Love Confessed (8 page)

What is he doing here? I have never run into him here and now that we’ve slept together all of a sudden I’m going to start seeing him everywhere. Thanks a lot universe. Okay, Leah you can do this. Get your shit together. Our last chance meeting ended rather awkwardly so how could this one be any worse? I smile and turn around.

“Steve. What brings you here?”

I say a little too brightly giving away my nervousness. I see Abby is with him and she’s already distracted by Ethan. As he walks over to me my heart starts beating faster and I can’t help but notice how laid back he appears. Quite the opposite of how I am feeling right now. Hopefully I don’t look as rattled on the outside as I feel on the inside. My opening question doesn’t provide for a promising start though.

“Well, I needed some groceries so I thought this would be the best place to get them,” he replies grinning at me with brows raised.

“Thanks for being a smart ass. Here I thought you were so much more mature than that; glad to see I was wrong.”

“Me? Mature? Don’t know why you would have thought that,” he winks at me.

“Oh I don’t know maybe it’s the fact that you’re what
40
, have a successful business, and a child.” I realize now that I’m grinning too.

“40?” he scoffs. “I’m insulted. I’m only 34. Do I really look that old? And in case you haven’t heard, we men tend to mature at a slower rate than women.”

“Right. How could I forget that?”

“Look, I saw you and I wanted to apologize for making things awkward yesterday at pizza. I’ve never had a woman leave in the middle of the night so it made me a little insecure and was kind of eating at me. I hope we can put that behind us and be friends.”

Friends
? How can I be just friends with this man, now that I know what it’s like to have his hands on me, feel his lips on me and feel him inside me? When just hearing his voice has my body reacting this way. Just the thought has me aching for him.

“Friends. I like that. I think that will be good for the kids too. They seem to have put their differences aside.”

I look over and see Ethan and Abby playing with his toy car on the ground. They’re only a few feet away so I leave them be, they don’t seem to be bothering anyone.

“Also, did I hear you say insecure? That’s certainly not a word I would use to describe you.” The way this conversation feels, this shameless flirting, feels totally foreign to me but I like it.

“Well, thanks but yeah. At first I thought maybe you were regretting it because you were drunk. Or maybe I had taken advantage of your intoxicated state. But then there was a small part of me that thought maybe the sex was bad for you and that you didn’t want to say anything to me so you left. I just wanted to make sure everything was ok, that you were ok with what happened. Seeing you yesterday…I…I just had to know.”

He runs a hand through his hair and for the first time I can see a vulnerable side to him. Something inside me stirs and I can’t identify the feeling. He’s standing so close to me I can smell him and if I shifted just slightly we would be touching. I want to reach out or shift, I want to touch him but we’re in a grocery store and we’ve only just decided to be friends so I refrain, because I’m fairly certain the way I want to touch him doesn’t fit safely into the “friend” parameters.

“Steve, I don’t think I need to say it again, but I will. What happened between us was good.
Really good
. Let’s just leave at that and agree to be friends. Deal?” 

“Deal.”

He says and sticks his hand out for me to shake. What am I, some business acquisition? Men. I shake his hand and we both turn to the kids who are still playing on the ground.   

              “Hey Abby, sweetie, it’s time to go.”

“Same for us Ethan. Grab your car.”

Before I leave I grab the bananas and head to the checkout counter.

8
Steve

Why did I open my big mouth and suggest that Leah and I be friends? The moment the idea came out I knew that it wasn’t what I wanted. For years I would see her when visiting Scott’s office or at a function and think “God she’s beautiful.” I’d almost walked up and talked to her so many times before but something had always stopped me. When I’d see her,  I would almost immediately imagine what it would be like to hold her, to kiss her, to have her in my bed. Even with all the detail of my imaginations, none of it compared to the feeling of actually being with her. I know now that she felt the same things I have – she had to have for the connection between us to be possible.

When I was talking to her though, I just froze. I didn’t want to be friends. I knew that I didn’t, even before the words actually left my mouth. I wish she had corrected me. I wish she would have told me what a dumb idea “friends” was and how we both know we want more. She didn’t though. She looked even a little bit relieved when I said it, like she was afraid I was going to say what she could probably tell I was thinking, what I wish I had said. If she’s not ready for anything more than friends then I guess I’ll have to be patient with her. Especially, since I’m the ass who suggested this “friends” experiment anyway. Also because if friends is the way I can have her in my life right now, then I’ll definitely take it.

Three weeks have passed since our run in at the grocery store. Three weeks have passed since we’ve established this ideal of friendship. I’ve seen her a few times at her office. Scott’s office. The office I keep finding dumb excuses to go to. I keep justifying it because now we’re friends and friends like running into each other. I’ll have to admit though that I like running into her more than any of my other friends. At least now she will speak to me when I’m there.

I was pleasantly surprised to learn that Leah is going to chaperone the kid’s field trip to the Chicago Children’s Museum, since I am going it as well. Like a school boy with a ridiculous crush, I get absurdly excited to know that we will be spending time together again even if the time we are spending together will be spent corralling a buss full of six year olds. Honestly, I think I’m even more excited than Abby is about this field trip and it’s a little bit embarrassing. Being a single parent and running a business makes it hard to be as involved with her school work as I’d really like to be. I don’t get to be around for quite as much of it as I wish that I did, and I’m always really little excited for hands-on opportunities like this. This close proximity to Leah today is just an added bonus. I gave up trying to count how many times I’ve kicked myself for pushing the friends thing when both of us know we want more but it looks like we’re just gonna have to make this work.

I walk out of the closet after finally deciding what I’m going to wear and find my daughter laying on my bed, laughing at me.

“Daddy, that’s the third shirt you’ve put on today. Can we go already?! I don’t want to be late! Ethan and I are going to sit together on the bus, he’s saving me a spot and I don’t want somebody else to get it. Maybe you can sit with Leah and we can have fun like when we went and had pizza?”

“Well honey, there are going to be a lot of people there. All of the kids in your class are going, your teacher, and there are three other parents who are volunteering so I’m sure I’ll be pretty busy. I’m not sure that I’ll be able to sit with Ethan’s mom but maybe we’ll be able to set up a play date soon so that the four of us can hang out again.” But I really, really hope I can sit with her. I’m pretty sure my daughter knows.

Chicago can be humid but this year has been fortunately mild. So I can’t figure out why, when it’s 7:30 am on a spring morning, I’m sweating like it’s 3:00 pm in the middle of July. I’m so nervous to see Leah. Each time we’ve seen each other in her office since the pizza run in day it’s only just been a quick hey how are you in the halls. This is different though; we’re going to be together all day today and I’m not sure how responsible I can be for supervising six year olds with her in such close proximity. No matter how many are swarming around me, I don’t think I’ll be able to look away from the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

As stunning as Leah looks at work, the few glimpses I’ve gotten of her out of the office - with jeans on, her hair up, relaxed and having fun while we’re goofing off with the kids or when she’s laughing while she’s making fun of me - is a whole different kind of sexy. This laid back Leah is the one I woke up hard to after dreaming about her last night. I didn’t think it was possible but she looks even hotter than she did in my dream. When we walk up behind her chatting with Mrs. Withers, I stop dead in my tracks and Abby runs off to meet her friends without me. Leah has tight, cuffed jeans on with black Converse and a fitted Harvard t-shirt. She’s wearing silver hoops and her hair is in a ponytail and I swear I feel like I’m visibly drooling when Abby hugs Leah who then turns back to see me speechless in her wake. Her eyebrow is raised and she’s got a smirk on her face the second she sees me. Damn it. She knows exactly what I’m thinking. Or at least she thinks she does. I’m pretty sure she can’t tell that I’m thinking of how I want to wrap her ponytail around my hand and hold her in place while I stand behind her and pull on it so I can kiss my way down her neck while my other hand is playing with her nipple…

              Damn it Steve, get it together! This is not the place for me to be lost in thought, especially not thoughts like these. She laughs when I finally break eye contact to walk and talk to David, the dad I coached soccer with earlier this spring. Since a cold shower isn’t in my agenda for this morning, it’s probably in my best interest to try to stay away from Leah for a while. Clearly I can’t trust myself and my twenty year old sex drive around her.

              When we walk into the dinosaur exhibit our tour guide gathers the children for instructions before they’re set free to explore. Or wreak havoc. I suppose it’s all subjective when you’re describing six year olds. I find a quiet seat near the back while watching the kids dig for pretend fossils. After a few minutes Leah comes and slides in smoothly on the bench, sitting right next to me.

              “Hey Stranger.” She says bumping my shoulder with hers. She’s been crazy flirty today and I’ve loved every second of it. At this point, my chances of abandoning this “friends” pact any second is looking pretty damn good. It takes me a second to focus enough to stop looking at her lips enough to pay attention to what she’s saying. Knowing me as well as she already clearly does, she waits for my attention to shift before she continues.

              “I haven’t seen you that much today. I’m starting to think that it’s on purpose. That maybe you don’t like me anymore…” I can’t stop myself from cutting her off with my laughter.

              “Leah, I think we both know that’s not the case…”

              “Yeah, I think we do,” she sighs and admits. “So
friend
, tell me how things have been? I mean,
friends
talk about their lives, right? This is how we do this thing we’re doing?”

She’s looking right at me. Why does she keep saying that word? Friend? Just to be a smart ass I think. I can’t look at her directly. I don’t trust myself not to grab her and kiss those luscious lips.

              “Yes,
friend
. They do.” I answer. “Things have been good. Just working a lot, you know the drill. I’ve also been trying to do better for Abby. We went shopping for new clothes that day after pizza so hopefully the kids won’t tease her anymore. I took your advice and stocked up on dresses and skirts with leggings. I don’t think I’ll ever get her out of them. That’s all she’ll wear. I may have created a monster. I don’t know that she’ll ever let me buy another pair of jeans again. A man can only handle so much sparkle…”

              “You’re welcome,” she winks at me. “I did notice the cute little summer dress she had on today. Good job dad, I think you’ve done well. You’ll survive, and don’t worry – I’ll be sure to buy her something eeeextra sparkly for her birthday. Then I’ll shake some glitter on it, just for good measure.”

It was said in all seriousness. While the way she teases me makes me all the more fond of her, for some reason, her compliment makes my day. As little and insignificant as it seems, this is the part of being a dad that I really wish her mom was here to help with. I don’t think its just confirmation that I’m learning though, that I’m doing better – even though I’m sure that plays a part. I think it has a lot to do with caring what Leah thinks specifically.

              “Well thanks, pal. It’s not easy raising a girl. She’s a lot like her mom but she’s got so much of my personality, especially my rebellious side.”

              “Oh yeah? The coolly, self possessed Steven Cooper has a rebellious streak?? I think that I’d definitely like to see that side of you some day….” she says, looking at me like she really genuinely would. Before I can say anything too inappropriate though she continues, “You’re always so calm and in control when I see you. You seem so composed and authoritative – it’s hard to imagine you letting go and being rebellious.”

              “Well, there are a lot of things you don’t know about me, Miss Collins.” I say with my best smart ass smirk. “I do like to be in control and in charge, but I also know how to rebel a little bit when I need to.”

              “Then I think we should become better
friends
Mr. Cooper, so that I can discover this side of you.” She smiles and I can still see her looking at me out of the corner of my eye, her eyebrows still piqued from my mention of control and being in charge. I know from that look that she is remembering the same night that I am, the night that she let me be in control of her body. She just stares at me for a minute and I can see her heart beating faster, feel her breathing heavier; but she sees the kids swarming around us and safely changes the subject.

              “So Steve, tell me about yourself. Educate me on everything that makes up this mysterious man sitting beside me.”

I pivot on the bench just enough so that our knees now touch and for a moment, I contemplate not looking at her. I don’t know if I can right now.  Just this slightest bit of physical contact with her has my palms clammy and my heart beating faster, my breathing matching the weighted cadence I see her still trying to gain control of. Once again, I’m screaming inside to pull myself together.

              “What would you like to know?” I ask her as coolly as I can, finally looking her right in the eyes. Hoping that I look much more composed than I feel.

              “Tell me all of the things that I don’t know. Considering most of what I know of you would be moderately inappropriate for conversation given our present environment, I imagine that there are a lot of things you could share.” She looks at me suggestively before adding, “For starters, you have this air of confidence, that composed and in control side of you we talked about. When you walk into a room, that air about you leaves no question as to who the boss is. Where does that side of you come from?”

              “Hmm…” I think for a beat, running my hands through my hair. It’s always been my nervous gesture. “I guess that part of my personality comes from my father. He doesn’t say much, but when he does you know he’s in charge. When he speaks, you know you’d better listen. Also, I’m the second oldest of five boys and I grew up on a farm where there was never an absence of things to do. Given my place in the birth order, I kind of took naturally to bossing people around. When my dad and Seth, my older brother, were busy or they weren’t around I was in charge. Really, I guess it’s just me. My friend Jo tells me I should tone it down a notch.”

              “So you have four brothers? Wow, I can’t imagine. Your house must have been crazy growing up! Especially, living on a farm.  Your poor mother, how did she do that? Without managing to kill any of you? I have one boy and sometimes I feels like a hurricane has run through my house. I feel like Ethan has the energy of five kids so I can’t imagine there actually
being
five of him.” I smiles as she talks. It’s so funny listening to her talk about my childhood being crazy because to me, it’s just normal. I can see by the look on her face, by how her eyes light up at the chaos of it all, how crazy it would be to anybody who didn’t grow up like, well, me.

              “Yeah, well, my mom’s a special woman. I can’t deny it. She can be the single nicest, warmest person you’ve ever met but trust me, you don’t want to cross her either. What about you though? What kind of childhood did you have that one boy is enough crazy for you?”

She laughs before she answers. “I’m sure my childhood was much calmer than yours. It was just my sister and I, nothing crazy. We grew up in a quiet, organized home. We had fun, but it seems like it might have been a calmer version than yours.” I love her smile, how her face lights up while she’s remembering. “So how did you meet Abby’s mom?”

              “High school sweethearts. You know the story. How about you and Ethan’s dad?”

              “Best friends in college. One night of fun. You know the story.”

Right as I’m about to say something in response to that, our tour guide announces that it’s time to move on. I realize only now how vague she’s been with her answers. Damn it, learning more about her makes me only want to know her even more...