Love Deluxe (28 page)

“Hey, what does that mean?”

“I’ve just always believed that I was the last woman left in America that you hadn’t slept with.”

“I can’t help it; I’m like catnip to women,” he joked.

We walked toward the
Bellagio
arm in arm, slowly, like an old married couple as the night darkened around us and people rushed by.

***

Our days in Vegas fell into a pattern, I would rise early, eat breakfast, shop, spa and gamble. John gambled most of the night, slept until early afternoon, he’d eat then we’d see the sights, go on little adventures, see a show, have dinner and drinks. At night I gambled or read, he gambled until I woke up, our winnings rising and falling and rising again.

“When are we going home? I don’t know what day this is, do you?” I was looking through the brochure for the Canyon Ranch Spa, John’s casino host had offered us a day of pampering and the treatments sounded dreamy. John was preparing to go out for a while to do some “serious” gambling, as he called it.

“Try not to be awfully late,” I said.

“I’ll be downstairs or at
Harrah’s
if you want to join me,” he leaned down and kissed me quickly.

“Nice jacket,” I said, running my hands over the dark, buttery leather as he picked up chips from the table, stuffing them in his pockets.

“Thanks, my sweetie got it for me. To answer your question, we’re staying until the seventh, that’s in a couple of days, I think. I might want to stay longer, would you be okay with that?”

I felt the old buzz of anxiety in my head, the kind that led to blue pills and trips over the edge. “What day is this? Today, what’s the date?”

“Damn, are you taking medicine or something? Hang on, I’ll find out.” He picked up the phone, held it with his shoulder as he continued to fill his jacket pockets with chips. “Hi, can you tell me the date today? Man, time gets lost in this city. Thanks, goodnight.” He finished with the chips, leaned down and whispered playfully, “It’s the fourth; we have two more full days, unless you wanna stay forever.”

“Tomorrow’s my bad day… you should know just in case. I might get… sad.”

“No baby, I don’t want you sad, I’ll do whatever you want to do. Set up those spa things, and make it for two, we’ll do it together.”

“Really?”

“Really, truly,” and he kissed me once more and was gone.

Chapter Twenty One

January fifth, the day my life changed forever. The day I understood forever, the absolute concept of forever, gone forever, live with this forever, forever as an infinite thing. Big and deep and dark, it’s reach far beyond the conceivable universe. Unfathomable once, knowable at last, lost forever, three years tomorrow. When Brooks was born the word I knew completely was responsibility and all that went with it, as a mother— my never ending responsibility for the well-being of my child.  And I knew that even when he was an old man and stood at my grave, that wherever I was I would continue to be part of him, somehow sending him good thoughts and whispers of my love on into eternity. I understood that responsibility for a child has no end.

But he went before me, he died first, and not until that moment did I grasp the boundless scope of forever. It’s a bad, hard way to learn a lesson. I let down my guard; I mislaid my responsibility and faced its twin, which is forever.

***

Chanel
sunglasses at night, maybe no one would notice, it didn’t matter anyway. I dropped my robe, dressed in jeans and a black cashmere turtleneck, pulled my hair into a messy ponytail. Opened the bottle of Xanax and put one under my tongue, it was chalky and bitter, but I needed it to work fast. There was a fifth of Grey Goose in the freezer, I poured half a glass full and coughed as I swallowed. I took three more gulps and my eyes watered. I put on the sunglasses, grabbed my new pink
Chanel
purse and walked out the door. I waited for the elevator and the felt the anxiety release my brain and the vodka loosen my limbs. The doors opened and I stepped in as Andrew Perrin was about to step out. He smiled and stayed in the elevator as the doors closed. I laughed and pushed the casino button and tried not to let him see how drunk I was.

“Jackie O tonight, huh?” He said.

And I thought
, Hmm, I’ll just bet you are breaking hearts all over Las Vegas.

I turned to look at him, feeling too hot in the turtleneck, my face burning from the alcohol in my system.

“Andrew, where do you think this is going? To your suite? See if you can do an older woman a favor and have a story to tell your homies?”

He looked serious and said, “Whatever your name is, you need some fresh air. Will you let me walk out front with you?”

Outside it was cold and the air felt good on my face, my head cleared a bit but I didn’t want to be sober.

“I need a drink,” I said, and walked to the cab stand.

“Where are you going?” he stood beside me and there was genuine concern in his voice. A bellman opened a cab door and I got in, Drew leaned down, “Do you know where you’re going? You should come back inside.”

“I am going to a place that I don’t know.”

He handed the bellman a tip, told me to scoot over and settled into the cab. “
Wynn
,” he told the driver and then asked me, “What is your name?”

I leaned against the door as we drove, putting distance between myself and the young man, pushed my glasses up and looked at him seriously.

“You’re sweet to try and rescue me, but it can’t be done. I want to get drunk tonight, shit-faced in fact, and then go to my room, the one I share with
my husband
and pass out. He’s gambling and he doesn’t like you so you should leave and I want to be alone anyway. But thanks for the ride.” I hopped out of the cab as it came to a stop and went into the
Wynn
.

“So, you’re not going to tell me your name?” He was walking next to me and I stopped and studied him for a moment. He was unabashedly sexy, his long dark hair was casually disheveled, his eyes were obsidian black and his raffish good looks were at odds with the impeccably tailored suit he wore. His mouth was so full and pouty I had the urge to kiss him like there was no tomorrow just to see the look on his face. I felt my face go hot again, such thoughts, I’d definitely overmedicated.

“I’m Cate,” I said. “How many suits do you own?”

His eyes smiled, “Well, Cate,” he said, touching my elbow ever so slightly and guiding me through the casino, “I do own a lot of suits.”

Somehow we were at the club XS, a line snaked down the walkway but he walked to the front and we were escorted in, I decided not to ask why. The music was pumping and people were dancing and grinding, drinking and screaming with laughter, we were seated in a ‘cabana’ and as we stepped inside the noise dropped to human level.

“Vodka martini, no olives and bring the shaker,” I told the cocktail server.

“The same,” he said.

“How old are you, Drew?”

“Twenty six.”

“Are you a gigolo?” He laughed thoroughly at that and said, “No, but I’m flattered. I’m just a trust fund baby from L.A. trying to stave off boredom. You do kind of resemble that girl in the magazine, look around, people are talking about us.”

“Is that what this is? Your fantasy date with some famous woman, get your picture in the paper with someone your parents won’t approve of?”

He shook his head, “Man, you’ve really built that wall high. Nobody gets in, huh? And no, I’m not out to shock anyone, my mother was Kendall Dane, she died a long time ago, my father has pictures of her everywhere, she’s young and beautiful in all of them. She had amazing eyes, green, like yours.”

I remembered people telling me I looked like her twenty years ago, Kendall Dane was the hottest new actress in Hollywood then, everyone said she would bring class and glamour back to Hollywood. She married someone older, he was heir to a great American fortune, she died young and tragically, I couldn’t remember how.

“I’m truly sorry, Drew, I hope you have some nice memories of her.”

“I do, I was six when it happened. I remember she smiled a lot and she could build perfect sandcastles, she liked my hair long, she sang to me all the time and then one day she was gone.”

I leaned back in my chair and drank my drink, how many stories were there like ours, I wondered? Was no one immune, did every nameless person you passed in the course of a day have their own private hell, a soul full of holes?

“I don’t know why I’m going to tell you this, I just want to say it and let it vanish, so please don’t respond. Tomorrow is the anniversary of my son’s death, it’s been three years, he was seventeen.”

I saw his eyes glisten and he wiped at them and finished his drink, “Life is seriously fucked up. Hey, you wanna gamble? Let’s go lose some money, come on, it’s acceptable oblivion.”

***

“What’s your game?” he asked, as he led me through the opulent casino.

“Slots, I can zone out when I’m playing, no brain cells required. But I only play
Top Dollar
.”

“I love that machine,” he said. “I’m more of a poker player, but yeah, definitely, when I wanna zone out,
Top Dollar
is the way.”

We went to the high limit room and a middle aged man hurried to meet us, “Drew, great to see you, slots tonight?”

“Big time,” he said, “Mark, Cate. Cate, Mark.”

Mark shook my hand and asked Drew, “Marker?”

“Fifty to start, and Cate needs a players card cuz we are gonna blow some bucks.”

I handed him my ID and he rushed off. Drew led me to the hundred dollar machines, “What do you think, are you feelin’ the love?”

A shapely young server brought us martinis as if she were a mind reader, he tossed two twenties on her tray and she batted her eyes at him.

He looked at me and grinned.

“Use protection,” I said, and he laughed and tugged my ponytail.

“Okay, you don’t have to impress me, I’m your mother figure, remember? Come on, the hundred dollar machines? Not a chance.”

He looked at me like I was crazy, “One, you’re nowhere near a mother figure, two, you’re already impressed by me and three, you’ve never played the hundreds and five hundreds?”

“Have you escaped from an insane asylum? Of course I haven’t, who plays those?”

Mark returned, handed me my ID and players card and unceremoniously placed fifty thousand dollars in Drew’s hand. “Wave your hand if you need more,” he told Drew and left.

“Pick your poison, how about the five hundred, why fuck around? Sorry, can I say that?”

“Don’t ask me,” I said, “I’m nowhere near a mother figure.”

“You’re a bad ass, you know that? Come on it’s a thousand a shot, it’s a total rush.”

He started to put money in the machine and I grabbed his arm, “No, I’ll hyperventilate; I’ll have to take a handful of Xanax!”

“Well, give me some, too.”

“No, absolutely not you’re practically a child.”

“Say that again and I’ll be forced to prove you wrong,” he said.

I laughed it off and moved to a hundred dollar machine, sat down, took out my cigarettes and lit one. He sat next to me and took the cigarette, put it in his mouth.

“You shouldn’t smoke it’s bad for you,” he said.

I lit another cigarette and watched him feed so many hundreds into the machine I lost count.

“You hit the button,” he said, “since you’re a hundred dollar virgin.”

“I’ll bet you’ve never said that before, a rich boy like you.”

“Hey, last time I’m letting the boy comment slide. Three strikes and…”

“And?” I asked.

“And, I prove to you that I’m no boy.”

The magic bow tie appeared and I screamed for joy. We played for at least two hours, winning, losing and back again. We drank, talked, smoked an entire pack of cigarettes and he sent for more. I went to the restroom, came back with two bottles of water, kicked off my shoes, put my feet up and lit another cigarette. He massaged the foot closest to him without seeming to think about it, I leaned over and held my cigarette to his mouth, he held it in his teeth and smoked, then looked to see if I noticed his cleverness.

I said, “Amazing man.”

He leaned back, stubbed out the cigarette and said, “Glad you finally noticed.”

“How are we doing?’ I asked.

“We’re down some.”

“No! How much?” I was on the edge of my seat waiting for him to say, “Not that much.”

“Probably twenty-five or thirty thousand,” he said leaning back, stretching his arms.

“What, how did that happen? I hate this machine, oh, damn that sucks.”

He laughed and stood up, “Grab your stuff and let’s move over.”

He pulled out the chair in front of the five hundred dollar machine and I shook my head.

“Don’t be a party pooper, sit. Here,” he said, pulling the chair out for me, lighting a cigarette and putting it in my mouth. He fed the machine the rest of the cash and said, “Hit it.” The reels spun around as I pushed the button three, four times, five times
. A thousand bucks a
shot
, I thought and a knot formed in my stomach.

The magic bow tie appeared and I nearly fainted, I got up, stood behind the chair and said, “I’m closing my eyes.”

“Good idea,” he said, “since the machine
says
what it’s doing.”

“First offer, thirty-five thousand dollars!”

Before I could say anything, he hit the try again button, “Second offer fifty-five thousand dollars!”

“Take it, take it damn it, we’ll be back to good!” I screamed.

I reached for the ‘accept offer’ button and he stopped my hand and said, “It’s called gambling. You gotta be open to miracles.”

He pushed ‘try again’ and every bill on the screen lit up, “Third offer, three hundred seventy-five thousand dollars!”

The machine blinked wildly as I stared at it dumbfounded, I looked at him and he flashed that adorable grin and said, “Hmmm, take it or try again?”

I lunged forward and pressed ‘accept offer’ at least fifty times, he laughed loudly as the machine finished with, “Boy, you’re a winner!” We hugged, I squealed, he watched me and laughed some more.

When the attendants arrived with two guards and the cash, Drew said, “Don’t give it to me, she’s the winner.”

Mark turned to me, “Ma’am?”

“He’s being ridiculous. Stop it Andrew, don’t waste their time.”

“Her card is in the machine,” he said, “check it out.”

Mark pulled the card out and said, “Cate Stuart, you’re a winner!”

I couldn’t manage another word, I just stared at them.

“Let’s set her up with a lock box,” Drew said as we followed Mark to the counter. I signed and initialed, the biggest stack of cash I’d ever seen was placed in the box and I was given the key.

“What time is it?” I asked as we walked past all the shops, closed at whatever hour it was.

“Two thirty in the a.m.”

“I’ve gotta get back, here you go, it was great fun.”

I handed him the key and he said, “Give it to the poor, but If I were you I’d save it for a rainy day, you can come back to Vegas and go wild.”

I stopped and he turned to look at me, standing too close.

“You know, something is odd in the cosmos right now, or do I look pitiful and hopeless? Because a couple of men have been very generous to me lately and I don’t know what I’m not seeing, I’m feeling sort of clueless. Take the key, Drew, you’ve got to pay your marker and damn, that’s a lot of cash.”