Love Delayed (46 page)

Stenton then cupped my face with his hands. “I’m not going anywhere. I swear on my life that I will always be here for you and Jordan. No one could ever replace or compare to what you two bring me. I don’t know what this next step will be for us. You’re going back to school and I’m starting a new season. One thing I do know is that I’ll be here for you and for Jordan.” He exhaled and closed his eyes before opening them again. “I love you so fucking much,
Zo, it scares the shit out of me. But I will not force you to make a call before you’re ready. You need to experience life, conquer those goals you told me about two years ago. Go off and fucking take on the world. If you realize it’s me you want when it’s all said and done, I’ll be here waiting.”

The tears fell from my eyes and mucous fell from my nostrils. I felt the emptiness once again, however this time I had answers. He wasn’t ready.
Stenton still wasn’t choosing me. Oddly, I did feel he wouldn’t go too far while I “
grew
up
.” Maybe there was hope after all. Maybe we’d one day be together.

I nodded in silence. My eyes were to the floor because I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t face him with the tears and snotty face. It would add to his reasons for thinking I wasn’t mature enough for him.

Stenton’s phone pinged on the counter. He exhaled, exasperated, as his lids slowly closed. He placed his forehead on mine.

“That’s my driver. I have to run home and pack for my flight. I’ll be back in a couple of weeks. My schedule is going to get crazy, but I’ll be here as much as I can
, even if that means sleeping here more than my own place. I know you’re about to be busy preparing for school.” He used his index finger to lift my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his. “Zo, if you ever need anything—I don’t give a damn how small or…personal the request—reach out to me. I don’t like the distance. I’ve not done well with it. I want that to change. Okay?”

My answer took a while to surface. I’d never been much of a liar. It was actually something I preferred to be absent
from all close relationships I had. This thing with Stenton though was entirely different. It was a miscellany of emotions—contradicting ones—I’d never experienced. I knew I needed the space. I needed to work on me to become the woman Stenton needed, not the girl he perceived me to be. School would help with that. I had another start and I was prepared to take it. I had a lot to prove.

“Okay,” I murmured as I gently removed his hands from the sides of my face to swipe my tears and running nose. I forced a smile as I backed out of his person and got a napkin from the center of the island and started to clean my face. “You’re right. I have lots to do to prepare for this new phase of my life. You go ahead and say goodbye to Jordan and we’ll see you when you get back into town.” My voice was less shaky than my belly as I lied through my teeth. My smile was still in tow as I exited the room without saying another word.   

From that moment, I had a new charge of pulling out that
old
Elizabeth and polishing her anew. I had to chase my future in order to find me.

Now

July 2014                                                                                                               

~
Stenton
~

“You heard me, Dad?”

“Huhn?” My head jerks toward Jordan.

“I asked which one I should choose; Mariah or Marie?” Jordan asks as he tussles with his wrestling figures on the bed next to me.

I wrinkle my eyebrows, trying to recall previous conversations about these girls. “Mariah is the Puerto Rican girl and Marie is the Haitian, right?”

“Yeah.”

I shrug. At least he’s an equal opportunist. “I really don’t have an answer for that. How about neither? What’s wrong with being single?”

My son is only six and talking about girlfriends
, not just me teasing him on the subject like before.
What are they teaching at that preparatory academy?
My attention goes once again to the muffled voices I can swear to hearing beneath my room.

Is that her?

“I know. I told them both that, but they keep saying everybody else is hooking up—”

“Hooking up? What the hell, JR?” He ha
s my attention again that quickly. “You know about peer pressure. Your mother and I both talk to you about leadership. There’s nothing wrong with blazing your own trail. You don’t need a girlfriend to be the man.”

“That’s what I told everybody in the class. I said my Dad is the coolest man on the planet
and he ain’t got no girlfriend.”

“Doesn
’t have.”

“Huhn?”

“Your Dad doesn’t have a girlfriend,” I correct. I’m not paying out the ass in tuition for my son to speak like he’s from the fucking Westside of Brick City.

There’s a knock at the door.

“Come in,” Jordan calls out.

The door cracks and in seconds, I see her tentative smile as she scans the room while walking in. She’s wearing a simple fitted white tee with light gray cropped jeans and flip flops.
Zoey’s mane is pushed back with her long hair falling onto her shoulder blades. Her face is naked and her visage is breathtaking.

“Mommy!” Jordan
jumps from the bed and is in his mother’s arms in milliseconds.

Lucky kid.

Zoey giggles. “Whoa! If this is how you are after just two days, what’s your summer going to look like, kid?” She smiles without guards just the way I met her seven years ago.

Jordan is clasped to her small frame, being silly.
Zoey’s eyes trail up to me. “Hey.”

I fight my excitement
at seeing her and offer her a one-cheek smile instead. “Glad you made it down safely.”

“I did. Even survived Bernard’s snoring on the plane.” She attempts to pull JR from her.

Bernard
. I forgot he was coming.

“Mom said you guys made it in this morning. I’m jealous,” she calls over to me, then drags her body with Jordan still clamped on
to her towards me on the bed. “I’m sure she cooked for a castle.”

“Yeah, she did,” I confirm. “I’m sure there’s more left.”
Zoey stumbles. “Jordan, off your moms, dude. She just got in,” I chide. I know he’s happy to see her—shit,
I’m
happy to see her. Zoey has that effect on people. Her presence lights up a room.

“Mom, come look at these new wrestlers I got.” Jordan hops back on the bed.

Zoey follows and tosses herself on the bed as well, at a close proximity. I haven’t shared a bed with her in so long, which could likely be the reason my heart rate just increased. After paying a few minutes of attention to Jordan’s animated talk and fight with his action figures, she turns towards me.

“So, Mexico this summer?”

“Yeah. I have a photo shoot out there and I figured I could take JR to Punta Mita.”

“Nice!” She beam
s.

“Mom, you should come,” Jordan call
s over his shoulder.

“I wish.”
Zoey pouts playfully. “I have work and meetings. Tynisha is still holding rehearsals for her fashion show, and Bernard has a gig in Baltimore next weekend. I don’t know when I’ll be able to slip in time to sleep.”

“You could always sleep here,” I murmur slickly.

Zoey’s head swings in my direction and the first thing I see is her collapsed jaw.

I d
on’t speak and neither does she. She caught my fucking message. I can tell as my eyes descend to her engorged nipples. She follows my line of sight and when hers return to my face, mine stall before meeting them. I see her mask slip. I still affect her. All Zoey has to do is say the fucking word and I’ll be whatever she wants me to be...or do whatever she wants me to do. I don’t give a damn what she does with Bernard; he can’t fuck her the way that I can. I’ll make sure of it.

“Well...well...well, if it isn’t my favorite lady with...her son and...his
dad.”

I glance up to find Bernard’s pseudo-cocky ass, standing in the doorframe, smirking smugly.

I say pseudo because his arrogance doesn’t drip naturally to me. It seems so contrived. I’ve always felt it’s what he feels he must offer to Stenton Rogers, the father of his girlfriend’s child. He’s one of billions that only see the ballplayer and not the man…a detrimental mistake for a man who’s proposing to govern the house my seed lives in.

Like that
shit’ll ever happen.

Zoey
jumps off the bed and nervously leaps over to him. His arrogant smile broadens as he takes her at the small of her back.

“Oh, what’s up, B,” Jordan murmurs noncommittally.

Bernard’s neck jerks back. I stifle my laugh. Zoey gasps.

“It’s Bernard,”
Zoey lightly scolds. I notice her nipples are no longer taut under her man’s arm,
under his touch
.

“Yeah,” Jordan returns, his eyes still below on his toys.

A boy after my own heart
. I’ve never kicked Bernard’s back in to JR. Real men never do. Let’s just say he can sense his Dad’s enemies.

“What’s wrong, young fellow?” Bernard perks up. “Your mom told you the news about us moving?”

“Moving?” Jordan and I croak out at the same time.

“Yeah. I can’t stay in another man’s place with my bride. We need our own space
, to make room for our newly formed family,” Bernard proudly announces.

My chest tightens and I can feel my nose flar
e. Zoey’s eyes shoot to me. Her anxiousness is obvious.

“Well, that hasn’t been decided yet, Bernard.
You just broached the topic last night.” Zoey runs her hand down his stomach onto his belly, causing my abs to flinch. I hope no one picked it up.

“I’m sure once you two come to an agreement, you’ll discuss it with me.” I look
Zoey directly in the eye.

She nod
s emphatically. “Of course.”

“I’m tired, sweetheart,”
Bernard prompts.

Zoey
gasps nervously as she tosses a glance my way. “Well, it’s off to bed we go. It’s been a long day.” Her plastered smile is so contrived. Then her attention goes to Jordan. “You,” she calls out pointedly. “Make sure you brush your teeth thoroughly before turning in.”

“I know, Mommy,” Jordan whines.

“Goodnight, pumpkin,” she bids then waves to me before turning for the door.

Bernard gives a dramatic gaze after she leaves the room. Do you know that feeling of having the asshole who’s fucking the love of your life throw you a pompous glare? I do. I want to crack Bernard’s fucking face. But my hands are tied in more than one way.

“Goodnight, JR,” Bernard finally offers.

“Jordan,” my son calls out to him as his attention is still devoted to his wrestling men.

“
P
-Pardon?” Bernard stammers.

Jordan’s head rises from the bed and he looks directly at Bernard. “My name is Jordan. Only my family calls me JR.”

My
unwilled smug grin appears.
My fucking seed
. Internally, I beg Bernard to try to check my son. I’d be two milliseconds on his ass.

“Ah... Oh...okay. Good night, Jordan.” Bernard appropriately responds. He gives me a respectful nod that I return before he follows
Zoey.

I have Jordan wash up for the night and I’m right behind him. He’s sleeping in my bedroom tonight, on the pullout, because Alton is staying in his until tomorrow when Tynisha is due to arrive. We’re all at
Zoey’s parents’ vacation home in South Carolina for two days. Sarah’s having a big birthday celebration tomorrow night. The following morning, Jordan and I will board a plane to Mexico.

Being here with
Zoey and Bernard is harder than I realized. He goes boor in my presence all the time. I’m not sure if he can sense my desire for her, but he damn sure makes it clear that he’s the leading man in her life. For the moment.

I toss and turn all night, preoccupied with thoughts of
Zoey being with another man. The first couple of hours are spent ear-hustling the sounds of their room down the hall. I can hear faint sounds of Zoey’s giggles and their conversation. I don’t pick up actual words, as they are down the hall and not next door. Nonetheless, I could recognize my Niña’s voice from miles away. If I told the truth, I’d say I waited to hear signs of them fucking. I know Zoey fucked Bernard. She made that clear some time ago. However, witnessing it would destroy me. I lay in bed, stretching my ears beyond the walls.

When Sarah sat with the builders for special features on this home
that I gifted her for her birthday a few years ago, she dedicated a smaller suite on the opposite end of the house from her own to me. She said I’d always have an open invitation no matter what. I now wonder is Bernard that
what
.

I can
’t sleep thinking about the finality of Zoey and me. I can’t be so unreasonable as to think Bernard will stay in the place that technically belonged to me back n Philly. I mean, is he going to fuck his wife on the bed where I’ve blown my load in her countless times? The thought of it makes me sick. And Jordan. Bernard would have more access to my little man than I will. Giving up Zo would be life altering for me. Sharing Jordan would be the death of me.

I don’t know what time I fall asleep. My night and day blend
s so well that I can’t tell when one ends and the other begins. I do feel it when a groggy Jordan, with his funky ass breath, is in my face, petitioning my consciousness for something to eat. At this point, I have to get up and start my day.

Kids
.

By the time we quickly wash up and head downstairs to raid his grandmother’s refrigerator, Jordan and I find her kitchen filled and busy with Sarah, Ruth and
Zoey. I glance around the room and see a tight faced Alton, sitting patiently at the table, waiting to be served.

He had to have just rolled out of the bed. I s
troll over to him.

“Did you even brush your fucking teeth before sitting at
Mom Duke’s table?”

Alton’s neck jerks back, feigning righteous indignation
, but before he can come back, Sarah shoos, “Oh stop being territorial, Stent. Alton has been waiting patiently for the past thirty minutes.” She rounds me, standing on her toes, she lands a kiss on my cheek. She knows it warms me. “Besides,” she whispers to me. “Everybody knows I only have one son.”

Sarah
giggles as she watches my squinted eyes soften.

As much as his
brutish ways annoy me, it feels great having my man here with me, especially considering this shit with Zoey and her bum-ass boyfriend weighing my shoulders.

When breakfast is ready, everyone sits for the big spread in the dining room. Sarah
pulls no punches. She and her daughters cook every damn breakfast item I can think of. She’s trained them both well. When days were brighter for Zoey and me, she’d always make sure I had a full and hot meal without request. It was as if it was her innate charge. Today is no different as I sneak my glances of her while she moves swiftly, making sure everything is laid out.

The first plate
Zoey makes is Jordan’s. What fucks me up is when she serves Bernard his food next. I almost lose my appetite when it lands in front of him. My plate has been in front of me for a while, courtesy of Sarah. She was able to do this because Ruth fixed her father’s. Then Sarah serves Alton his food. It’s all orchestrated and no one is slighted. But me. Seeing Zoey serve another man and totally skip over me burns the shit out of my pride.

I feel eyes on me and look over to my right, across the table. Alton’s eyes are imploring me to chill. I acknowledge him, but don’t acquiesce. I’m fucking pissed.

“Ah, Mr. Barrett! You sho’ got you an assembly line in here with these women cooking like it’s for Master White!”

That was Alton’s attempt to break the tension. It’s somewhat successful because the only two who do
not bust out in laughter are me and Jordan, who doesn’t get the slave-themed joke.