Love: A Messy Business (11 page)

“Would you mind awfully just lifting up your skirt, please?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I said, ‘Could you please lift up your skirt?’  This won’t take a second…”

“What won’t?”

“I…erm…have strict instructions from Mr Fukui to fill your knickers up with baked beans.”

“Oh no, you bloody don’t.”

Colin took off his headset so that he could speak privately to Kate.  He looked quite serious.  “Look, Kate.  I’m really sorry about this and I know this wasn’t on top of your list of things to do today - but we’ve got to finish the job now that we’ve started.  We’ve got to keep Mr Fukui happy if we want him to pay up, remember.  We’ve each got 2,000 pounds riding on this.   Please just let this happen.  Stand up and think of England or something.  In ten minutes you’ll be in the shower and it will all be over.”

Kate looked at Colin and thought about what he had said – it made sense.  After all that had been poured over her, a few beans were really just the icing on the cake – if that was going to secure a wad of twenty pound notes then…

“OK…I’ll agree to it.  But no sneaky looking down my knickers, got it?”

“Loud and clear.  I will be very discreet, I promise.”

Kate shook her head and hitched up her skirt around her waist, leaving her shiny cream knickers exposed.  She immediately regretted her choice of underwear – she was sure that they could hold a large quantity of beans.

Colin was stood waiting with a tin of beans in hand.  With his other hand, he very tentatively and very politely reached across to Kate’s waist and pulled the waistband of her knickers away from her stomach just an inch, just enough to be able to pour the beans in.  Kate flinched involuntarily.  This was not the first time that she had encountered a male who was very keen to get into her underwear; however this was definitely breaking new ground.  Colin emptied the beans in as carefully as he could.  They were not a cheap variety, which meant that the sauce was quite thick and held the beans together well.  As a result, they took longer to come out but, when they did, they came out in large lumps.    Kate gasped and her knees bent slightly as the beans plopped in and sank, of course, down into her gusset.  They felt quite cool as they rubbed against her lips – a very unusual feeling.  Colin could tell that there was plenty room for more and so another can was brought from the table and the same process was repeated and then a third time.   The third can was enough to bring the beans right to the elastic waistband of Kate’s knickers, although a few were starting to be successful in escaping from the gusset area.    They had reached the halfway mark.

“Could you turn around now please?”  Kate gave Colin such a look, as if to ask whether her knickers were not full enough already.  Clearly, the answer was no – her bottom was still far too clean according to Mr Fukui.  Two cans of beans soon dealt with that problem – Kate felt her knickers were starting to fall down, such was the weight of beans inside them.  This could simply not be allowed to happen and Kate secured the integrity of her underwear by firmly gripping the waistband in each hand.

“OK, you can sit down now.”

Kate was far from sure that this was a wise idea, but did so.  She had intended to sit down as genteelly as possible, but misjudged the height of the chair and sat down much more abruptly than she had expected.  Two streams of beans squirted from her gusset as she did so, which, for some reason she found absolutely hilarious and made her burst into fits of giggles.  “Well, beans do make you fart, you know…” she pointed out.

Colin didn’t hear that, however, as he had gone to underneath the table to find a large container that looked very much like a plastic rubbish bin, about three feet high.  He came back to Kate with a large shovel in hand and began to scoop up the mess around the chair and deposit it into the bin.  He didn’t stop until most of the mess had been cleared up and the bin was probably about half-full.

“So now we come to the final challenge – Mr Fukui’s signature finale - which is the Mucky Bucket.”   It wasn’t difficult for Kate to work out what this was – the slops were going to be recycled but she was going to end up a reddish-brown, not green, if the colour in the bin was anything to go by.

“OK, Samantha, you’re going to need to take a deep breath as this will take quite a few seconds to pour over your head and it might not be the best time to breathe then.”  Samantha was past caring and her expression pretty much said “bring it on”.  Her primary goal now was to get this finished and get the rest of those bloody beans out of her knickers before they could go places that they really, really shouldn’t.

Colin grunted with the effort of trying to lift the heavy container high enough to be able to pour the contents over Kate’s head.  It was especially tricky as there were no handles and it was tough to get a good grip, especially with hands that were not exactly clean.   Things started off well enough, although not for Kate, and the cold, lumpy liquid was slowly deposited over her.  She was frozen again, hands gripping the chair, back ramrod straight, holding her breath until she could sense the deluge was coming to an end.  Her cleavage was absolutely swamped again with this new influx.  But then Colin lost grasp of the container, which was still about half-full.  He lurched across Kate to try and catch it, but slipped on an especially skiddy patch of tarp and fell to the ground with a crash and a very rude word.   Immediately, Kate threw her head back to allow her to see what was going on, spattering the back wall with all kinds of food in the process.  Seeing Colin lying flat out on the floor and realizing what had happened, she burst into laughter.

“Serves you right, you bastard!” she yelled.  Colin tried to sit up. Kate realized that there was still some food left in the bottom of the container.  She picked it up triumphantly, emptied it over Colin’s, and stuck the empty container on his head, just to finish it off.   Colin quickly through the bin up over his head and cleared the mess off his face in time to see Kate grinning at his astonished expression.  Kate could never quite remember how, and hardly believe what, happened next as it was so out of character for her.

She pushed Colin back to the floor and sat down on his crotch.  She had the presence of mind to turn around and reach out a sticky finger to delicately hold the off-switch down on the computer to turn it off.   

She then turned back to Colin who, it must be said, was quite comfortable having Kate sitting on his crotch.  Still, he was not expecting that Kate would bend over and kiss him full on the lips and then again, with a hint of tongue this time.  Colin responded enthusiastically, hardly believing his luck.    If this was beyond more than he could ever have hoped for, it was only going to get better.

“Let’s get these bloody clothes off!” suggested Kate, who immediately took the lead by whipping off her top, revealing that spectacular bra, that Colin found even more spectacular because of its messy contents.  Ever the gentleman, Colin felt it was only right he should lend a hand.

“Here, let me help you with that.”  Colin fumbled, as almost all men do, with the clasp at the back of Kate’s bra, not helped by the fact that his hands were dripping in gunk.  But perseverance won the day and eventually it was undone.  He removed the strap from each shoulder and pulled the bra away from Kate’s cleavage, leaving her extremely messy chest within inches of his face.   Colin needed no invitation to get even closer, thrusting his face between them and using his hands to press them into each side of his face, as though he was quite prepared to drown in them right there and then.   By now, Kate was thrusting around on top of Colin, very obviously enjoying the attention that she was receiving.  She unstraddled him, only to remove his trousers, an act which revealed a very noticeable bulge in his underwear.  She removed the underwear as well to reveal Colin’s tackle in all its motivated glory.

As she went to grab it, Colin grabbed her hand and said to her. “Quick, let’s get in the shower and get cleaned up.  We don’t want to get any infections, you know.”  Kate nodded eagerly.   A shower for two sounded wonderful.  She stood up and walked towards the door, then realized she was going to drip food all the way down the landing if she carried on.  She stopped to try and wipe as much of the residual muck off her body before continuing.  But Colin urged her on, obviously wanting to strike while the iron was hot.

“Don’t worry about that, I’ll tidy it up later.”  So Kate led the way, trying not to skid on the hardwood floor, to the bathroom that she had used last time she was messy – that was in somewhat different circumstances though!  Colin was close behind, very much enjoying the view of her messy bottom as it wiggled and jiggled its way down the hall.  He was very tempted to try and give it a cheeky squeeze but, again, he didn’t want to delay anything.  Kate was very eager to get into the shower and jumped straight in.  She turned on the shower and found the right temperature before she realized that she was still wearing her underwear and her stockings, which remarkably had not laddered at all in all the activity.  She was about to take them off when Colin stopped her.

“Keep them on please.  Sheer stockings are so sexy when they are wet, and knickers are as well.”  Kate kept them on but insisted on trying to extract the beans that were still inside and seemed insistent on finding every nook and cranny possible.  “I’ll be discovering beans for the next two weeks,” sighed Kate with a resigned look on her face.  Colin joined her in the shower, having removed his t-shirt, the only item of clothing he was still wearing.   Kate could not help noticing that Colin was extremely well built, with large biceps, great pecs and, if not a six-pack, at least the makings of one.

“Oh, you’ve hid this well”, she murmured as she stroked his chest and arms appreciatively.  Colin responded by taking her in his arms, holding her back slightly and kissing her passionately.  He could feel a certain swelling in a certain area and Kate soon felt it nudge up against her.    For a man that had spent the last thirty minutes trying to get Kate as messy as possible, he was now just as committed to spend an equal amount of effort to make sure she was clean as a whistle.  Kate’s chest seemed to demand the most attention and so total was Colin’s commitment that even his tongue was put into service to clean some of the most affected areas.  For this, Kate was actually quite grateful and she found it necessary to repay the compliment, focusing on a certain area with such relish and expertise that the shower area, for a few seconds, reverted to a special kind of explosive messiness that Colin found to be extremely enjoyable.

“Wow”, he gasped. “You are an incredible woman, Kate.  An incredible woman.  Will you marry me?”

“And sign up to a lifetime of being covered in food?  Err…let me think about that for a while, will you?”

“Of course, take as long as you need”, Colin smiled.  “But perhaps we should start off a bit more slowly.  Are you still OK for our original date?”

“As long as it doesn’t turn like this one did?  Yep, that’s fine by me.”

“Great!  I’ll let you get cleaned up properly then.  I’m OK for now.”

Kate couldn’t remember ever having enjoyed a shower as much before.  She took off her knickers, evicted the last remaining couple of beans and also peeled off her stockings.  They would have to be got rid of, she thought.  There was no redemption for them.  She tried to rinse as much gook out of her hair as she could before applying the first round of shampoo.   The floor of the shower had bits of vegetable, mushy peas and beans all over it by the time she was done.  Kate wondered how on earth the drains could cope with what must be sent down the plughole on a regular basis.  Kate was surprised how easy, relatively speaking, it was to get her hair clean.   It was amazing what hot water and shampoo could do and she only needed two attempts for her hair to feel like it was pretty much back to normal.  She suspected, however, that the smell was going to be a little more difficult to fix – she’d have to decide what to do about that.

She also suddenly realized that the only clothes she had with her were completely wrecked and totally unwearable.  How on earth was she going to get home?

CHAPTER ELEVEN: AN AFTERMATH CONVERSATION

Kate emerged from the shower after ten minutes, feeling cleaner than she had ever felt before – it was all relative of course.  She no longer felt that she was a vile-smelling putrid mess and she was relieved to have survived the ordeal.  She might be a bit of a girly-girl at times, but she could also be tough and determined when she put her mind to it.

Having no clean clothes to put on, she wrapped herself in a towel and emerged onto the landing in search of Colin.  It was good timing because he had just emerged from his bedroom and was coming to see how she was getting on.  He looked decidedly sheepish.

“Feeling better?”

“Just a bit, thanks.”

“I don’t really know what to say after that shower, Kate.  I wasn’t expecting
that
to happen, I can tell you that.”

“Well, neither was I!”

“I’m glad it did though, but…well, what does it mean for us?  Anything?  Or was it just something that happened…and we both make a solemn vow not to mention it ever again?”

“Which would you prefer?” replied Kate, coyly, keeping her cards very much to her chest.

“Well…I really like you Kate.  I really do…I hope I’ve made that pretty clear by now.  I’m kind of hoping that you feel the same way and we might, you know, consider this as the…er… start of a relationship.”

“Colin…”

“Yes…?”

“You do see a very big problem with what you are proposing, don’t you?”  Colin looked very confused.”

“I’m terribly sorry, but I don’t.”

“Well, if anyone should ask us down the line, as someone is bound to do at some point, how we got together – then what the hell are we going to say?”  Colin visibly relaxed once he knew that Kate was just teasing him.

“Ah…good point.  Well, we could see that we both share a love of food, or something.  I am sure we can figure something out.  Leaving that admittedly important consideration aside for just one moment, is there anything else stopping you from saying yes?”  Kate paused, and she was much more serious this time.    Colin was a handsome, intelligent and interesting man and he seemed to have a bit of money to his name, which was a plus.  However, the unavoidable fact remained that he had a food fetish, if there was even such a thing.   What did that really say about him as a person? Was it just an eccentric quirk or did it belie something deeper, something perhaps that Kate should be wary of when it came to deciding whether or not to embark on an actual relationship?   She did not have very long at all to make up her mind and it was for that reason that she decided that she needed some more space and time to consider this properly.