Love and Food (5 page)

              After the incident, when she had time to really calm down and think things over, she realized the stress that they both have been under.  She was stressed out about the restaurant and planning the wedding, while he was stressed about his job and the things going on in his life.  It was a lot for them both to deal with and she realizes it now.

              It was hard for her to admit to herself, but Kyle was right, she had become distant.  She had pushed him away without realizing it.  It was never intentional, it just happened.  Instead of bringing him in close, she had pushed him as far as she could away from her. 

She thought about the times that he had tried to come in close again and she had rejected him.  At the time, she hadn’t thought about the impact of her behavior.  It was hard for her to admit that she had played a part in the outcome of the situation.  She wanted to put all of the blame on Kyle and his selfish ways, but she had been selfish too.  She wasn’t thinking about his feelings when she was at the restaurant at all hours and he was waiting for her at home.  She hadn’t been thinking about his feelings and the times when he wanted to spend time together and she had brushed him off.

              It’s took some time to come to grips that she may have pushed him into the arms of another woman, but the truth of the matter is that she played a role in their demise.  Kyle could have displayed stronger willpower, but she doesn’t blame him for being weak.  She’s tried to put herself in his shoes and look through his eyes.  What if the roles were reversed and she had been the one longing for attention and was constantly being rebuffed by Kyle?  She may herself have found comfort in the arms of another human being. 

              She realizes that she may have been taking Kyle for granted.  She just always expected him to be there, so she lost touch with how she was behaving and treating him. The affair coming to light not only opened Kyle’s eyes, but it’s opened her eyes as well.  It’s made her realize that she’s not alone.  Kyle is standing beside her and he has feelings, wants, and needs that she needs to be mindful of.  It’s made her realize that amid all the stress and the struggles she faces running the restaurant and planning the wedding, she still needs to spend time with him.  Spending time together is important.  She sees now what can happen when quality time together is lacking.  If they drift apart again, they may never be able to find their way back to each other.  She is never going to let that happen again.  She has placed Kyle in first place again and he is never going to fall down the ranks again.

              She looks at the man sitting across from her at the table and she is starting to see the man she fell in love with again.  She looks around at everything that he has done for her and takes in how truly special it is.  She does believe that he’s sorry.  She does believe that he will never do anything to hurt again.  She will walk down the aisle and marry him.  She will become his wife.

              When they are finished eating dinner, Kyle stands up and offers her his hand.  “Let’s dance,” he says, when she places her hand into his.

              He brings her close and they sway to the music.  She absorbs the power of the moment.  She believes this dance signifies the true moment of their new beginning.  This coming together and moving together is washing away all the pain and the hurt, letting forgiveness prevail.  This dance is the moment of reconnection for them.  It is the official moment where they’ve remembered each other and the love that exists in their hearts for each other.  She vows as they move together that they will forever be entwined.  Nothing and no one will ever be able to separate them again.

              She looks up at Kyle.  He leans in and kisses her.  She kisses him back, eagerly for the first time since she found out about him and Stella.  It’s the first time she’s wanted to.  As she feels his lips against hers and their tongues meet, she doesn’t want the kiss the end.

              “Let’s go into the bedroom,” she says, taking his hand and leading him into the bedroom.  She is going to show him that she truly forgives him for what he’s done and that she is his and he is hers.

* * * * *

              “Hi!  I’m so glad to see you,” Monica says, standing up and hugging her when she approaches the table at their favorite restaurant for lunch. 

              “I’m so glad to see you, too,” she says, sitting down and getting comfortable.  “It’s been too long.  We have so much to catch up on.”

              “So, tell me what’s going on with you and Kyle,” Monica says, raising her eyebrows.

              “I know that look,” she says, taking a sip of water.

              “Come on, Haillee.  What do you expect me to say?  You can’t blame me for wondering why you would go back to him after what he did to you.”

              “I know and I don’t blame you for being a little leery about my decision.  You’re my friend and you don’t want me to get hurt.  I get that.”

              “The man cheated on you and then called you down to the lowest.  If I was in the situation that you are, what would you say to me?”

              “You know what I would say.  I would tell you to dump the scumbag.”

              “Exactly.  What happened to the woman I used to know that said she would never stay with a guy that cheated on her?  Remember her?”

              “I know.  I used to be adamant about it, but this is a special circumstance.”

              “What happened to once a cheater, always a cheater?  Remember Craig?  When he cheated on me, you said that I should leave him because he was going to cheat again and what happened?”

              “He cheated again.”

              “Exactly.  Need I say more?”

“I get what you are saying and I am well aware of my stance against cheaters, but the situation with Kyle and me is a little different.”

“How so?”

“Well, you and Craig had only dated for a little while.  You and Craig didn’t have the history that Kyle and I have.  You were with Craig for maybe a year.  Kyle and I have been together for seven years.  You didn’t think that Craig was your soul mate.  I believe that Kyle is my soul mate.  I believe that we were made for each other.  You were nowhere near marrying Craig, I’m supposed to marry Kyle in two months.  You see where I’m going with this?”

“Alright.  I hear what you’re saying, but Haillee, please be careful.  I’m a strong believer that if he’s going to cheat, it’s because there is some underlying issue or problem.  The issue is probably with him and he’s probably not even aware of what it is.  Whatever the problem is, if he doesn’t get it resolved, I’m sorry to say that you’re probably doomed.”

“Well aren’t you a bright shining light of hope and optimism,” she says, chuckling.  Her friend has always been one to look on the dark side of things.

“Girl, I’m a realist.  In my opinion, happy people don’t cheat.”

“You’re probably right.  Happy people probably don’t cheat, but the problems don’t just lie with Kyle.  I made some mistakes along the way.”

“Please don’t tell me that you’re blaming yourself for what Kyle did.  Did he convince you that what he did is your fault?”

“Not at all, but he did say that I wasn’t spending enough time with him and after thinking about it, he’s was right.  I had been blowing him off because I’ve been so wrapped up with things at the restaurant.”

“So you’re saying, that if you don’t have time for your boyfriend because you’re busy working, that gives him license to cheat?”

“Monica, come on, you know that’s not what I’m saying.”

“Sorry.  I’m just pissed off about the way that Kyle has treated you.  What he did was wrong and there is nothing that you could possibly say that will be reason enough for him to cheat on you.”

“You’re such a loyal friend.  Thank you for looking out for me, but things between Kyle and I are complicated.  It’s not all black and white.  It’s a million shades of gray and I’m just trying to wade my way through it all.”

“You should have just dumped his ass and everything would be very simple.  You start over and find someone that would kiss the ground you walk on.  Easy-peasy, as far as I’m concerned.”

“I wish that I could have just washed my hands of him, but I still love him.”

“Some things trump love in my opinion.  Cheating trumps love all day,” Monica says and shakes her head.

“I felt the same way until this all happened.  I used to think that if I ever found out that Kyle cheated on me, I would end everything in a heartbeat.  I used to think that wouldn’t think twice about it.  I always imagined that I would slam the door in his face and that would be the end of it, but then he did cheat, and my whole perspective changed.  I just had a change of heart.  It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, right?”

“Haillee, you know I love you and you know that I will support you one-hundred percent in anything you decide to do.  If you think that staying with Kyle is the right thing to do, I won’t knock you for it.  You are the only one living your life.  What I say or what my opinion is, doesn’t matter.  I can give you advice, but ultimately you have to do what is right for you.  It’s your decision and your decision only.  You want to give Kyle another chance or fifty more chances, I’m behind you and I support you.  You’re my friend and I have your back at all times.”

“Thank you for not judging me for my decision.  I appreciate the support.”

“How could I judge you for doing what you think is right?  Life is too short for judgment and condemnation.  This life is about learning, growing, and getting along.  That’s how I see it.  No one has the right answer for all of life’s problems.  No one can say that you must leave someone because they cheated or that leaving is the only decision that you should make.  You do whatever you want, and whatever happens, I will be right here, still being your friend.”

Thank you so much for saying that.  I can always count on you for support and encouragement.  You’ve been a great friend all these years and your friendship means so much to me.”

“Stop.  You’re going to make me start crying.  It took me too long to put on my makeup this morning,” Monica says, trying to hold back tears.  “So, how are things going with the restaurant?”

“Honestly, terrible.  My landlord came in and told me that if I don’t pay my rent in the next couple of weeks, he’s going to have to terminate my lease.”

“Oh no.  That’s not good.  Do you have the money?”

“Not at the moment.”

“So what’s the plan?  Do you have a plan?”

“Not at the moment.”

“What about your parents?  They’ll help you, won’t they?”

“When I started my restaurant, I vowed to myself that I was going to do it all on my own.  I didn’t ask my parents for one cent and I don’t want to start now.”

“Haillee, I’ve told you this so many times, asking for help is not some sort of sign of weakness or failure.  We all need help at different times in our lives.  You need to stop being so stubborn and ask for help.  You need it and there is nothing wrong with that.”

She looks down at her plate of food.  She knows she needs help, but like Monica said, she’s always been too stubborn to ask for it.  She doesn’t want to depend on other people to do the things she needs to do in life.  She strives to be independent.  She doesn’t want to owe anyone anything.  Her stupid pride and her unwillingness to ask for help has gotten her into so much trouble throughout her life.  She’s made life harder at times because she's refused to take the help that has been offered to her.  Her father calls her hard hardheaded and too stubborn all the time. 

“You’re right,” she says, forcing the words to come out of her mouth.  She even hates to say it out loud.

“See, now was that so hard?” Monica says, teasing her.  “Just ask your parents.  They will help you.”

“You know, I could ask them and they probably would help me, but I’m starting to think what’s the point?  Let's say they give me the money, but what about next month or the month after that?  The restaurant is slowly dying.  Asking for the money and them giving it to me, isn’t going to erase the fact that things aren’t working out.”

“It sounds to me like you’re giving up.  Are you giving up and throwing in the towel?”

She sighs and thinks about her answer.  “I guess that I probably am.”

“So, you’re just going to give up on your dream, just like that?”

“Monica, I’ve tried everything to keep the restaurant going, but absolutely nothing has worked.  I’ve run out of options.”

“Remember all those nights we used to sit in your apartment and you would talk endlessly about the restaurant you wanted to open one day?”

“I remember it like it was yesterday, actually.”

“You worked so hard to get the money to open it up.  Remember all the crazy hours you worked and how exhausted you used to be?  I used to think you were totally insane, but I was also in awe of you.  It was amazing to witness someone going after their dreams and then making it happen.  What you did was an inspiration to me.  I used to look at you and wish that I had the drive and the determination that you had, but I’ve never found anything that I wanted as bad as you wanted the restaurant.  You are like a superstar in my book.  Anyway, I said all that, to say this, you owe it to yourself and all the hard work you put into that place, to exhaust every single avenue.  Asking your parents for help is an avenue that you need to go down and exhaust.  At the end of the day, when everything is said and done, if the restaurant closes, at least you can say that you tried absolutely everything.”