Love Charms and Other Catastrophes (24 page)

Her fingers tightened around his wrists. Hijiri's heart felt like it was splitting, jagged and sharp as the words came flying from her mouth. “You can't help me,
charm-boy
.”

Ken swallowed back his hurt.

“You and Love are playing a game with me. Love thinks it's funny, huh? That he's let you infiltrate my life? You're both liars.”

“When have I lied?”

“Simply by existing.” Hijiri broke away from his hands and hugged her stomach. Stoffel's charm evolved. It stole her personal feelings. Made them bigger and poisonous. Like her tears, she couldn't stop the words from falling. “Everything is fake. You're not mine. You weren't made for me. You can't love me.”

Ken shook his head, his jaw tight. “That's the charm speaking, right? I thought we … we were getting closer. That you were starting to see me as a real boy.”

Her heart withered so fast, she doubted even a microscope could find it. So she said the most hurtful thing she could think of to make him go away. “I wasted
so much time
on you, Ken. Instead of trying to solve you, I could have been doing something more productive. Like crafting my love charms.”

Ken's breath hitched. “Is that how you really feel?”

Hijiri scooted farther away from him. Her heart raced, though it didn't seem to know where it was running to.

Ken dug his fists into his knees. His chin sank to his chest. “Sorry for being such a burden. I was just weighing you down,” he said brokenly.

The school nurse came, Nico on her heels.

Ken stood up on unsteady legs, his eyes to the floor. He had to push past the onlookers to leave the hallway. Fallon, who had watched the exchange, bit her lip.

Hijiri doubled over, her palms pressed to the floor. She expected tears, but nothing came. She was dry. Empty. Her eyes fell closed when she hit the tile.

 

Chapter 17

HOME AGAIN

When Hijiri woke, she was in a cot in the nurse's office, sheets tangled at her waist.

“You were kicking up a storm,” Nurse Geerts said, handing her a cup of water. “After you're feeling better, Principal Bemelmans wants to see you in his office.”

She nodded and drank. Her throat was scratchy from crying.

Stoffel's charm had wrung out her heart like a wet towel until nothing was left of her but damp wrinkles and soreness in her bones.

A few minutes later, Nurse Geerts escorted her to the office. The woman's gnarled but gentle hand gripped Hijiri's shoulder, holding her steady.

Hijiri avoided making eye contact with the students she passed on the way. Her heart retreated to a quiet corner behind her rib cage, angry and jagged.
My own heart is mad at me
, she thought.
That's not fair. It was Stoffel's fault that I broke down in the hallway.

But the words she had slung at Ken were true. She wasn't strong enough to believe in something that didn't exist, no matter how wonderful he was.
I can't give my heart to a walking, talking love charm. That's going too far. That's a line no love charm-maker should ever cross.

Her heart shrank and grew pointier. It jabbed her between the ribs.

“Come inside, Miss Kitamura,” Principal Bemelmans called from his office.

The sunlight pouring into the office nearly blinded her. Nurse Geerts helped Hijiri into a sun-warmed chair and left.

Principal Bemelmans opened the drawer at his elbow and plucked an envelope from inside. “This just arrived from your parents.”

Hijiri took the envelope from him and hooked her finger to neatly tear it open. Inside was one round-trip train ticket to Lejeune and back.

“Your parents called this morning to check on the delivery of the ticket,” he said. “They want you to come home to see them. To know that you're okay.”

They wouldn't come to Grimbaud. She knew her parents. With winter on the way, they were busier than usual. Snow caused accidents. The insurance company was, therefore, a flurry of activity. Lejeune was already snowy, even though Grimbaud had yet to shed all its leaves.

Principal Bemelmans sighed. “In light of the circumstances, I think it's important for you to see your parents. They must be worried about you, no matter how … uniquely they show it.”

Hijiri stared at the ticket. She could use it whenever she wanted since it was already paid for. Tuck it away in her room for when
she
decided to go home. Normally, she'd have ignored her parents' invitation. Being alone, never really needing them, was part of her life.

But her life had not been normal for months.

Stoffel ran free through Grimbaud, infecting more townspeople with each passing day. Gage's arrest hadn't made a difference. Her missed-connections charm would leap off the pages of her notes any day now if she kept working on the last few details. Then there was Ken.

Hijiri held her head in her hands and whimpered.

“Miss Kitamura,” the principal said. His chair slid back from his desk. “You don't look well. The incident in the hallway must have…”

Hijiri looked up, her eyes blurry. “I'll go see them. Today.”

He looked relieved. “I'll let your teachers know.”

*   *   *

Hijiri had never left school early before. Tourists ruled the streets. They unfolded maps and consulted them on street corners and in the shade of cafés. Her head throbbed as she fought off overzealous shop owners trying to lure her into their shops with coupons and special offers. By the time she got to her apartment, she stumbled into bed and napped, her eyes so heavy that she thought the twins had snuck into her room to glue them shut. The ticket crunched under her chin.

Eventually she got up, yawning so hard her jaw popped, and stuffed her backpack with some clothes and other necessities. Taking the golden cupid she had painted felt right so she threw that in too. After having consulted the pocket train schedule she kept in the kitchen (so she could plan her winter breaks at home accordingly), she saw that three trains were leaving for Lejeune, ranging from two to eleven at night. If she left now, she'd be able to take the two o'clock train.

Hijiri almost stopped in her tracks when she saw Fallon at the complex gate. “What are you doing here? School's not over.”

“When you didn't come to lunch, I got worried. Principal Bemelmans said you were going home. You're not running away, are you?”

“From what?” Hijiri said, playing dumb. This wasn't a conversation she wanted to have right now.

Fallon fell into step with her, her expression tight. “I heard everything you said to Ken in the hallway.”

Hijiri looked at her feet. She couldn't remember where Fallon had been after Nico ran off to get the nurse. “You were there?”

“Didn't want to leave you alone. When Ken came, I thought maybe you'd be okay, but then … what you said to him … that wasn't just Stoffel's charm talking, was it?”

Hijiri hailed a cab, ignoring the sluggish thudding of her heart. She and Fallon rode in the back of the cab in silence.
Punishing silence
, Hijiri thought, staring at her hands. She could tell Fallon was angry.

Grimbaud's train station shone in the sunlight. The perfect escape from this uncomfortable conversation. Hijiri left the cab, only to have Fallon slide out after her.

“You didn't follow my advice,” Fallon stated. “About listening to your heart.”

“I told you I tried,” Hijiri said.

“
That
back there in the hallway never would have happened if you'd tried harder,” Fallon said.

“How do you know?” Hijiri shouted. Her eyes started to itch with new tears. Just when she thought she was empty. “You don't understand.”

“I understand enough to see that you're being senseless. You've plugged up your ears so that you can't hear what your heart is telling you about Ken. All you're doing is hurting yourself and him.”

“He doesn't have real feelings to hurt.”

Fallon groaned. “I'm not getting through to you, am I?”

“I appreciate your concern,” Hijiri said carefully, “but you shouldn't be encouraging me to fall in love with a charm-boy. You're too practical for that, Fallon. I'm surprised.”

“Well, for someone who's fake, he's awfully thoughtful,” Fallon said. She pulled something out of her schoolbag and placed it in Hijiri's hands. “When he heard that you were going home, he told me to give you this.”

Hijiri uncurled her hands to find a little golden bell.

“It's a hearth charm he's been meaning to give you,” Fallon said.

“What does it do?”

“It's like a magnet, drawing the people you love home. Just ring it.”

“Thank you,” Hijiri said, pocketing the bell.

“After what you said to him in the hallway, Ken skipped his classes and sulked in the boys' bathroom. Sebastian had to drag him out of there.” Fallon frowned. “Ken's our friend too. We're going to take care of him while you're away.”

Hijiri's cheeks burned with shame. “I'm not running away.”

“No, but you're falling apart,” Fallon said with concern. “Go see your parents. Recover. Trust us to keep everything under control here. The twins are already brainstorming a plan to capture Stoffel. When you get back, we'll have it ironed out.”

Hijiri didn't need to say thank you. She let out a relieved sigh and hugged Fallon tight.

*   *   *

The Kitamuras lived in the better part of the city, but still surrounded by Lejeune's noisy traffic and crowded lakes. Their house had a view of Juu Roku Lake—or “sixteen,” as each lake was named after numbers because there were so many. Darkness had fallen by the time her train pulled into the station, but night was never
night
in Lejeune. Too many neon lights and beam-bright streetlamps.

“I'm home,” Hijiri called, dropping her backpack in the hallway. She kicked her snow-soaked shoes off and hung her damp coat on the rack. Her whole body trembled with cold. Her heartsickness thawed as she did. She had the sudden urge to curl up on her bed and cry while listening to love ballads.
Lucky my tape player broke over the summer
, she thought, rubbing her moist eyes,
and I was too busy crafting to replace it.

The Kitamura household did not provide any warmth beyond the heating system. Her parents preferred slippery stained wood floors and sleek leather couches with silver buttons swirling on the armrests. The kitchen chairs made Hijiri's back ache the longer she sat in them. The interior designer her parents hired came once a year to survey the house for any potential upgrades to the modern style. Hijiri wished for coziness though. A hearth charm to brighten up the place.

The lovesickness tugged her toward the kitchen where she spent ten minutes writing terrible poetry all over the report her mother left out on the counter. After writing five haikus, Hijiri dropped the pen as if it burned and let it clatter on the tile. She stumbled to the cabinet above the microwave and opened it so hard it smacked against its neighbor.

“I know my stash of tea is still here,” she muttered, standing on her toes to reach the back of the cabinet. She felt around behind the stacks of fragile rice bowls until she found the small tin squeezed behind it.

Hijiri made quick work of brewing the Heart's Ease tea. Her lovesickness melted off her bones after the first few sips.

With a much clearer head, she looked around. “Hello?” she called, hoping to hear her parents answer her from somewhere in the house. She found a note on the fridge written by her mother: both her parents would be getting home late but they would all go to dinner as a family. Her shoulders sagged.

Ken's hearth charm was still in her pocket. Hijiri picked up the golden bell, keeping it silent by pinching the clapper with her fingers.
Why did he still want to give me this after I lashed out at him? I made him angry. No, not that. Worse. I punched a hole in that fake heart of his. Yet, here he is, still being kind
, she thought.

Her parents were supposed to take care of her, yet they left her at home. Again. She knew better than to believe them when they said they'd take her to dinner. She wasn't sure if the hearth charm would make a difference, but she wanted to try. After a few moments, she let go of the clapper and rang it.

For such a tiny bell, it had a deep, sweetly weeping tone. The charm spread with each toll, wider and wider until the sound left the room entirely to reach whoever needed to come home. Her parents.

The bell reminded her of Grimbaud's belfry. Of Ken aiming his slingshot at the empty nest.

Hijiri stopped the clapper and put the bell in her pocket. Her heart ached to return to Grimbaud already.

Her bedroom was on the third floor of the house, alone but for a small bathroom and balcony. Hijiri went directly upstairs with her backpack and turned on every lamp to chase the night away. When she opened the balcony windows to see her neighbors across the lake, many rooms still flickered with light. Snowflakes drifted on the wind.

For once, her mind didn't spin with love charm ideas. Her mind was, in fact, quite empty.

Snowflakes melted on her upturned face. Her eyelashes. Like rain. Before her heart responded to that memory, Hijiri pushed the image of Ken's wet eyelashes into the old box she always used.

“We're going to sort this out,” she hissed into the night. “But not now. Please, give me some peace.”

Hearts didn't take requests often, but that night, her heart crawled willingly into the box and shut the lid.

*   *   *

“Hijiri, where are you?” Mrs. Kitamura called.

I'm just dreaming
, Hijiri thought, rolling over in her bed. The blankets were toasty warm. Her nose had thawed with the help of the nap she had taken after coming home. The golden cupid stared at her from its perch on the desk.