Love and Decay (11 page)

More… of me.

Of this person I was meant to be.

Finally, Miller looked down at me again,
enticing me to look back up at him. His lips brushed my forehead in
a sweet, innocent kiss. “I’m pretty excited to punch him in the
face, too. If we’re being honest.”

“Oh, we are,” I nodded enthusiastically.

His face dipped towards mine and I felt the
brush of his nose as it caressed mine. I closed my eyes and
prepared for the kiss that I knew would be epic. They always
were.

My tongue darted out to wet my bottom lip. A
shiver ran down my spine. My fingers curled into his shirt, keeping
him close, readying to hold on.

And then…

Nothing.

Because just at that moment, Santi walked by
spewing something very foul in Spanish. Miller’s entire body
snapped straight.

I was still trying to work out the exact
details of what Santi was trying to imply, but Miller had already
gotten it. He’d understood immediately.

Which meant he already wanted to murder Santi
while I was trying to figure out how
that
was even something
couples did.

“Stay here, Page,” he growled down at me.

“Wait-”

He ignored me. He stepped away and turned his
back on me, keeping me safely tucked to his back. One of his long
arms wrapped around my waist and the other prepared for war.

“Be careful what you say,
culo
,”
Miller snarled. “Or I’ll have to teach you how to be careful.”

I peeked around Miller just in time to see
Santi sneer arrogantly at us. He was flanked by his people and they
did not like the way Miller spoke to him.

“Santi-”

Both of them spoke over me, but Miller’s
voice boomed the loudest. “You’re jealous, street rat? Fine, be
jealous. But the second you disrespect her, you have to deal with
me.”

Santi took a step forward. His people
followed. “Maybe she doesn’t want to deal with you anymore than I
do? Yeah?” Santi taunted. “Maybe she’s tired of your creepy ass
stalking her all over the world.”

“Look who’s talking,
Colombian
?”
Miller laughed. “At least I’m headed home. Why did you come
again?”

Santi took another step forward. His
shoulders had gone rigid and the look on his face should have been
enough to kill- or at least inflict major bodily harm.

People in our temporary camp started to
notice the tension. My brothers left their families to walk over
and see what was going on while their wives tucked their children
behind them and out of the way.

Diego also walked over, an amused grin
stretching his freshly shaved face. He’d complained about being
bored over the last few days while we waited for a good night to
jump the fence. This would hopefully entertain him enough to keep
him from whining about it.

Although, not too entertained, since I wanted
this idiocy to stop right now.

Santi stepped closer. “Home to your
loco
papí
? Home to find out just how messed up you are,
American
?”

Miller’s body flexed and tensed with
restrained fury. My stomach flipped knowing how close to an
explosion he was. Santi wouldn’t stand a chance.

He’d be smashed to pieces beneath Miller’s
fists of fury.

“Stop,” I shouted. “Santi, what’s wrong with
you?”

Santi leaned to the side so he could see me.
“You’re serious, Page? You’re taking his side?”

Frustration burned across my chest. “I’m not
taking anyone’s side! This is ridiculous.”

“Page, let it go,” Miller demanded.

“You let it go,” I said to his back. His
shoulder blades jumped in response.

“Are you going to kidnap her too?” Santi
pushed. “A little birdy once told me that’s how your family plays
it. That’s what they have to do to get women.”

Oh, shit.

I looked helplessly at Hendrix, begging him
to step in. He was three steps ahead of me. He held his hands up as
he walked into the danger zone.

On an upside, this was the best English I had
ever heard from Santi. Apparently he hadn’t been giving it his one
hundred and ten percent before today.

I didn’t know whether to be irritated with
that or impressed.

On second thought, everything about him
irritated me right now.

Miller took a step forward, but I grabbed his
wrist, foolishly thinking I could hold him back. He shook it
roughly, dislodging me easily.

“That’s annoying,” I said to no one in
particular.

“You don’t know shit,” he growled to
Santi.

“Miller, stand down,” Hendrix ordered.

Santi grinned. “Yeah, Miller,
stand
down
.”

“Shut your goddamn mouth, gutter rat,” Miller
countered.

Santi leaned to the side to meet my gaze
again. His expression was filled with rage and disbelief. His
accent thickened again with his emotion. “This is who you want,
Page? This maniac?”

“What’s clear,” Miller cut in, “is that she
doesn’t want you. It doesn’t even matter if she wants me instead.
The most important part is that she’s over you. She doesn’t want
anything to do with you. Ever again.”

I opened my mouth to disagree, but then
closed it quickly. It wasn’t a lie. I didn’t really want anything
to do with Santi again in a romantic way. But I also didn’t want
Miller to be the one to tell him that. I could speak for myself,
thank you very much.

I didn’t get the chance though. Instead of
politely explaining to Santi that whatever little thing we had
going was now at an end, all hell broke loose.

Santi and Miller launched forward at the same
time, colliding in the middle with fists, fury and determination.
The smack of skin and muscle pounded through the air surrounded by
shouts of those trying to break them up and those that were egging
them on.

I took a step back and tried to breathe
through my own anger. I was frustrated with both boys. I was
furious with Santi for starting this, for not being able to keep
his stupid mouth shut. There had always been something between the
two of them and Santi had never backed down or learned when to stay
silent.

But it was Miller that sucked up most of my
emotions. Sure, I was mad at him. He should know better than to let
Santi goad him. He should have realized Santi was trying to push
every one of his buttons. But I was also confused.

Just like that, Miller had snapped from
overwhelming light to murky darkness. One of my favorite moments
ever had been tainted by this ugliness.

I couldn’t reconcile these two halves of
Miller. I couldn’t find the light in this darkness. Just like
seconds ago there were no traces of darkness in his blinding
brightness.

I stepped back when they rolled closer to me.
Hendrix tried to jump in and he got elbowed in the nose. Blood
spurted everywhere and my brother loosed curse words I hadn’t heard
him speak in a very long time.

I should have stayed until my brothers got
this sorted out. I should have at least stuck around to see if they
needed my help. But I couldn’t stomach it.

And watching Miller give into that darkness
he claimed he hated so much, made me question everything. If he
hated it… if he fought to contain it so valiantly, then why was he
rolling around in the dirt punching the living daylights out of one
of our allies?

I turned around and walked away.

Maybe this was the reason I’d wanted to go
slowly.

Maybe I wasn’t as afraid of my emotions as I
was of Miller’s.

Chapter Two

I found solace at the bottom of a tequila
bottle.

Just kidding. My brothers would have murdered
me. But I was offered post-apocalyptic, moonshine tequila from one
of Diego’s skeezy looking henchmen. The offer was complete with a
wink, a slow slide of the tongue across his bottom lip and a
catcall in Spanish.

While I tried to decide whether to laugh or
punch him, Diego slapped him on the back of the head. The soldier
shrugged unapologetically and continued to grin lasciviously at
me.

I turned around and headed for the first
familiar face I could find. I had no intention of leading Diego’s
guy on and I was pretty confident Diego had warned all his men to
stay away from the single women in our traveling party, but I also
didn’t want Miller, the Rage Machine, to turn his fury on innocent
perverts either.

It was one thing for him to fight Santi after
being goaded. It was another thing entirely to start a war with the
Mexican territories.

“Rough day?” Adela asked as I plopped down
next to her.

She had taken refuge next to the skeleton of
a building. Her back leaned against a half wall, demolished and
surrounded by debris. And her long legs stretched out in front of
her, catching the sun from the knee down.

It was cool in the shade and the chill crept
over my arms and thighs as I sat on the cold concrete. I looked out
at our camp and tried not to feel sorry for myself. The scientists
huddled in close community, pouring over the notes they’d taken at
Diego’s compound. Diego’s men stood idly together, too, one eye on
the dwindling fight and one eye on the rest of the world. Guns sat
at their hips and blades stayed strapped to their backs. I shook
away grim thoughts of Miller and decided I was glad they were with
us.

Even if it was only temporary.

“I don’t understand men,” I confessed to
Adela.

Her hand landed on my knee. “You and me
both.”

I turned to face her, hoping for some sage
wisdom, but her attention was fixed elsewhere. When I followed her
gaze, I still couldn’t figure out what she was looking at.

“Do they always act like jackasses? Or do
they eventually grow out of that stage?”

She smiled, even though it was distant. “If
they grow out of it, I haven’t seen it.” Her accent made her words
more expressive and lilting, but her tone remained melancholy.

We fell into thoughtful silence for a few
minutes. I didn’t know how to explain my frustrations or talk
through my feelings and I got the impression that Adela didn’t
exactly have the best advice for me.

“He’ll apologize,” she finally said.

“What?”

“Miller. Maybe Santi too. They’ll apologize
for acting like children. They’ll ask for your forgiveness and tell
you they’ll never behave that way again.”

I looked at her again. Her dark hair had been
braided beneath a red bandana that set off her caramel skin and
kept her dark, heavy waves out of her face. Her equally dark eyes
stared at the horizon with a spirit of confusion I’d only glimpsed
from her before. She seemed… lost.

I waited for her to continue, but when she
didn’t, I had to ask, “Then what?”

She blinked once. Twice. A tear fell from the
corner of her eye but she swiped it away with the back of her hand.
“He’ll promise to stop being a drug lord and become a warlord
instead.”

I was too stunned to speak. My mind spun with
all of the facts I knew about Adela and Diego, trying to piece them
together to make sense of this new information. But I couldn’t. I
didn’t have enough of their backstory.

I didn’t know enough about Adela’s past or
Diego’s sordid history to solve this puzzle.

“You love him?” It was an inane question and
totally crude. But I couldn’t help but ask. I mean… this was
shocking. Adela never opened up like this.

She finally turned to face me. “Do you love
Miller?”

“No,” I answered quickly. “Not like that. At
least not yet.”

She jerked her chin to where Miller was being
restrained across from Santi, who was also being held back. “And if
he acted like that every day… if he couldn’t turn that off… if it
was part of who he was… who he would always be… would you let
yourself fall in love with him?”

Yes
, I thought immediately.
No
,
quickly followed. I chewed my bottom lip and wiped my sweaty palms
on my leathers.

Maybe.

Adela misread my silence and said, “You
wouldn’t. You couldn’t love a man like that. You’re too good, Page
Parker. You’re too much light. The darkness in a man like that
would eat you alive.”

Even as she gave her warning, I wondered if
that was true.

I also wondered if it was too late for
me.

Had I already fallen for Miller?

Had he already started to eat me alive?

“Are you going to stay with us, Adela?” The
question fell out of my mouth without thought. I didn’t even
realize I’d been worried about her leaving us until this
moment.

She stared at her feet. “I haven’t decided
yet.”

“Can I talk to you?”

I blinked up at Miller. He stood over me, his
shadow getting lost in the shade of the half wall I leaned
against.

“Please?”

I felt Adela’s I-told-you-so glare, but I
ignored her. Miller had never been a drug lord. I wasn’t positive
about the whole warlord thing yet, but I was almost positive I
could talk him out of that.

Mostly positive.

He held out his hand and after a slight
hesitation, I took it. He pulled me to my feet and I absorbed the
sight of his bloody, swollen lip and the dark bruise blooming over
his right cheek.

“What do you want, Miller?”

He glanced down at Adela. “Can we go
somewhere private?”

“Are you going to try to punch
something?”

His brows furrowed in frustration.
“Page.”

“Miller.”

Deciding not to deal with my crankiness, he
grabbed my hand and tugged me along. We stayed silent as we passed
all the people that belonged to us and some that didn’t. Hendrix
raised an eyebrow at me as he subtly stepped in between Santi and
Miller as we walked by. I shook my head once to let him know that I
was okay.

I could tell it took a lot for Hendrix not to
intervene. He had always been so good at protecting me from danger,
and right now Miller seemed like a pretty big threat. But this was
a battle I had to figure out on my own.