Love Comes in Darkness (21 page)

“Of course you did. You were hoping we’d be terrible in order to make your decision easier. I understand that. But both Bruce and I—” She took a deep breath, then released it. “We’ve had to make tough decisions as far as children are concerned, and no one should have to make those decisions when they don’t have to. Liz knew what she was doing when she named you as Sophia’s guardian. You know better than I that Liz knew her mind and could be as stubborn as hell.”

“It seems to run in the family,” Howard commented.

“Then use some of that stubbornness and fortitude that has carried you this far in life. Don’t stop now.”

Howard was quickly coming to like Paula. “I’m planning to take Sophia back to Marquette in a few days.” He felt so much better now that he knew his course of action and felt like it was the right one, the last of his lingering doubts gone. He was still scared, but excited too, and very ready to go home. “Maybe you and Bruce could come up for a visit in a few weeks. It would give Sophia a chance to get settled, and she’d be happy to see you. We both would,” Howard amended quickly.

Gordy returned with iced tea, and a few minutes later, Bruce and Sophia came back inside, with Sophia laughing and giggling as Bruce made airplane sounds. They stayed for a little while longer and then left after an exchange of hugs and formalizing contact information.

“Do you feel better?” Gordy asked, and Howard sighed with relief until he remembered the hardest part of the day was ahead: explaining everything that was going to happen to Sophia.

“Yes,” Howard said, moving closer to Gordy. He’d come to rely on him for so much so quickly. “Sophia, I think you and I need to have a talk.”

“Uh-oh,” Sophia said, like she’d misbehaved.

“You haven’t been naughty, but we need to talk so you know what’s going on, okay?” Howard asked.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?” Gordy asked, and before Howard could answer, he was already leaving the room. It was unnerving how Gordy sometimes seemed to know what Howard wanted before he did. Howard sat down and lifted Sophia onto his lap. “We’ve been busy, you and I, and I thought we should have an uncle to niece chat.”

“Is that like a mommy-daughter chat?” Sophia asked.

“Yes,” Howard said, swallowing around the lump in his throat. He and Lizzy were so alike sometimes. “But this is different because I have some questions to ask you. Okay?” He felt Sophia move. “You have to answer. I can’t see your head move.”

“Yes,” she whispered. “Are you going to go away too?”

“Well, yes, but I’m taking you with me,” Howard said, pulling her into a hug. “I already called someone to sell this house, and you’re going to come home with me. We’re going to take all your things—your toys and clothes, your bed, your night-light, whatever you want. The room you and your mommy used this summer can be turned into a princess room for you if you want. Is that okay?”

“But Mommy will never find us when she comes back,” Sophia told him.

“Honey,” Howard said as gently as he could, “she isn’t coming back. That’s what the funeral meant. Your mommy died and you’re going to come live with me. I’m going to take care of you and I’ll love you.”

Sophia sniffled. “Are you going to die too?”

“No. I’m going to be with you for a long time,” Howard said and then added, “because I love you.”

“As much as Mommy?” Sophia asked near tears.

“Yes, as much as Mommy,” Howard answered and hugged her again. This time he wondered who he was trying to reassure, Sophia or himself. “Hanna is going to come over this afternoon, and we need to get you some lunch. Tomorrow you can help pack up your room, and we’ll get ready to go to your new home. Hanna lives near there, and you’ll be able to see her more often.”

“Why can’t we stay here?” she whined slightly.

“Because since I can’t see, I have to know what’s around me so I can try to keep you safe, and my house is all set up already,” he answered, but there was so much more than that. He’d built his own life in Marquette. “You’ll like it there. The school is near our house, and you’ll make lots of new friends. Hanna will be nearby and you can go to her house.”

“Will Gordy be living at your house too?”

That was one question he couldn’t and wasn’t prepared to answer. “No. Gordy has his own home near Uncle Ken and Uncle Patrick. But you’ll see him a lot too.”

She was quiet for a long while. “Can I have a cat?”

Damn, the kid was really going for broke. “I don’t think so, but Token will be there, and you wouldn’t want him to be jealous or think you don’t love him.”

“Okay,” Sophia said. “Hanna has a cat.”

“Then I’m sure you can play with hers when you visit.” Howard was certain that before Sophia grew up, he would end up living in a menagerie, but that was a small price to pay. “Do you have any other questions?” He didn’t get an answer. “How about we find Gordy and see what’s for lunch,” he suggested. “Maybe you and I can make lunch for him together.”

That idea seemed to perk her up, and she slid off his lap and pulled on his arm. “Come on, I know how to cook. Mommy teached me.”

“What can you make?” Howard asked, figuring this should be interesting. Lizzy had never been much of a cook.

“Popsicles,” Sophia answered. “Mommy bought me special freezer things and all I need to add is juice.”

“Do you really think we should have those for lunch?” Howard asked, and Sophia led him toward the kitchen. “Maybe we can have sandwiches, and you and Gordy can make popsicles for later.”

“Okay,” she said dramatically, and Howard began getting things out of the refrigerator.

Gordy came into the kitchen, talking on the phone, and he didn’t sound very happy. “Okay. I understand. Let me take a look at the plans and I’ll get back to you.

“I need to go back. There’s a problem with one of the bridges. It’s been closed, but it needs to be inspected right away.”

“How soon?” Howard asked.

“I need to leave in the morning. I know you won’t be ready then, but I can come back this weekend with a moving truck and we can bring everything you need back.”

Howard moved toward Gordy’s voice. “We’ll be okay. I know these things can take time and… you aren’t responsible for us.”

“Sophia, why don’t you take Token out into the backyard for a while?” Gordy said, and Howard stepped back.

“Okay,” she said happily, and Howard heard her call Token. Together they rushed out the back door.

“Now, I don’t know where that last little bit came from,” Gordy told him forcefully. “I was offering to help you, not trying to step on your toes.”

“I didn’t…,” Howard began.

“The hell you didn’t. I understand you’re hurting, and I’ve tried to be helpful. I’ve taken you everywhere you needed to go, helped you with Sophia, and been there for you.”

“You looking for a medal or maybe a merit badge?” Howard sniped. “I have a street you can help me cross if you want.”

“You are so full of shit,” Gordy said. “I don’t want anything from you. At least not the way you think. I’ve been there and helped all I could because I care.
Just
because I care. I have to go back tomorrow, and I offered to come back and bring you and Sophia home because I care and because I want you home. I want you in your own house, the one you know like the back of your hand.” Gordy paused for just a second. “I want you comfortable and happy, not moping around all the time. This place isn’t good for you or for her. It’s too full of everything that was your sister’s. It feels like her here instead of you.”

“I’m sorry,” Howard said. “It’s hard having to rely on other people, and now Sophia relies on me.”

“So don’t turn your back on the people who care,” Gordy said. “There’s another reason I want you home, and it has to do with having a certain person in bed behind a door that we can lock for a few hours after a certain little lady has gone to bed.” Gordy blew lightly across his ear, and Howard shivered. “When I was making myself scarce, you got a call from Mrs. Jorgenson. She’ll be over tomorrow to help you with the packing. She also said she can get her nephews to do any lifting and carrying you need.”

“You take care of everything, don’t you?” Howard asked.

“It isn’t hard. All it takes is to be a little thoughtful. Most things you can do, but some you can’t. I guess the main trick is to learn the difference. I don’t want to do everything for you, because, well, I’m not anybody’s maid. And you need to pull your weight, because if you don’t that’s just selfish and lazy.”

“So why do you do it? I know being around me isn’t a piece of cake and that doing all the extra stuff you’ve been doing to help has got to be a pain.”

“I’m not Cedric,” Gordy said levelly. “I don’t have some need to help you and then control your life. I don’t want to insinuate myself into your life or your house in order to take over.” Gordy huffed. “I know this is hard for you to believe… no,” Gordy said, his voice trailing off. “I guess—”

The front bell rang. “I’ll get it if you want,” Gordy said, his tone clipped. Before Howard could say anything or try to explain, Gordy was gone. He returned with Ken, Hanna, and Patrick, judging by the hug.

“I know we’re early, but we thought we’d go to lunch, and I have something for Sophia. I told her about it earlier and meant to give it to her a few days ago, but things seemed to get away from us. Hanna, could you go get her?” Ken asked. After being silent for a few seconds, he said, “What’s with you two?” Howard didn’t answer, and neither did Gordy.

Hanna and Sophia came back inside.

“I made this for you,” Ken said, and Howard was dying to know what it was.

“For me?” Sophia said. Then she recognized it instantly. “It’s Mommy.”

“I drew that when you and your mother were visiting last month,” Ken said. “I wanted to give it to you so your uncle could hang it in your bedroom for you. That way you’ll always have her nearby.”

“It’s beautiful,” Gordy said. Howard felt a gentle touch on his shoulder, and for a second he thought it was Gordy and began to lean into the touch. But it was Patrick, and Howard could barely breathe as the disappointment hit him. “It really is.”

“What do you say?” Howard asked, and then he heard Sophia begin to cry. Howard leaned down and lifted her into his arms. Howard took the picture frame from her hands, and she cried harder.

“I didn’t mean… I…,” Ken stammered.

“You didn’t. Emotions are still way too close to the surface,” Howard said, hoping to explain both Sophia’s behavior and his. Sophia tried to pull the frame out of his hands.

“I’m not taking it away, just holding it for you,” Howard soothed.

“I want Mommy,” Sophia wailed, clutching him around the neck.

“I know, I know,” Howard said. A chair slid along the kitchen floor and touched the back of Howard’s legs. He carefully sat down and rocked slowly from side to side. He didn’t know what else to do for her.

“I’m sorry,” Ken said again.

“Don’t be. She misses her mother, and she probably will for a long time. Nothing can change that except time and a whole lot of love.” Howard was now convinced he had enough of both to give her whatever she needed.

“It’s an incredible drawing,” Gordy said.

“I originally sketched it as a study for a painting idea I had, but after we heard what happened, I finished the drawing as a gift for her. Maybe I should have kept it for later.”

Howard reached for Ken’s hand. “No. It was very thoughtful. I think this has been coming on for a while. This won’t be the last of it, I know that.” Howard continued comforting Sophia, and the others moved around him. He didn’t try to follow their movements, concentrating on Sophia. “Are you feeling better?”

“Uh-huh,” Sophia told him with a sniffle.

“Do you want to get down and play out back with Hanna?” Howard asked, and Sophia shimmied off his lap. He could still hear her sniffling as she moved away.

“So what’s the plan here?” Ken asked.

Howard called Token, thinking he might go outside, but changed his mind and let Token settle near him. “Gordy has to go back tomorrow for work. He’s going to come back this weekend to help us move what we need to back to my house.” Howard sighed.

“Are there any custody issues with Sophia?”

“The lawyer says there aren’t. Lizzy’s will is explicit as to her wishes, so he’s working on a final signoff, but says there is no issue with me taking her home as long as I don’t leave the state. He knows where we’ll be and has all the contact information. He’s also provided that to the court, so we should be okay.”

“Patrick and I can stay a few days and help you get home,” Ken offered. “That way you wouldn’t need to drive back.” He must have been speaking to Gordy. “We don’t have a truck, though.”

“The only furniture going is from Sophia’s bedroom and a few family pieces that I want for Sophia when she gets older. The rest is being sold,” Howard explained.

“Then we could load them today and I could take them back with me,” Gordy offered without enthusiasm.

“And once Howard and Sophia are ready, we could load our car and your sister’s old Mustang with their stuff. Howard, you could then decide once you get home what you want to do with Lizzy’s car. That would save Gordy a trip and should get everything where it needs to be.” Lizzy had purchased the Mustang years ago and had never been able to give it up, even after she’d bought a more practical car in anticipation of Sophia’s birth.

“That’s fine, if Gordy’s okay with it. Sophia can camp out on the floor if she wants for a few days,” Howard offered.

“Then let’s go get something to eat, and we’ll help get the truck loaded,” Ken said. “Patrick will get the girls and they can ride with us.”

“I’ll drive Howard and follow you,” Gordy said.

It was a bit of a production getting everyone ready to go, but soon enough Sophia was in the car with Patrick and Ken, and Howard sat in Gordy’s truck… waiting with Token on the bench seat. He hated the tension between Gordy and him and wasn’t quite sure what to do to dispel it. Eventually Gordy opened his door and climbed inside. “Is everything ready?” Gordy asked just before his seat belt clicked.

“Gordy, I… I’m sorry if I hurt you,” Howard said.