Love Delayed (18 page)

“I felt you clenching me. Did you come?” his voice was throaty.

“I don’t think so.” My eyes fluttered at the embarrassment of the topic. “I don’t know.”

He applied chaste kisses from my jaw, down onto my neck. “No need to feel shame about it. We’ll get you there soon.”

I was still panting when I whispered, “Okay.”

Stenton kissed me passionately again and for so long when he pulled away, he jumped off of me completely.

“Fuck,
Zo!” He went for the restraint on my left wrist to release me. “I keep forgetting you’re a newbie. I have to take care of you.”

I was fine
, at least I felt that way. When Stenton was done, he pulled me into his arms and I, at some point, drifted off, blissfully depleted.

I felt the mattress lift. Cracking a lid, I saw
Stenton leave the bed for the bathroom. As he ambled there, I saw him carrying the condom. I was glad he was being responsible and protecting me. When he returned, he lifted me from the bed and lowered me into the Jacuzzi, only this time he joined me. Stenton’s touch was just as reverential as it was earlier, it was also more evaluative as he inspected my wrists and ankles. Once again, we found ourselves depleted and in need of food.

I slowly made my way to the kitchen with Stenton just behind me
, and we worked together on dinner. Alton joined us, bringing his obtuse sense of humor.

“So now
Nisha be on that ‘
don’t forget your diet
’ shit!” Alton complained animatedly. I can’t eat dairy, sugar, red meat, pink meat—shit, I was like can I eat pussy?”

I cupped my mouth at that one, then threw Stenton an inquisitive and alarming glare. Like me, unable to control his laughter, Stenton shrugged his shoulders.

“I bet if
that
was restricted, Nisha’s ass wouldn’t be playing diet cop!” Alton took to his plate and forked a piece of chicken breast before continuing with his tirade.

This was one event that Stenton nor I minded. You c
ould tell in the glances he threw me the entire meal that he was on the same cloud of love that I’d been savoring.

Alton left close to midnight. Apparently that was his curfew. When Tynisha began blowing up his phone and Stenton’s
, even I feared her wrath. Alton may have mumbled a few invectives, but he drug his butt out of there wearing a long moue. Stenton and I turned in ourselves. It felt good to be expected to sleep with him in his bed and not having to sneak in like the pesky little sister.

The next day, Stenton worked out first thing in the morning as usual. He had a long conference call that went well into the afternoon. While he was preoccupied, I finally took the liberty of exploring his expansive home. I couldn’t believe the opulence
—high cathedral walls and ceilings, marble floors and the overall beautiful architectural layout. The place was larger than any of the homes my mother cleaned. That thought led me to call and check in on her and my dad.

When I was done
with the call, I found Stenton still in his office, on the computer. I thought he would have come to find me after his call was over. To say that we spent the night together, he seemed so distant. He didn’t touch me or talk much. I didn’t know how to read his mood. I spent most of the morning pondering just that.

~~~~~~~~~~

~
Stenton
~

I was watching the game in the theater room, not really paying
Zoey much attention. She wandered out, mumbling about getting something from the kitchen some time ago. She’d been sulking all damn day. She wasn’t alone, and ironically, not just for the same reason. I’d been feeling fucked up the entire day, almost to the point of a tension headache. I couldn’t believe the sick thoughts that derived from my brain.

What the fuck was I doing with this sweet young girl?

She had the brightest future ahead, unlike any of the birds I’d come up with in Brick City
or in the industry. Zoey was smart, strong…filled with substance. She was a damn church girl, for crying the fuck out loud! Again… What the fuck was I doing with her? Maybe it wouldn’t work, maybe she had someone…or something looking out for her. Suddenly, my attention wasn’t solely on the screen. I was on another planet, hating myself for defiling a young woman who had great things ahead of her.

Unexpectedly
, I felt Zoey swing her leg over my lap. With two hands she gripped my face, rubbed her warm nose against mine, placed her soft and moist lips against my mouth and sucked my bottom one. Before I could react, her wet tongue darted between my lips, ravishing me. My dick sprang to life immediately. Her tongue’s movements were swift and her lips were firm. I was caught up instantly. My hands gripped her soft ass, pulling her into me. I felt intoxicated. Zoey was turning into a drug I’d immediately become addicted to. She swiped her hand into the breast of her gown and pulled out a condom, handing it to me.

Quickly, she released my lips and whispered hard, “Put it on.”

What the fuck?
This was the last thing I was expecting.

I was stunned, but without hesitation, I obeyed my
Niña’s command because I couldn’t deny her anything. She lifted from my lap for a minute to give me room to maneuver between us. I’d be damned if before I could remove my hand from rolling the rubber down my dick, she didn’t push her little pussy down over me.  

“Whoa,
Zo! Don’t hurt yourself,” I whispered, my bottom lip collapsed.

Plunging down again, she tried to take more of me in.
Zoey was inexperienced,
so I’d recently learned
. I didn’t want to hurt her—or have her hurt herself. I gripped her hips tightly to slow her moves. She removed her busy tongue and lips from me and leveled her smoldering eyes with mine as she ground into me.

“I leave tomorrow…won’t see you until
god knows when…” She sighed, taking more of me in. “…and…you…don’t see the urgency? What am I going to do when I need you?” She thrust even lower and forcefully onto me. “…and you’re not next to me? What do I do when
you
need this and have to seek it out elsewhere?”

Fuck! I can only be with you like this,
Zo…

She kept moving, mostly without a particular rhythm, but I was able to steady her at the waist. My
resolute Niña kept at it and at it, throwing herself into me—her warm treasure, her firm breasts in my face. I couldn’t get enough of her. I pulled down the straps to her gown, releasing her mounds. She then tossed her head back as I ravished them. I lifted my hips, pushing deeper into her, turned the fuck on by her sudden boldness in sexuality. This was the perspective I’d had of her outside of sex. It excited me. Aroused me like nothing before.

Zoey
’s head popped forward and took my mouth again. Something about the determination in her movements pulled me in. Her pelvis plummeted into mine deliciously. In no time, I was balls deep. I grabbed her by the back of the head with one hand and used the other to pull at her right nipple. In no time, Zoey’s head withdrew from my face. Her lips trembled. My eyes grew. Her movements went fucking frantic. My mouth dropped. Her breathing turned erratic. My hips bucked wildly into her. Her lips parted and eyes rolled to the back of her head. And then I knew, my baby girl was experiencing her first vaginal orgasm.

Something in my chest burst.

“I love you,” I croaked out as I wrapped my right arm around her small waist to piston into her, half past crazy, but not coming yet myself. I just wanted to enjoy this moment with her.

Damn, I wish I could catch this on camera! She’s fucking beautiful undone.

“Stent!” she purred so damn femininely.

I couldn’t believe my little lady was feeling this ecstasy for the first time. I was so damn happy for her. This was our moment. This was something no one could ever reverse or erase.

I felt the first of my spurt.

“Fuck,
Niña!” My heart was pounding so fast, but the ecstasy I felt right along with her could rival anything as I held her so tightly with my ass suspended in the air while my orgasm overtook me.

Everything was
perfect. All things felt right. That night, in bed, I held her close to me, because it felt right. She felt right. I slept soundly with her underneath me. Zoey felt like an extension of me, something I’d never experienced in life. I felt peace.

The next morning
, as we arose before dawn and left the house, something inside me shifted. I’d started expecting Zoey to change. I found myself, on the ride to Princeton, waiting for her to ask for something: money or a relationship title, all the things that women who sleep with men of my status ask for. However, none of those things came.

When I dropped
Zoey off at school, there was another shifting taking place between us. Zoey took a moment to meekly tell me she had a good time and even went to the extent of thanking me for having her. Unbeknownst to her, I got angry. What incensed me was equally as frustrating. It was because I didn’t know what to do with the feelings that had been established or the inexplicable ones burgeoning. I hated that I didn’t know her angle. Hated that I had no clue as to what was to come with this young woman. Was this a game? She’d already admitted to setting me up. But for what? Everyone had an angle. Everyone wanted something from people like me. I felt suckered.

Bu
t damn was it beautiful manipulation
.

I fucking told this girl I loved her
!

An
d I did.

Zoey
was the only woman, other than my mother, that I’d ever spoken those words to and meant it from the pits of my gut. I felt like I was walking into some shit I knew I wasn’t prepared for. It made me feel insecure like a motherfucker. The look in her eyes when she left my Lambo… Was it remorse? Was it an act? Well, time would tell.

As I merged onto I-95 South, I turned up the volume on some old Redman, zoned out and prepared myself for
work that lay ahead.

Practice was brutal. It wasn’t just the physical exertion that beat on me, it was the questions from my coaches and trainers about my hiatus. It was the stares that I got when I didn’t make the shots. It was
the sideway glances from my assistant that I received when I wouldn’t provide an answer for my whereabouts. It was the images that I couldn’t get out of my fucking head of a young woman, laughing, running and coming in my goddamn face—even into the game that night—preventing me from giving it my all. We won by a mere three points. No one uttered a word in the locker room, not even Al, who knew where I was and with whom.

When I went to bed that night, I checked my phone again and saw no trace of contact from
Zoey. I was pissed the fuck off that
that
pissed me the fuck off, too.

Now

June 2014
                                                                                                 

~
Stenton
~

             
The room is ringing with laughter and people greeting one another and others gushing over the bride and groom. It is Alton and Tynisha’s wedding day and they did it up some kind of proper. I mean the ballroom is lined in glass crystals and fancy ass flower arrangements. Wait staff is balancing trays on their shoulders as they serve drinks and refill glasses. Damn! I recalled him saying Tynisha’s reality show network was footing the bill, but I still cringe at the potential setback of all the glamour.

There
are cameras every damn where. I have to do something I’ve found difficult to do all day; smile. It is difficult for me to do something I’m often paid to do when modeling is a part of my endorsement agreement. What I’m struggling with is how can such a great occasion bring so much fucking gloom to my disposition.

“Excuse me. Excuse me,” I hear from the speakers around the room.

I turn from the bar to find Tynisha framed beautifully in laced in her reception gown next to Alton’s tiny ass. Short and all, my man looks good in his tan tuxedo and brown dress shoes. His cut is sharp and swag is on blast all day. I couldn’t be mad at him. Alton has finally manned up.

“I just
wanna thank everybody for making this a happy ass day for me. Nish can speak for herself.” He gives Tynisha a salacious onceover and who can blame him? She is finally his. “…but as far as I’m concerned, I don’t deserve to be here, standing next to the beautiful bride and calling her my damn wife, man.” Alton seems to choke back a cry. “I don’t know how I got here. It had to be a damn miracle, man.”

The room fill
s his emotional silent gaps with applause and
awww
s. Ironically, I can feel his sentiment. I know his expressions are real. As much of an ass as Al can be, he really loves Tynisha and wants his family together.

Family. The concept of that
is what has put me in a sour mood. That and the sexy ass woman whose assigned chair is next to me at the table. Although she isn’t in the wedding, Zoey is seated next to me, torturing me in the sexy ass mini dress she’s wearing that has some fancy ass squares colored in hues of blue. Her hair is straight in long curls, and her eyes are dramatically smoky. I can’t function sitting that close to her without telling her how fuckin’ beautiful she is. It’s what I would have done had she been mine. Her scent makes me dizzy and her glow makes my chest tighten. I can’t handle another minute of being so close to her and not gazing into her delicate brown eyes or touching her smooth caramel skin like it belongs to me, so I get up and head over here to the bar. When I left, John Legend and his wife were chatting with Zoey. She seemed to hold court well enough alone, leaving no need for me to stay for small talk.

“But I have to say this,” Alton’s now squeaky voice sp
eaks into the microphone, bringing my attention back over to him. “I know I haven’t been the perfect man to Ty. I’m man enough to admit that. But I was lucky enough to have a friend stuck close to me like a brother and didn’t judge me. He always showed me love.” Alton’s chin is to the floor as he speaks, appearing almost melancholy. “My man StentRo always kicks good shit in my ear, and one day he pulled me to the side and said,
“Fight for your family. There’s nothing as lonely in this world as a man with no legacy to leave or one to follow. Get your shit together for your family.”

The room
goes up in applause and I have to clear my damn throat. I did recall telling his ass that about a year ago. I can’t believe he listened.

“So, next to my lady,” Alton’s eyes
are on me. “…this day is for you, my dude, for believing in me for all these years, man.”

I swallow hard. His words hit harder than they would on a normal day. I’d admitted to myself recently my actions in pushing
Zoey so far away. Alton here is finally stepping up to the plate, as he should. And my fucking family is as disjointed as a motherfucker. I don’t deserve praise for preaching what I don’t practice. For years, I’ve been delaying my own love.

“So, here’s to my big
dawg, StentRo! Cheers, bro!” Alton and Tynisha raise their glasses in my direction, then clink them together before taking a chug of the bubbly.

I raise my glass of
Maracame Gran Platino
that Tynisha made sure they had on deck specifically for me and gulp that shit down, emptying the glass.

I turn back to the bar. “Another
.” I slam my tumbler on the bar top.

“Look who we have here!” I hear from just behind me.

I turn around to find Tynisha and a tipsy Alton, with his arm lazily draped around Zoey's neck.

“
John is about to perform. Zoey requested “Ordinary People” in our honor ‘cause heaven knows that’s all the hell we are,” Tynisha shouts spiritedly.

“
Yeah, boooyeee! And I want my dude to take this plunge with me with this fine ass thang right here, bro!” He somewhat roughly pushes on Zoey to gesture to her.

My eyes go to
Zoey, whose expression is sheepish. I can tell she’s going with the flow for the sake of the bride and groom. I stand and go for her hand, the way her little soft fingers thread between mine feels so natural. She willingly accepts and we take off for the dance floor behind Alton and Tynisha, receiving applause all the way there. John starts his melodic crooning.

I stop, taking
Zoey into my arms, something that is still organic although it’s been so long. Her scent saturates my senses, her warm touch gives me goose bumps and in just a few minutes of our swaying, she burrows her head into my chest. The lyrics play on in my intoxicated mind. Zoey and I have lost our way. I’ve lost her, which is far more difficult than losing an ordinary love. Because we have a child together, Zoey is at my arm’s length, teasing and torturing me just the same.

Her head pops up. Her eyes are laden
with distress. “Your heart is about to come out of your chest, Stenton. Are you okay?”

I
’m drunk. Fuck it
. “This is hard for me.”

“
What?” Her dark eyes do something to my chest. Her narrow yet pouty mouth brings me visions of eroticism that I haven’t experienced from her in so long.

“
Being so close to you and yet so distant emotionally.”

Zoey
’s eyes bounce back and forth, contemplatively. “Stenton,” she begs.

“
I know.”
Fuck!
“It’s just that I’m so frustrated. You and me…we’re not done yet, Zo. I’ve given you time. Now it’s time for us to explore
us
.”

“
Stenton!” She backs out of my embrace.

That was a little more explosive, though it didn
’t draw attention to us in the middle of the dance floor. I don’t know what to say. I know what the fuck I want to say, but it’s clear to me that Zoey isn’t game. So, I back away, leaving her befuddled there on the floor. It feels like my usual modus operandi. I’ve always left her standing alone, even though I don’t go far. I gait back over to the bar and soak up my self-pity there for a while, in tequila.

~~~~~~~~~~

~
Zoey
~

“
StentRo, we gon’ get you home nice and safely, right, Zo?” I hear a familiar voice speak loudly as I feel tugging on my legs. “Shit! Push, Zo, I can’t hold his big ass by myself!”

“
I’m trying!” I hear hissed through gritted teeth.

I can guess to being stuffed into a car.

“Listen, Zo. I know things ain’t on the up and up with you two, but please don’t leave him until he can see about hisself.”

“
Alton,” I hear a warning tone. “This is the father of my child. I don’t know what you believe, but I can assure you his well-being is of the utmost importance...to my child. I would never put him in a situation where he isn’t safe.”

“I know,
Zo, it’s just that I know…him thinking about retirement all, and the depression because…well, you know.”

“
No, I don’t know. What depression?”

“
Al, we have to jet now to make that flight. The captain called two hours ago!” That’s another familiar voice.

“
I gotta go, Zo. Please make sure my dude gets home safely.”

“
Hold up, Alton!” the first feminine familiar voice calls out. “What did you mean
depression
?” Her tone is critical.

There’
s a pause.

“Look, man. I’
m not supposed to open my big fuckin’ mouth, but my man here ain’t been the same in a minute. But, Zo, man, dude’s fucking depressed about not having a life with you and my godson.”

And there
’s a word that in my drunken state rings familiar.
Depression
.

There’
s another long pause before I hear a feminine sigh, “Goodnight, Alton.”

Seconds later, the car starts and I
’m out again.

“
Stenton,” I hear a strained voice. “This can only work if you cooperate. You were able to make it up from the car…after your vomiting episode, and even help me get you out of your clothes.” Her tone is one of exasperation. “You said you have to pee, now pee. Please, Stenton. I’m so sleepy.”

It’
s the
please
that reminds me of better times between me and this woman that relaxes me. I can feel my hands against cold tiles, but my cock is warm, in soft holdings.

“
Yes! There you go. Whew!” I hear. I don’t process what that means, but continue to relieve myself. “Okay, now let’s get you into the shower.”

I sense my glide into my shower, but not much after that.
Maybe it’s because Zoey inviting me into the shower excited me into oblivion, or that my intoxicated mind cannot process much else, but I went out.

The next time I awaken is in the morning.
There’s only a streak of light glaring through my bedroom. My body lies stiff as I manage one eye open. Immediately, I sense my need to take a piss, but before I can urge my heavy body to move from my bed, I smell her. Then I hear her. Her voice is low, almost a whisper. I glance over and find Zoey leaning against the window.

“Bernard, no. I’m fine. No, I’m not about to leave him here alone. Why? Because he’s Jordan’s father. Besides, I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy. He could have had an accident in the middle of the night! What do you mean, where did I sleep?”

For some reason, that makes me look to my left where I could clearly see a dent in the pillow and smell her scent.

“
I’m not doing this. I’ll call you later when I get myself together. It was a stressful night,” she grates into the phone, still attempting to control her tone.

So not the thing to say to your man when you’re in the other man’s bedroom the morning after,
Zo
.

But then something else hit
s me.
Why was it a long night?
Then I start turning over memories of last night, at least those I can recall, hoping I didn’t say something I’ll regret.
Shit! This can’t be my life
.

“Your Excedrin and water.”

I look up to find Zoey gesturing to my nightstand. Slowly, I turn my head to find two white pills and a glass of water. I sigh. So much to get off my chest and yet another reason to feel like shit. I don’t want her to see me like this.

Zoey
saunters over and hands me the pills and water to take. I do. I don’t deserve her charity. She did say she’d do this for her worst enemy.

There’s an awkward silence.

I sit up, slowly. “Zo,” my voice is scratchy. “I need to talk to you and I don’t know how to begin.”

“Is it a
bout your depression? Is that why you’re talking to a therapist?”

“Depression?”

“Yes.”

Why does that sound so familiar?

“Where did you get that from?” Then it dawns on me. “Fucking Alton!”

What’s worse than a loose lip fucker is a loose lip fucker with the wrong information.

“No, Zoey. It’s just that there are a few things I need to share with you and it can’t be on a whim, but we need to talk.”

“So, you’ve not been diagnosed with depression?”

“No.” Not clinically. That shit sounds absurd.

She exhales while changing her stance, placing her hands on her hips.
Zoey’s not the only one exasperated. I exhale long myself and rub the hangover sickness from my face.

“I’ve always been so fuckin selfish with you.”
I don’t know where to begin, but with that simple truth. “I need to explain some shit to you.”

“Stenton, you’ve been a lot over the years, but not
selfish. An asshole of a heartbreaker, yes, but never selfish.”