels good.” I bend my head, and whisper, “I like holding you like this, listening to music, feeling your body swaying with mine. Let it be just you and me for a moment, okay?”