Love Delivered (2 page)

“Jordan.” I hear Stenton’s throaty morning vocals call, reminding me of his presence.

I can feel my anger resurfacing. So badly I want to call off this vacation with his father. I am his mother after all, and no matter how many years have passed, there is no statute of limitations on Stenton’s offenses to me as a kid.

“Daddy told me to come say goodbye,” Jordan notes.

I
guess
he needs to hurry along. They have a plane to catch. I grab him into my arms again, inhaling his scent, pulling on all those meaningful things he brings to my heart.

“I love you, Pumpkin.”

“Love you, too, Mommy,” Jordan garbles into my shoulder.

“You can come home anytime you want. Just call me, okay?” I hear the crackling in my voice.

I can’t let my son see me undone. He’s still a baby. Too young to not be frightened by it.

Get it together, Zoey!

“Okay, Mommy.” Jordan stands straight. “You can come if you want.”

“No, baby. You enjoy your time, okay?”

Jordan turns and heads for the door. “Bye, Mommy,” he tosses over his shoulder.

As soon as the door closes behind him, I throw my head into the pillow to muffle my gut cry. In the span of eight hours, my life has been flipped upside down. I haven’t experienced this type of dread since learning I’d lost Stenton and then being pregnant.

The phone rings. I’m a bit fuzzy…must have fallen asleep at some point.

“
He
-hello?”

“Are you still sleeping?”

“I guess so.” I sit up and back against the headboard. “How are you?”

“I’m fine. Why do you sound like that? Are you coming down with something? I leave you for less than twenty-four hours and Jordan gives you one of his bugs?”

“No, Bernard. I just had a late night. I slept a little late.”

“Yeah, I see,” he mutters doubtfully. “Have Jordan and his dad left?”

“Yes. Early this morning.”

“Okay. Well, we’re about to get out of here and head down to ATL. I’m bumming a ride with Zachary, Miles and two of their friends. I’ll see you in B’More, right?”

I want to ask why five grown behind men are piling into a mid-sized sedan, but I know his response would be something that would include not being able to cover the expense of a rental.

“Yeah. I’ll be there. And by the way, my mother’s party was pretty successful, B.”

“Ahhh… I’m sorry, Zo. I should have asked about that. It’s just that it’s been a rough twenty-four hours since leaving you. Did you offer her my apologies for not being able to attend? I mean, I did before leaving, but I don’t know if she understood what this gig means to my career.”

Another gig you’re not being paid for and probably didn’t even sign at? Sure, she understands, B.

Ughhhhhhhh!
I’m just stressed. I need to shake this off. Stenton can no longer be the thermostat of my emotions. I need to push forward.

“Yeah, I told her. Bernard, listen.”

“I’m here, but they’re calling me, sweets,” he warns.

“Let’s go away soon. Like somewhere tropical.”

“Ah, Zo, you know how tight money is right now. You know I’m working hard to give you the lifestyle you’re used to,” he goes into his usual underdog spiel.

“I’m not asking you to take me away. I’m proposing that we go away. We’ve never done that together. We can pay for it together. I’ll pay half. I don’t care. I just want to move us forward. Make our engagement official—” I suck back a cry rising from my belly.

There’s silence.

“Bernard?”

“I’m here, sweets. I’m just happy you want to finally do it.”

“I know, but it’s time. I think this trip alone will be good for us.”

“That’s fine by me. Hey, they’re calling me. I have to go. Plan the trip, but please…nothing too extravagant. I’d like to be able to pay my bills when we return.”

I roll my eyes and try to brush off the annoyance of his constant mentioning of money.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Go and have a good time, Bernard.”

“Thanks and love you, Zo,” he rushes.

“I—” I retract. “I’ll speak to you soon.” Then I disconnect the call and hop into the bathroom.

When I reach the kitchen, I notice it’s empty. Then I go out onto the back deck and see them sitting peacefully, taking in the open air. This place has been good for them. Their hearts never left South Carolina. They only ventured to Jersey for better opportunities for Ruth and me. They deserve the tranquility this place brings. Too bad I’m about to scratch the record on it.

“Hey.” I breathe weightily, not exactly confident about what I’m going to share.

“Afternoon, Zoey,” my dad greets.

“There you are. I was wondering when you’d show.” My mother’s smile is as comforting as I’ve always known it to be. “Thanks for yesterday. It was the best birthday, Elizabeth Ardell. I’m sorry it tore you down to the point of getting sick. I cleaned up the vomit there on the back staircase you tried to get up.”

Wh
-what?

Stenton.

So, he tried to clean it up. This is what I need to share with them, but my mother’s still riding the wave of excitement from her party and won’t stop.

“I used a new cleaner Geraldine gave me a while back. She told me it helped when her grandbabies would mess her carpet. I wish I had it when Jordan was younger.” I pinch the bridge of my nose at my mother’s rambling. “I could have used it. I guess it came in handy with my big girl messing the carpet…”

“Momma, Stenton got me pregnant on purpose. Jordan wasn’t an accident.”

There’s silence, and for so long that after a while I crack my lids to be sure I’m not here alone.

Both my parents’ mouths are suspended. I didn’t mean to be so abrupt, but that’s how I learned the news myself. I still can’t believe how the revelation came to me last night. It could possibly be due to my slight obsessiveness when it comes to sex with Stenton. It just felt different. Sex without a condom was not his thing and I never understood his adamancy of it. And over the years, each time Jordan’s unexpected conception came up, he’d speak so remorsefully. I’d always questioned the weight of his onus. I’ve never forgotten our time in The Caymans, never been able to shake his sudden turnabout in moods and reception of me. It just all made sense. And as the words poured from my mouth last night, I wasn’t completely sure until Stenton’s reactions to them. I still can’t believe it.   

“Say what?” my dad drags out slowly.

“He did it on purpose. It wasn’t me being stupid and inexperienced—well, not exactly. But now I know it was mostly him taking advantage of me…” My cry tries to escape again. I honestly thought I had no more left. I released so many last night into this morning.

There is still silence. I’m panting, becoming very emotional because I don’t know how to feel. I can’t believe I’m sharing this with my parents, but I refuse to hide his offenses. My parents were affected by my unexpected pregnancy. It wasn’t just my burden alone. He’s changed the course of their lives, too. They became grandparents prematurely.

“Did he tell you this?” my mother asked then covered her lips.

“Just after his vomiting episode in the back steps, yes.”

My mother stands and takes me into her warm and soft arms. I’m feeling like a child who needs protection…from Stenton of all people.

“I’m sorry, baby. I know this is harsh news for you. I hope you and Stenton can one day sort it out.”

“I’m not sorting out anything with Stenton but him staying away from me.”

“That’s not possible. You two have a kid together,” my dad chimes in.

“A child that is no longer a baby. We’ve done a good job at parenting Jordan without being in each other’s lives so far. This can only get easier, Daddy.”

“Okay, and if that works, what else? There’s no way you can erase him from your life,” my mother speaks gently.

Shaking my head, I share, “Move on. I’m moving on with my engagement to Bernard. We’re getting married.” My mother gasps, and my father narrows his brows. “I need to switch chapters in my life.”  

“Now, you just hold on one minute! That’s not an appropriate response, Elizabeth. Marrying just any man won’t erase what Stenton did. And certainly marrying Bernard won’t guarantee a carefree life.”

Huhn?

“Why are you dissing Bernard? Since when have you been a fan of Stenton outside of basketball?” I charge back.

“Elizabeth…” my mother admonishes.

“I may not have opened my arms for Stenton over the years, and what father would, considering the man deflowered my daughter and impregnated her under my nose, especially a man with a big name like that.”

“So, what’s your argument, Daddy? Do you like Bernard or not?”

“Bernard’s an okay guy who I’ve known since he was a kid. When it comes to you, I’ve tolerated him over the years.  Stenton, on the other hand, has earned my respect. He’s been around, taking care of that child and you as he said he would. Every man makes mistakes, and if what you’re saying is true, I’m disgusted, but only a real man stands by his word and takes care of his family. Stenton has done that and more.” After issuing me a long parting and piercing gaze, my father marches into the house.

The first of a new round of tears fell.

“This is hard on him as a father. He doesn’t want you to know that he’s never felt he stood up to Stenton when he told us you were pregnant. He feels guilty about that for some reason.”

I sit on the patio stool and feel my lungs shudder. More drama I’m bringing to them.

“Stenton bought his way into your good graces, Momma. He only did things because of his guilt. He had no genuine motives.”

She sits next to me and wraps her arm around me. “I don’t know about all of that. It wouldn’t be the most original thing if he didn’t, but honey, I’ve spent too many days, nights and early mornings talking to Stenton. I’ve seen him strong and weak. I’ve heard the uncried tears in his voice, seen joy in his eyes that he tends to keep inside. One thing I can say is he ain’t perfect, but he don’t mean you no harm. Remember the first time you told me you…gave him your prize?” I nod knowing she’s referring to when I sat in her kitchen, circuitously telling her I’d made love to Stenton. “You said you knew he really loved you because of the way he looked at you like you were the coming Messiah. I saw that before you told me, when he came over for Christmas that year. And that power he makes you feel…the one you spoke about that day in my kitchen, I witness that each time he speaks your name.”

Abruptly, I pull from her hold and stare at her with incredulity.

“Now, hold up.” She lowers her chin, giving me that leveling gaze only mothers can effectively give. “I’m not pushing for you two to be together. I just want you to think long and hard for the last of the first few hours since learning what he did. It’s important to control your thoughts and judgments now at this critical time because they will soon turn into decisions. Decision to
forgive
or to despise. You don’t want your heart darkened by hatred. You don’t want hatred or anger taking residence in your mind or soul, Zoey. That isn’t Christ-like. It also isn’t your style. You don’t hold on to negativity. Don’t let this news about Stenton change who you are inside.”

“It already has, Momma. He’s changed so much in me. He’s damaged my soul over the years.” I shake my head. “I know this may sound sappy, but he’s stolen my heart and I haven’t been able to love…to breathe since he left me all those years ago.”

The tears return. She takes me at the chin with her index finger until my eyes meet hers.

“You’ll breathe again. Your love, with whomever God has determined it to be, may have been delayed, but trust that He will deliver when the time is right, baby.”

With my eyes stapled to hers, I nod, believing every word of hope she provides.   

Then

October 2008

~
Stenton
~

“No fucking cameras. No damn reality show bullshit. No sit downs with Oprah or Katie Couric. None of that shit.” I fixed my gaze on Quincy. “Q, man, you know how hard we’ve worked to clean up my image. I’m not trying to go backwards. I got more on the line now.”

“I get it, brother. I know, which is why you have to trust me when I say we’ll lay all your demands on the table before sending out the press release,” Quincy assured.

I’d been signed to his PR firm,
J.G. Wizer and Hunter
, for three years. We were friends for years before, but when I was spiraling out of control with drinking, smoking, ramming my dick up in every set of open legs, and swinging off on anybody who tried to step to me, he took my image into his own hands and helped me clean up my act. For years I stayed in the tabloids. It was so bad, I had the names of the journalists from the major publications’ numbers programmed in my phone from them calling weekly for a comment. It was pretty damn rampant...and dark.

Quincy Hunter was partner in a top public relations firm in New York City. Their specialty was corporate relations that consisted of branding and image control for bottled water companies, large chain pet stores, major department stores and other well-known names. He had a knack for polishing images with his smooth talk and debonair presentation. He had an equal talent for changing people’s minds and convincing women he was the last good fuck on earth. Quincy loved the ladies and to manipulate minds, but was a good brother overall. He’d been my saving grace for the past few years.