Love a Sailor (6 page)

My sleepless night is proof that one can’t hold two emotions
at once. One moment I’m dreaming of skipping through fields of buttercups and
daisies, happy and carefree, and the next I jolt awake gasping for breath with
my chest tight and my throat so thick I can’t swallow. I love being with the
Captain, and I love that he has taught me how pleasurable it is to kiss and be
kissed. It’s the first time in my life I have been able to let a man get so
close to me without being threatened by the gray mist, and I want it to
continue.

There is hope for me. I can still be normal. However, I
don’t like the fact that I indirectly lied to Clara by asking Kate to cover for
me. I’m indebted to Clara for my security and, possibly, even my sanity. She
has been there for me whenever I needed her. So I find myself caught in the
trap faced by so many people of my age: to whom do I owe the greater
allegiance, to my new love interest or to my parent? And, anyway, do parents
always know best?

As the morning light, sneaks through the
crack in the drapes, I thrash the situation over in my mind. I’m not your
standard rebellious teenager. I’m much too repressed, possibly even too
genteel, for that. Not only does Clara not know the Captain, but I’m not sure
she will approve even when she does meet him. I don't think the Captain’s
solution of dinner at his table is going to solve the problem. There’s no way I
can go against her wishes if she finds out about us, and warns me off him. I
owe her too much. But I don't want to give him up. It’s been hard enough
fighting his doubts, let alone any Clara might have.

By the time I’m ready for breakfast I
have finished torturing myself and my conscience. There is one thing I am sure
of: I am not going to break it off with the Captain. If I have to lie, I will
do so. I assuage my guilt with the thought that young lovers have been meeting
in secret for thousands of years and the world hasn't come to an end.

“How was it with your gorgeous captain?”
says a voice from behind me. Kate is awake. “Did you do it?”

Typical Kate. One-track mind.

I take a deep breath as I tidy up my
make-up pouch and put it away in the drawer. “Of course, we didn’t. Not that
it’s any of your business.”

“Don’t be so defensive! We saw you
sitting together at the caf
é
when we
walked down the other side of the square. You looked happy, and I think you
were holding hands. So give!”

I tell her where we went and most of what
we did, leaving out the kissing. That is too precious and private to share.

“We got on well together. I really like
him. He wasn’t bossy like he was the night before. And he wants to see me
again, so you will have to help me keep it quiet. I don’t want Clara to know
yet.”

“Okay, I won’t say anything. Anyway, I
have something to thank you for. Because you weren’t there, Tony paid me some
attention. But he doesn’t like the Captain, you know. Thinks he’s arrogant.”

“Kate, he has the right to be. He’s
captain of the ship, for heaven’s sake.”

“Says he’s creepy — taking up with a
young girl like you.”

That’s just what the Captain was warning
me about — that people would think him too old for me — but I’m not going to
concede the point to Kate. “That’s just sour grapes. I like Tony but he should
keep his viewpoint to himself.”

“Don’t be so touchy. It’s only that he
likes you. And what’s with all this secrecy? I think you should have some fun,
but I don’t think the Captain should be encouraging you to lie to Clara.”

“Kate, leave it! I am going to carry on
seeing the Captain. He’s the best thing that’s happened to me ever since I can
remember. You’re always telling me to grow up and act my age and then when I
do, you criticize me. I’m going to see Clara and Sukey. I’ll catch up with you
later,” I finish, and flounce out of our cabin.

*

Clara is dressing Sukey when I arrive. I
take over from her so that she can get ready herself. Sukey is making a fuss
over the clothes Clara has laid out for her. I don’t see the point of waging
war with a three-year old over her wardrobe and so I let her choose what she
wants to wear, bizarre as the choice is: lime green sweater and violet
dungarees. She tells me she wants to look like some cartoon character. I’m all
for keeping her happy.

“You shouldn’t let her have her own way
all the time. It’s not good for her,” Clara calls out from the other side of
the cabin, where she’s sitting on her bed pulling on her boots.

“Clara, she’s an individual, a little
one, but still a person. I don’t see why she can’t decide what she wants to
wear if it does no one any harm.”

Clara takes her attention away from her
boots for a moment and smiles across at me. “Do I detect a hint of rebellion in
you, Meredith? Are you and Sukey closing ranks on me?”

“Never,” I reply, mentally crossing my
fingers. “You know better than that. Anyway, what are we going to do today?”

“It’s your turn to look after Sukey. I’m
going to potter about, have a look at the ship, visit the bars and then this
evening — I haven’t told you about that yet, have I?”

“About what?” I ask.

Clara stands up and smoothes down her
clothes. Does a twirl in front of the mirror checking herself out. She looks
good, even hot: slim in her designer jeans, cashmere sweater and crocodile
boots.

“Go on,” I say, rolling my eyes in mock
impatience. “The suspense is killing me.”

She picks a card up off the dressing
table and holds it out to me but snatches it back, before I can read it, and
holds it against her breast. “I’m going to dine at the Captain’s table tonight.
Look,” she says, thrusting the card at me again.

So the Captain has gone ahead with his
plan. My fears were unfounded. I’m struggling with the buttons on Sukey’s
dungarees and can’t take the card. It falls face-down on the floor. What does
she mean? She’s going to have dinner with the Captain? Alone, not the two of
us?

Clara’s putting on her lipstick.

“Just you?” I ask.

“Aha,” she answers, tossing her long
blond hair and winking at me in the mirror.

As soon as I can, I pick Sukey up and sit
her on the bed so that I can bend over to pick up the card. It’s as I thought,
an invitation to both of us. The Captain has been as good as his word.

“But Clara, it’s addressed to both of
us.”

“Surely that’s just a courtesy? He must
have invited me because my family is so important in Vermont. Anyway, it’s your
night for babysitting Sukey. You’re the one who says she can’t be left alone.”

True, and I’m not going to change that
opinion. If I have to sit out every other night while Clara dines at the
Captain’s table, I will have to. Sukey’s safety is my priority, as it is
Clara’s. We just have different ways of looking at it.

Clara puts her earrings in and fastens
her watch to her wrist and I find myself assessing her as a possible rival.
That has never occurred to me before and I shake the thought away before I let
it get any power over me.

We leave together to go for breakfast,
Clara choosing the top level restaurant while Sukey and I go to the one on the
lower level. We part, agreeing that we probably won’t see each other again
until late tonight or even tomorrow when we will be docking at Barcelona.

*

After breakfast Sukey and I stroll along
the promenade deck on the way to the Playroom. We have left the winter behind.
The air is balmy and the sea calm.

When we reach the aft of the ship, Sukey
tugs my hand. “Merry, I can hear dogs barking. Do they have dogs on the boat?”

I stop and listen. Sukey’s right. Some
ships allow dogs but I didn’t know that the
Albion
was one of them.

“Let’s have a look,” I say, drawing Sukey
over to the ship’s plan in a frame on the wall. I pick Sukey up to look. She
can’t read yet, but she likes to be part of everything that’s going on. In
fact, she spots the kennels first. They’re marked with the picture of a dog.

She wriggles in my arms to be put down
again on the deck. “Can we go and have a look? Please?”

I check their location. It’s not far, aft
of the ship on a lower deck.

“Sure—” and Sukey is off, running down
the deck as fast as her chubby little legs can carry her.

I catch up with her as she reaches the
top of the companionway and grab her hand, just in time to stop her from
tumbling down the iron steps. The kennel compound is fenced off with a notice
saying that only owners may visit with the dogs, and so I turn away.

Sukey doesn’t understand. “Why are we
going away, Merry? I want to see the dogs.”

I explain that we can’t and she starts to
cry. Quietly at first. I kneel down and cuddle her. “It’s to keep the dogs
safe, darling. The ship can’t have any old person going in there and upsetting
them.”

A hand lands on my shoulder and I look up
to find Pete and his sister standing behind me. “What’s the problem he asks?
And who is this pretty little girl?”

I explain that Sukey is my cousin and
it’s my turn to look after her for the day. When he hears she’s heartbroken
because she wants to visit with the dogs, he smiles and says, “That’s no
problem. We have our dog in here. I’ll vouch for you. The kennels aren’t full
and the Kennel Master is a nice guy. I’m sure he’ll let you in.”

Pete rings the bell for the Kennel Master
and explains the situation to him when he arrives. He isn’t too happy to break
the rules, but agrees to let us in for a few minutes. Sukey’s been waiting,
finger in mouth, for us adults to come to a decision. When the Kennel Master
says it’s all right, she jumps up and down, shouting “Goody, goody.”

“Shush,” says the Kennel Master. “You
can’t come in if you make a noise like that. You will frighten the dogs. This
is a new place for them and they’re only just settling in.”

“Sorry,” she murmurs, and takes hold of
my hand again.

He unlocks the gate, and Pete shepherds
us in before him. “Wait here, while we fetch our dog,” he says.

He and Doreen walk off down the dogs’
exercise enclosure, which is in the open air and marked off with a canvas
covered fence. They turn indoors to the kennel area. The barking changes note
from deep
where-are-you?
barks to higher pitched yelps of excitement. Moments
later a cute little fox terrier comes bounding out.

“Stand still and remember to hold your
hand out for the dog to sniff you,” I warn as Sukey tears her hand out of mine
and runs to meet the dog.

They have made friends by the time Pete
and Doreen catch up with the rascal.

“His name’s
Holy
,
short for
Holy Terror,” says Doreen. “He’s the main reason we’re traveling by sea instead
of flying. My mum thought the long flight would be too exhausting for such a
little dog, and he’s fourteen years old now.”

“He doesn’t look it,” I say, as he bounces
around, playing with Sukey. We have left our Labrador in kennels in England
while we make the trip and Sukey misses her.

“Oh no!” warns the Kennel Master.
“Trouble.”

We all turn to see what has caught his
eye.

Hobbling towards us on outrageously high
open-toed shoes is a tall, thin, worn-out blond. As she reaches the gate, she
calls out in a shrill voice from between botoxed lips, “What is going on here?
I don’t think you have a dog here, do you?” and she points a long
artificially-nailed finger at Sukey and me.

Pete shields his mouth with his hand and
tells us, “That’s Mrs Scott. She’s awful. She has a pretty miniature chocolate
poodle called Bijou and she doesn’t deserve it. One of those women who have a
toy dog just for show. Changes its collar every day to match what she’s
wearing, even here on the ship.”

“I hate to be unkind, but grotesque is
the word I’d use,” Doreen adds. “Watch out, she’s going to make a fuss.”

The blond is having an argument with the
Kennel Master while he unlocks the gate. As they pass us on the way down to the
kennels, he says, “I’m sorry I’ll have to ask you to leave. Mrs Scott can make
things tough for me.”

She must have heard him for she turns and
adds, “If I see you here again, I’ll report you to the Captain.”

Good luck with that
.
I push Sukey gently back towards the
gate.

As I close it behind us, Pete comes
hurrying back up the deck. “We’re going to play pool after we’ve spent some
time with Holy, say fifteen minutes. Would you like to join us?”

“I’d love to. I’ll see you there after
I’ve taken Sukey to the Playroom.”

Kate and Tony find us later in the
morning and we all spend a happy morning playing pool and chatting.

I find out that Pete and Doreen’s father
is a hairdresser. He’s planning to buy a salon in Perth with the proceeds from
the sale of his business back in England. Pete is halfway through a veterinary
degree course, and has a place at the School of Veterinary and Life Sciences,
Murdoch University, in Perth, to complete his degree. Doreen hasn’t finished
school and will be completing her sixth form years in Australia.